Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Special Olympics

I went to watch D play volleyball today for the Special Olympics. I had no idea what to expect and I thought it was great to see they did not use real volleyballs but instead used beach balls. They couldn't use real ones b/c half the kids there would have been knocked unconscious. I was trying to keep a straight face the entire time, they tried so hard and it was the most entertaining sport I have ever seen. I took a ton of pictures hoping to get a good one of her trying. I was a little sad to see no other parent showed up. We were treated with lots of hugs from her new classmates b/c they were so excited to have a cheerleading section made up of D's family for their team much. They won 3 of their games before I left so I can;t wait to hear what the final score was.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Pre Op and the Appeal

I have spent the day, I mean this took all day, at the doctor and hospital for B's Pre Op stuff. She is 10 yrs old and is having her tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes put in her ears. I was surprised they decided on the tubes b/c I thought it was for young children. She has had fluid in her ears since we met and gets swimmers ear multiple times a season. I have to call Thursday night to see what time her surgery is scheduled for on Friday. She has no idea how bad this will be. LOL She was upset about all the blood work today but she did well. The ENT claims she will be out of school for 10 days, that was a huge surprise, I figured 4 or 5 days. She is an extremely lazy child and will thoroughly enjoy this down time.

When I got home, just as the kids got of the bus, their birth aunt called my cell. Her and I exchange emails fairly regularly and she had some big news she was asked to share with me and felt it warranted a call instead. The kids' parents sat their family down yesterday to tell them they called their attorney and asked to drop the appeal. They were supposed to go today and sign some paperwork to make it real. I was shocked b/c around the holiday it had come up and the father freaked out and refused to discuss it with the mother any further. This time he is willing to do it and was the one to make the call. Their family has been encouraging them to do this all along b/c after 5 yrs in care the kids really need to find stability and they had little hope to have it overturned, per their own attorney. I am thrilled and scared to death at the same time. They will be ours and OMG they will be ours to deal with alone. I hope I survive them. There is no way I would or could back out now but the door of opportunity is closing and that is scary. I hope we are able to have them assessed and work out the financial part.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Great Weekend

We have had a fantastic weekend!! OK, I am leaving out the normal bad behaviors and focusing on the fact we survived and made it to see my friend and his family. It was great. He looks really good and his wife and kids are gorgeous. We went to a pizza place that has video games to entertain the kids. This was such a good idea for our kids b/c it allowed them to focus on something besides cuddling up to him. They barely noticed him and I was so relieved. The kids behaved and spent a ton of money on video games and the gumball machine. How many gumballs does a kid need anyway? We were there for over 2 hours and talked up a storm. I can't wait to see them again.

On an irritating note, we went to dinner with an employee of my husband's on Friday and my oldest acted like she was on a date with him. She flipped her hair, laughed at his stupid jokes, and kept pressing her arm against his. He is so stupid he did not even notice. I had to have a conversation about how her body language looked and how dangerous it is. I made sure she understood she had done nothing wrong and it was normal for a girl to have a crush but she has to be careful how she acts so a man does not get uncomfortable. It was a fine line to walk and make her understand she would never be at fault if a man approached her but she needed to curb the flirting.

My husband had his truck stolen by an employee on Saturday and we spent the day freaking out b/c it had almost $5000 worth of tools in it. My husband hires alot of guys from a halfway house in our area and it has had it's moments. This was definitely one of them. He returned the truck with everything in tact and we dropped the charges. He had relapsed but come out of it and came over to our home to tell us. He turned over all his cash ($1000) so he would not be tempted again. My husband holds cash for several of the guys and disperses small amounts every day to help them at their request. It is so sad but they are really great employees for the most part.

Over all, great weekend b/c all the kids survived and I slept on Saturday night for more than 4 hours.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

My Little Athlete

I have just finished filling out the paperwork for D to be in the Special Olympics. Next week she will compete in volleyball and there will be other sports throughout the school year. The funny part is she does not know what the sport is and has the reflexes of a rock. If you throw a ball at her she does not move, she will watch it coming towards her face and do nothing. I have a week to teach her to lift her hands. I am not convinced she will learn this before her big day.

We told her last night about being promoted to the 2nd grade and changing schools. She was very excited about the new idea and it became obvious she has no attachment to anyone in her class or school. Just another reminder for me how unattached she is to everything. She is looking forward to riding the little bus w/ her sister and being the oldest sibling there at that school. She feels she will be in charge. Whatever it takes, girl.

We had the first decent night in awhile and I was on the edge waiting for an outburst. They behaved very well at the restaurant and only got a little loud in van on the way home. Showers went well and bedtime is usually pretty easy. They will lay down w/o a problem but my son gets up multiple times every night. I am very grateful that that part of our day goes fairly well regularly. I am focusing on only the good things and giving little attention to the negative behaviors. I also ordered the weighted vests for both D and my son to replace the brushing. It really saves me a ton of time and energy to have them put on a vest for 30 minutes a couple of times a day rather than stop everything every couple of hours.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Decision to Move Her

I got up extra early today and attended D's IEP meeting. Several things were discussed and decided. The most important one is she will be changing schools and entering a Mental Intelligence Disability Program. She will be 1 of 8 children and will have 2 teachers. I went to see her new class and was very impressed. They focus on academics and independent training. She will be advanced a grade to be with children her own age. She was retained last year and will be thrilled to hear she will be in the correct grade. This class does not focus on grades at all but does on classwork and learning the skills. I feel good about this decision and hope she is able to see herself as "normal". She is in desperate need of a few successes.

Monday, January 22, 2007

What More Can I Do?

It has been an extremely difficult weekend and I have been left drained and wondering if I am doing enough. Sunday was an absolute disaster after we had sat down the 3 difficult children Saturday night and encouraged them not to let one day set them back further. They managed to make Sunday worse that ever. My oldest, B, who is extremely dedicated to her siblings asked me to consider a hospital for D and my son. She is worried what their behavior is doing to the rest of them and how they are taking their anger out on Emma. She wishes she would have been adopted without them. I am still committed to all of them but I wonder if she isn't right, they need more than what we have to offer and they are obviously more disturbed than the others and are doing damage to them from the constant violence and destruction. How much am I supposed to put my other children through? I feel strongly that they will be able to get it together someday and be a part of our family and I would not consider disrupting but I am concerned for the rest of our sanity.

The therapist understands that I feel like therapy is a waste of time with them and 20 minutes a week is not doing them any good. How can they get anything out of that in such a short time. They need an hour or more a week and they need to see more than one therapist so I can not stay at an office for hours upon hours a week and get nothing accomplished. They need attachment therapy and these evaluations should give me a ammo to fight DFCS on it. I feel like I can not add anymore effort (brushing, cuddling, and games) to my day b/c I am so strapped for time as it is. I am leaning toward homeschooling for a while to get these things in our day done. I have so many appointments and not enough time. I am babbling, I am just trying to figure out what else I could possibly do.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Strike Three and I Want Outta Here

I got up early and brushed the kids hoping not to repeat the last 2 Saturdays. It did not work. I am completely at a loss for the trigger and reasons for this huge setback. Maybe they are having some feelings of attachment and they are freaking out. Maybe they are missing my husband b/c he has had to work the last few weekends and they are used to spending time with him. Maybe it is their poor little bodies are now getting so much to process with this new technique. I am really open for suggestions, I am getting pretty frustrated and overwhelmed. My husband will be done with his deadline this week so he will be here more and that will help.

It is so bad I had to postpone my friend reunion tomorrow and I can;t help but wonder if that is what has the kids in an uproar to begin with. Me having something positive and non child related to look forward to and plan for. That would be right up their alley. They have issues with their Mother cheating and my friend is a man, ohhhh, I think I might have figured out today myself. They freaked out last night at the thought of me leaving town in May for a weekend with online friends not only b/c I was leaving but when I mentioned some of the names and one was obviously a man that is when the older kids started crying. B tried to say she did not want to be left alone with a man (my husband) but when given several great offers she ended up being ok with staying here with him. He was teasing me about leaving at first but opted to stay here with him once he made it clear he was not concerned with the trip. I may really be onto something with this.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Holding Out

The twins worked really hard on their evaluations and the doctor commented on the fact they were delayed. We are sure C is but not so sure about A. I have been desperate for someone to clarify this for us. Hopefully now we will have those answers. I have cramps in my hand from filling out the endless forms and questionnaires for these evaluations. I am not kidding, I couldn't figure out why my right hand is so sore lately and as I was filling out these darn things in the waiting room I realized it was from them. I thought possibly an injury from a recent restraint but I am pretty sure it is from the endless questions.

My worker met me there to pick up some paperwork and books. She is the nicest girl, she is always so beautifully dressed. She made a comment on how I looked nice today and I thought about it and she does not get to see me in makeup and hair fixed b/c she usually sees me at home running around cleaning noses and wiping butts. Anyway, she made my day. I know, I am so easy to please.

D, is still choosing to stay in her room and throw a fit rather than spend the few minutes it would take to clean it up. My kids are gonna be really successful once they put their minds into it. I think she is on day 3 of this, there is no way I could have held out that long. She is a little freaked out b/c I complimented her on it a few minutes ago. She keeps waiting for me to be upset at her choice not to clean up her mess and I am complimenting her on her amazing ability to stand her ground. LOL I can out last her anytime. She needs me to be firm and I will. Take your time, D.

I am Exhausted, Pissed Off, and Thrilled to Death

D spent the entire afternoon yesterday and today in her room folding clothes. This is the umpteenth time I have asked her to fold the clean clothes and put them in her drawer. I know this seems to be a simple request for most people even my youngest 3 fold their clothes and put them away properly most of the time. This child refuses to do it. She has to be in control of something and she has chosen this for now. She raged for hours and then came out calmly to tell me she had done it and it is ready to be checked. Great! I was in the middle of grilling the shark steaks and preparing dinner for my sister and her family so I asked B to check it. She ran back down and all was well. Until bedtime that is...D had shoved all clothes in the closet and B did not think to look there. I kissed D and told her I was disappointed but no problem she could try again tomorrow. Shockingly, she cried but did not rage. She knew she was caught.

My son, D, and P all raged this afternoon. I assured them I could tell they did not need any additional sugar to fuel this fire so they would not be eating cake with the rest of us if it continued. I over heard the other kids reminding them several times that I mean business and if they didn't get a grip they would not have cake and ice cream for my sister later. Of course, they were unable to see past the moment and continued for some time. They handled it well later when I excused them to showers after we sang to her. My sister was horrified and really had a hard time accepting their consequence. She was completely appropriate but it hurt her to hear them and watch them walk away so sad. It hurts me, too. Suck it up, old lady, I am trying to do my best and I don't need you making me feel like crap. (I absolutely adore her, really I do.)

My son has taken to pooping himself just enough to stink. This is fairly new and disgusting as you can imagine. I just wonder if the other kids at school have noticed his smell yet. Please let him get through this issue quickly, I can't stand the stench!!!! The peeing is tolerable but the poop, how do you people cope with this? EEEWWWW!!!!!

I have 2 psychological evaluations tomorrow about an hour from here. I have to meet my worker to give her some things and I have to be back here before they get out of school. Somehow I must find the time to clean my house and do 15 loads of laundry. They have gone through all their new clothes and I am at a point I must get this laundry under control instead of buying more clothes. I am entertaining guests both Saturday and Sunday after church. The first is the older girls former foster family. They actually have cared for all of the kids longer than the parents have. They have 2 new foster children and an daughter they adopted at birth. We are exchanging holiday gifts and I have to run out and get 2 more gifts so they won't be left out. I am supposed to serve lunch but I will probably order pizza to save me the effort.

It's Sunday that I am the most excited about. I have recently found a very dear friend from childhood and early adulthood. We have spoken a couple of times this week and I am thrilled to meet his children and reconnect with his wife and him. He is someone from my past that remembers the old me, the old me that led me to my life today. He witnessed some of my worst behaviors and probably participated in a few of them. It was those choices that put me in a position to see foster care from inside a group home as a teen and plant the seed that grew into my family today. Over the years, thinking of him has brought a smile to my face and I can't wait to see in person what age has done to my friend. I am a little nervous about what he will think of how I have changed, I look nothing like I did then. I am far from that young thing he had remembered all these years. What am I worried about, he's old, too. Sometimes it's hard to believe I am an adult much less wrap my mind around the fact he has been a father for 16 years. I can't wait to see how much hasn't changed, he was still funny, kind, thoughtful, and supportive on the phone. The same boy down deep.

Monday, January 15, 2007

I Get it Already!!!

The last 2 Saturday mornings have thrown me off a bit on my brushing schedule. They are used to getting up and getting it within a few minutes and are off to their day but the weekends are harder for me to get to them so quickly and they go off the deep end which leads to hours of rages before I can calm them enough to be brushed. It is a horrible cycle I refuse to relive again and again. I now know this will be my priority and will do this first every day. Their OT is shocked it has had such a huge impact on our lives and frankly, I have had my moments where I thought it was possible they were "getting better" on their own or with my help. I was wrong, every time I have been late or missed it they have turned into crazy screaming monsters with rages lasting most of the day that I was completely powerless to calm until they wore themselves out. It is as bad if not worse than in the beginning and they are as shocked by their lack of control as I am. Their OT is looking into additional things to help us cope with their sensory issues and I have been asked to speak at a meeting for local OTs on the impact of this technique with her. From what I understand, it is not usually this effective and not as commonly used on their type of sensory issues. I am obviously not up to snuff on all of this b/c it is still so new to me.

Last Friday I took my son and D to have psychological evaluations done. I was concerned that they would blow right through them and convince them how awesome and cute they are. The school is convinced I am crazy so I figured it was a real possibility they would, too. Dr. D. has it under control, she saw things right off the bat that most don't. I know it is her job but she is good. She asked D to draw a picture of a family and she drew the Dr. D. as her mother. Hello! Can you say "Mommy shopping again!" She asked me about the fidgeting and constant moving, I barely notice with so many moving constantly and it does not bother me at all so I figured it was normal. Not at all, they could not sit still for even a moment she claimed. Poor D could not even concentrate on the questions b/c she is so delayed and shifts into survival mode when she does not understand things. She admitted she had grave concerns about possible attachment issues with both of them but she would let me know when she had finished the testing and her report. I am very excited to see what she has to say b/c she came very highly recommended by my agency. Everyone knows they are traumatized but it will be great to have it in writing so we can pursue attachment therapy and know in what direction we need to be headed before we finalize. I would love to fight for the correct amount of subsidy but that is really last on a very long list of things to accomplish in this life since I feel like a heal doing it and we can manage w/o it.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

School and Taxes

The lice are gone and we do not intend on extending another invitation. Wash, wash, wash is all I have done and will continue to do for the next few days.

Ella loves her new class and teacher. Her favorite part today was when the teacher laid down beside her at nap time. I guess my kids refused to sleep which is highly unusual for her. Every time she gets in a car or sits on the sofa she is out. Her twin has decided (at least for today) that she wants to change her name to Ava. She wrote it all over her paper today but can't recall the name if asked so I have no idea how she will adjust if that is what she really chooses to do.

My agency has offered to pay for a second weekend away for us to attend another really cool training thing. We have to pay for it upfront and they will reimburse us for mileage, lodging, and food in addition to the cost of the training. I am pretty sure we will accept it and go. We will be way over in training hours this year, too. I sure wish they would roll over to the next year, LOL.

I took the kids for a DNA test yesterday b/c the father is denying paternity so he does not have to pay child support until they prove he is the father. This is just a way to slow things down and really ticks me off I had to check out all my kids and drive for 2.5 hours each way. Then we stopped of at the DFCS office to save their worker a long ride here. I swear to you we were not there 10 minutes and that was her quarterly visit. She could not get us out of there fast enough and the kids were good. They got their presents from their birth family and sobbed all the way home wondering what was in the packages. Then they cried all evening and half the night missing them. It is so hard watching them suffer and there is not a thing I can do to make it better. They are ready to move forward, though, I can see so many ways they are changing and the first thing they anted to know from my worker was when will they be adopted. I am trying down play the conversations about it for now but they are very focused so I guess they need to talk about it.

I spoke briefly to their aunt today and she told me the parents were going to claim the kids on their taxes again. They are going to get in trouble this time b/c I know for a fact the foster mother is planning on claiming them, too. We actually had them in our home longer this year but technically they were placed here just after the needed time to claim. The foster families received a per diem and I had physical custody of them just not legal custody. What a crock.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Not Again!

They are back. LICE!!!! I noticed some itching earlier in the week and panicked. I read somewhere recently that there is a prescription for it out now that was really good. I took them to the pediatrician and she gave me 2 scripts for Ovide and a professional nit comb. I admit I was skeptical at first, I mean we have battled this for 6 months and it seemed to have it under control several times only to have it back again. She assured me this stuff kills the nits, too. That has been the problem all along, I can't get all of the nits out. I would wash them every few days to prevent the lice from maturing and laying more eggs. I have used all the OTC shampoos, olive oil, mayonnaise, hair gel, and tee tree shampoos regularly and I wash or dry on high their pillows, towels, blankets, coats, and anything that I can shove into the darn thing. I spray my furniture, van, and their book bags down, I mean I am as thorough as possible but could not get these horrible pests out of here. Now back to the present....This stuff is so great!! The minute I leaned A over and poured on the first few drops I saw one run for cover. I put her head up and I saw several at the front of her head. I had no idea she had so many b/c they are the exact color of her hair and are invisible until her hair is wet. It does burn so she was getting upset and I hurried along, when I was done I noticed her shirt was dirty and I brushed it off only to realize it was not dirt it was dead bugs! OMG!!!! On to the next child and I swear these things were actually jumping off her head like she was a burning building and they were dead before they hit the ground. My sister called this after noon and asked why I was so cheery, "I've finally killed them and their babies, too!"

I took C to see her new school and they are calling her by the name she wants to become, Ella. She has chosen this on her own and is quite demanding about it. My husband calls her Smella and she loves it. She was so nervous going in and when the teacher introduced her as Ella I thought she would die, she smiled from ear to ear and giggled every time they said it. On the way home in a huge storm she tells me, "I think I'm going to like my teacher." I know exactly why, too.

My husband is getting a huge bonus if he finishes his current project, a strip mall. He always finishes on time so while I won't bank on it yet I know he will get it. He loves working for this guy Darrin b/c he just had his partner buy my husband a 2004 Dodge Ram 3/4 ton Quad Cab Long Bed truck with a Hemi. The guy drove it around a bit and took it to the shop and put a brand new motor in it b/c he said it had too many miles on it. He is supposed to go to CA and pick it up in 2 weeks and I swear the man told me to call him Mr. Hemi. He is so excited, it is his dream truck and I hear him giggle a little to himself every once in awhile. He works so hard and he deserves everything he makes but a truck seems a bit over the top. They really like him and this guy is so rich it is not even funny. He has multiple homes and commercial properties. He wants my husband to stick around b/c he saves him so much money on every job that he literally builds these properties for about 1/4 of the price a general contractor would charge him. My husband's guys do most of the work, he plays Superintendent for free b/c they pay him more 33% more than he gets anywhere else, and he knows what he is doing and always does a great job. They stole my husband from the general contractor of one of their jobs b/c he was doing all the work and Darrin was paying a guy who hired the guy that hired my husband. Did you follow that? Darrin saves by eliminating 2 companies and still pays Pookie tons more than he wanted and now they are giving him bonuses on top. Anyway, he loves his job and that is a good thing.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

My kids D and A have been doing the brushing and I went to the school today and did it w/o incident. They both came home from school with serious issues. A got in a fight at school and pushed a girl down in the mud. I am waiting to discover the consequence of that incident tomorrow. D started freaking out on the bus for no reason and ended up cussing out the bus driver. She will be suspended from the bus and I am sure this has to do with their "need" for the next session. I swear it is like heroin or something. They become desperate and out of control when it wears out. They have to have that stimulus and she told me she did not know why she was angry she just needed to scream and she felt better.

I talked to the OT and she was not surprised, she wants a meeting with the school to have them do an additional brushing in the after noon. I am not real happy about them doing it b/c I worry about attachment issues but they obviously need it and I can not go 2 times a day for 10 minutes. She also wants a SID dx for all my kids in place by the pediatrician immediately. I am sure they will do it but more calls for me and lots of faxing.

I spoke with C's new teacher and she was so kind. She is really excited to meet our family b/c she has heard so much about us form the other school and the county office. She was informed C's twin may be entering her class as well based on the evals I had turned into the county office. She had fantastic things to say about her school's grade level MID program and said D would be a lucky girl to get in there with that teacher b/c she is top notch. She pushes the kids to be their best and does not back down. That is exactly what D needs.
C will start Special Ed Pre K next Tuesday and will attend Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am waiting on her new teacher to call and set up a quick tour of the class before she starts. Transportation will not be in effect for 20 days or so. One of the reasons I am so excited about this school is that this is the very school we are being considered for for D. I was so worried about D going to a new school w/o her siblings and now she will have one. C is pretty excited to the point of telling strangers in the store. She is so clingy with me I am not sure how it will go at first she barely leaves me alone to use the restroom now. I am not kidding, she waits outside the door and tells me "I can't hear anything. Are you going?" When I say I do not have a minute to myself, I am serious.

We had C's braces for her legs refitted and he was not impressed with the way they are fitting her. She has been complaining alot but I make her wear them anyway. We have compromised and let her do most of her time at night until she can wear them longer during the day. This specialist thinks she needs an orthopedist appointment now not in 5 weeks. I agree but can not find one willing to take Medicaid. We have to go back in 2 weeks to have them rechecked and possibly have one redone.

My niece, Brooklyn, is at my home M-F from 7AM to 4 Pm and tonight we convinced her Mom to let her spend the night. Yeah!! I have watched her since she was a baby and love her to death. She is 2.5 yrs old and starting that whiny stage but really smart and funny. She will sleep in a sleeping bag in the little girls room. We skipped a nap so she will go to sleep tonight. She loves scary movies of any kind and I kid you not, here favorite one is The Grudge. She loves to be a monster and kinda growls things at you when she is playing one. My kids are all scared of the dark and freaked out by everything so it is too funny to see this kid loving such things.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

The School, the Detective, and a Getaway

It is a new year and all of my children have survived the holidays with everything in tact. I, however, am not so sure I am still ok. I know for sure I am alive but I believe my sanity has left the building. Our Winter Break is finally over and they all left this morning for school. They were ready very early and waiting by the door to leave. I can't wait to hear about their day later.

The school agreed to allow me to do the brushing in the clinic area every day at 10:45 as long as I am quick about it and my other children behave while I am attending the child. Gimme a break, why wouldn't my kids behave? It was the bigger kids that ate the artwork off the walls. My younger kids are good every time we are there and have never given an ounce of trouble to anyone but me. LOL

The director of Special Education in our school called and wanted to assure me that she is still working on D's IEP. She is having someone from another school (the one she would attend if we choose a closed room) come out and watch her in her class and see if she would fit in. Then I have to go to their school and watch and then we decide if that is what we all agree on. Lots of waiting and not alot of doing, seems to me. I am trying to be patient but this kid has already lost 3 school years b/c other schools took so long .

My wonderful agency gave us a FREE weekend away for adoptive parents marriage training. I know most people would be offended but they actually knew we would love it b/c we both love the training part and no kids is a thought I will be dreaming of until March. I have worked out the sitter part and am gonna pack this week and just wait. We will be going to Helen, GA and enjoying a relaxing weekend with 30 other parents like us. They swear it is not formal training but I don't mind sitting in an office listening and talking as long as it is adults only. Needless to say, I am a little excited. We would have selected a weekend closer but my husband is about to leave for Puerto Rico in the next 2 months and we are not sure what the exact date is so we had to schedule for March.

A detective called me first thing this morning to ask questions about the memory P had a few weeks ago. She will be contacting the parents, family, and our therapist but does not think anything will happen b/c the child that was abused does not remember it. It will come down to P's word against the parents word. That is exactly what I was afraid of and while I wan them to be tried for this crime I do not want P to have to be sacrificed for it. The detective was very clear about children lying about this type of thing, they don't. She said in all her years she has found only one child that did and she has had a history of lying about alot of things so they were weary until she confessed. I believe P, she would never say anything bad about her parents. I hope one day she realizes all she has seen is abuse and properly deals with it.

This whole thing makes me worry about an open adoption. Of course it will be very closely monitored and they will never be left alone. I have no problem telling the parents I believe P and they are not to touch the children other than a hug hello and goodbye. The kids still want to see their parents and are "going along" with the adoption b/c we had told them we would be somewhat open. I hate to be the one that makes it clear that abuse happened and it is no longer safe especially since they want to see them so badly. They are not afraid of them and I keep repeating "as long as you want to and it is safe we will have a relationship with them". I think I have covered my bases and made it clear that if they change their mind they do not have to see them. If I feel it is dangerous to see them I can cancel. I want our kids to grow up with the reality of who and what their parents are and not some fantasy about how great life was back at home. My oldest knows but she is the only one. The others don't remember being home for any length of time and thought it was fun to live w/o lights and water. We have alot to think about over the next few months. I really hope the mother confesses, if she is interrogated alone she might. She is not able to speak for herself and could easily be scared into telling the truth if separated from her husband.