I am really enjoying having Frankie here. She tells the kids crazy stories about when she was little and I never let her have ice cream or sweets. She told my son I forced her to eat tofu, when he asked what it was she explained it was like eggs b/c they grew underground. LOL What? She is very funny and is healing quickly.

She told me today that Ella tried to trick her but she didn't fall for it. Ella has to touch you, period. She must get you to feel sorry for her b/c of her CP and since Frankie's oldest is disabled she doesn't fall for this or treat her differently. Ella has been trying to figure out a way to get to her and asked her to help her off the trampoline. She claimed she couldn't get off, this is not true. Frankie told Ava to help her and all of the sudden Ella was able to do it herself. She is such a faker.

My nieces are here for the weekend and the kids are having a blast. Cyr wanted them to stay in her room last night and ended up wishing me to die or that she would kill herself. Since I really didn't take it seriuosly I just had her sit with me until she started to dose and then we had a long talk about her favorite subject, feelings. SHe hates me and this is all my fault according to her. I suggested she really hated herself and I was just a safe person to take it out on. She actually sadi, "I told you I wouldn't touch anyone again, why don't you believe me?" Ah, Hello? You looked inmy face for 18 months and lied to me and this I am to believe? I hope I handled it correctly, I assured her her behavior is serious and explained just how. I compared her behavior to her abusers, I asked her if she would be ok if I had him babysit again if he promised to stop. It was obvious she was taking it all in but she refused to speak. I went on to explain she will never be able to babysit, she will always be watched and she screamed, "Not when I grow up and leave here!" I calmly told her that no matter how much I loved her I will always be concerned it will happen again even when she is grown and has children of her own. Today she was cuddly and talkative. She understands a bit better and did not push any limits about this subject. I am sure it will come again, though.

My son required my full attention (restraint) 2 times today. It seems people around him miraculously get hurt and he has nothing to do with it. Frankie was shocked to say the least, she wondered if this happened often. If she only knew. I warned her he would be sweet the rest of the day and he was.

I promised

I know I have stepped out but for a really good reason, I have had to spend 3 days in bed with what feels like pneumonia. I should go to the doctor but I am starting to feel better so I am trying to hold out.

I promised a detailed account of the day we finalized and here we go......

The kids' birth aunt and uncle came the night before and were in awe of the house and kids. They were so kind and supportive of the adoption that I can't imagine the day without them involved. They knew their places and never crossed any lines. We woke them up much earlier than they are used to and they were real troopers.

We headed off to the courthouse and met my MIL, Mother, and our beloved OT. Our snippy attorney had warned me to be early the night before and she was 20 minutes late, hahahaha. The Judge could not have been any kinder. He understood this was a bittersweet moment for our family and they had a fear of him. He came out to see us in the waiting area in the hall in plain clothes. He joked with them and then introduced himself. They were all shocked, I guess they expected a monster. We followed him into his chambers once the attorney showed up. He insisted the children needed a giant cookie to eat during the ceremony and you can see if you look real hard that most have some left in their hands when we took our pictures. He told the kids how and why he became a judge and adoptions were the best part of his job. He helped them understand it must have been hard for the other judge to make decisions about their family, too. He usually just glances over things but his office was so impressed with us she insisted he take more time with this one. He took it home and read every word. We are the largest family he has been a part of building and he made sure the kids knew he felt we were all special. It was wonderful.

Patches refused to be a part of the pictures and had to be forced and tricked to look up at the right time. After we headed to get birth certificates done and discovered it wasn't possible to be done as the attorney had promised. Ruthie broke down and was a real mess in the hall of the courthouse. Her uncle had been sitting with her and seemed shocked when she doubled over with grief. Every one took their turn throughout the day with repeating this episode in their own way and for their own reason.

In our excitement that morning I forgot to make the quiche among other things for our brunch. I realized this only after we were at the courthouse. We ended up eating at Steak and Shake and then heading to Fernbank Museum for the day. The kids were fantastic and they loved the time with their aunt and uncle. At the end of the day, as we were saying our goodbyes I noticed the aunt and uncle were trying desperately to hold back their emotions. Once the kids were in the van I spoke with them privately. They were so happy for the kids, they had never seen them so normal and well groomed. They were worried about how to deal with the rest of their family and I volunteered to take that burden from them and be the bad guy. I figure short of buying them a house and letting them have their kids, they are going to hate me so if I can make our relationship with the kids' aunt and uncle easier I would do it.

That was all Thursday, we called the kids' maternal Grandparents on Friday night and went to see them on Saturday. I made my points clear on the phone and insisted if they tell the parents where we were or helped them reach us in person at any time, we would close the adoption completely and permanently. At the end of the visit I spoke with the Grandparents and found out tons of new information. They have a lot of anger towards the kids' parents, they rarely speak to them, and upon learning of the sexual abuse that we know they inflicted on the kids they were thrilled to keep them apart. The Gpa even used some dirty words which was quote a shock considering this is not something he does. I really like him, his grandkids are very important to him and he is pleased they have been "saved" and he still gets to be Gpa. Both Gparents are relieved to have a relationship with us w/o the pressure of blackmail like with their daughter, she would let them see the kids for money when they needed it. He is honest to a fault, it caused DFCS not to place the kids with him in the past. He refused to sign a paper saying he wouldn't spank them b/c he believes in spanking and he would do it if he felt it was necessary. You gotta admire him for sticking to his guns whether you think he was right or wrong, he refused to lie.

The other big thing that has happened is one of my original girls has had to move back home with us. I became a group home mother at 21 and Frankie was one of my girls. We have had an on again off again relationship, never bad just faded away. She most certainly had RAD and is still suffering from lack of attachment as an adult. She has lost all 3 of her children at different times, has struggled with drugs, and now is getting out of a severely abusive relationship. Her husband was caught cheating on her and he tried to kill her by bashing in her head (he broke the bones in her cheek and around her eye) and cutting her throat. As she escaped to call the police her MIL chased her down and beat her again. She just got out of the hospital and had called all the shelters, she was told it was a bad time of the year and every one was full. I was her last resort, she knew I would never say no. She is already looking for a job but she looks like she was beaten so there is really nothing she can do for now.

It is good for the kids to see they can always come home. They also see someone that flinches when someone touches her, she hates to be touched and always has. This is a great opportunity to learn better boundaries, they are staying away from her physically. It is like she is in a bubble and they are doing wonderful.

Presenting The DeBruces

I am so exhausted from such a fantastic day. We had some really tense moments but made it through with excellent behavior. I will tell you all the details tomorrow, I promise. I am the happiest woman alive tonight.

I'm a %^&*ing Liar

Last night we went to OT and decided since we will have extra passengers in our van Thursday we need to clean it out. I will confess, I haven't washed the outside of the van in 6+ months. My defense and excuse to the kids is the drought. I really hate when they wash it b/c it is a bigger mess than an exploding feather pillow. We sucked it up and went to the car wash where the kids hollered at me that we were going to jail b/c of hte drought restrictions. I never said we would go to jail but I have told them about the severe fines that we would incur if they continued to use he dang hose in the backyard, it is $1000 if you are caught and they shut off your water! They took my strong emotions as possible jail time, LOL. They were freaking out until I pointed out that with so many others there we could probably get away cause they can only catch one car at a time. I was kidding but they took me seriously and were on the lookout the entire time. Way too funny. I hope I haven't scarred them for life.

When we get back to the office 2 of the kids were slow to get out. Like everyone was in the building and they weren't out of their belts yet slow. I tried to hussle them along and heard Ruthie making fun of me saying, "Na na na na na na na!" in a snotty voice every mother has heard at least once and the one we have all used when referring to our mothers at least once. I called her on it and reminded her it was rude. She went off, "You are a liar. I was talking to myself." SHe did her normal shut down thing and I requested my normal, "That's fine sweety, just suffer silently." She was quiet until the OT came out and commented on her, I told her she was mad at me. She went off again about me being a liar and we left to deal with others that had already left the building. We get in the van and Ruthie went off. She began kicking the seat and banging her head on the window. My favorite was when she started screaming on the top of her lungs that I am a %^&*ing liar over and over. You go girl, let it out. She made sure I understood she is not my chicken little (one of the many pet names I call the kids), she was T and N's chicken little. I told her she can be both and left it at that. She pulled it together the second she saw my DH and happily did extra chores after dinner.

Tomorrow is the day! Their birth Aunt Michelle and birth Uncle Floyd will be spending the night tonight to show their support of their adoption. They are so great and I think this will help the kids understand that they are still loved by their family. My MIL, Mother, and our beloved OT will also be joining us. It should be a quick ceremony and we are heading back here to eat brunch.

Love Fest

I was reading another blogger's comments and saw something that hit home for me. They were commenting that a foster blogger had not said one nice thing about a particular child in their care. They only focused on the negative about the child the county they work with. To me, any foster parent saying or complaining about the system or a child's behavior is venting. This life is tough, we need to vent. It had not occurred to me that they may not have any nice things to say. Just to be sure you all see the good side of my family I wanted to be sure to say a few things in their favor.

Cyr is smart and very helpful. She is a good student and needs little help motivating herself. She is open to bettering herself. She wants to be liked and feel normal. She is pretty and doesn't know it. She is always helping without being asked. She is quick with a shower and to clean up her room. She loves to journal. She will accept hugs from me when we watch scary movies. The girl loves to sing and dance around the room.

Patches is gorgeous and has no idea why the little boys in her class want to be her boyfriend. She is truthful to a fault, LOL. She loves school and learning things. She is very funny and is proud to be the laziest child in the world. She would much rather watch you do her chore and take the consequence than actually do the chore herself. Now while that doesn't sound like a compliment, in her eyes it is. She does this with a smile. She is very loving as long as you come to her (that laziness again). She is a big time tom boy and loves to be knee deep in dirt and bugs.

Ruthie has struggled so hard in school until coming to us and is terribly proud to have started reading this year. She is always smiling and goofy. She will do anything you ask of her. She is more than willing to clean the house to be near me. She is convinced she is funny and that makes her funny. She is a very dainty, attractive girl. She could spend her day talking about nothing with me.

Michael is the tiniest 7 yr old boy, he is extremely charming, not to mention too cute to be real. He is funny and quick witted. He likes to play tricks on me. He loves to sneak up and spank me on the rump and run away before I can catch him. While this is not particular fun for me, he lives to "get" me. He can be the biggest defender of his sisters and takes his role as a gentleman very serious. He will actually yell at anyone that tries to hold the door for the rest of us, not very gentlemanly but the thought is what counts here.

Emma is as beautiful as her Mother is and has every feature in miniature. She will be quite the beauty as she continues to mature. She is smart and helpful. She is flexible on everything but a rule. She does tend to be a bit OCD about the weather but if that is her only negative she will be easy to raise. She is a social butterfly and loves to take care of people. She is the best sister and adores her siblings regardless of their issues. She was built to help her new siblings adjust to a real family. Her insight has been mature beyond her years. I have no doubt she will grow up and adopt a large family or help in foster care in some way, she is called to it.

Ella is beautiful and resembles Patches a great deal. She can talk herself out of any chore. She knows how to bat an eye at her Dad and get what she wants. She is the cutest just as she falls asleep and cries when I move her from the living room floor to her bed claiming she is not sleeping. She is a trickster with a future in S&M. The child begs to be beat, this is a fun game and the harder the better. She will hobble (due to her CP) away as fast as she can screaming I can't catch her. She makes up jokes and thinks she is a magician when she throws the penny over her shoulder and asks me where it went.

Ava has come so far. She is the smartest kid and loves to learn. She is shy and playful. She is content with just hanging out with me. She likes to clean and if you give her a rag she will go at it for hours. She loves to socialize and wants to befriend anyone that will slow down. She is kind and gentle. She is the youngest now but longs to be an older sister, I will have to keep a close eye on her with a little one b/c her desire to help may backfire. She is strong willed and stubborn when she wants to be.

I am the luckiest woman alive. I will never get such cool kids again. They have come so far and are dedicated to going all the way. Their minor setbacks are just that. They are going to be amazing adults. I love every one of them more each day. I look forward to them waking me up before dawn every morning for the rest of their childhood. I even look forward to the many interruptions in the middle of the night when they are caught sneaking out.

Thursday they are mine forever to vent about or to brag about. They are adored and I will spend the rest of my days making sure they know it.

A fit and a friend

First things first, Cyr had a huge fit before bed last night. She rarely does this so it is even more irritating than from a regular rager, not fair I know but true. She has to have control over everything, she will adjust any request from me just enough to allow me to not get onto her. If I ask her to empty the dishwasher she will empty everything and leave the forls on the counter like she forgot. Silly but when it is EVERY LITTLE THING you can find yourself getting frustrated and rightly so. Her chore is to take the dog out and feed him. She waits so long that he poops or pees on himself every day. Then she has to clean out his cage. Her problem, right? Now she is complaining that she is afraid of the dark after taking him out every night after dark and fighting with her sisters to shut off the light every night instead of allowing them to have a small night light. I didn't buy it and told her to hurry up. She stood in front of the door with her coat on for 15 minutes. I calmly told her to go to bed and she would hear her consequence tomorrow. She started screaming that she had made a deal with Patches to do it and she forgot to do it. She was so scared of the dark and couldn't go out there. She forced herself to sob for another 15 minutes and them turned on the sisters in her room screaming they were to blame.

I got her up at 5:30AM (2 full hours early) to wash the dog and cage, feed him, and walk him in the dark. She never complained about the dark this morning, why not? I thought she was terrified to the point of freaking out, not. She just had to have control.

Waiting patiently? OK, here it goes. Now keep in mind nothing is for sure and it could change anytime from now to a month from now. Eve called and asked if we would keep her daughter, Mia, and her son for a month. She can not get a job b/c she doesn't have a babysitter and can't afford one. She wants us to keep her son permanently but I suggested she use the time to think about it. Mia has a father that lives in Japan (Army) and so it can't be permanent b/c he would take her from her and while he pays child support he views Mia as property not a person. She said she does not feel a bond to her son and is trying to fake it like I suggested but she is feeling negative towards him and is afraid it will not come.

I am excited to see them both and take care of them for a bit. I am pretty sure it will be longer than a month and she will decide to place him with us. It is hard not to run out an buy everything in baby sizes but I am going to wait until I pick him up. My DH was surprisingly supportive. I thought for sure he would object to me driving to New Orleans to pick them up.

Just a Teaser.....

I may or may not have a fun announcement this evening. I got a call this afternoon from a friend and she is asking a favor of us. We agreed to do it but she needs to think this through before I tell you it's happening. Curious?

A Lazy Day

I only have 6 appointments, 2 OT and 4 Speech. Then I have to pick up meds, make 2 appointments for Cyr, write a journal page for Flat Stanley and send him back, a phone conference with Michael's teacher, email the psychiatrist about testing for ADD and ADHD on Ava and Ruthie and possible anxiety meds for Ava b/c she is still eating her clothes, hands, chairs, and just about anything she can put in her mouth, find out if and when Ella can get her hamstrings extended surgically and Botox injections in her legs to reduce the tightness due to her CP, grocery shop, rearrange the storage room to include all the new Halloween crap I bought the day after, entertain Emma all day b/c she is too sick for school but not sick enough to sleep all day, cook dinner, and do my usual 4-5 loads of laundry. I hope to slip in an hour nap since it is a slow day!

8 days and counting down to the Big Day. Oh I just remembered I need to find an activity to do that day after the adoption. A museum maybe? Ice skating? No movies or playgrounds for sure. I am open to ideas people!

On a gross note, we figured out by complete accident (Ruthie didn't knock on the bathroom door before entering) that Ava is our resident feces smearer. It makes sense now, of course, and she admitted when she gets mad she smears it on the wall for me to clean. Not anymore kiddo, it is your job. Hahahahahaha I am gonna have to spend more time with her, not sure how but I think she needs alot more one on one. Our agency suggested sleeping in a small tent in our home since she has also started to wet herself at night. She is slipping fast.

Introducing The Adoptive Parents of the Year

We had a great time at the luncheon today. My MIL showed up on time to watch the kids b/c at the last minute we learned they were not invited and the photographer will be coming to our home at a later date for photos. They said such nice things and there were so many people there. The food was beautiful and way too much of it. My husband went back for seconds on the dessert and convinced another mother she needed some too so he wouldn't look like a pig. We were all laughing so hard when she agreed.

We got hockey tickets in Channel 46's fancy suite for next Saturday night and we will be attending a great event next Saturday morning at Stone Mountain. At both we will be given the royal treatment.

Tomorrow I take Cyr to the sexual abuse institute for her psycho-sexual evaluation. I am nervous for her but trying to keep my cool so she doesn't know. Alot is riding on this, not that it will make us decide to move her but her treatment plan will be based on it.

Don't Make My Kids Mad

Yesterday, when talking to the new AT about Cyr's therapy plan he asked me about her friends and peer relationships. I told him how she has struggled to have normal friendships b/c she tends to become the friend t the point of losing herself. She takes over their likes and dislikes to an extreme. She has had 2 neighborhood friends that have disappeared lately and even avoid her at the bus stop with no explanation from her. One of these friends complained awhile back that she was mean to little kids at school, she is very bossy. The AT was concerned b/c this has Borderline Personalty written all over it. He explained that an extreme case was the movie Single White Female. How scary is that? He has a case now that a 10 yr old girl wants her adoptive parents new baby to go away. She hasn't mentioned harming the baby but she wants to be the baby so badly they are concerned for it's safety.

Ruthie just got mad at me for something silly and decided to put a nasty dog chew under my pillow. She knows I am freaked out by gross things and anything near my pillow like feet or butts. This would be right on up there with poop under my pillow. I sent her to her room to think of a way to make this up to me. I am thinking she needs to wash all my sheets. EEWWW!!!

Good News and Bad News

Let's go with the bad first, I am no longer pregnant. The good news is, it was in the right spot. Not much good if it is paired with the bad news, huh? I am fine but more than a little sad.


We started with the new AT an I love him. He is working with Ella and Michael and is way better than the last 2 ladies, even though technically we still have the last one and she is working with Cyr and Ruthie starting tomorrow. He pointed out the eye contact with Ella was only when I talked about how I planned to keep her safe. The rest of the time I was telling her nice things about her and she watched my mouth and nose. I know it sounds silly but it is very important. Michael squirmed the minute we talked about his feelings, good or bad, about Cyr. He got agitated and claimed he was uncomfortable in my lap. He was full of it. Once we lightened the conversation he was fine again.

Halloween was great fun. The kids are learning about traditions b/c this is the 2nd Halloween and they are asking lots of questions about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Are we going to make presents again? Are we making Pumpkin Gingerbread Truffle? Can we have hot chocolate while we do the tree? How many presents do we get? It is the firs time they have been anywhere 2 years in a row and they are very excited about it.

Trick or Treating at the Mall

The picture is horrible and my phone is to blame. I can't see what I am taking a picture of and tend to just shoot and hope. My kids are in the middle and the other children around us are there with the Mommy Group I just joined.

What is it about being old that makes it so difficult to meet friends? I had a ton of friends growing up, long lasting friendships that only faded away after I married and quit going to parties and drinking marathons. We have a few friends we really enjoy in our RAD support group and I have my favorite person in the whole world, my sister Kiki but that is it. I have many of you that I care about, I even talk about you like I know you but are we friends? No, not really. I am a good friend and do tend to attract needy people who latch on and wear me down until I have to hide from them. My best friend for over 15 years has BiPolar and I finally just stopped calling her and our friendship faded away. Trust me it needed to. She is a story for a rainy day. She is Emma's natural cousin and her Mother adopted Emma's sister Kendal.

I did have a point before I rudely went off on a tangent about my ex friend. How do you met friends? I have resorted to online friendship dating of sorts. I met a really nice lady, at least what I could tell she seemed nice. I really spent the evening chasing her around the mall with our 9 kids between us. She was a woman after my own heart, fast paced to get the job done. I loved it. Her older daughter was a vampiress and her make up was beautifully done.

I made one big mistake and as soon as I said it I wished I hadn't, I told her I blogged and when she asked for the address I gave it to her. I am sure she will have nightmares after seeing who my children really are behind closed doors. I only hope she would keep in mind, they have come a long way. They are wonderful children that are doing their best to fit into a world they don't understand, a real family. They are harmless to others yet self destructive. They are learning social ques that other children pick up as babies. They may look like they are 9 but they are really only about 3 socially and emotionally. Your children are safe b/c it is my job to protect any one near them and while teaching mine to mimic a normal child to fit in.

The Doctor and Early Treats

I had to take Emma to the pediatrician yesterday b/c all the kids got a cold last week but theri cough went away, her got nasty. SHe does not like the doctor since her last well check up and they pricked her finger and gave her multiple shots. Who can blame her, right? I had to force her to stay home from school and go. When the doctor asked her what was wrong, she again insisted, "Nothing". The doctor asked, "Are you sick?" and gave me a puzzled look. Emma said, "No, so I don't need my finger pricked, no shots, and no throat thing!". I about laughed out loud, poor kid. The doctor assured her she was not getting shots or finger pricks but she had to see her throat to be sure that didn't need to be done. After checking her out that was not needed but she is very congested and has Bronchitis. She told Em, "See you were sick." Em replied, "I know". SHe is a hoot. Now she has bugged me hundred times for her medicine, just in case I forget she only needs it once a day. She loves the flavor and told me she thinks the doctor would say she could have a little more b/c she was really sick. Whatever.

I am taking the kiddos trick or treating tonight at the mall with a Moms Group I joined to make some friends. I am a bit concerned we will not fit in at all b/c their kids are so much younger. It is supposed to be a forward thinking hip mama group, no kidding that is what it says. How forward thinking will they be when I bring along my crazy kidlets? I will definitely post about that with pictures tomorrow.

Food and the New Living Arrangements

Still no news on the health of the baby. I am, however, exhausted and hungry. Nothing too wild but definitely out of the ordinary for me. Today I wanted fried eggs, hash browns, and cheese dip poured all over it. My husband was horrified. I am someone that does not eat leftovers, Thanksgiving dinner is really the only exception. No real reason for this just a bit of OCD when it comes to food. Everything has it's place and can not touch. I eat one item until it is gone and then move on to the next thing. Sandwiches are dry with no condiments, usually. One thing that always stands out when I am pregnant is I must smoosh things together and have lots of sauces. I have been eating the same few things over and over this week, a turkey sandwich about 6 inched THICK b/c it needs so much swiss cheese (3 or 4 slices), lettuce, lots of tomato, overflowing miracle whip, tortilla chips layered on it, and 2 whole dill pickles on it. I have had this sandwich 4 times in a week and I will be right back cause I have managed to make myself hungry thinking about it.

We met with the new AT and Sex Abuse therapist on Friday and it was brief but helpful. He insists on the offending child having her own room and restroom. OK, we have a huge house and it is possible for her to have it but I felt like the kids in her room were safe b/c they are older and real tattletales looking to get her in trouble. I also worried about her feeling like she is special, this is something we have been working on forever, she has been treated like an adult her entire life and when I tell the kids to do something I actually have to remind her she is included. It is important for her to be their equal and not above the others. At the same time, I do not want to risk the others to prove this.

We have decided to hurry up and finish the basement room we were hoping to do much later to make room for the next kids. It turns out she doesn't really want her own room now that she is getting it b/c she assumed I would give up the guest room with the cable TV in it. Uh, No. We will make this as comfortable for her as we can, we intend on putting a camera monitor in her room (this way she can call for me and I can hear her if I am asleep, she is only allowed to dress and undress in the bathroom so she never needs to worry about someone seeing her exposed), she can have the dog in her room with her, and door alarms on all doors and windows. I know she will be safe down there but she is a bit nervous. She has never been alone. All of my children sleep with the full lights on every night and she will be allowed to continue this.

Huge News

I have been feeling sick to my stomach for about a week and extremely emotional. I mean the other day I cried to an Eddie Money song, who does that? It wasn't even sad. I threw up when I saw a pudding commercial today so I decided it was time to take a test. I am pregnant. This can be good or bad. I have a history of ectopic pregnancies and I imagine this is, too. We are trying to take all that into consideration and not get our hopes up. (yeah, right)

Mornings

We have rules in place to make mornings go smoothly. Things like put your clothes out at night and be sure they fit, find your shoes before bed, get your paperwork signed when you first get home and put them back in your bag, hang up your bookbag on the rack, and many other normal things help us have fun mornings. Not today. Today Patches couldn't find her shoes so she went out in the rain without them to walk the dog. The dog came back in and decided to refuse to go to his kennel and slopped his muddy feet all over her clean pants and naked feet. By the time she made it back upstairs her bus was here and she hadn't brushed her teeth or hair, had no shoes, and her pants were filthy. Instead of running upstairs to fix this she stood still and refused to cooperate even though her personal bus driver was waiting. After several very long minutes I had to let the driver go and she is home for the day. She will be cleaning ALL day. She has missed 7 days of school and it is only October. I love 4th graders so if she chooses to stay in that grade it is fine with me.

Scary Pictures

I haven't posted our Halloween pictures, I keep forgetting. The kids are going to be a witch, dead bride, devil girl in an evening gown, a scary skeleton dude, Cinderella, and the twins will be a dog and a cat. You can see how horrible our flower bed looks but it is perfect for the holiday. The picture with the severed leg also has a giant rat eating it but it is hard to tell. There are also skeletons hanging in the bushes that are hard to see. Can you tell I enjoy this?

The kids came home and did their own chores and then some for a promise to watch the movie Transformers tonight. My poor DH is working extra hard and couldn't make it back in time to watch it with us so I gave the kids the option of doing it tonight without Dad or waiting for him and doing it tomorrow. Most agreed to wait without any prompting from me. I am thrilled to see them thinking of someone besides themselves. Progress, people, progress.

My son just informed me I need a stapler b/c everyone does. He admitted he just wants to use one to staple all the papers he can find. I knew he had reason.

A Little Rant

I was hoping to be more positive than the last few weeks but I need to vent a bit first. I will begin with I am very experienced in dealing with lice b/c when my children came to live with us they brought their little friends on their heads. Every time I thought it was cleared up they had another family visit and they were everywhere within days. I learned to spray everything and even trimmed my nails at an angle to better pick the critters out of their hair. It was to say the least, a nightmare. It lasted for months and I didn't think it would ever go away. Fast forward to now, we haven't had them in forever but continue to use puppy flea shampoo in their hair daily to prevent it (a great trick the pediatrician told us, it uses a natural chemical and won't harm them with daily uses).

Ella had started scratching over the weekend and she had them. I had a total meltdown and checked every head, no one else but her had it so I figured she got it from school and she can't be trusted to wash her hair properly. I watched her wash it and was right. I picked all through her hair and washed everything in sight. She was clean for school Monday. Monday afternoon her school calls and said she had lice and several others in her class did as well, come get her. I refused b/c it was 30 minutes before school ended and it must have really ticked them off b/c they sent the the lice home with her in a bag! Yes, you read it right. They sent the lice home in a ziploc bag with a note saying, "These were found in Ella's hair. Go through her hair and we will recheck it in the morning." I am livid. I can't believe they sent them home. I kept her out yesterday and went all through her hair and I know she is clean again and she better not come home with any either. I am not answering the phone if they call me to come get her. Am I over reacting? What would you do? I know their county's policy is not to send the child home b/c they would lose too many kids to this. Lice happens, that I understand, it's just sending it home is over the line.

Update - I called the county and verified that they do not have to send the kids home but in extreme cases some schools choose to. I also asked her if it was common to send home the lice in a bag and she was horrified. She has never heard of that and agreed she would be upset about it. I did not pursue it further for fear it would put a wedge between her teacher and I so early on. I will just assume it is b/c she is so young and stupid.

The P Doctor

We went to the psychiatrist this morning which is an all day event fr us. We have to drive into the city (Atlanta) and that can take anywhere from an hour to 3, seriously. I love this doctor and feel she has a real grasp on the kids issues. She upped the meds for Patches and Ava to help them control some of their loose emotions. Patches has been becoming withdrawn again and we find her watching TV in the playroom for hours and she refuses to participate in any activity. The good thing is she is not throwing her lovely tantrums anymore so just a tweak in her meds out to help her a great deal. Ava had been crying for hours each day prior to her meds and in between the change of her meds. I am not exaggerating when I say she would sob uncontrollably for 3-8 hours a day for no reason or a very small one. If I asked her to brush her hair one more time b/c she missed a spot, it would take her an hour or more to recover. Obviously, she has a pretty severe depressive disorder. A little tweak in her meds should bring her up to an occasional laugh.

We have lost another SW, she is getting married Friday and while we will miss her we wish her well.

I hate my dog.

OOOPPS, He Did It Again!

He woke up with a dry one!!!!!! He is over the moon with excitement. He keeps telling me, "See Mom, I feel safe here!" A while back he asked why he still wet his bed every night and my response was that some kids do it because they don't feel safe and some because their bodies refuse to wake up until they have already wet. He told me must not feel safe because he wakes up. I am so proud he is feeling so good about himself and I have a beautiful smelling boy.

We had big excitement last night when my DH and ALL the kids were pulled over. I keep the insurance card in my agenda and he couldn't prove he had it. The officer was about to tow the van and realized the kids would be stranded. He was so nice he offered to follow him home to get it. The kids were a mess and really hard to calm down, DUH. Every time we have contact with an officer they worry we are going to jail. It is nice to be able to prove we are good parents and are not going to be arrested. It is not fun to be pulled over 4 times (between us) in the last 3 months for no reason.

We have discovered that Cyr is getting a lot of good out of this separation thing we are doing to keep the kids safe. When I need to use the restroom or have a few minutes to myself she has to come with me to my room. She gets to watch TV while I do whatever. Yesterday, Emma wanted to come with me and was upset when Cyr informed her she had to go and only she got to be in there. It dawned on me she is feeling special and still holding something over their heads. Now she will only be allowed in her room with the alarm on while I am disposed.

Tell the World, Mommy

My son did not wet his pull up last night. This has only happened 2 or 3 times in 18 months and he was so proud of himself. He ran down this morning telling me to grab his dry pull up. Of course I didn't touch it but I told him I trusted him. LOL I told him Daddy would be so proud when he got up and I promised to call my sister after the sun came up. He told me to tell the world! So here I am telling the world my son had a dry pull up. Tiny steps but steps none the less.

It Didn't Happen

The finalization was postponed until November 15. I am very relieved to have more time to work out the details of her therapy. Of course, we got the call 5 minutes AFTER we told the kids it was happening in the morning. LOL

My dh did in fact lose his job. WOW is about all I can say. He has had 2 other offers and just needs to figure out which one he wants and when he will start. I am confident things will be fine, a little slow but fine. He is in very high demand and any of his past contractors would be thrilled to have him back.

We are extremely stressed right now and about all I can manage is the bare minimum.

A Very Long Weekend

This is just one of Emma's self portrait photos I fond on my phone last week. There is a series of her many funny faces very close up.

The Attachment Center we use sent out our new AT. She is not an AT, in my opinion, and we have to fire her before she really screws up our kids. For those of you who do not even know what AT is I will give you a brief description. It is to facilitate attachment between the mother and child. It involves both at all times, the child is NEVER separated from the mother for any kind of talk therapy or play therapy without the mother at least watching through a window. Children with this disorder are VERY sneaking and manipulative. They are extremely charming and it can be very difficult to determine what is the truth and what is not. My oldest has gone 11 years fooling everyone in her path that she is a kind, caring, responsible, healthy child when the exact opposite is true. SHe has no feelings of any kind towards anyone, she just mimics what she sees others do. The AT we had had lots of ideas on how to get things out of her and force the truth. My children are most comfortable in a power struggle and I need advice on how to avoid them. The AT teaches non-conventional ways to parent, normal patterns do not work b/c you are dependent on the fact your child wants to please you and my children do care if I am pleased with them. Got it?

So this very bright and pleasant lady asks all kinds of questions about the kids and then informs us she will be working with us and will be including her "team" in the therapy. I have heard of teams being used to deal with a child before so I started asking her questions and discovered she had no idea what the hell she was talking about. I assume she would be a very effective play therapist and specializes in Sexual Abuse but she is not an AT. She informed me a member of her team would be seeing the kids at school. Alone. One member was a MAN. Considering my children's extremely poor boundary issues, it is not a good idea for a woman to be alone with a single child and a man is in real danger. She began to brag about how they will be checking my kids out of school and going to McDonald's and for ice cream. AH, HELLO, how is that going to build a bond with my children and I? It is going to build a bond between her and the kids, maybe. So being the fierce mom I am, I asked her this. She responded that she would allow me to sit in the last 15 minutes when she was here. What? Then she told me she would inform the kids that anything they say to her is confidential and she would not share it with me unless they are going to hurt themselves or others. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, NOW!!!!!! Of course I only said that in my mind but I did end the meeting and call my agency immediately. The Center will be finding me another AT, period.

We met yesterday with both our SW and the kids' CW. They have agreed to support us in keeping our oldest here and getting a psycho-sexual assessment done to determine if she is at risk to offend again. We have put ourselves on High Alert and the cameras in our home and door alarms are back in full swing. We have always had rules and devices in place due to the other children acting out sexually but we allowed her to bypass some of the rules b/c she is so "responsible". She is extremely parentified and had always been in charge of caring for the children in the past so in order to help her give up this role we allowed her access we didn't trust the others with. In fact, one of the reasons we trusted her so much is b/c she had reported other children's behaviors to us in the past.

We had to show how we plan to make our home safe again and keep it that way. Here are a few things we discussed with the workers. We never allow the doors to be closed during then day but recently allowed them to enter another child's room to play karaoke and dance as long as there were always 3 or more children and the door remained open. We do not allow Hide and Seek, blankets to be used in public areas, no sharing blankets or hands out of sight, no sitting on another child's bed, no laying down, bathroom always closed, and a few more. The new ones are the offending child must be in the room with me at all times another child is on the same floor, anytime that is not possible she must be in her room with the door alarm on, she may not be alone with any child, she can not be in charge of any child, she can not tell another child what to do, she can not be alone with friends, she can not go to friend's house, she can not play in the neighborhood without me, she can no longer participate in the buddy reading program at school, every one showers alone (sounds weird but with 6 girls you tend to double up), she must make me aware of her need to use restroom and lock the door, basically she has lost all extra privileges she had for being older like staying up late and allowance. It has only been a few days but so far she understands and is doing well.

The other children.....Michael is a tad aggressive towards her, we understand completely why. Ella is scared and has told me so today. Emma is mad to some degree but really doesn't understand what has happened b/c she has never experienced anything so terrible in her pre sibling group sheltered life. The others are barely responsive but we are confident they were unaware of this situation.

On top of all this fun stuff happening at home, my DH went to work this AM to see another contractor working on the building he is supposed to start on this week. He is devastated. We are not sure what this means for him and his job stability. It is entirely possible the brothers he works for has decided to put him on salary like they have discussed for months. The only issue with that is they didn't give him any warning about the other building and he is hurt. He also has at least 2 job offers that have been on the table for months that he can start with a days notice. All will be fine just more stress until the meeting to get details at 2PM. Keep your fingers crossed.

UPDATE: My agency and the Attachment Center have both called and we have a plan. The therapist that came out will stay on but only as a Sexual Abuse Expert and the owner will be our AT. I am thrilled! We have heard from other families he is great. Everyone agrees we are better off finalizing this week all together instead of postponing it or just her. The county they are from is extremely poor and does not have resources available to them like the state does. Once we finalize the adoption we would pull from the state instead of the county. Our agency does not have to continue with us after we finalize but they have a policy to be here when we need them and they committed to working closely with us and our AT until we had this under control. I feel like things are moving forward even though we are scared to death at moments.

The *#it has hit the fan

We discovered some devastating things have been going on here. At this point we, are not sure what will happen with our oldest but the police and DFCS will need to have a full investigation probably this afternoon. Our new AT specializes in this and I am hopeful she can help the other children involved work through this. I am not sure if it is in the family's best interest for her to continue living here at this time. We reassured her no matter what she is a part of this family and we love her. My DH and I are still in shock. She showed no remorse, only embarrassment. I tried to help her understand this is not who she is, it is something she has done. I hope that sinks in. She has promised not to hurt herself or run away but I am not convinced she won't. This is going to change her life and ours forever but we have every intention of adopting her regardless of the outcome.

I know I am going to forget some things but here it goes in no particular order......

I took the kids to a Safety Festival last week and since you can't see their faces I thought I would post it. From left to right A, B, Emma, B's friend A, D, E, P, and my son A. They had a blast getting to climb all over the vehicles, getting tons of stickers and misc. goodies, free ice cream, hot dogs, and sodas, and building wooded fire trucks.


We found out we are losing our agency SW and Attachment Therapist. Both are taking new jobs for different reasons.

We have a tentative adoption date, October 18th. I say tentative b/c the court has not received our latest background check and due to a new state law we had to redo it after we filed but before court. It has taken up to 5 months to get them back in the past and I will be shocked and amazed if they get it in a couple of weeks this time. On top of that Michael will probably have issues due to his criminal background even though he has DHR approval he has things in his past that would get him denied if it wasn't for The First Offender's Act. Unfortunately, GCIC (who maintains the records of all person's in GA) works under a different law which prohibits them from removing it from his record even though it can not be used against him. Confused? I am sure the Judge will be too w/o all the info and that could take time.

We have put a plan in place for my son. The next time he is a danger to himself or others he will be placed into a Residential Treatment Center until he is healthy enough to return home. We have explained this to him and that no matter where he stays he still lives here and is a part of our family. He has done VERY well for the last week or so and maintained control of himself while having his rages. I hope this is a turning point for him but I do not think he will be able to maintain forever. Fingers are crossed, though.

My friend with the tumor has had to terminate her pregnancy and move several hours away to her parents home. She is devastated by her boyfriend's inability to cope and his breakdown during all this.

My friend, Eve, had her baby boy and decided to parent him. On one level I am happy for her b/c I believe families should be preserved if at all possible. I worry how she will support both her children w/o a job or child support and she claims to not be feeling a bond with him. On the other, I am sad for myself and my children, we were really excited.

Emma's sisters are due to go back to their Gma's very soon as long as their Mother is not living there. Of course, she is and only claiming to be at her Gma's.


I have begun to be very strict and everything is black and white for my oldest even if it seems to be an accident. It is working! She really needed me to be exact and take all her control away. She rarely does anything really wrong so it was hard to nail her on anything and I found myself giving her the benefit of the doubt all the time. Now she gets a consequence even if it is more likely to have been an error and she is so much more respectful. I call her on everything and it is draining but the results are amazing.

Our new dog has very sharp teeth and has nipped the kids a few times when the kids are not being too smart. This has caused the kids to be covered in tiny scratches and a few large marks. The school has started to ask questions about them and even taken the girls aside to ask about marks on my son. He had a huge lark on his face from a rage he had and ended up with a rug burn under his eye and a deep scratch in his arm from the dog (we took him to the ER even though we were sure it was overkill). It concerns me they are having these conversations but I am covering my rear with our SW and AT. Everything is documented but this is also why we decided to put a plan in place for Michael.

We have been nominated by our agency to be The Adoptive Family of the Year. I am not sure what all this entails but I do know there will be prizes and a really fancy lunch with up to 1200 people. We are waiting for our invitation now they just called last week to tell us to be looking for it and that we had been selected. Sounds like fun.

Ruthie threw a fit the over the weekend in front of a neighbor kid and humiliated me. She started screaming like I was hurting her when I touched her hand. The poor kids was horrified and too scared to leave. I had to go down and explain things to his parents and I was so lucky that they were such good friends with our neighbor that has 15 kids. They understood as much as they could w/o actually parenting children with these issues. They have a daughter with special needs and did understand embarrassing fits.

I have decided to reveal my kids' new names and begin to refer to each of them by the new ones. We gave our children the choice of just adding our last name or adding a new first or middle to the mix. All were required to keep their original first and last name as middle names. Ex. Their original name was Jane Ann Doe they would be Mary Jane Doe Smith or Jane Mary Doe Smith. We didn't wan them to think or feel that who they were was changing or that they lost who they were when they were adopted as many other adoptees I know. Most of my kids had no idea they had a middle name before so it didn't seem very important to them to keep it. Five of them threw a fit about having to keep any part of their old name but we stood strong.

B- 11 is now B. Cyr (pronounced Sear) H. D. She asked for this name b/c it is my middle name and is my Gma's maiden name and she is being called by it not B

P- 9 is the only child that has retained her name, she only rearranged it b/c it is so unusual that people thought she was a pet or a boy (I will tell you after the adoption the name but it fits so well I am glad she chose to keep it) Marie P. H. D. She will continue to be called P.

D-8 also took my middle name it is just the one I shed at 18 when I changed my name legally to Cyr, she decided to take it in memory of my dear aunt that passed away since she has come to live with us. Ruthie D. H. D.

A-7 will be Michael A. H. D. after my husband. This was his request and it took us a bit to agree b/c it made me feel weird for his parents. He was so set on it our therapist suggested it would do more damage to him to refuse, kind of a rejection of him as our son.

The twins decided they needed 2 new names b/c they matched so well. LOL

C-5 will be Ella Mae C. H. D. Mae is for my Gma and Ella is from the Disney movie Ella Enchanted, she claims she is a princess now. We actually call her Smella for good reason.

A-5 will be Ava Ann A. H. D. Ann is a family name on my side (My Mother, sister, and niece) and is my DH's Mother

Emma is adding her original name back on her birth certificate as a second middle name but is still being called Emma Jane b/c she couldn't remember who Alyvia was when it was called. LOL All the other kids quickly picked up their new names over the summer and the school agreed to use it.

Things have been difficult but I have tons to blog about when the kids go to school............

Pictures

I figured out the picture thing! Only problem is getting a decent photo from my phone because I can't find the cord to my digital camera. Be patient, many more pictures to come.

A Room, An Evil Mom, and A Sick Friend

My son was a freak yesterday. He weighs less than 40lbs and managed to pick up and toss over his entire bed in a rage. He pulled his dresser, table, and benches over and threw all his other things in a pile. He has a favorite Spongebob night lite and he took it by the cord and swung it until it shattered then threw all it's pieces at us. We have no idea what got him going but before he completely flipped out he slapped and punched Emma. She was quick enough to get hers in before he ran off to his room. SHe was upset but really proud that she reacted so quickly.

My son told a neighborhood kid over the weekend that I was evil because I held him to the floor until he cried all the time. WOW! The poor neighbor kid was shocked and I am sure she ran home to tell her parents. It is true, though. I do hold him to the floor and I do it until he cries (shows any emotion but rage). I am not evil, he is possessed when in a rage. I let him know it truly hurt my feelings and he needs to watch what he tells people about other people. I see a real issue on the rise with this.

A friend of mine is in the hospital, they discovered a brain tumor and are doing emergency surgery in a few hours. It is not certain she will survive and if she does what condition she will be in b/c of the location of the tumor. She has chemo and raditation to look forward to if she does. She is 28.

Sick and Old

We did go yesterday and all went smoothly. I think my attorney thinks I am an idiot because she repeats everything to me slowly. Last time she was critical of the kids behavior. Hello Lady, the kids have a horrible past dealing with the courthouse and nothing good came come from being there. Why wouldn't they be acting up? Made sense to me. All we have to do now is get our fingerprints done again and update our homestudy. No problem.

P has been sick for 2 days. She started throwing up in the middle of the night and I was upset she woke up the dog telling me her throat her. I felt horrible when I heard her crying and wretching. I ran in there to help catch it before it hit the floor. What is wrong with me, the dog has peed on the floor now so let the puke hit the floor. She has been miserable laying on the sofa and so sick she didn't hear the other kids get up and go to school. She woke up frantic that they had overslept b/c I was on the other sofa passed out after being up all night.

I found out from her sister, D, that she had gotten in trouble the last afternoon she had ridden the bus home. She had been trying to be funny with the 2 ladies on the bus and called one an old lady. The bus driver had her move up front and wrote her up. I understand that name calling is rude but in our house "Old Lady" is not bad. It is something you strive to be. It is said teasingly and lovingly. I call my Mother, The Old Lady, of course, I also call her other things to my sister but my child doesn't know that. Anyway, P was trying to be funny and this lady was upset. Why is old a bad thing? It just doesn't seem fair. Well, I forgot to mention in our house crazy is normal, that could be part of the issue, too.

Filing the Petition

We are on our way to file the Petition for the Adoption of our children. I am so excited.

A Night Out

Emma went to spend the night with her 3 sisters (not the ones that live here, her natural ones), Nana, and her Mother. She was so excited to go and I was thrilled for her. She barely knows her sister Kendalyn and really needs to get to know her. I am sure she will be filthy and in need of a healthy meal after running around outside and eating tons of junk food over there. (I am sure she would have been fed good food but she insisted she needed to bring snacks for them) She only called 2 times this visit. I am waiting now for another call when she wakes up.


We took the other kids out to a dollar movie and saw Surf's Up. Does it matter that the grown ups liked it more than the kids? It was very funny but several of my kids fell asleep. They filled up on popcorn and passed out.

The puppy is ruining my life. OK, maybe that was a bit dramatic, he is just ruining my new carpet. I must admit in here but never to my DH, he is a cutie. He has been sleeping on my DH's side of the bed and last night he kicked him repeatedly and barked in his sleep. I can't wait until he grows too big to sleep there. Our last Dogo used to squeeze between us until he could reach his head up to my pillow. He would do this very slowly until he was comfy and I would wake up with his dog breath in my face. Have I mentioned I am not a dog lover? DH is exhausted and complaining about getting up in the middle of the night to let him out. Boo Hoo, Buddy Boy. I have gotten up every night for the last year with our new kids and he sleeps right through it. I really have no sympathy for him.

Kids are really enjoying their new playroom. Every minute they are awake they are down there. I am only regretting that it took so long to finish it. I am trying to get some pictures to post, please be patient.

Another Family Member

Well against my better judgement we are getting a dog. I am not happy about this in the least but I was outvoted by every other member of my family. Personally, I think I should be the only one that counts b/c I will be the only one taking care of this beast. I am home all day while they are at work and school, why is it that I am being forced into this.

He will be delivered to the airport tomorrow and my DH will be driving the hour to pick him up. Every one here is thrilled to death about his arrival. He is an Argentine Dogo. The only good thing about this breed is they do not have any odor. That is a huge thing to me b/c every dog we have had besides a Dogo smell so bad I get headaches. They are very large and white. They look like huge Pitbulls but are pack dogs, actually boar hunters. They are very easy to train and smarter than a German Shepard. They are protective but only if you are in danger and are friendly if you know the person. They read their owners very well and are great lap dogs if you had a giant lap that is. I am sure I will have tons to post later about this subject.

The Playroom

The check came this week and is already spent. It is so sad to have that kind of money just go so easily. The kids needed school clothes and we spent a fortune on finishing the basement for them. Today we will haul all of their toys down there and they will be let loose to play. I have provided them with tons of storage for all the little goodies they have and room to grow on. I am hopeful I can teach them how to put everything back in it's place. OK, truth be told, I know this place is going to be a wreck but at least it will be in the basement so company can't see it. LOL

I try to post pictures later with my DH's camera phone so don't count on a clear photo. We did the room in primary colors to match the crazy pattern on the commercial grade carpet that was left over from a JumpZone my DH built. It is very kid friendly and wild. The walls are all bright colors and are yellow, orange, and green. We are using accents of red and royal blue. I painted one entire wall in black board paint and set up a mini classroom for them to play school properly. The other end of the room has a sectional sofa, TV, XBOX, VCR, DVD player, and all the movies. I have 2 cameras and a hand held color video monitor with sound that we are installing to keep an eye on them. All the other wall space is now shelves for storage. I really can't fit another thing in there to hold toys. I will be decorating the walls with their artwork that I have saved and framed. Every one that has seen it wants to be a kid again.

Jensboys

I can not log on or figure out a way to log onto SofA. It keeps coming up as banned and that I am a stinking spammer. Help me! I am starting to have tremors from lack of contact.

I sure hope you still read my blog otherwise I may be banned forever.

My Son is Losing Control

My son has gotten progressively worse since school started back. He embarrassed his sisters and I at the OT Clinic yesterday and trust me that is difficult to do at this satge in the game. I am just tired of restraining him. He needs to be held and will go to great lengths to get me to do so.

I contacted the school for the 2nd time about having a meeting to meet his SID (Sensory Integration Dysfunction) needs. His teacher, I am sure by her reaction or lack of, thinks I am a crazy person and tried to put me off on the Assistant Principal. I was pleased b/c I have met her and she is aware we have special issues. I called her and she jumped right on board. She is willing to put together an emergency IEP meeting and see what they can do to help. I think I am going to have a problem with implementing the sensory equipment in class b/c his sensory issues do not effect his education which is part of the requirement. It is however destroying our family so hopefully they will be sympathetic.

My goal is to discuss this issue and a possible move to a contained classroom like his sisters. He is currently pulled out of 1st grade for the maximum time in a Resource class. He is 7 yrs old and can not recognize any Sight Words, most of the alphabet, or any of their sounds while he watches Emma read and she is a year younger. This bothers him b/c they are in the same grade and his younger sister by 2 years is catching on faster than he is. My feeling is all this is having an effect on his behavior and self-esteem. I want my son to succeed.

Our Agency Saves the Day

I love my adoption agency! They have been so supportive and today they topped their best efforts. Still no news about the Adoption Assistance check so I called to tell my SW that our van was dead and I can't make any of the appointments until I get our money to fix the van. It was not a threat, I thought I needed to let them know I can't do OT, PT, Speech, or any of the other doctor appointments this week. Get this.....they GAVE us money to fix the van. I was shocked, I told them it wasn't necessary and they insisted. I was just trying to cover my rear and they really stepped up. This is not something little either, $1500. I am so thrilled to have my van towed tomorrow and hopefully be fixed quickly. Without them we truly couldn't have fixed the van.

I have the most annoying cricket screaming for a mate outside our front door. The darn thing can be heard across the house. Last night it woke Emma up and she had to crash on our floor, again.

Poor Girl

Emma had a friend spend the night for the first time. It was actually the first time for anyone except family to spend the night with any of my kids. It was a real eye opener, let me tell you. A lot of my kids wear pull ups at night due to their past abuse and possibly the smallest bladders in the world. We have made them feel good enough about them that they completely forgot every thing I said when I asked them to change for bed. That part is not unusual (forgetting every thing I said part) but them coming down in just their pull ups was a bit uncomfortable for the girl. They were prancing around in them when she came out of the bathroom and was shocked to see so many big kids nearly naked. Coming from a small household she was already overwhelmed but holding it together. She was completely confused why they had them on and my kids started telling her that they wet their beds every night and they wear them b/c I make them do laundry. What? She just couldn't wrap her mind around the laundry and bedwetting thing, how did they go together? I heard her asking Emma if it was like this all the time in here and Em told her, "No, they are just being good for you."

Poor girl barely ate a thing. She is extremely picky with food which is not something we an issue with anymore. My kids were shocked that she would just throw food away instead of giving it to them and she couldn't believe they wanted her food. She is used to getting what she wants to eat for each meal. This was like stepping into The Twilight Zone for her. She said it was fun and wanted to come back but I would love to be a fly on the wall at her house when they ask her how it was.

A Bit of a Meltdown

Well, my son had a hard time last Friday and did very well over the weekend. He has had a hard time every day after school but able to keep it together and not hurt anyone.....until today. He was told if he sat down and did his homework in a timely manner he would be able to join his Dad at work with a couple of the girls while I took everyone else to OT. He was excited and sat right down. I walked away for less than a minute and he was flipping out b/c Emma was finished with her homework and announced she would be able to go. My son had to write, no copy, 10 simple spelling words. He is fully capable of copying these words, he has done this many times. It ended up being a big ordeal and of course he was unable to go with DH. He had to be carried out to the car and strapped in several times before he decided to stay.

Once we got to the OT's office he had calmed and seemed fine. Three of the girls needed to go to the restroom, this happens every where and every time we go out. I walked them to the bathroom andstood in the hallway between the restroom and the office. I heard someone crying and realized it was him. He was laying on the floor bawling. I asked him to come into the hall with me and he refused and began kicking and screaming. In the hall it turned into an all out tantrum. He threw his folder at me and and ripped up all his paperwork. When the girsl were done I tried to escort him back in and it ended up in a restraint to protect me. He had started hitting, kicking, and scratching me. He laid there for 20 minutes and started crying. I held him for another 20 minutes in a cradle like position that usually helps. His OT thinks it is SID related, I am not so sure. Maybe. I do know he hasn't been like this in a long time and once school started he has needed to let it go again a couple of times.

Money

I know I mentioned that we were waiting on our Adoption Assistance to be sent a while back. It still isn't here! Everyone is pointing their finger at the kids' CW for not doing the original paperwork correctly and then failing to send it to the regional office for filing. Fine, but where does that leave us? Waiting for a check that may or may not have been written for June, July, August, and soon to be September. We can easily afford Emma but adding a sibling group of 6 added a financial burden that we can't maintain for long and on top of that b/c they didn't mention a delay would happen once we signed so we didn't save up for it. Instead we over extended ourselves in a new house in need of lots of repair and school starting. Shame on us for trying to provide a better house and life for all of us.

The latest on this is the Regional Adoption Coordinator (RAC) is investigating where the correct paperwork is. She emailed the kids' CW on Friday and has not updated us yet. I hate to tell them off b/c they are the ones in charge of getting us our money but I am livid. Everything has gotten behind now and we are in a pickle. I need that check this week! Somehow I do not htink my screaming that will help. I am trying to be patient but I am now calling my poor SW every pother day to see if she knows anything. My DH is freaking out b/c his new position only pays him monthly now so we are really in trouble. Once they fix this it should not be a problem again, it is just getting it started.

Push, Push, Push

P's teacher called this morning and I missed the call. She left me a message that she would call this afternoon so I was nervous all day waiting. Turns out 2 girls from another Special Ed class that walk with her to Music pushed her repeatedly. She did a great job controlling herself and told the teacher. She was happy to know the girls got a U in behavior for the day and a note to their parents. Then she goes on to tell me P told her that a kid named Mathew in her class likes her. The teacher is concerned about her giggles and that she has misunderstood this other boy. I agreed that was entirely possible given her history. When I talked to P this afternoon she claims this child told her, "I have a crush on you." Seems pretty normal for a 10 yr old boy, right? I warned her that at 9 she does not need to be holding hands or kissing but that it is normal to like being liked and to like boys. She blushed and denied liking him back. Yeah right, I was born yesterday. She talks about him every day.

D came home and said another child spit on her and hit her. I don't know if I believe her for sure b/c it came when P was getting attention for her incident. She said the teacher sent a note home to their parents.

I am noticing more and more that B avoids affection from me. She walked right up to my DH last night to hug and kiss him but ignored me completely. After she went upstairs to pick out her clothes for school she tried to argue with me about another child's clothes. I had to remind her I was the Mother and what I said was law for the millionth time. SHe is so disconnected to me that it makes me sad for her. I hope we are able to help her past this, she deserves to feel love. In the meantime, she is driving me crazy on purpose and hiding my frustration is difficult but very important.

Waiting

At the last possible hour my oldest and DH decided the didn't have anything to wear tomorrow and I am expected to stay up and be sure the load of laundry is dry. Yes, it can't just be put in the dryer, I must be sure it gets dry. My dryer has been freaky since we moved here and only works when it feels like it. It can go through thte entire cycle is done or cut off randomly through the cycle.

I am not happy about htis byt I am thrilled about why I haven't done any laundry all weekend.
We have had a great weekend. DH took us to breakfast at Waffle House. Yeah!! He then had to go to work for a bit so we took my son to get his hair cut. The lady cut it WAY too short, the good thing is it will grow back and he hasn't a clue. We were able to meet DH later at the pool for a much loved swim.

The best part of the weekend was no one got in real trouble. We had so much fun and everybody behaved. Everyone took their meds w/o complaint, did their chores, worked out fights w/o tattles, and smiled. I am so happy my kids are becoming happy, fun people to be around. Isn't that what a parent is to do? Make their kids likeable and happy. I must be doing something right.

Speaking of family, my DH's Paternal Gpa died a while ago, maybe 2 months or so. Anyway, we got a call today that his aunts and uncles that have had nothing to do with DH basically his entire life want him to have the small inheritance that his Dad would have received had he not drank himself to death. Keep in mind it really isn't much but to them it would be a lot. We have decided to spend the money on a special quick trip with the kids to see the ocean. I made the suggestion to DH b/c he never had those growing up and he always dreamed his Dad would come and do family type things with him. Every time we think about the first time most of our kids saw the ocean was with money from his Father's family. In a round about way, he will have a fun memory of his long lost family.

So now I am trying to figure out where we should go. I love St. Augustine Beach and he is thinking Panama City Beach. His is cheaper and mine has less drunk teens even though it will be after peak season. We are thinking of taking a long weekend in the middle of September.

(My dryer just shut off again for no reason. AGGHH!)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, Wait a Minute Who are You?

I took the kids to McDonald's this morning to play and have breakfast. They were so good and eating like champs so we headed to the indoor playground for a bit. We were stopped by a couple and their little girl to ask if what kind of program I ran. This happens ALOT. Emma recognized the little girl and ran to hug her. She was from her class at school. That sparked a whole new conversation as they followed us to the playground. They wanted to borrow Emma and when I offered to invite their dd over to spend the night sometime they were thrilled. They got to see how I parent first hand and kept telling me how impressed they were. They have not allowed their dd to spend the night out yet but were now very excited at the prospect of letting me take her sometime. They laughed and said they were really excited about Emma spending the night at their house b/c they could sleep past 6AM if their dd had a playmate to entertain her. They made sure to get my number and since they were almost salivating, I know they will call soon.

As we were sitting there other unattended children kept coming up to the table and sitting with us. That happens alot, too. I have no idea why but almost every time we are out other people's children flock to us. We have had them sit down and eat with us and realize we had someone else's kid. Some people really do not supervise their kids well in public. If I had one leave the bunch, I would know right away and I have 7. How is it possible they lose their kid when they only have 1 or 2? I could walk out of any fast food restaurant with additional kids and I swear their parents would not know until after I left the parking lot. It makes me so mad and yes, I have had 2 little boys get in our van and buckle up.

Day 4

I can see myself getting used to this alone time. I have already cleaned up the house and read all the blogs so I find myself with nothing much to do. I am enjoying it.

The kids are loving school and doing well so far. My son is already refusing to do his homework so I see not much has changed after all. Emma loves school so much she begged to go Saturday and Sunday. B has made a friend and is hoping to watch High School Musical 2 at her house on Friday. A only cried on the first day and is convinced she can find her way to her class even if she can't find her bedroom on a good day.

I am Alone!!!!

So now what do I do? Clean? Nap? Watch a movie? I am too pumped up for a nap, cleaning does not sound fun, and nothing on TV. I guess I will just sit here until they come home or the energy wears off and I can take that nap I have been promising myself. I can clean later. I have tons of that to keep me busy b/c I let everything go for the last few days trying to get prepared for school.

Emma's Mother called and wished her a good first day. Nothing else compares to her remembering. All her anxiety flew out the window when I handed her the phone.

This year I have 2-Kindergartners, 2-1st graders, a 3rd, 4th, and 5th grader. We have 3 buses that come to our house for 3 different elementary schools all starting at different times. The first bus was here at 6:45AM, the regular bus arrived at 8:05AM, and the 2nd Special Needs bus was here promptly at 8:25AM. Now why couldn't they organize themselves and all get here at 8:15AM for my convenience.

DH just came in and asked if this was what it is like when they leave for college. He is already counting the days, I am not. I am also wondering if we may better spend our money on a pole than save for college. Really, I am just kidding. I think most of mine are capable of college and it is expected that they will all attend some school after high school.

The Last Days

Kids are ready for school, shoes and supplies have been purchased. Since they do not understand time, they are very confused as to when they are starting. Someone asks me about every hour, "Do we go to school when we wake up?"

Michael and I took them to the pool today. They had a great time and it was so nice to bring DH. He misses alot due to the fact he has to work. I am so glad I do not have to be somewhere every day, answer to someone, or feel rushed to complete a task by a deadline. Wait, I do have a job and it doesn't end at 5PM.

It is getting better and better

Each day gets a little better. They are acting normal again. I think we will survive until school starts on Monday. Only a few more days!!!!

A has been weaned off her Prozac and is now crying for hours a day. She begged me to fix her last night. I emailed the P doctor this afternoon to request new meds be started before the next visit. I hope she agrees b/c I am concerned about school. This child has not attended PreK and this is her first real school experience.

My kids are convinced I need a job since they are leaving me for school. My oldest claims I have nothing to do all day and need to get out of the house. I am so gonna nap on Monday!!

A Great Day

We had a great day at the YMCA pool. The kids were well behaved and even played with other children appropriately. This is a real struggle for them, they do not know how to initiate play with others. I even met someone to talk to, not difficult b/c I always talk to strangers in public places. The only thing that happened wrong all day is I forgot to reapply the sunscreen 15 times and fried a few of the kids just under their eyes.

Almost all of the kids' teachers called and left messages about Orientation Thursday. I wish I had a moment to talk to them privately but it will have to wait. B is upset that she has a male teacher. I don't know how I feel about it, yet. On one hand, not another female that she can love more than me. On the other, she does not act appropriately all the time with males. This should play itself out pretty quickly and hopefully she will be able to learn that most males are not always out to get you.

What a difference a week can make. I am feeling much better, they are acting much better. This time last week I was a mess, frustrated beyond belief and desperately needing a break. I didn't get a break but we have hit the pool 3 times this week and they are too tired to realize they are behaving. LOL

We have one week until school starts and I am counting the days. They went to bed early tonight and will the rest of the week. I need to shop for supplies and new shoes but it will have to wait until later this week. We still have to see the eye doctor, one more physical, and pick up the dentist forms before Thursday. I have to do Orientation at 3 elementary schools within 2 hours and then go to an IEP meeting the same day. That is going to be a challenge to say the least.

I have had a few days to let the baby news sink in and I am feeling better and better about it. She is going back and forth but I am sure she is just scared that I am not going to help her out until she has the baby. I have no problem helping her until she has the baby and some afterward, I will not be able to parent her children full time, though. I am not sure what she is going to do.

This and That

Things are getting a bit better. I sat the kids down and told them I knew they were anxious about the adoption being postponed, new school, and the move. They talked about their feeling a little and have eased up with the obnoxious behavior.

We are still waiting to hear when our Assistance is to start. My agency is worked up about this and the fact I still have not received the paperwork to sign so how could they even write a check. They are going over the CW head and talking with the Office of Adoptions directly. My fingers are crossed we don't upset anyone and they get on the ball.

The Attachment Therapist had me sing to the kids this week. After we were done she laughed and said she wouldn't torture us with that again. I guess I am just that bad.

My kids are bugging about High School Musical 2. It is Zac this and Zac that. Thank goodness the funk is lifting b/c this is enough to push someone over the edge. LOL

School starts on August 13th. I can't wait, we are all counting the days.

I think my friend, E, is going to parent her baby boy. She seems to be starting to have doubts and while I had hoped this would happen all along, I am sad. I am currently babysitting her child 5 full days and nights a week and am her only babysitter. I am not sure I will be available to babysit both of her children long term, it is not helping her learn to be a better parent it is just making me the parent. I am more than willing to help her until she can no longer work and then while she is in the hospital but I can not do this after that. I hope she understands. There is no reason she can't parent this child, lots of kids have just one parent or grow up w/o alot of extras. DH is feeling relief, he was worried about how much fun we wouldn't be having at Disney World. He said he would grieve after that, LOL.

That reminds me, still no takers for Disney World? Are you scared? We don't bite, well, not others at least.