A Tick?

Patches has been doing this weird thing with her eyes and a jerking movement with her head, it took me awhile to figure out she is winking at me. LOL I thought she had developed a tick! She is so funny, she is doing this 10 to 12 times a day for the last week or so. My kids are so uncoordinated. I will try to get this on video b/c I swear you will laugh out loud, she looks like something is wrong with her.

Michael has been doing extremely well for the last few weeks and I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. Even Patches has calmed quite a bit. Ava has decided it isn't worth it to be the last person for EVERYTHING since I began having her do jumping jacks to speed her up. Cyr's response to things is so blah it makes me want to force her to react. Won't do it but want to.

My DH is sick and wants me to play nurse maid. Sorry don't have time for it.

Our male AT is so funny, we are starting to get to know each other and he is becoming comfortable with teasing me. Not inappropriately, just putting me in a spot in front of the kids. Yesterday he decided it would be funny to have me tell the kids a story but instead of giving me a warning he just said, "Hey Mom why don't you tell Ava about the duck that lived with the geese." Of course this is with a huge smile on his face. OK, I need a little more than that to make up a story, what is the goal here? He did give me a bit more info when asked but turned around and did it again with Ella. This time it was an injured bird so I knew what he was getting to. At least he is being entertained by watching me squirm.

Thank goodness that is over, the kids are all back in school today and I can clean up the house. They were all very well behaved but the constant presence confirmed I can not home school them. It is something we have tossed around due to the school's disbelief in RAD.

Frankee started her new job and was irritated it took her 30 minutes to get 10 miles. SHe has to pass the biggest mall in our state and it happens at traffic time, DUH. I begged her to look closer and this side of the mall but she insisted no one was hiring. I found several places within a mile that were hiring but I guess she didn't like them.

The lady that owns our house has disappeared again and before we could get her to sign the paperwork. I am so disappointed and angry. We are going to worry for the next few months and if she doesn't show up we have decided to walk away and cut our losses.

We got so much more snow yesterday. What is up with the weather here? I swear last year we only had a few flurries one time and they didn't even make it to the ground before melting. The kids played all day in the snow or should I say slush in the yard. It did manage to freeze up really well last night and make some of the road nasty with black ice.

The best thing is Michael went on his first play date. Yes, he was very well behaved and can't wait to go back. They took him sledding in the park and fed him homemade cookies, now he wants to live with them. He was so excited b/c their family has 3 little boys and NO GIRLS, heaven for him. LOL

Tomorrow we have 7 dentist appointments at 8AM and I am not sure what I was thinking when I made the appointments but we will go anyway.

A Cup of Pee and an Attempt on My Life

After a lovely IEP meeting with Ruthie's teachers I received a call from Frankee that I needed to hurry home. She had to be left with the kids for about 20 minutes so I could attend the meeting and she was furious about something. Turns out she found a plastic cup full of pee in the bathroom. Yes, someone actually thought it would be cool to get a cup from the kitchen, pee in it, and leave it for someone else to find. I knew right away who it was but of course had to be sure so I set everyone down in the living room and asked. No one jumped up and begged forgiveness but Patches raised her hand, the culprit had confessed to her. I am sure you had already guessed it was Ava. I asked her if it was true and she nodded.

I remained very calm and we did some snuggle time. We had a long hard talk about why other kids do these kinds of things. She admitted she is mad at me for hollaring at her, sending her to her room sometimes, and for making her do her chore. She also admitted she is mad at her Mother for not taking care of her and making her come here. She is such a sad little girl. I told her how awesome she is, how much I love her even if she wanted surround herself with cups of pee, explained my job as her Mother was to teach her lessons that she might not want to learn, and told her I will never give up on her. Her AT had decided to step her up a bit and I completely agree, she is very disturbed.

I cut Ella's hair last night and she is possibly the cutest kid ever. Ruthie needed her bangs trimmed and she, too, is a cutie.

We had quite scare yesterday, Frankee had run out of gas in my van and had to get a can of gas and walk back and fill it up. She set the can in the van and grabbed me a grilled chicken sandwich and put the bag next to the can. I guess it soaked up the gas into my sandwich b/c when I was eating it it tasted weird and I kept smelling gas. I assumed Frankee was what smelled and the soggy sandwich had just been sitting too long. I was wrong. Of course, I finished the sandwich and my throat started burning so I called Poison Control. SHe had indeed tried to kill me but wasn't successful this attempt. I have been teasing her since, she feels terrible. She swears she will think it through before she tries again.

The Sky is Falling

We were at OT all afternoon and my DH called to say it was snowing where he was. We got updates his entire ride home and eventually saw it coming down where we were. The kids were thrilled to say the least. I posted pictures of them before dinner playing in it. Here in the South we must enjoy it quickly b/c it will probably not stick and will be gone before you get up. It was. Kids had to goto school b/c it never got below freezing. They were not happy.





You can see the grass showing through the tiny bit of snow but hey Patches got all the kids on a borrowed snowboard and down the yard they went.


















We had several kids try to make snow angels. It was too funny.









Cyr, Shayanne, Michael, Ruthie, Emma, Ella, and Ava. Patches was on the phone with her "boyfriend" talking about nothing but he snow instead of enjoying it. Ruthie had to hide her pants b/c she peed and was afraid I would make her go in.

Two Days in One Post

A lot has happened today and not much to do with the kids. I got up this morning and got the kids off to school with only an issue from Shyanne. She is really begining to show her booty and her Mother claims it has to do with MY kids, I do not think so. She is angry at her Mother and rightfully so. Frankee refuses to consider her child has issues b/c her life has been better than hers. Frankee was beaten, starved, and locked in small places for entertainment by her step mother and father so anything is better than that, right? This is hard to explain to Frankee since it means she would have to admit she hasn't been a good parent. Frankee gets so angry at the child for having a bit of a fit and engages in the power struggle giving the child too many choices. She lost it this morning over what to wear, Shyanne wants to wear jeans but didn't have any clean. Frankee felt bad b/c she doesn't have many pairs of jeans. After 10 minutes of screaming at each other Frankee spanked her. We do not spank here and we are having a sit down tonight about it.

This morning I decided to visit a local support group for parents with children under stress. It is a great organization and the first meeting I have attended. I got a strange call from the founder of the organization at 8:30AM and thought something was up. I asked her if it was a small meeting trying to get a feel for the reason she really called. She was polite and asked for me to call her after to tell her how I liked it. I told Frankee and my DH that I would be in charge of this group within a month or two. Only one person showed up and she was a freak show. After an hour and 40 minutes of being held hostage this woman, I knew I was right. She has 3 kids and NONE of them have any kind of disability. I think came face to face with someone with Munchausen by Proxy. She admitted the school and doctors kept telling her her children were fine but she kept telling these stories about how they had to have a protein shake to gain weight. I asked how old and how much he weighed and started laughing, yes out loud. Her son is 8 and weighs 58#, my son is 7.5 and weighs 43#. Who needs the protein shake now? That is only one of the weird things she said and probably the mildest. She tried to give me advice and when I corrected her she tried to talk in circles around me.

I called the office when I got home and asked how I could help increase participation in this group. She asked a few questions and I answered honestly, she told me she was afraid of that and asked me to consider taking the group over. Turns out she had already asked our OT about me and had the idea in her head this morning when we talked. I am excited b/c it only meets once a month and would put us on the top of the list for all the fun stuff they do and provide for families like us.

All of the above was from Tuesday but I couldn't get it to post so I just saved it.

This morning we went to AT with Ella and Michael. Ella has this issue answering adults, she won't she just stands there silently staring at you refusing to speak. We can't quite figure out the issue, does she think she is in trouble, is about control, does she understand the question, does her brain not process quick enough to respond? The AT is convinced it is control, he was able to see it first hand today and said there is no doubt. Great, another game I have to win. We started neurofeedback today and for those of you that understand it (not me, yet) she is 7 to 1. I guess it is not good b/c she and Michael will begin to do this at home with me very soon. He noticed Ella's head is flat in the back and commented on how kids head's become flat. I already knew, she spent most of her time in a crib and considering she had Cerebral Palsy she was left there alot longer than her twin. I knew about the flat spot but it made me so sad all over again for her.

I am not telling anyone in real life but I can share with you that I have exercised and eaten right for 3 days. I even stopped and fed my son fast food (we do it every Wed after AT b/c he checks in after lunch) and didn't eat a bite. I later had a salad and diet drink. Woo Hoo, Me! The holidays and some kind of after adoption let down thing has added 10 more pounds. I knew something was up when my stretchy jeans started to fit and my granny panties became thongs. I am over 200# and am only 5'5". I don't mind being fluffy but this is getting pathetic. I have made excuses about not wanting sagging skin but come on, I will happily tuck my stomach into my jeans to be a size 12. So here it goes I want to drop from a size 18 to a 12.

Too Many Good Days

I knew coming into this that I would never be appreciated, treated with the respect they automatically have for their first family, and I knew of the possibility of never being loved. I am screamed at every day, if not every hour, by one of my traumatized children. I can take, "Your not my Mother", "I hate you", and my favorite is "Your a F&^%$# B$%&*" most days, today is not one of those days. I went off of Patches a few minutes ago and I do not regret it, yet. What is it I have done to her that make her so angry at me? Nothing I could have done deserves this level of nasty treatment. I am not sure what is sending me over the edge today but I am there. I am tired of being held hostage by my kids and I am not sure what or how but I am going to dazzle the socks off of them in hopes to shake things up in a new way around here. You just hide and watch.

Emma and Her New Look

Emma has been complaining about having a difficult time seeing the board at school. I have blown her off for the last YEAR b/c she is so dramatic and is desperate for glasses like her sisters. On Wednesday I was in there getting Patches and Cyr's new glasses ordered and Emma wouldn't hush so I asked the lady if there was a way to determine if it was wishful or hopeful. She did a preliminary test and then agreed with Em so we scheduled an appointment for her this morning with the doctor. She did very well and does, in fact, need glasses. She was so excited she bounced around the store for an hour trying on EVERY pair in stock before choosing these. They have a Hannah Montana sticker on one eye and another on the arm of the other side but you get the idea. Patches is getting the same ones but in pink. These girls are so darn cute but I will have to post pictures with their's when the real ones come in.

Afterward we headed for some lunch where she freaked out about the sun and told everyone that she was getting glasses. (Like they couldn't tell from her dark temp glasses to protect her eyes and the large sticker on her shirt)

Cyr has been buddying up to Frankee and even Frankee has noticed it is weird. This morning Cyr got up 2 hours early and refused to feed the dog. She always feeds him and it is her chore so I was surprised she just didn't do it. When I asked her about it I told her it was mean and how would she like it if I just decided not to feed her until dinner? She doesn't have empathy for others so I frequently try to help her see the other side. She also doesn't have any significant emotions so she barely responded. Most kids would argue their point or become irritated in some way about it but she is just quiet and stares at you. Evidently, I did get her upset on some level b/c I caught her leaning over my coffee and spitting into it. Nice, huh? I won't leave that unattended again. I should have thanked her for reminding me not to trust her.

The House

We found our home last Spring and had to have it. We have done so much work to it and spent so much money on it and looking back it was a mistake. We agreed to do a 2 yr lease and purchase the home after the owners divorce was final so she would not have to share any profit with her drug addicted soon to be ex husband. Since that time we have been visited by multiple repo guys in the middle of the night looking for her, Enterprise Rental Cars at 7 am, and harassed by lawyers looking to file criminal charges against her. We began receiving certified mail for her several months ago but had no idea what they were for until the lawyer reached us and filled us in. She has lost all of her homes (3 other ones besides the one we are in), stopped paying her car payments on 2 cars and they are looking to arrest her for theft, and rented a car and never returned it. She began using crack shortly after we moved in and told my DH she was trying to get rid of the new boyfriend and quit using. She has disappeared.

When we moved in we had a ton of work to do here b/c the house had mysteriously flooded right after we signed the agreement. I thought it was suspicious but had no proof. She told us her insurance company would pay for all the repairs and even offered to give the work to my DH so we could earn some money and get it done correctly. She hummed and hawed about the check and told us to take it off the first 2 months rent and she would get her check and just pay the mortgage company. We have heard through the grape vine she never paid the mortgage. Last October and November we had such a hard time reaching her that we asked to pay the mortgage company directly and she agreed. It was after that we were informed she had so many other issues and it is possible we could be thrown out w/o notice by the mortgage company if they decide to foreclose.

We are scared to death and can't live with that possibility looming over us. We are looking for another house and fast. We are sure we will have to leave this school district and it breaks my heart for the kids. We are in a neighborhood now and feel it is best to be in a more country setting for the kids to have room to move around. OK, scream w/o worrying about the neighbors thinking we are beating them is more accurate. (LOL) We were in the same house for 7 yrs and now we have moved twice in 2 yrs, this is not fun.

I will post more about the houses that we have come across later.

I am so proud of Patches, she has finally said she is mad at her parents. We all knew she was mad and she has screamed numerous times about her parents but she has never said they were wrong about anything. This whole theft thing has thrown her for a loop. Have I mentioned I love her AT? She is aggressive and pushes this child to places she is terrified to go. I am very proud of the hard work she has been doing in AT and at home.

Cyr's grades have dropped dramatically. I think she hid the report cards and their envelopes b/c I can't find them anywhere.

Emma, Ava, Michael, and Cyr have been bullyed on the bus by some bratty kid. I spoke to the bus driver and he is scared of the Dad so he doesn't report her. Not good.

We have recently had the pleasure of having to pee outside at my sisters and then at a house we were looking at. It was difficult to convince the kids to squat out of sight and go, not to mention the whole be careful not to go on yourself thing. That was this weekend and I guess they assumed it would be ok to try this anywhere now that they had the skills. So there is your background for what happened yesterday. We were leaving for OT and SPeech in a hurry as usual and my DH pulled up so I hopped out to explain dinner directions for maybe 2 or 3 minutes. In this time a couple of my kids ran out of the van to use the restroom and when I turned around I asked them to get back in so and go at OT. They revealed their plan to me......they were all getting out to pee in the yard! Somehow I forgot to explain over the weekend that we only do this in the woods. WHEW!!!! I am so glad I caught them before they dropped their britches in my front yard.

The Visit with Nanny and Poppa

I was warned by both the kids' aunt and their Poppa that he lived like Sanford and Son. They were exagerating a bit but it was like a treasure hunt for the kids. They started out beautifully dressed and well behaved and ended covered in black dirt (something we do not see much of here in red clay country so I thought it was poop!). The kids were obnoxious and difficult to keep up with. At one point I didn't hear them so I went out back and they had climbed in some random car. Their Nanny refused to tell them "No" about anything and I found myself being irritated.

While we were there it was discovered that the kids' parents had broken into their Great Poppa's house on the back of the property (again) and stolen his entire social security check. Their Poppa was more than a bit angry b/c he had suspected them but everyone knew it when the aunt admitted she had spoken to them earlier and they had told her they won the lottery and it was, you guessed it, the same amount they were missing. The last time money went missing it was the night before they went on their first vacation ever to the beach. It amazes me how stupid they are being. Anyway, their Poppa asked ME for advice. I just told him I would have called the police the last few times and I would definitely do it this time. If anyone else had broken in he would call the police, it is worse behavior b/c they are family and he is a very old man with nothing to begin with. I got a call last night from their aunt and he really did call the police. I am so proud he is standing up for himself. I am concerned about something their Mother said, she claims her mother did it b/c she is the only one with a key to his locked box. I wouldn't be surprised if they both did it. How sad is that?

After we left, the kids were awesome, filthy but awesome. We headed to my sister's new house WAY out in the country. They had a bonfire and fed us sandwiches. We took a flashlight and went in 2 abandoned houses on either side of her property. It looks like people just up and moved out, everything in it's place for 15 or so years. It was more than creepy. In the back of her property she has a very small coffin. When they bought the house they found it and called the police. It had a bag of rotten flesh in it but all the cops took was the bag. It looked like someone bagged a baby and just threw it out there. Weird to say the least.

Patches had a very good session in AT this week. Michael is driving me insane with his throwing things and crying (remember crying is progress for him). Ava is attached to me at all times (ok, except when she sneaks off and I have to go find her). Emma has a friend spend the night. Cyr is spending too much time with her Dad and told the AT I am never any fun. Ruthie is acting like a baby today. Ella is off pull ups again and hoping this will be the last time she needs them.

Today is Ella and Ava's 6th birthday. They have requested doughnuts for breakfast and one wants steak for dinner while the other wants cake for dinner. I think I can handle those requests.

We have an issue with our house that I will post about later. Keep your fingers crossed things go well.

The School Thinks I am the Crazy One

I talked to the school about Ava's plan to tell them I hurt her and am mean so they will call the police and put me in jail and she can go live with the teacher that loves her. It did not go well. Our AT seemed pretty concerned that there will be more things like this to follow after talking to Ava. He felt strongly enough that he offered to take the time to visit the school with his partner (our other AT) if this meeting didn't go well.

They were polite at first and listened to me tell them how we have discovered she is stealing, lying, and destroying so many things in our home. I told them that those things make her plan scary for us and the AT does not feel she has any bond with us at all. The school counselor spoke up and dismissed everything I said as normal childhood behaviors. I immediately became defensive and a little snotty back. I agreed that it would be normal to want to live with a nice teacher but not to make a plan to get rid of your parent to do so. She was quiet and stayed busy filling out the forms. The teacher and the parapro did not want to hurt Ava by telling her they did not love her and she couldn't live with them. I had to say it and then they half heartedly repeated it.

The counselor piped up at the end and asked what I wanted them to do instead of hugging her b/c she is going to feel so left out w/o their praise. I told her not to make such a big deal about it b/c it is against THEIR rules to hug a child and I just needed them to enforce that rule. Give the kid verbal praise or a high five. What is so darn hard about this?

When it was over I felt they really didn't want to believe me and I was escorted out of the room while they were motioned to stay in there. I was in the office getting Ava ready to leave for at least 5 minutes and they were still in there talking about us. I am disappointed. I feel this is not the end of this b/c these are the same folks that have informally been asking our kids alot of questions about us and our family life.

Carmine, the kids came without meds at all. After a year we decided to try some and now I have 2 on Prozac, Ruthie and Patches. It helped Ruthie stop the crying and Patches began to control her anger so she could become more social. It has worked beautifully for both of them. Ava began on Prozac but her weird behaviors increased and she was switched to Zoloft. She had been crying for hours a day about nothing significant and that was decreased drastically. Michael takes Risperdal and it has saved his sanity and mine. He is no where near as violent as he was. He had been trying to fling himself from second story windows and attacking me like a windmill. The AT thinks Ava will benefit from Risperdal as well and at our next appointment I have a letter from him to encourage her to prescribe it. I have several on Melatonin, Emma, Cyr, Patches, Michael, and Shyanne.

No one will ever convince me their SW didn't know what we were in for b/c they asked us repeatedly if we would commit to them no matter what and the kids couldn't take another loss. That is a big DUH, no kid could take another loss easily. The FP and therapist that we talked to all felt they had attachment issues. They were all aware of sexual acting out amongst the siblings and no one warned us until we reported that we were seeing it. The SW down played every question we had and any issue that came up.

My Future Rock Star

I thought I would throw in a funny picture of my son with a pink guitar, he loved it and wouldn't put it down.

After a very long Attachment Therapy visit the therapist put in writing he feels Ava has RAD. He listened while I told all that had occurred this week and he is concerned b/c so much of her behavior is sociopathic. He feels we have a long hard road ahead and was taken back when she admitted to everything I said. When I told her it was ok to be honest and she would not be in trouble as long as she was honest, she was. She has been doing all these things for fun, basically we are her entertainment. She thinks I am stupid for not knowing earlier and she doesn't like that she has been caught.

I am so crazy, I have been looking at my calender thinking the kids were out of school until Monday. I looked today after Cyr insisted I was wrong and guess what? I am wrong, they go back tomorrow. I am sad and relieved at the same time. I do have to go in first thing int he AM and deal with Ava's teachers and this whole hugging, living with, and false allegations thing. I am hoping for the best and fearing the worst. The AT has offered to step in if I need him.

Happy New Year!

I am a liar and I don't care. Every time I get on this computer I am interrupted with multiple IMs for Frankee. Her random potential lovers are always on the prowl and it is irritating. They are either trying to talk to her here or calling MY cell phone. I have started telling them she is out with her husband for the night. It is a lie but I am hoping they will go away.

We took the 8 kids to our favorite Mexican Restaurant and it was touch in go if all would be able to go. We managed to pull it off with very little drama. Cyr was so funny and announced after one family stared for quite a bit that we have our own paparazzi. We laughed out loud b/c it is true that they don't carry cameras but we are watched like hawks. People stare at us like we are famous or have 2 heads. When they get particularly rude about it we all wave when I say, "Like a parade". It is really funny to see 8 little hands wave stiffly.

We rented a few movies and are off to pretend it is Midnight so they will go to bed. HAHAHA! I hope everyone else is having a lovely evening and being safe. See ya next year.

The Sisters

Kalee is the oldest of the 4 sisters, she is 9 in a few days. Kendalyn is not pictured and is 8 this year. Emma is 6 until July and Grace is 5 until July, actually the day before Em's birthday.


























Emma and Grace are alot alike and have the same profile. They are pictured here with their matching Ponies.








This is the 3 of them in the playroom last night. They had a ball staying up half the night. I wish we could have these nights more often.

A Visit

I was surprised to see so many comments about my safety. Thank you so much but my only real concern is that I get accused of something. I think my physical safety is much less of a concern to me. I am having to fight for my time here lately b/c Frankee lives on MySpace trolling for men.

We are in the middle of a sibling visit for Emma. Both of the sisters her Mother tried to parent are here for the night and will return home today. They had a blast but the rest of the kids have had issues with it. I am sure Em will really go down hill after they leave. She cried for an hour after her Mother left last night. It is so hard to watch her feel that loss over and over with every visit. Adoption sucks for the kids. She wouldn't want to live that life and has said so but she wishes we could adopt her Mother and sisters. I hate it for her and we try to make the visits more often but with her Mother working for the first time on a regular basis it is difficult.

Michael did not hurt anyone yesterday and earned his Heelys back!!!! Patches is holding her own right now. Ava is so different from the others in the way she is sneaky and manipulative. The others break in anger, I can deal with that b/c I can see it. She breaks for no reason and hides it. How do you deal with that? Last night she used an entire can of Lysol spray in the bathroom (Frankee left it out), plugged the toilet AGAIN to the point the entire upstairs stinks and a plumber is having to come out, she broke Cyr's new light and old light, and she tore up some clothes in her room sometime over the night. She has admitted several times now that all this time she has been doing these things and pretended they were accidents. AAAHHH!! She is gonna drive me crazy, I am sure of it.

I will post pictures of the 3 sisters after I fix them all lunch. They are ALL 10 standing in here hovering to eat. LOL

Patches has been screaming in her room for 6 hours and going strong. She has written with pencil all over her walls and emptied out all the drawers. She has thrown away or given away all her gifts from us and Santa. She refuses to eat or come down. She hates me for no reason she can even articulate. She screamed at one point her hatred of me was for getting her a tree when her parents did not. I agreed she had a reason to be upset but not at me. She firmly disagrees. I guess I should have purchased them a tree before I met them, sounds reasonable to me.

So far Ava has broken the new game table we gave them for Christmas, the kick stand on Emma's new bike, stolen glitter from her visiting cousins and hid it in her room, stolen $20 from another visiting cousin, stolen and lost a wheel from Ruthie's new Heelys, broken several of the kids makeup kits to the point they had to be tossed, sat on her new bike at least 10 times and knocked over the other bikes scratching them to shreds, stuffed the toilet with rolls of TP at least 3 times, smeared her stuff in her bathroom and mine, broke her brothers new shark in 3 places, ripped up Emma's new sweater from Gorges, broke Michael's radio, and I am sure more that I haven't discovered in the last 2 days. All of this is intentional, I am at a loss. She is doing these things every time I turn around or use the restroom. If I am distracted for more than a second, she is sneaking off. I am about to tie her to me with a silk scarf so she can't get away b/c she is starting to really ruin the kids holiday.

No Van and a Bucket

Michael and Emma were up most of the night sick for different reasons. Emma felt like she was gonna puke but never did so all we got was a bunch of whining and gagging. Michael has developed a cough from nowhere and hacked until he started gagging. The funny thing about this is I have a weak stomach so their gagging made me puke. My DH is able to sleep through all of this while we are bouncing around the bed taking turns on the bucket.

My van refused to start yesterday and we had so many plans this weekend that had to be canceled. AT, groceries, taking my nieces home, and visiting the kids Grandparents. I felt terrible but I have no choice, we just can't fit into anything else. Just let it be a cheap fix b/c after the holiday I really can't afford anything more than that.

Another Casualty

Michael became enraged and luckily this is the only person that was killed. It reminds me of when they first came here and all the dolls looked like this except their eyes were stabbed out. Improvement, huh?

Trouble in Paradise

My nieces came last night to spend 3 nights with us. That makes 12 kids and a big mess around here. They came from their Father's house with all their gifts so we had to hide them from my kids. Ava found them and dug through them and stole some things right off the bat. I feel so sad for her.

Ava started seeing the AT yesterday b/c her behavior is getting so out of control we can only blame attachment at this point. Some of the things we are addressing are the plan to tell the teacher so she can live with her, poop smearing, her recent revelation that she is intentionally breaking all the toys, her refusal to follow simple rules like don't stand on the back of the sofa and jump off on other unsuspecting children, pulling her hair out, stealing anything that is not glued down, and lying when the truth is better. I love her and it is so hard to watch her do these things to herself.

I had to break up a fist fight between Michael and Ella for the third time today. They will spend the rest of the day holding hands and figuring out how to work together to get things done. Of course, there will be close supervision to avoid another episode.

I had to have a tough conversation with Frankee this AM. She called at midnight last night sobbing for me to unlock the door for her. She was with the new BF and he had been kissing his soon to be ex wife. Frankee was a hot mess, screaming vile things at him between sobbing to me. She can not date him anymore and live here. She denied missing her meds but agreed to have them in the cabinet for em to dispense. She listened better than I thought she would and allowed me to tell her she is driving us all crazy with her manic behavior. I explained that many people saw this and not just us. I hope she decides to spend the time with her daughter instead of looking for a man.

Guess Who Called......

on Christmas Eve just moments after the kids opened their gifts? Their Mother and Father. It went well but I am anxious to hear their side when they talk to the aunt. I stood firm but was compassionate about their feelings. He thanked me and after 95 minutes he said he understood why we were not going to allow them to visit.

He said a few weird things when we discussed the accusations about them sexually abusing the kids, he claims he doesn't remember doing it. Those would not be the words I would use when asked if I had touched my children inappropriately, "I don't remember if that happened so I must not have. I won't admit to something I don't remember." I just told him we would understand if the memory comes up later and if he ever wants to apologize "just in case" that we would support him and hope he gets therapy. I refused to tell him the child that makes these claims and explained it was so he can be mad about it but not focus it on a child that he will never forgive. He thought that was good.

He is not living in reality, he claims he should have given the kids to his aunt. I called him on it and reminded him he tried to have several of his relatives pass the background stuff and they did not qualify. He became upset and started dreaming about if they had gone to them that he would see them and spend the night, blah, blah, blah. I think he was trying to offend me but I sucked it up and told him if they would have made the same accusations they have now the relative would have to stop the visits, too. He was silent.

He gave me the usual crap about DFCS doing him wrong and I stopped him in his tracks, I told him he would get farther with the kids and I if he took responsibility for what he did or didn't do instead of blaming. I am sure that will have to come up a few times before he really understands, it will be a hard habit to break.

Neither parent asked about how the kids were or what they have been up to. They did not show any real interest in them as people. I hope this is b/c they were quite focused on getting their story across. They complained alot about the maternal Gparents and wanted to know if they were still yelling at the kids and giving them beer to drink. The kids have no memory of this ever happening, I feel confident he is just angry they are seeing the kids.


We had a very difficult time putting together the new game table and I am afraid my DH has given up. The giant doll house is fantastic and they love it. Every kid got a brand spanking new bike from Santa and they were shocked. Em has been sitting on it for about an hour watching a movie. I have tried to take pictures of them but the flask makes them impossible to see.

Oh, I bought a turkey 4 days ago and left it in the fridge to thaw, it didn't. We will now be eating very late this afternoon. I am so dingy sometimes. I really should have checked on it last night but I forgot. Oh well.

Gorges Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Patches did very well in AT yesterday, the AT didn't want to get her riled up right before the guests arrived and I was all too grateful. She was quite but did express some of her emotions by agreeing or disagreeing with what I said she was probably feeling. We discussed some questions for her to ask and that she would more than likely clam up in the moment so I could ask them for her when she gives me the clue. We are talking alot about being on the same team and that we are a team in therapy since we both attend simultaneously. She is scared about what the answers she will be getting, she has already heard them but to have it confirmed by someone she trusts will be hard. I did hear her answering questions with the AT and using my words so I guess she believes some of the things I say. It's a start.

We went to Gorges' house for my side of the family's holiday. Gorges is really Gorgeous but my oldest sister can't spell and it stuck. My Mother refusedto be called Grandma when she was only 36. Anyway, things went well. We got stuck in traffic making us 40 minutes late and everyone was eating when we arrived. Frankee left after an hour and was so obnoxious while we were there I was relieved. The kids were so well behaved, I was impressed. Gorges made them all new Loveys and knitted them what we call Outside Sweaters (they are so ugly you can only wear them outside to play and hope they get dirty). I appreciate the effort she put into them, I know they took forever I just wish she didn't use all leftover yarn so they were one color instead of 5. I will post a picture later for sure. SHe has made us some of the most beautiful ones in the past but this year we got robbed. It is the thought that counted and the kids are thrilled to have them (really). Gorges has made all her grandchildren multiple blankies when they were born, since my kids were not babies she assumed they were too old. They had informed her she was wrong some time ago and she started making them each their own. They are very cute and they were over the moon.

My kids parents are still making demands but not calling us directly. They do not want her parents to see them. Too bad. Their father hollared int he background that none of the gifts that were sent by the mother were from him when they called the aunt's phone earlier. How sad is that. I am so disappointed in them right now. I do understand they are hurting but to act so cruel towards the kids is immature. I am glad the kids do not know.

This is Expensive

It's not about how much you spend but the number of gifts they get. They are still young enough to give a $5 board game to one and a robot to another and it saved me hundreds of dollars this year. My son had his heart set on a darn robot, I had no idea they even had them but they do and he has one wrapped and waiting for him.

Last night my DH and I snuck out after bedtime and headed to Toys R Us in search of bikes. We found a great deal on a few of them and a fantastic selection. They had just put them all out and we walked away with 7 shiny new bikes. Shyanne has a new one so she is getting a Baby Alive and an entire baby care set including the highchair, playpen, tons of bottles and diapers, swing, and car seat to name a few. I am so excited, I swear I am worse than the kids.

I ran home to finish making the candy before bed. Got up at 6AM to do all the grocery shopping I needed for the week. I am disgusted I spent $600 in food for the holiday and rest of the week. Another $500 for bikes and who knows how much all year for the rest of the stuff.

Normal holiday stuff going on today. Christmas cleaning so the guests don't see our pooped in pull ups under the bathroom sink, dirty clothes piled to the waist in the laundry room, last nights dinner crusted on the kitchen floor, or the 5 million broken crayons in the sofa.

Patches is having one of her multi-daily meltdowns, no reason given. Shyanne is refusing to help. Ava has been hiding and when caught she screamed she is telling her teacher I am mean to her. (I offered to call the police for her to share her feelings with them and I informed her she could finish her room alone so she wouldn't be able to blame anyone else for anything. AAAGGGHHH!!!) Ema is whining about several things but got ahppier when she was excused from cleaning ehr room. Cyr threw several pairs of clean clothes into the dirty pile resulting in me refusing to do her laundry anymore. This happens constantly and I am tired of my waist high pile of mostly dirty clothes. Frankee is swollen and sobbing b/c the latest boyfriend that lasted a week told her he loved her and broke it off. She is a hot mess today. Ella is snotty and bossy. Ruthie is in her own world again. Michael is a joy today. He has helped me with everything I asked and more. He even told the truth when confronted on his poopy pull up. Yeah! He is not sure why he decided to try pooping in it and hiding it under the sink but at least he cleaned it up when asked to. That's all a girl can wish for.

Our schedule is kinda hectic this weekend. Our celebration starts tomorrow when their aunt and uncle arrive. They will be spending the night and going with us to my Mother's house to deal with my entire family. I can't belive they agreed to go but we do plan on coming back here and enjoying some wine and beer after the kids go to bed. We so rarely drink it is like an event in itself. Sunday we go to my MIL's, not looking forward to seeing my FIL's family so much. Monday we will open presents here and Tuesday Santa brings stuff. I am exhausted already. Somehow I need to fit in some more shopping. Probably very late tonight at Walmart.

I know several of you have emailed me and I haven't gotten to you. I read them and want to respond but given the brief spurts of time I get on the computer, I just haven't had the time. When the kids go back to school you are high on my list, I promise.


I realized something yesterday in AT. The AT always asks how things are going and I give lots of positive stuff and a few issues, I always let him know how many meltdowns on average a week per child. He has to ask specific questions to get at the truth of the situation b/c I see how much improvement there is I don't fuss about the rages in the OT's waiting room or the kicking the van seat until I have to pull over. Those are things I can deal with b/c last year they kicked the seat until it broke and the police had to be called with public meltdowns, see progress. He laughed at me b/c he is seeing lighter versions of these lovely meltdowns in his office and wondered if it was only there. HAHAHAHAHA Once I told him they were mild he questioned me on the ones at home and in public, turns out my lack of details and just accepting them made him think they were mild. Less intense than before but not mild for sure. He thinks I have a great attitude about them but will need more details to determine what is actually happening at home (he no longer trusts me I guess). He is arranging for an AT to come to the house regularly for a bit to see how they actually are and to work with Michael on anger management. LOL I am known for exaggerating IRL about silly things like how fluffy I am or how good something is, never would I have imagined I would be accused of understating something. I just gave the facts and thought he was understood the situation. Too funny.

I attended holiday parties for 5 of the 8 kids today. I was surprised how different they all were. Emma's served an entire lunch including fresh fruit, raw carrots, and really cool snowflake chicken nuggets and Ava's had no food except the ice cream sundae they made. They did not consider me when scheduling the festivities b/c I ended up running from class to class trying to participate in the crafts but only staying for a couple in each kid's room. They had a blast and that is all that really counts. I have 3 left to attend Thursday at 2 different schools. Fun, Fun.

Early this morning I had to drive an hour to take Frankee to court. She was granted a 12 Protective Order against her MIL and her soon to be Ex husband. She was very upset and cried a good bit on the way home. She cheered right up when Bob called, this is the newest guy from the internet and he seems to float her boat this week. She spent the weekend at this total stranger's house and already decided sex was a way to win him over. I expressed some concerns at her want to include him in every thing we have planned over the next week or so. She wants to introduce her child to him Friday b/c he is taking her and his children to see some Christmas lights. I think she is not only rushing this but trading one issue (drugs) for alcohol and a warm body. She is gone again tonight and I expect she will be gone not only this weekend but the 10 days around the holiday b/c he is on vacation. He seems to have a good job, stability, owns a home, and has sole physical custody of his 3 girls but his wife of 9 years just left him unexpectedly 2 months ago for another man. He is soft spoken and gentle so that is a positive. He shook hands with his wife's new boyfriend and invited him in for a beer so I guess that shows he is a forgiving person as well. I think he will tire of her screaming and loud personality before too long, I am sure it will be an issue when she screams at his kids or hers in front of him.

I must confess, I was concerned I had made a huge mistake with Patches yesterday. Did I say too much? Did I hurt her feelings? Where exactly is the line between supporting their family and bad mouthing them? Is being honest about them cruel? You get the idea, I was worried. I guess I did the right thing b/c she is maintaining control of herself and allowing me to be the mother again. SHe has made several comments today about me always loving her enough to tell the truth and being a good mother. I heard her telling one of the kids, "I AM part of the family again b/c I want Mom to love me (so give me a pudding cup)." It seems she is back to her self. She does need to have all this verified by her family and I spoke with her Gfather and Aunt today, both will answer her questions next time they see her. She trusts them and they are both very supportive of the adoption and mad at how the parents have handled raising their children. I feel like it will be hard for her to hear but she seems ready for it. She is a lucky girl to have so many people care about her and want to do what is best. I will be there to make sure it is not a bashing of the parents b/c I am not OK with that.

Her questions are simple, did DFCS steal her from her parents? Did we steal her? Did her parents love her? Do they miss her? Did they take good care of her? Did they try to keep jobs? Did they admit to the sexual abuse or deny it? Did any one try to help them keep the kids? All of these things make sense to me, I would want to know. I am sure all of the kids will have these questions as they deal with this. I am so proud of her for making the choice to be active on our family again. I missed her, even if it was only a weekend.

Progress

My beast of a child had her fit last night at bedtime thinking she didn't have to follow rules here b/c she has chosen not to be part of the family. HAHAHAHAHa, not so deary. I had to firmly help her downstairs to the living room where I was still up tending to a sick child. She tried to argue her pathetic points to me but ended up sitting there for about an hour until I started the conversation back up. Her level of exhaustion was so high she quickly turned to sobbing announcing her need to be in our family. We agreed that no matter her words she wanted to be in our family and more importantly she wants me to be her mother. I do not expect her to control her anger and never tell me she hates me again but I will remind her of our agreement and keep moving. I expect her to talk alot about the things we discussed and the truth about her parents no matter how much it hurts. I will no longer allow her to build them up with her half truths about them. She will always love them and no one can take that from her but to fantasize they will always protect her and be prefect is unacceptable. I promised to always tell her the truth and I will continue to do so in a kind and supportive way.

I got 2 kids home from school with some stomach thing. Ella had to get her braces adjusted today and since she cries every time I have to check her in I am not sure if she really is feeling poorly like the other children or if she is manipulating me. I told her a teacher must see her vomit for me to believe her. Maybe crying wolf so many times will teach her a lesson. Probably not.

Shyanne was freaking out about going to school today. She screamed and fussed and had to be pulled to the bus stop this morning. Her Mother had gone out Saturday night and not returned until this morning at 4:30AM. I had a fit. She had woken up yesterday and instead of returning home she began drinking again claiming hair of the dog or something. Doesn't cut it with me. I hope this is not a sign of things to come.

Patches school just called and offered to purchase her some new glasses for the holiday. How sweet, she will break them in a week. SHe has broken 3 sets of glasses and one of her sisters. It seems she has something against the poor things.

I am off to get the many goodies I have to send in to the school for their parties tomorrow. The list seems endless.

Attachment, will they ever feel it?

I am not sure how negative I come across here b/c I write about so much of our issues but IRL I tend to be a Sally Sunshine about the kids. I don't get "worn out" or need a break from the kids often. We don't go out and have lots of friends that come over, almost constantly it is me and the kids and DH when he is off from work at a decent hour. I am not complaining, I wouldn't have it any other way, they need me to be a constant b/c they have never had that before in any area of their life. Their parents left them with extended family or "friends" any chance they got and the kids were never all home at the same time b/c of this.

Frankee and my DH both went out last night, separately. I do not have an issue with my DH going out b/c he deserves some him time but the combination of both sent the kids into some heavy topics covered in tears. I know this is just bringing up old memories but it was sad to see them so upset. A few of them talked about how they know I would never go out like that and I am always here. It was interesting to see them discuss amongst themselves how they know I am dependable and will stay with them no matter what. Kinda scary thinking what would happen if I had to go out or worse, died. I am not sure some of them would ever trust again.

That said, we have a couple pf kids that are in a tailspin that started long before this weekend. Patches has regressed so much she is difficult to recognize. My son is not far behind her. Perhaps it's the adoption, could be the AT or the holiday. I don't know but it sure is obvious that Patches is lashing out hard at me. It's not just the fits, she is trying to hurt me bot physically and emotionally. She has succeeded in both areas. I do not let the things they say in anger hurt me, ever. They call me things that would make a sailor blush. What Patches has been doing is intentional and there is alot of effort involved in order to figure out how and what to do to get me. These 2 are back to raging for hours and destroying things. It hurts so much to see them so angry. My son attacked me last night and when I grabbed his arm as he ran toward twisted around and I thought he broke his arm. That is a constant concern with his crazy rages, he could really get hurt and I could be blamed. Of course, it is documented very well that he does this but it is still a concern. Patches is screaming things out her window like, "I hate this family!" or "I am an ugly bad girl!". No wonder this neighborhood is avoiding us like the plague. We scream our craziness out the windows. A couple of weeks ago she nearly broke the front door by banging it with her fist at 8PM screaming she wanted to run away. Go then, pack an extra pair of pants so when you pee on yourself during the day you can sleep in dry ones at night. OK, not my best moment but quit screaming how awful it is and do something about it, anything just make a step instead of wallering around in it.

I am hurt right now, I have decided that if Patches refuses to at least try to be decent (decent meaning not assaulting me or the kids and not going out of her way to get me) I am on strike. This is going to just apply to her and I have done this in the past with other older girls we have parented. I will not play Mommy to her since she does not want one. She will have to figure out how to get her clothes washed, her homework signed, when to get up for school, since snacks are what good mommies send she won't get one, she can have PBJs for dinner since she can't cook and I won't be doing it for her, she will need to do extra chores to pay for her room since she doesn't want a mommy to do it, her holiday gifts are from me so hopefully she will get the picture before we get to that, and I have every intention of making her miserable in a kind and supportive way. I understand she doesn't want to be in this family and we will be happy to help her achieve her independence within the household. Please cross your fingers it works well with her, I want my slowly progressing child back. She doesn't have to be perfect just not so disruptive that she can't continue to heal.

Ava is getting in trouble at school several times a week and her conduct has been a U for 3 weeks. Not pretty. She is pushing the limits constantly and I am afraid her attachment issues area much bigger problem than I had anticipated. Ella's behavior is still really good at school but she is working on the poor pitiful me thing she has going on. Both girls are struggling here at home with following simple rules.

My kids could make Santa hate Christmas.

Lunch and an Early Birthday

I spent 2 hours at our home elementary school having lunch with 5 of the kids. I normally enjoy their food but today their attempt at a holiday meal was just disgusting. Soggy, overcooked, and tasteless are 3 words that best describe the meal served. My kids are going to be starved after school today.

Shyanne cried her eyes out when we left which caused her Mother to cry as well. It is fun to go up there but so sad to leave them.


Shyanne spent the first night upstairs in the little girls room. She went to sleep fairly well but woke up at 5 AM (2 and a half hours before they had to get up) and got bored so she woke every one else in the house up. Little booger. They will all pass out some time around dinner tonight.

Patches and Ava decided to have an all out fit when I caught several of the girls using nail polish without permission over carpet. A big no no here. Two of the girls did their timeout and apologized in a few minutes and were off and running. Those 2 soent the entire evening screaming horrible things about Emma. Why you ask? I have no idea. She had no idea they were hollaring and had nothing to do with the nail polish situation. They just targeted her for being her. Sad. My first instinct is to protect her but she did not know. I think I will bring it up in therapy this week.

Today Ruthie, pictured above before the sun came up, turns 9. She had to have her meltdown last night when she was asked to do her chore. The darn thing takes only a few minuted until they buck and it turns into 3 or 4 hours of sobbing and screaming. It is just stupid they waste everyones air like that.

How Would You Respond?

If you were known to be explosive and a very angry person how would you react to your children accusing you of sexually abusing them? If you have just been told you will not have the opportunity to see them b/c you are considered dangerous, would you be upset or angry? If you had been known to threaten to kill people for canceling a visit with your child or for removing them from your home wouldn't you react with anger about this? My children's father has a reputation for his temper and when his SIL told him last night of the accusations and our decision to make the adoption semi open and only between the adults, he barely responded. He stated his father had been unfairly accused of raping his sisters (they proved it true with semen analysis) and served 12 years , this would not happen to him and he was disowning his kids.

We have asked to speak to the parents for the last month and they have refused to call us. We have no way to reach them without a current phone. We wanted to share these things with them ourselves but had to get the kid's aunt to help when they just flat out refused to deal with us. It's funny b/c they were screaming they wanted to see the kids for the holiday but wouldn't call. I told the Mother in our last conversation that there had been some things coming to light and we would have to hold off on face to face visits. I guess she knows what we could know and freaked out. They are still claiming they have done nothing wrong and going so far as to blame the kids for lying. I was surprised their Father was so calm, it proves to me that this is the right decision. He is guilty of something for sure, he has never been able to control his emotions before and this is the one thing I would freak if accused of. He barely denied it and refused to discuss it further even had fun afterward. The aunt thinks this is all such a relief for him, he is no longer financially responsible for them. Six kids are a huge financial burden and he can not hold a job so I am sure this was difficult for him. After spending a year away from them, his family thinks they have faded a bit in his mind b/c he has stopped asking about them.

Their Mother is a sobbing mess, she is suicidal again. She is desperate for the kids. If I could be sure she didn't hurt them I would let her see them. I can not and so she can not. She is having a very difficult time with her depression and I worry she will eventually make real attempts to hurt herself. I can't imagine trying to live without my kids and she gave birth to them. I wish I could help but they are not my priority, the children are. We will be sending pictures and letters regularly. When they are old enough to to handle things we will help them through a visit but we are talking years and years from now.

We have scheduled a visit from the aunt and uncle again on Dec 22. I am not sure when we will meet up with the Gparents but sometime over the holiday for sure. I hope that since i can not give them the relationship with their parents that they deserve I can at least give them their extended family. I know it is not ever going to make up for what they have lost, I just hope it helps a little.

Bragging a Bit

Ella showed her butt in AT this morning. WOO HOO! It sounds crazy but it helps so much for them to show the real sides of them to the AT.

The first thing the AT said to me this morning was that he and his co worker couldn't believe how good I was with dealing with the tough stuff. They are impressed with my patience and skills to parent children with these issues. I am not good at accepting compliments and tend to shrug them off but this was important to me. This is all I do I had better be good at it. My DH always tells folks I was built to do this, it is true. Not many people had the opportunity to learn to parent difficult children under direct supervision of a licensed therapist. I had this when I began in a group home. Love and Logic parenting comes naturally to me.

I am not perfect, I have bad days. A few days ago I let the F word slip when hollaring at the dog. I am not proud of it and apologized to the kid that heard me. SHe laughed. I get mad at the kids but as I am hollaring about what not I usually am telling them how smart they are or complimenting them somehow. Kinda weird, huh? Someone pointed it out to me the other day when I was feeling like a horrible parent for cursing. I take every chance I can to tell them how wonderful they are even if it is yelling it at them. LOL I never hold a grudge, the minute they sincerely apologize I am over it. There is nothing they can do that will make me stop loving them and trust me they have tried to come up with things. We have a saying here, "I love you when you are good, bad, or ugly."

I liked bragging about Michael today in AT. HE is doing so well. We put a picture of me at his age in his room to protect him from bad monsters. It has helped.

Fall Pictures

I have the cutest kids! We decided that due to the huge increase in school photos that we would do group photos in the Spring and Fall. The photographer wants to use this one for his business card.

Which one should we use for our Christmas card?

From top and left to right - Emma, Ava, Ella, Shyanne, Ruthie, Cyr, Michael, and Patches.






This is my favorite because they look like they are having so much fun and it reminds me how much they have changed. This time last year their smiles were so superficial. I love them so much.

Another Lovely Day in Our Life

I began the day with a terrible headache that seemed to get better with ibuprofen only to reappear after AT. I took Cyr and Patches to see our new AT (the one I really like) and we began with a brief game of Mother May I. Cyr, of course, followed all the rules and did wonderfully. She strives to appear perfect and will always do as she is told in front of others. Patches, on the other hand, showed her butt. She refused to play along and even squeezed out a few tears. Our private session with Patches just escalated. She began hitting the wall, tore her shirt off her back and had to leave in a bra (this is not uncommon for her), hurting herself, and screaming at me for no obvious reason. I was thrilled to have someone else see this side of her, especially her therapist. We spent almost 2 hours watching her rage. The AT felt Pathces was too much of a distraction to continue with Cyr and we will be doing their sessions on different days from here on out. I believe that will make 3 trips to their office a week for up to 3 hours each time. How wonderful is that? I really don't mind as long as it helps and this lady has struck a nerve in Patches for sure.

On to Frankee, she is out with that new guy she barely knows. She asked me to drop her off about an hour ago and usually I wouldn't but I just needed a break from her bitching. Her daughter cried b/c she didn't know her mother was being dropped off until she had already gotten out of the van. She later told me her Mommy has lots of friends that she goes to visit. How sad? I really don't understand that mentality of going out, I prefer to hang out with my Little Crazies. Anyway, I saw she had text this guy on my phone and being the nosey person I am I read a few of them. SHe invited herself over there and offered to lay in bed with him all day b/c he was hung over and she is sick. She doesn't know him, how could she offer herself to him? I am so sad for her. She is repeating her Mother's mistakes.

After we get through the drop off we headed to Staples for some software. I know the staff there was grateful to see us leave b/c Ava, Ruthie, and Michael all had lovely episodes there. I had to use a basket hold on Ava in the parking lot b/c she started screaming and pinching me. Poor little Shyanne is already used to our chaos. Michael just stood there and cried b/c I didn't have another hand to hold him, too. Just now he slammed Ava's face with a scooter not once but twice b/c she asked him to take turns. (My neighbors must hate us, I have no idea b/c they don't talk to us.) Ruthie refused to be nice to Ella and hold hands to cross the street, when asked to do it she flipped out and began "letting her crazy out in public". A term Emma made up and we all use regularly now.

I think bedtime is going to be 7PM tonight for the sake of my sanity.

You knew there would be concerns

We filed for guardianship yesterday and enrolled her in school today. Both were stressful. We took our oath and should receive the certified copy of guardianship in 4-6 weeks. The school had to put her in Ava's class. AAAHHHH!!!! Ava struggles to be appropriate socially and I worry this will be a problem.

The very night we do this, Frankee starts to show some not so pretty colors. I have concerns she will walk away, my DH brought up what I was thinking last night in bed. I caught her slipping some Crown Royal into her soda last night when she thought I was already in bed. She is obsessed with a boy she met online and it is all she focuses on all day. SHe went out last night to meet him IRL and several red flags came up. He is unemployed, drinks beer every night alone if necessary, and he can't spell. Hello, is anyone home? She is choosing poorly and she shouldn't be choosing at all. I had encouraged her to find a friend but I pushed her towards Mommy groups or AA. The other thing that is a concern is she has BiPolar and is starting to cycle rapidly. I am not sure she is taking her meds or if they are off. She screams at her daughter one minute and sweet the next. I address it but she doesn't stop. Only time will tell, I hope she pulls through this quickly. Her daughter needs her to be clean and focused on her in a positive way.

Patches is hitting a rough spot. This has been coming on since the adoption and she is in the middle of something big. Her rages had almost completely disappeared until this and now she is having them every couple of days. Sunday she broke her sisters glasses in half, knocked over both dressers and a tall bookshelf that was attached to a wall, ripped up several pieces of clothes, and screamed for a couple of hours until she was hoarse and exhausted. Yesterday was a similar incident but this time it began in the van outside of OT. I hope she gets through this quickly and safely.

Back to School?

Shyanne has been forcing me to play school all morning. She is a very good teacher, quite patient for a 5 year old.


It is so sad the things a child will casually tell you. This morning during my first cup of coffee she informed me all her Mother's friends do dope. When I asked her what it was she laughed at me and said it looked like a cigarette but it wasn't. She said her Mom gets mad when her friends do it and that her Mom doesn't. She told me this is the cleanest house she has ever lived in. Some lady named Lynne spanked her when she drank beer. Her stepfather yelled at her Mom and they would fight really loud and wake her up. We discussed how to call for the police if anyone hit her Mom or her ever again. SHe told me I was nice b/c I told her I wouldn't touch her privates or spank her. She is irritated the cough medicine is not stopping her cough altogether but she thanked me for trying. It is like talking to a mini adult, she is VERY country sounding and polite to the extreme.

Now if only the darn bell would ring so I could get out of class. She won't send me to the clinic to call home or to lunch.

You need to check this little girl out, she is an inspiration and we will be following in her footsteps this month. I would love to hear ideas of things my kids can do to make a difference or things you are doing.

http://twentyfivedays.wordpress.com/

The Tree and a Drive by Drop Off

We put up the tree last night with way too much effort on my part. I was able to control the urge to fix how they decorated it but let me tell you it wasn't easy and I am not promising I won't in the very near future. It is lopsided in every way, ribbons, color, ornaments, and lights. I haven't even begun to deal with the outside lights and decorations, that will be another weekend in itself.

From top to bottom and left to right: Frankee giving Cyr the ears, Patches desperately trying to hide, our newest addition is Shyanne, Ruthie, Ella, Ava, Emma, and Michael pouting at the bottom.

Shyanne did very well over the weekend. She has lived alone with her mother entire life has been without other children in the home and I expected her to be reserved when she got here. Frankee and I were both wrong, she was the belle of the ball and loved every minute. The kids fought for her attention and she bounced from child to child. She followed our rules and rarely complained. I thought for sure she would freak out about drinking water b/c that is all we drink and she is used to soda, nope nothing from her.

I went this morning to file for guardianship and of course forgot to bring some of the paperwork and my DH. We will try again on Wednesday afternoon. Her aunt called today and she has decided she can't keep the child until school gets out in a couple of weeks so she can transfer school after the holiday, she is bringing her tonight. I am more than irritated b/c the child is being monitored by DFCS and she is not allowed to just move her until we actually file. This is how kids get tossed around in the system, they are not a priority to the adults responsible for them. At least she will be able to stay put once she gets here, poor thing.

Before and After

This is what Frankee looked like last week. What a difference in a week. She was quiet and in a lot of pain. Now you can't shut her up!




















Frankee is a bit country. OK, alot country. The grown woman, mother of 3, has never really used a computer until she came here. Now she and I are fighting for it. I showed her how to get into chat rooms and MySPace, now she won't get out. She asked me to take a picture of her for her new MySpace account and this is the one we both liked. It sure makes her look like the sweet little girl she once was.

Sisters

The bad therapist the attachment center sent out quit last week. I thought it was strange she never showed but quit? Good, she sucked anyway. We started with the other owner for Patches and Ava this morning but we both quickly decided to slip Cyr in instead of Ava. I love this woman, she quickly picked up on several things with Patches. I see great things in our future.

Tonight we are having dinner with MY entire family at a family style Italian restaurant. My family consists of 3 sisters and my Mother. All are either married or in relationships heading to marriage. This is probably not going to be very much fun b/c 2 of my sisters are rude and difficult and their daughters are a product of their selfishness. I love my younger nieces but struggle to be polite with the oldest and this is her birthday celebration. They barely know my kids after 18 months and feel this was my second choice so I should be jealous my youngest sister is pregnant. They have tiptoed around this I will not keep my mouth shut if it comes up. My life with my kids is my first choice, having a relationship with my sisters is second.

We have had Frankee's daughter here this weekend and she fits right in. The kids are fighting for her and all want to sit next to her. She is adjusting to our rules quickly. I am not looking forward to the conversation we are planning with Frankee's sister and her girlfriend on Sunday night. They are the ones that asked me to take guardianship of Shyanne and now they have decided to adopt her. WTF? This option was never on the table. I guess they do not understand that Frankee has all her rights in tact and who has guardianship is completely up to her. I have all the paperwork and it is being notarized tonight so there is nothing they can do. I will try to be nice and make them understand this is best for both mother and daughter and they can remain in their life.

Frankee is worried I will become irritated and piss them off. This is very possible b/c I have a hard time holding my tongue when it comes to defending my kids, all of them. I think things will work out fine if I try to play like we are all on the same side trying to help poor pitiful Frankee. She agrees I need to seem like I am on their team. Kinda stupid when there is nothing they can say or do to change what is going to happen, even if they try to file for guardianship the Judge will go with what the mother wants as long as they are decent. We are decent and her sister lost her job and home a few weeks ago and had to move in with her employed girlfriend that has not even had a background check done. I am sure she will pass but they have been breaking the rules and no one will look favorably on that.

A Bit of Background

I first met Frankie when she was 14. She was an attractive tomboy that didn't need anyone. She was tall and thin and had been in foster care since she was 9. Her Mother had been an alcoholic and had lost all 4 of her children after many abusive relationships with men. She eventually passed away before she could regain custody and a great aunt took Frankie in. Being traumatized by the horrible events she had witnessed in her short life, this placement couldn't maintain and I got her. Her SW told me she was impossible to deal with and whatever I did just don't try to hug her.

I love a challenge and being only 21 myself I thought I could fix her with love. After a while she began to trust me a bit and we were able to work through some of her issues. We had a wonderful therapist and she included me in everything. I had no idea at the time she was helping us forge a bond. She ran every time things got too close and I would chase her down and bring her home. As a real adult I don't know if I would handle things the same way but it worked her at the time, she felt I cared enough to find her and that's what she needed to know.

At some point her older sister stepped in and claimed she wanted her. I had reservations about her ability to handle her but it was not up to me. I would have adopted her and kept her but she wanted to go to her sisters so badly. Once she moved we maintained close contact for years, I went to her graduation and she was the only person in our wedding. It has faded out at times when she was using badly and was ashamed. She has worked for my DH over the years to make money and calls us her family.

When she gave birth to her first child, she struggled to bond with her physically disfigured daughter and we kept her for weeks at a time. She realized pretty early on she couldn't be stable enough for her and couldn't bond to her so the baby's paternal grandparents have now adopted her. When her son was born she felt a connection to him quickly but began using Meth and lost custody to her ex husband. Her third child is a girl and she managed to keep custody of her until recently. Her FIL OD'd last year and within six months they had to get a roommate and she OD'd 2 days after moving in. The officer that came out knew of the previous situation and called DFCS. She failed the drug test and they took her dd. She got another sister to take her and they just worked out that she would take guardianship of her until Frankie could get it together. Now the sister is backing out b/c it is too much work. She asked yesterday if I would do it and keep both Frankie and her dd here.

I am nervous she will not keep it together this time. She has a history of walking away from her kids but she seems to really want to do right by them. She loves her dd and wants to be with her. She has pressed felony charges against her dh for what he did last week an he will be gone for many years. She is saying the right things and is actively looking for work but I worry. I love her and don't know if she could handle losing another child, I don't know if she can handle raising her. She has made it clear I will be in charge of helping her be a better parent, she will go by my house rules, she will work, and she fully understands I have no control over if she gets her back that is up to the court to decide when the time comes. On the other hand, how wonderful to have the opportunity to help one of my girls regain control over their seemingly doomed life? We will do it, please don't let this bite me in the ass.

Her daughter has never been around other kids and has changed schools 4 times so far this year, her Kindergarten year. How sad is that? She will e coming to stay with us for the next 2 weekends to see if she can handle it. I am sure we will be overwhelming to her, at first.

More drama to come........