Sunday, September 20, 2009

In Control Again

I feel so much better with just a couple days between that awful call and me. Armed with Lisa's suggestions, I am nearly ready. I think I have covered all my bases and have things in order. I have gathered proof that these behaviors happened long before they came to us. I found so many things in that original box of files that proves from 19 months old, my son had problems emotionally. Proof they came damaged and have only healed here. I spoke with the wonderful adoption agency that we worked with and listened intently to them point me in the right direction for further proof by way of case plans from the very beginning. I have tried to keep all their paperwork in the same place so I was able to locate it in minutes. I have had many wonderful people in our lives write incredible letters about our strength, ability to parent such traumatized children, and our obvious love for them. If nothing else comes from this, I feel stronger in my commitment to keep parenting all of them. It is almost as if those very people are holding me up in this terrible time. I can't thank them enough for running to our rescue.

Most made the letters general so we may keep copies and use them in future. We will be more proactive now and address the possibility of further involvement of our neighbors. We will be handing out copies of our protection letter to all of them. The teachers and school will get the new copy of it, as well. We have tried to keep some of this private for their sake. Now we worry about our safety and need to make sure we are here to keep them safe. I will not be telling them private things but will be letting them all know what their current behaviors are and who they can call BEFORE calling DFCS.

We are so much luckier than most families. We have several professionals that have spent enormous amounts of time in our home, watching us parent and seeing the struggles the children have had. We have witnesses and videos to their self injurious behaviors. Most do not. I have this blog to show that this has happened many many times and I haven't posted about 2/3 of it. I know in my head that all will be fine. How could it not be with letters from the Asst. Chief of Police and his wife, our OT that has specialized in mental health, our wonderful ATs, our Psychiatrist, former foster parents, an eloquent fellow special needs mother, Emma's birth mother, a detective that has followed us for a year and half, and my sibling group's birth family?

Enough about me and my emotional roller coaster. The kids are nervous but seem to feed off our energy. I am confident and they feel it. I KNOW this will be OK. They still ask many times an hour, what will she do, who will she talk to, what should they say, and what time will she come? We sat all of them down Friday and told them what was happening. We answered these questions before they could ask. They still ask over and over. I know it weighs heavy on their minds. They are rotating their worry between the trial and DFCS. The surprise is they are all extremely well behaved. They are holding on to me and talking about their fears. They are fantastic. I am sure when they can breath again, they will make me pay. I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.....

3 comments:

Carmine Crayon said...

I wasn't even thinking of the coinciding with the trial. geesh. I'm sure you'll be just fine, it sounds like you have your sh***T together. What is a "protection letter"?

Michelle said...

I'm so glad your getting some good behavior out of this. I only wish all this junk didn't have to happen right now, when they are feeling extra insecure due to the trial.

I'm sure DFCS will be able to see that you are indeed very loving parents.

MyLinda said...

So glad to hear that you are calmly doing what you have to do to face this allegation. We often worried about just that when we were fostering and had a little one that acted out or had to be parented differently b/c of their dx.

Praying for your family, stay strong!