Monday, September 28, 2009

Sparkling Personality?

I am trying to embrace this new found vulnerability.  I am nervous what people will think knowing what is really going on here and in my head.  On some level, I had always hoped to open it up but the fear kept me from intentionally do it.  It's not like people will scream in my face but a few may stop talking to me.  It's not like I have a lot of extra friends to spare.  LOL  Maybe it will be a good thing.  Maybe people will understand us better.  We are not freaks, I swear.  OK, I lied. We are.  I always tell the kids before entering a public place or being social, "Don't let your freak out in here.  Let's pretend we are normal." or "Keep your crazy contained.".  They joke about this or that kid letting their freak out on the bus or losing some crazy in the store.      

I am getting quite nervous about the Plea Hearing Thursday.  I picked out my outfits for it and the trial last week.  I can't sleep.  I was up until after 3AM.  Nothing works.  It is so stressful waiting for DFCS to investigate bogus claims of neglect while waiting to testify against my children's birth parents.  I never imagined both would fall in the same time period.  We knew an investigation would eventually happen, it is almost guaranteed when you adopt children with needs like ours. 

Speaking of the investigation, I called the SW this morning to see what he heck is taking so long.  I told her how traumatizing this is on the kids.  I explained, once again, they are 9 days from testifying against their parents.  She was completely surprised they were upset.  I mentioned something to the effect of, "You must be new to this."  How could it not have even crossed her mind that the children would be freaked out just a bit?  They were in foster care their entire lives.  They were removed by DFCS 5 times from their birth family.  They were removed from more than 12 foster homes by DFCS for a variety of reasons.  DFCS means we might not be forever.  They already fear that.  We have had them 3 years and they still worry they will have to leave us.  DFCS is the entity that reminds them of their neglect, abuse, and eventual legal disconnect with their parents.  How can you do this for a living and not get that?  She also told me she would put them at ease with her personality and tell them they will not be leaving with her.  The statement will help but it will not fix it.  She is convinced it will fix it.  I hope this turns out to be a big misunderstanding.  Maybe she was just joking and I didn't get the joke?  She did seem to be cheery and even giggle a little.  She claims to be very experienced, she has been a SW since the 80s.  She took time off but is back now.  All I could think of was what the SWs were like in the 80s.  I remember the ones I knew of in the 80s and worked with in the 90s were not educated on the issues we deal with here.  So much has changed.  If you are the praying type, we could use them now.  Back to the call, still no appointment to do our home visit.  She did say she could come out here and see me and then see the kids a different visit.  Now we are up to 3 visits.  Our AT said the SW was required to visit the home within 5 days.  We are at day 11.  I am sure the flood slowed her down a bit.  I can not blame her for that but I am getting more nervous .  Maybe I'll sleep next month.

We can hear Fall is coming.  Most feel it, see it, or smell it.  We hear it here.  The acorns stop dropping.  They hit the house, the cars, but worst of all, we have no where to hide.  They pelt us on the head.  You can't zig zag between them.  It is almost like the squirrels are throwing them at us.  You never get hit just once, from the carport to the van I can look forward to at least 3 or 4 welts.


DramaMama said...

I am the praying kind and I will pray for you all =) Thanks for your honesty - I have been looking for foster care blogs and I know that it's not always possibly to be 100% real, but you have no idea how much your story helps. Stay strong!

Nichole said...

Tudu, I've been catching up on your posts. I'm so amazed at how you manage to endure all of this. So many of us would have given up, I'm wishing the best for you.

Melissa said...

Just what you need, an outdated social worker.

The social worker I had when CPS was called probably broke several land speed records getting to my house. They move fast here. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I will be thinking of you on Thursday and hoping everything will go well.

Michelle said...

Another praying kind here. I will be lifting your family in prayer with my family. My little ones like to pray for you all also.

In my short, foster parent experience, the caseworkers "play dumb" when it suits them. You don't have to be a social worker to know that this would greatly upset ANY child...but especially children with their history.

Very insensitive of her.

Book Lover said...

Just wanted to delurk to tell you that I will be praying for you and your family. Your blog just stuns me. I had NO idea that things were so bad with foster care/dhs services. We have one adopted child through private adoption and have never experienced what you go through daily. God bless you for taking in these precious children that someone else destroyed.

Kim Chrisman
Edmond, OK

Michelle said...


I've adopted through foster care and it's NOT always this bad.

Overall, we've had great social workers and a good experience with foster care.

Tudu's family is an extreme case, IMO. I think she has the hardest children to parent that I've ever heard about. What she's describing with DFCS seems to be somewhat common though.