Adoption Assistance

For the last year and half our adoption assistance has come from the county we adopted from. For some random reason, they switched it to the county we reside in. Seems simple right? It didn't come this month. We usually would have gotten it Tuesday or Wednesday of this week so I called them to find out what was up today and was informed they have no idea why or when we should receive it. I called our county and they won't answer or return my calls. The last time there was a change in our assistance, it took MONTHS to fix it. We can not go months without it this time.

For those of you that are completely confused about Adoption Assistance, let me explain. When you adopt older children with special needs from foster care, they pay a small amount of "child support" to help meet their needs. In our case, it allows me to be the SAHM they require. The first year and half I had 28 appointments a week. I was literally scheduled out every day of the week. As they have healed, we have been able to discontinue their OT, Speech, and extra therapy visits. We were going to the psychologist twice a week for a long time. I couldn't have worked. Now, they may not have as many appointments but they sure need me to be here nearly every second of the day. It has allowed us to provide for them, nothing more. We couldn't have adopted such a large group without it. It is only provided for the sibling group all our other children have no support. We had to fight for what we do receive and our agency had to go to great lengths to help us prove our children had significant emotional issues. They were wonderful and if anyone in my area wants to adopt, I would be happy to share their info with you.

A Bit of a Charlie Brown Christmas

Christmas is around the corner and I have not done ANY shopping. Usually, I am nearly done. Money is tight this year so we have decided to do a group gift for the kids from Santa, a WII. A used WII to be exact. I have been searching Craigslist for just the right one, cheapest would be the most important criteria. The kids won't even notice as long as it is plugged up. I have found them for $100-150 and have every intention to purchase one this week. The holiday will be sparse this year with 11 kids to buy for but we will find a way, I'm sure.

Frankee called night before last with her normal death and dying situations. She is off her meds AGAIN. She is so hard to listen to and sometimes I wish she would find someone else to fix her problems for her. She thinks no one else understands her. She might be right but I could use s break from her drama. She needs a place to go and I can't be it. I think she is using and I can't risk our life for her's.

Rosa has 5 weeks left of the police academy and she is wearing down. She has a bad case of procrastination. She hasn't looked for a job yet b/c she fears they won't hire her.

Alyssa is still being a butt munch. An example that happened this morning is Emma was unloading the last few items out of the dishwasher and Alyssa was sweeping the floor. Alyssa had just begun and Emma was nearly done. Alyssa insisted Emma close the dishwasher so she could sweep under the door of it. She had the entire floor to do and wanted to start there b/c Emma was there. I heard Emma ask her several times to hang on and she would move. When I walked in the room, Alyssa had a hold of the dishwasher door and refused to let go. Emma was trying to get the last item out and she was being smooshed in the door by Alyssa. She literally refused to let he get her arms out. I startled her by smacking her rear lightly. She still didn't budge. I asked her to and nothing. I had to pry her off of the dishwasher door so Emma could get her arms out of it. Alyssa made sure to throw herself to the floor in a very dramatic fashion. I almost laughed but realized it would further her self pity mode.

You Can't Polish a Turd

I called Rosa's soon to be ex husband last night for Alyssa. As I explained yesterday, she is having a very hard time right now. He hung up on me. I was polite and called him back and left a message. I explained that we must have been disconnected and I relayed the message that Alyssa wanted him to know. He knew she was waiting to talk to him, he didn't care. I waited until the kids were in bed and called him back leaving another message. One that made me feel better. I invited him to save the msg for the Judge or his lawyer and laid it all out for him. He is refusing all the regular scheduled and extra visits that he has been offered. He is not financially supporting his children. He doesn't call or return calls to them. He is the one missing out but worse than that, they need him. They have actually asked for a new dad. They have no idea that the one they got is the only turd they get. His actions are making them feel unworthy and in secure. I suggested he man up. Like I said, I felt better. I'm sure he just deleted it w/o listening.

Halloween and Some Witchy Attitude

This was Halloween night. We trick or treated at the mall due to rain. The kids were happier than I thought they would be and asked to do it there every year.






They aren't allowed to dress up for Halloween or have a party in our county. They get around it by letting the kids be book characters. They don't care as long as they can dress up. Most of the teachers do a special activity that includes halloweenie crap.





I added a bunch of new pictures of them dressed on my FB. They were so cute.

We had to get the police involved regarding a child's recent texting situation. She had gotten on a chat site called Omegle. DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS ON IT. You are instantly connected to a total stranger. You don't need a user name or anything. Just BAM, a stranger is talking to you. Anyway, these other "teen boys" wanted to text her so she being the idiot teenager we all have been, decided she was invincible and gave him the # to text. If they had been teens, it may have worked out differently. Now we are in the middle of some investigation to find the grown men that have been soliciting my child to send nude photos of her self and the ones that have been sending her pictures of them self. Most were out of state, some were not and that poses a threat in itself.

As you can imagine, having police at out home is very upsetting to our kids. Ruthie sobbed and rocked the entire time. She seemed OK after but at bed time she lost what little hold she had and went nuts. Cyr had to get the little kids out of the way while I tried to convince her to go downstairs. When she refused, for the safety of the others, I had to pick her up under her pits and carry her out. Eventually, she screamed a bunch of crap and walked the rest of the way. Once down there, she escalated to a point that we haven't seen in quite a while. I am used to the name calling and awful words but when she turned and looked at me straight in the face and screamed, "SHUT THE HELL UP!", I almost laughed out loud. I had been talking to Rosa and it caught me off guard. After some time, she continued this behavior and had managed to get herself under the ironing board. She refused to be careful and I was afraid it would fall on her. She threatened to kill herself and send me to jail in her rageful screams. I could tell they were just words when she didn't have any plan or any concept of what killing herself really meant. Once she began hitting and kicking me over and over, I was forced to hold her. She was exceptionally focused on hurting me by kicking and scratching me and I couldn't get in a position that protected me as well as her. In the process, she almost managed to get her teeth in me and I had to switch positions again. She was scratched in this event that lasted almost an hour. I, like many women, have longish nails. Before I knew she had been scratched, I cut them to the quick, again. I do everything in my power to protect the child I am being forced to hold. There are the rare incident they get a minor scratch or mark. After her shower, I noticed it and put ointment and band aids on it so she wouldn't be bothered by her shirt on it. I apologized to her b/c I felt bad. All she said was, "You didn't mean to. You would never hurt us." Talk about breaking my heart.

I rarely talk about Alyssa but I wanted to share that their father has all but disappeared from their lives. He hasn't come for a visit since July, he has almost stopped his children support, and barely returns calls to them. It is very hard for them to come to terms with this. Eddie has reignited his wetting and Alyssa has all sorts of fun behavior you may recognize. She is hoarding things in her bed like toys, food, books, and clothes that do not belong to her. She sneaks toys to school. She has pushed the kids so hard at the bus stop that she has to stay on the porch until they see the bus b/c I worry someone will be run over. She is openly defiant. She has been told by us that she may not sit with the rest of our kids on the bus and she does this by getting the driver involved. She claims that what happens at home stays there. She will regret that position before to long. She mutters under her breath. She is a master manipulator and tries to triangulate her mother and I. She refuses to accept any answer she doesn't agree with. She has decided the best way to torture some of my children is to show her privates or hound them about their insecurities. I am impressed with her recent improvements in her diet. She will eat a few bites of veggies at dinner. She is a tough little cookie, that's for sure.

The Sentences

I was nervous and asked if it was inapporpriate to vomit in front of the Judge. I declined to speak in their Mother's sentencing b/c I felt I had said enough. I had spoken to the Probation Investigator and both the prosecuting and defense attorneys to explain our view that she was a victim but had many chances to tell someone. She needed some prison time and we had already worked out her deal. The Judge decided to uphold her plea bargain and she received 20 but has to serve 10.

He was a different story b/c he decided to go to trial and was proven guilty on most charges. He continued to be his arogant self and explained he was innocent. He refused to accept any responsibility for his actions and wanted to retrial it right there by presenting new evidence. At one point, he said he hoped the real guilty person would go to jail. Moron. The defense attorney only wanted to merge a few of the charges to have their sentence run concurrent and to reitterate he stated he was innocent of all charges. The A.D.A. called me up to speak and I read the following with my hands shaking so hard the words were blurry at times. I managed not to cry but it wasn't for lack of emotion.

I want you to imagine having a parent that did the things this man is guilty of. Most people have parents that tuck them into bed at night but he would wake the children from their beds and bring them to his room to satisfy his sexual needs, making nights extremely terrifying for them. He had all the power in the world over our children. He was more powerful than police, DFCS, the school, and even the courts b/c they kept sending them back to him over and over, 5 times. They couldn't trust they were free from him. They were frightened of him for all the things he did and still loved him b/c he was their father. A role he never earned but was awarded. He dominated them and their mother. They view her as another victim in their home. She couldn't save them b/c she was just like them. Three years after coming into
our home they still do not trust that we are different.

Cyr feels her body is damaged beyond repair. She carries a huge burden of guilt b/c she reinacted the same acts he was proven guilty of doing on our children. She is angry. She lost much of her childhood trying to protect her siblings. She wants him to pay for what he done and taken from them. She feels forever is too short.

Patches is so traumatized she has had to be hospitalized in a psychiatric facility. We have been told numerous times to look for a long term placement in a residential treatment facility b/c she struggles so hard to remain our a family. We will continue to fight her b/c she deserves some normalcy after what she endured.

Ruthie wets herself regularly both day and night. She is terrified she will be stolen by them. We have had to go to great lengths to prove she is safe at school b/c of this fear. She is confused b/c she misses them so much but hates what they did to her. She is desperate to stop thinking about all of this.

Michael has been hospitalized b/c he is filled with so much anger he hurts others. After seeing his father here in court, he had to be hospitalized again. His stress caused him to become more aggressive than normal for him
and feared he would hurt me or himself. He sleeps by the side of my bed b/c night time is too scary for him. He thinks about what happened and can't sleep without medication. He has nightmares and cries in his sleep.

Ella, too, sleeps in my room. She talks constantly about what happened and tries to understand why. She wets nightly and cries in her sleep. She and Ruthie are embarrassed and confused by their physical reaction to the abuse. They are dealing with a great deal of shame.

Ava's way of coping is to ignore it all. She has only been able to talk about it a couple of times briefly.

We have made many attempts to find ways to help them feel safe. We have spent 3 years in therapy, read every book we could get our hands on, attended conferences, sought out support groups, and asked many professionals for ways to help them. It boils down to this, they are forever changed by these events. We can help them cope but we can never take these events back. This will impact their future, their spouses, other children they have contact with, and their own children. Virtually, every relationship they have and will have will be affected by their inability to trust b/c of these horrific events and that it was further damaging b/c he was their parent. Nothing has had the impact that their imprisonment has made. They were able to focus on themselves instead of their fear.

The elementary school our children attend had to change their policy to protect them from taking the innocence from another child b/c of their poor boundaries with others. They can't spend the night out, have friends over for an afternoon, dress out in PE, play hide and seek, hang out in their room on the phone, or share a blanket while they watch a movie. We have to closely supervise them, keep door alarms on their doors, have video cameras in their Playroom, and have strict rules regarding undressing for showers. Normal, every day things they have to miss out on b/c they can't be safe or don't feel safe. They take daily medications to help them control their anger, fear, anxiety, depression, and sleep. Their lives are controlled by these emotions and his abuse. They deserve to know he can never get to them again. They deserve to see that his consequence was as severe as their's. He deserves to serve the same life sentence he gave them. He deserves to spend the rest of his life behind bars.

I went back to my seat and waited for the sentence while the A.D.A. explained that other cases have brought about 60-80 years and she felt at least that much would be appropriate. Then the Judge began some legal mumbo jumbo that was very confusing for the rest of us in the courtroom. He announced a Life sentence for the Agg. Sexual Battery. Seems easy enough, right? Then he started saying something about 40 yrs and 60 yrs, and then something about 20 yrs. A minimum time served of 40 yrs and on and on. I had it explained to me 3 different ways before I understood and the tears started rolling. He will never get out. He received a Life sentence with 40 yrs minimum before being considered for parole plus 60 yrs for the CM charges that will be consecutively run plus 20 yrs probation. Still confused? I was. I thought he would get out in 40 yrs. Probably not. He is eligible for parole but then he has these nasty 60 yrs to serve! They said that will muddy the waters and he should never see the light of day w/o his little jumpsuit.

I want to kiss that Judge! He did exactly what needed to be done. He made up for all the other court rulings regarding my children and their safety. These amazing people involved in the entire case saved my children when all others had walked away. This took years of dedication and I am sure they took this home. I am sure they spent nights thinking about how to pull this off, putting aside their own families for my chidlren. We will all forever be thankful for hard work. My children will be safe and more importantly than that, they will feel safe. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Rosemary, Det. Johnson, Det. Bedford, Judge Howell, and last but not least, Jenny.

Too Much Time to Think

I can feel the stress starting to dissipate. I found myself daydreaming today of a time when we wouldn't have so many appointments. One without therapy. Then I snapped back and realized I might as well be dreaming of a time that I didn't have laundry to do. It ain't gonna happen. Once I was fully back in reality, I began to wonder about their adulthood. How will they be different than they should have been? Who will be independent and who will forever fight me b/c they need me? Will they have healthy marriages and families? Will the cycle be broken or will they harm their own children? Will they even chose to be in my life? That's a lot of thinking for a 3 minute shower. See what happens when I am left to myself?

It got me going on something I have been procrastinating about. The Victim Impact Statement this Thursday at the sentencing of their parents. The kids have no idea we are still dealing with this. They think they will be locked up forever and that's that. Cyr is smarter than that but the rest are blissfully ignorant to the terrifying date ahead. I will be standing in front of the Judge and a packed courtroom to tell how their life has changed. How they have been impacted by their actions, destroyed is more accurate. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. I'm not. I have a pit in my stomach when I think about what depends on my words. I sure hope I don't let them down.

I am sure I mentioned Patches bus driver and the incident Friday and Saturday. Yesterday she called and apologized to me for the misunderstanding. She is a lovely woman that meant no harm to her and I knew that at the time. She adores Patches. She offered to make it clear to her what her intentions were and how she feels. I am beginning to find so much support in real life that it feels weird. I am used to being defensive and protective but am finding times when our family is appreciated instead of attacked. I could get used to this.

I realized that I have been nominated for a couple of awards. I am so backed up on blogs that I didn't even notice. Jenny had to leave it in a comment and Lisa had to email me. Thank you and I promise to get over there tonight.

I have been asked to be a parent portion of a panel of experts for a local conference by our therapists. They will use videos of our therapy to show different phases and presentations of attachment disorders. They will compile a number of sessions to show different strategies and how they play out. That is all I know. I have many questions. I was a bit preoccupied when they asked and may have been told but missed it. I know it is at a hotel conference room in the giant city we live near but that's it. That's the story of my life, flying by the seat of my pants.

Lifetime Movie

After weeks and weeks of worry, the DFCS worker called and said she has some things for us to sign and our case will be closed. She offered to contact the school herself and make sure they understand that they investigated and could find no area to help us improve our environment or the care for our kids. They would be available to us for resources, as we request them. She didn't want any room for doubt with the school and would handle further referrals, should they come. She had one idea to help us with Michael and when we discussed it, she advised us to continue with what we were doing b/c it would be more effective. In other words, they can't think of a single thing for us to work on. Not one! She talked to me for 40 minutes about how great we are and how wonderful we are doing with each child. We talked about the trial and the toll it is taking on them. She said we were like a Lifetime Movie in the making and we were the most amazing family she has worked with.

Snake Bites

This is one of their favorites. It is not the one that caused the picture below. The kids are never in the room alone, the cages are all locked and escape proof, none are poisonous, and as scary as they seem to most, they are not vicious and rarely attack.






Michael is so proud he was bitten. For some weird boy reason, he acted like it was a Right Of Passage of sorts. It is not something we encourage and take great precautions to make sure it doesn't. There is always a chance with any animal that they may bite. He healed very quickly since they are such tiny teeth marks. It looks much worse than it was.

Another Thank You and a Song

This is her room after a rage. If you look closely you can see her writing a song about how much she hates me. She had calmed by this time. All the tiny pieces of paper are her posters that were on the wall. She was heartbroken when she realized she had destroyed her posters and ripped her money to shreds. For an event like this, her consequence is to clean it up. I don't see a reason to add insult to injury, she is the one that lost her stuff even if it was by her own hands. She cleaned it without a word from anyone and just came down when she was down. She curled up in my lap and cried.


This is a picture Patches drew of me during the rage above. She will draw pictures or write letters over and over about how he hates me or the other kids. I like my legs in this one.








The kids with some of their loot. They were so excited to have received lollipops in the mail.








More cards and more grins

Devil Girl

This is Alyssa's eye after Kiera threw a block at her. It took 10 days to heal. This was not the worst looking day, by far.







Kiera's Mother is holding her, her aunt and her son is next, Nana, and then her Uncles Josh and his son at her birthday party.








Granny, Kiera, her Mother











Kiera checking out her cake. She was hesitant to eat it with the mouse turds on it.









Riding a bike with Cyr