Monday, April 30, 2007

We Played Hooky

We are feeling better today but after the kids were all ready for school a couple complained of a headache again and out of nowhere I asked if they had ever played hooky. No one knew what it meant and so I explained it is when you stay home from school or work with no real reason but you hang out or do something fun. They just stared at me while I smiled. They can not read my emotions no matter how much I am smiling or frowning and I am beginning to wonder if they ever will. Anyway, I just said, "You can all stay home if you promise to help me out for a bit!" They got so excited. I made breakfast and got showered. I had them start to separate and bag up all the dirty clothes that have been building for the last few months (since I was so sick) to take to the laundry mat. Now that does not sound exciting but they had never been to a laundry mat and had no idea it was work. LOL I tricked them!!!! They did get to play video games while we waited and we hit the Mexican Restaurant a few doors down afterward so they did have a good time.

As we passed Babies R Us on the way home they begged to go in there to look for the new baby. I figured we had a bit of time to kill so we went in. We haven't purchased a thing for the new baby and do not plan on it until the last minute. I hate to pressure my friend with a room ready for her baby and at the same time I worry I am offending her. That is neither here or there. The kids are really excited and want to get everything now. We looked and discussed in great detail their preferences on a pack and play, crib, bedding, etc. They do not care what the baby is they all (except my son who was not there and is another story) want another girl. They want the nursery to be pink and pink and more pink. Pregnant woman and couples with new babies were all around us staring and began to approach us. We really draw a crowd at times and this was bigger than usual. I guess they couldn't believe we were having another. They were all really nice and the kids love the attention. They proudly announced they were having a baby and we were looking for stuff. This is one of the few times we were not discussing adoption as well. My kids are way to free with information and spread the word about adoption to anyone that will listen. They are so proud they are about to be a real part of our family very soon.

P just came in crying, she stepped on a wild lizard they had caught the other day and it is dead. She is mad because the kids are talking about it and they are making her feel bad. Truth is I am glad she feels bad, this is huge progress. My son on the other hand, was caught still playing with the dead lizard. GROSS! He seems to be escalating in the gross and nasty department, he has been torturing bugs and likes watch them die. I will be watching this very closely!

Time to pack for Mikestock!!!! Well, not yet but I want to pack everything now and wait at the airport for a few days for my flight.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Getting to to Know Each Other and an Admirer

I am still not back to normal but doing much better. I spent way too many hours at my friend's (potential birth mother's) extended family's home. I was complimented on my children's behavior and manners many times and I was so proud of them. Most of them were not feeling well but they really wanted to go and jump on the moonwalk. Her family was very vocal about their support of the adoption. Her cousin had placed her first born and has some real negative opinions about open adoption. Most think this is the best thing for her to do but seem to support her either way.

I met her husband for the first time and he was a lovely man. He obviously cares for her. He is not the father but will be required to sign the paperwork because he is her husband. He told her he would do whatever she wanted and we seemed like really nice people. He will be there when she gives birth and is not looking forward to seeing her in pain. I wish their marriage was more than a friendship and one of convenience because they do seem to care for each other just not in that way.

My son handled himself very well yesterday and is snuggled up next to me constantly because I am not feeling well. It is so sad to me that I ave to remind my children I will not leave them so often. It is very necessary and I do it now without even thinking but so sad is has to be this way.

My husband has an admirer. I am not the jealous type and he does not even see it. This is happened a few times in our almost 13 year marriage. It is always much older women and they just adore him. He never sees it, LOL. This current admirer is the last owner of the house we are moving to, he knows her from work. He builds commercial buildings and has to coordinate with the new tenants (her) to build out the space specifically for them. They have had to go over alot of things at work and about the house. She is a really nice lady but I could see this coming a mile away. She had her soon to be Ex there this weekend to move out the rest of his stuff and she was scared and wanted my husband there because he is 6'5" and about 275#. He is the most gentle thing but he looks really scary and mean until he starts laughing. Anyway, he was too busy and sent over one of his guys and she had a bed made up and told him to take a nap if he wanted. What? The house was almost empty and there was a bed made up? Take a nap? Poor guy called my husband and told him he was really uncomfortable and the Ex never showed so he was on his way back. This lady had set this up with my husband in mind. My husband still thinks it was just her being nice. He is an idiot! Thank goodness a faithful idiot.

Friday, April 27, 2007

I am Sicker Than I Thought

I took the kids to the pediatrician and she walked in and suggested I may have Scarlet Fever. What? That is a childhood illness! Not in my case. She did a culture on 4 of my kids and my niece and they all have Strep. She told me to run not walk to my doctor.

I took the kids home after I got their prescriptions filled and had my sister watch them so I could head to the doctor. Turns out the pediatrician was right. I have Scarlet Fever. He gave me a HUGE shot in the rear and an oral antibiotic. The best part is the humiliation I will feel meeting many of my online friends next week with my face, neck, and chest peeling. I will look like Reptile Woman or something.

I can't stop scratching and I look like I have been slapped a few times with a lovely white moustache. I am swollen almost unrecognisable. I look ridiculous and feel terrible. The worst part is my breasts itch so bad and how do I scratch them without looking weird. It is completely inappropriate to yank them out and go at em like I need to.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Sick Again

The kids have brought some horrible stomach flu virus home and of course they shared with me. How thoughtful of them. I have kids going down all over the place. I will be back as soon as we recover.

Mongoose, thank you for the Thinking Blogger Award! I will post my picks as soon as I am able.

Friday, April 20, 2007

The Aunt

It is so funny so many people commented on my husband's aunt. She is very snobby and rude and it was nice to get the support from you guys. Thanks!

D threw a ball over my fence into the neighbor's yard and his show dog ate the ball. My neighbor is so sick of my kids, they hollar and scream all the time and throw things into his yard. I do not blame him, I would dislike them, too. I hope his dog is ok, they cost around $3000 and I can not afford to pay for it. My husband wanted to tell the man but my son yelled at him and told him that his dog took their ball. I am sure this irritated him more. D, however, threw a nice fit in front of my SW when I asked her if she did throw the ball over. The fit lasted from 3:30 until 6PM. She threw things down at me, hit me 5 times, and kicked me twice. You gotta love that.

My son has become a huge liar. I am now reminding him every time he says anything that it must not be true b/c he has such a hard time telling the truth. He lies even if you catch him in the act. It is very sad. He has always lied but now he is hanging on to the lie no matter what and refuses to be honest. My poor husband rarely sees this side of the children and really struggles with them now that it is coming to light for him. He just keeps telling me he doesn't see how I have dealt with it every day for 10 months. He is happy to go to work and miss the "fun" stuff.

The kids have found a lizard in the back ytard under the A/C unit and have made a new "home" for it if they can catch it. It has entertained them for hours this afternoon, me, too. They are so sure they will catch him and they can provide what he needs better than the wild. Thank goodness it is much faster then they are. He will not be allowed in the house b/c he could bring disease to my husband's many very expensive geckos and boas. I just can't imagine losing one of those over a wild caught skink. My husband breeds reptiles and does high end stuff, some of the animals are well over $1000 each.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Yesterday was my oldest's 11th birthday. My sisters, their kids, and both my mother and my husband's mother went to dinner with us and had a very nice evening. We gave her cash and helped her open her first savings account. She is so excited to have a head start on her first car. LOL

In the middle of that my husband announced we are moving in the new house a month before I had planned. JUNE. Only six weeks from now. I am freaking out a bit because I have not packed a thing, he has not gotten even remotely close to preparing the house for the move, either house really, and I will have to drive B back and forth for summer school for six weeks. I think she goes from 8:30 to 2:30 and it is a 20-30 minute drive each way. I am not happy.

We have a trip to Arkansas planned the weekend of the 4th in July to introduce the kids to his side of the family. I hope something forces us to cancel that trip to hell. My MIL is reminding me about it every week, I am avoiding the calls at this point. His aunt made several nasty comments to us about adoption before we got the kids. Things like, "don't bring those kids to my house" and "I bet they are going to be brats".

Monday, April 16, 2007

Time off for Good Behavior

I spent the better part of Saturday without my kids and had a blast with my friend Eve. We went to lunch, shoe shopping, and for an iced coffee. I have not laughed so hard in awhile. She is really entertaining and very funny.

She seems so decided about the adoption. I worry it is because her feelings are hurt from this relationship with a married man. Adoption will not make everything better. It is very hard not to constantly remind her that she can parent. She knows how I feel and we talked a bit about it this weekend. She claims nothing can change her mind and she was really nice about me breaking my promise to leave the issue alone. She laughed, she knew I couldn't do it anyway. At least I am not harassing her like I was about parenting. I am trying so hard to support her without encouraging adoption, she is capable of parenting, she says she has no doubts about adoption.

She is excited to find out what she is having. She has an appointment on May 9th for an ultrasound. It is the day before my birthday and I am hoping for a boy. Is it wrong to hope for one sex over the other? I will be thrilled to have another girl, I am just hoping to even things out. Ok, I am really afraid if she has a girl I will screw up her hair. I understand I can learn how to fix it. It is stupid, I admit, but still a fear I have. I want her to feel pretty and how can you if your Mom has screwed up your hair again or she doesn't have time to sit for hours to fix it.

Kids had a great time this weekend, we took them to the Jump Zone and they jumped for hours. You would have thought they would be so tired they passed out but no. We went for Mexican food afterward and they ate like pigs only to ask 2 hours later for a snack.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Just another Wednesday

We have had an eventful day.

In the middle of our very busy regular Wednesday schedule, my youngest decided to put a recently discovered trick to use. She has become quite creative when caught doing something she isn't supposed to so. First example, she and her brother were running and jacking around in the kitchen during snack time and she fell. I could hear her giggling until she got hurt and he apologised, he is used to being blamed for things by his sisters and this is automatic when tears appear. They were both asked what happened, he said they were jacking around and he was pulling her around the spilled water on the floor and she was holding his shirt to be drug through it and fell. She claimed he was running and she did not want him to get in trouble and grabbed his shirt and he ran so she fell. He did this on purpose. See what I am saying, she comes up with some convenient truths about people so she comes up shining. This is happening more and more recently.

She was asked to sit in time out for a few minutes and then pay restitution to her brother for lying about him. He chose to have her clean up his room. Off they went after a tearful apology from her and within minutes I hear screaming from D that my youngest was showing her privates. I came running, I mean damn it I can't even have a private moment to use the restroom. D and E had been sitting outside the bedroom with A and A and D saw her pull down her pants. D was the most sexualized child we had in the beginning, she rubbed herself on me, the couch, the children, anyone really that would hold still. That has come to a complete stop and now this child is the hero in our home against others being inappropriate the last few episodes. My son immediately said his version and my youngest agreed she had done it, turns out 3 times in the few minutes asking him to touch her. He is very cooperative with my questions but did not know why he didn't tell us but he did not touch her. When asked privately what her participation was she told the truth, what he said. I stood and told her I was very upset by her actions. She quickly told me he made her. He told her to do it. I knew immediately she was lying. She agreed and cried very hard.

This is a subject that runs deep in this family, generations of incest and molestations. They have all come a very long way. I did not expect to add all 6 children to the list of disturbing sexual acting out or behaviors. I now have. We sat down as a family and discussed this briefly, this time focusing on the lying. What she says has power that she had no idea and the damage she could do to us as a family if this behavior continues or escalates. They were simply lies among siblings until she accused her severely emotional and sexually abused brother of acting out with her as a victim. This was criminal. I do not think any of my children are malicious enough to make up stories about us but now there is a fear.

P had a hard time sleeping again tonight. This has become more of an issue over the last few weeks. She can't sleep and comes to find me seeking support. I take her back to bed and assure her everything is fine, she turns on cartoons and falls asleep quickly. Tonight she made the comment in the family discussion that her father had promised not to hurt kids anymore and I was the only one that caught it. I knew she was saying it w/o realizing it. It was huge and I waited up for her to come down when the girls were asleep. She was scared. She talked about DH being sick and how her father had taken her and her siblings to DFCS when he got sick the last time they came into care. Her mother had run away from them and they were with him alone. He gave up maybe Dad is going to give up. We talked about how a healthy family works, one parent gets sick the other one gets stronger. I am much stronger than Dad and could whoop his butt if ever need be and anyone else if they messed with my kids. She enjoyed that vision and reminded me Dad is 6'5" 300 #. Maybe not on a good day but with this fluish thing he has, no problem. She is feeling safe here and I feel her connecting with us, may be the first real connection she has ever had. I asked her about the comment earlier and she freely told me how her father had touched her brother many times and all the girls tried to beg him to stop. He promised over and over he would, their mother left when she was forced to molest her son with all her girls watching. P feels bad for not stopping him. When asked directly if he touched the girls she danced, but admitted A had been made to touch his sisters. She knows of 4 times, she was not specific and I did not ask.

This is not all new information, she is coming to terms more with her emotions this time. How she felt, that she felt fear. She understands and agreed we have to protect them from their father. I think we may have another child not wanting to open the adoption. That makes 3. I will respect their wishes happily and hope the rest just need closure with them. I would love to continue a relationship with some of the extended family but the parents are out of the question if the child does not beg on their own for a VERY closely supervised brief visit. I want to punch him. Our discoveries and feelings will be discussed at length with them privately long before the kids see them, if they see them. We promised open adoption, they promised to stop sexually abusing their children, I know I shouldn't feel bad. I want to respect my promise to the children that they could see their parents after we finalize, if the children wished. I never said how often and in fact I have been very clear it would be rare but would happen.

My son is up for the third time tonight. I guess he is needing to be reassured I am still here protecting them. This had become regular for him. He speaks now when he comes to my room and always has a physical complaint. I take him back to bed and tuck him in. He is the cutest kid sometimes. His is very small and looks so innocent with puffy eyes and tiny fists rubbing them. Almost toddler like in his behavior. Hard to believe he is so destructive during the day.

I truly love my children. I see a change in every one of them since last June. Some have made steps forward all around, surprising us, others are even more unattached than we ever thought yet progress has been made. Tiny steps for each of them. I see bigger ones coming. They needed to be shown what to do in the simplest of situations and they have stepped up now on their own to do it. They have so many more things to learn, they are eager to be taught. If only they would stop destroying things. Guess I'll have to ask Santa for that next year.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Another Rage and a Plan

D had to have her turn at me last night. She went all out b/c she claimed to have taken a shower first the night before and I try to rotate them. She had missed the shower the night before b/c her shower mate, my oldest, had a terrible tummy ache at the last minute and stunk up the bathroom. They showered in the morning instead. When caught in a lie I will sometimes break the tension by teasing, it works most of the time. It backfired b/c she was determined to let go of some pent up frustration on me and the house. I sang, "Liar, Liar pants on fire stick your nose on a telephone wire." She smiled and then hid it with a pout. I tickled her all the way up the stairs and threatening to pinch her if I caught her. She giggled and ran as fast as she could. I am thinking we are fine and continue past her room to change the laundry. Long story short, she refused to shower and ended up raging for over an hour and had to be put on the patio due to excessive use of her outside voice inside. It was the getting her outside that posed the problem this time. All my fault, I did not have a good grip on her and she kicked me and down we went on the stairs. No one was hurt seriously but I was very angry at that point and tagged my DH It. She scared several kids all with no real closure on why or what. She was sent to bed after she calmed but I refused to accept her back with cuddling kindness until this morning. I explained I was the most angry that she scared our family and guest, I love her screaming or happy, I understand she has a had time expressing herself and gets violent at times, and I made sure she knew I will always forgive her for her feelings actions but there are consequences for them. She was quiet and reserved for about a minute and then back to chattering self. Trying to remind me how she studied her spelling words, she brushed her teeth, and she had her backpack already. Proving she was making an effort today.

P had therapy this morning and she refused to talk again. I have had to join her for the last several sessions and she is much more talkative afterward with me alone about the same subject. She refuses to talk to this man. I do not think it is just him, I think it will be with anyone. She ended up expressing some really good things to me and then she pretended to be sick in the bathroom. She had C lie to me, her first mistake b/c C is a dead give away. P comes and tells me that C flushed it and C looks at P, then me, and then at her shoes. Not good for P. P tries to save it by answering for her and starts talking really fast, second mistake. Out comes an employee from the bathroom they were just in, I stopped her and asked her if she had heard my child getting sick, "No, but I heard the plan to stay home and watch TV in bed.", third mistake was a witness. P's head went down. I assured her I pulled the same stuff and she was gonna have to try harder if she was going to fool me. She insisted she was still feeling bad a few minutes later at the school and I offered to discuss why she was trying to get out of school but she refused. I gave her a bag to use "just in case" so she could show me later and stay home from school tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Trashed and a Name

My son is a real piece of work. This morning he actually got mad b/c I tied his shoes and mentioned he needed to practice more in the afternoon so he is not stressed before school. He threw the tennis shoes and started a beautiful morning rage. I picked up the shoes and threw them away, he is back to flip flops and socks.

Amongst all this sibling adoption name thing, Emma has asked to add Alyvia back to her name legally. I have always had a lot of guilt about changing her name even though we took custody of her at 3 weeks and her mother was fine with the change b/c she was being named after my husband's Grandmother and Great Grandmother. She thought it was cool to pass the name on to our daughter. We told both Emma and her Mother we will be adding the name in as her first middle name and she can choose to be called Emma or Livie, her choice. Em is thrilled to be a part of the excitement and we are so happy to give her her name back. Her Mother was moved to tears and is worried she will not remember to call her by her "real" name.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Attachment Therapy!!

We have been approved for Attachment Therapy and get home therapy!!! My agency is paying for the assessments and Medicaid will cover most of the cost of treatment. We will have to pay a minimal copay but their is a program called IFY (?) and they pay for AT. I am so thrilled and excited. They actually called me to apologize it would take a week to find us the right therapist and coordinate with our agency. WOW, a week. I told her we have waited almost a year, a week we can manage.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

A really crappy day

I was thrown out of The Salvation Army today. I had to have the manager call the police while I restrained my 8 yr old. I actually had the situation under control until an idiot stuck his nose in and started yelling I was abusing my child, I had too many children did I even know who the fathers were, and I pulled out my handy dandy letter from the therapist and he questioned the authenticity of it. like I would make one up for fun. He was a customer! He rallied the other customers around to shout at me until I asked the manager to call the police. This incident would have lasted only a few minutes if he had not been so cruel. I explained my children were tramatized children and he was doing further damage. He then figured out I was a foster/adopt parent (my oldest trying to stick up for us) and started in on how I was in it for the money.

A lady stepped in early on and introduced herself as a mental health professional and that I was obviously trained in restraints and knew what I was doing b/c my child was screaming therefore breathing. She explained how some children have a difficult time regulating their emotions and this was a necessary thing to keep them and others safe. She tried to help but he was on a roll.

The police arrived and my dd had calmed but is terrified of any officer, duh. She refused to speak. They saw the letter and knew immediately the situation was as I had said. They heard the man out and then told him to leave b/c he had no idea the magnitude of what his comments were doing to the kids. The manager defended me and said the kids had been fine in the store and then boom my dd freaked out. We were escorted out of the store to keep the peace and they made a report.

We waited awhile to talk about it with the kids and they are so embarrassed. They wanted to protect me and all I wanted to do was break his neck. The more of their story that came out the worse I felt. I think they will survive but I am counting the minutes until I can drink/cry myself to sleep. Today I feel like the worst mother in the world.

Monday, April 02, 2007

The Cake

I was informed that B does not like frosting. Ok. She hinted around for weeks that w/o the right frosting, cake was just gross. I had no idea what kind of frosting we were talking about or how to figure this our b/c she was not going to assist. She would rather me fail and suffer than have me succeed and make her happy.

I called her last foster mom and asked her. She was clueless. He was able to tell me she saw B eating her daughter's cake a few months ago and even licking the frosting off her fingers. Ah ha! It was not butter cream frosting, I needed to find whipped cream frosting. Got it! She was so happy to take a bite and she squealed, "How did you know?" I told her I was her Mom and I can do almost anything, we moms have special powers!

I was most surprised that kids were jut dropped off at the party w/o even knowing me or RSVPing. I found that rude and disrespectful to say the least. I had to have one kid call his mother 30 minutes after the party ended. Hello, come get you kid, please.

My oldest had her first big party.

We planned for weeks to have a party with a moonwalk and giant slide with everything good to eat. It rained out the moon walk and slide. Lots of people showed up but a few missed it. Kids did really well with all the folks there. We surprised the kids with their old foster parents and bio aunt and uncle. The kids were shocked and happy at first. Then we began to see a flat affect from a few of them. This really put into perspective how serious RAD is for one of them. B had nothing to do with them other that the original hug.

We talked in great length later about her feelings, something she dreads and is not able to do on her own. I gave her several choices about how she could possibly be feeling and she related to a few of them. She does not want to see her parents again. This could change, she does like her aunt and uncle and feel they are safe but she would rather avoid them in person. I am so glad she was able to express this. I promised to always respect her wishes and protect her from them if she needs me to. She just does not want to tell them herself so I will be the bearer of bad news in the future.

More later, kids are freaking out.