Sparkling Personality?

I am trying to embrace this new found vulnerability.  I am nervous what people will think knowing what is really going on here and in my head.  On some level, I had always hoped to open it up but the fear kept me from intentionally do it.  It's not like people will scream in my face but a few may stop talking to me.  It's not like I have a lot of extra friends to spare.  LOL  Maybe it will be a good thing.  Maybe people will understand us better.  We are not freaks, I swear.  OK, I lied. We are.  I always tell the kids before entering a public place or being social, "Don't let your freak out in here.  Let's pretend we are normal." or "Keep your crazy contained.".  They joke about this or that kid letting their freak out on the bus or losing some crazy in the store.      

I am getting quite nervous about the Plea Hearing Thursday.  I picked out my outfits for it and the trial last week.  I can't sleep.  I was up until after 3AM.  Nothing works.  It is so stressful waiting for DFCS to investigate bogus claims of neglect while waiting to testify against my children's birth parents.  I never imagined both would fall in the same time period.  We knew an investigation would eventually happen, it is almost guaranteed when you adopt children with needs like ours. 

Speaking of the investigation, I called the SW this morning to see what he heck is taking so long.  I told her how traumatizing this is on the kids.  I explained, once again, they are 9 days from testifying against their parents.  She was completely surprised they were upset.  I mentioned something to the effect of, "You must be new to this."  How could it not have even crossed her mind that the children would be freaked out just a bit?  They were in foster care their entire lives.  They were removed by DFCS 5 times from their birth family.  They were removed from more than 12 foster homes by DFCS for a variety of reasons.  DFCS means we might not be forever.  They already fear that.  We have had them 3 years and they still worry they will have to leave us.  DFCS is the entity that reminds them of their neglect, abuse, and eventual legal disconnect with their parents.  How can you do this for a living and not get that?  She also told me she would put them at ease with her personality and tell them they will not be leaving with her.  The statement will help but it will not fix it.  She is convinced it will fix it.  I hope this turns out to be a big misunderstanding.  Maybe she was just joking and I didn't get the joke?  She did seem to be cheery and even giggle a little.  She claims to be very experienced, she has been a SW since the 80s.  She took time off but is back now.  All I could think of was what the SWs were like in the 80s.  I remember the ones I knew of in the 80s and worked with in the 90s were not educated on the issues we deal with here.  So much has changed.  If you are the praying type, we could use them now.  Back to the call, still no appointment to do our home visit.  She did say she could come out here and see me and then see the kids a different visit.  Now we are up to 3 visits.  Our AT said the SW was required to visit the home within 5 days.  We are at day 11.  I am sure the flood slowed her down a bit.  I can not blame her for that but I am getting more nervous .  Maybe I'll sleep next month.

We can hear Fall is coming.  Most feel it, see it, or smell it.  We hear it here.  The acorns stop dropping.  They hit the house, the cars, but worst of all, we have no where to hide.  They pelt us on the head.  You can't zig zag between them.  It is almost like the squirrels are throwing them at us.  You never get hit just once, from the carport to the van I can look forward to at least 3 or 4 welts.