Thursday, September 17, 2009

New Eligibility

Michael has been receiving special ed services at school through the Significantly Developmentally Delayed eligibility. At 9, they must do testing and find an accurate one for them. It is a catch all for most kids to get services. So I went to meet with them and see what they could come up with. They used his private Psychological Evaluation and did some additional testing of their own. He will now receive services through Specific Learning Disability eligibility. He will be spending some time in the Resource Room as well as continue to have a special ed teacher co teach with a reg ed teacher in the classroom. They added Math to his list of needs and he will continue with Speech for an hour a week.

I am fine with it all. I tried to keep in mind that they see a different child. They see the child I would love to know. I hear all about how cooperative he is for them. It hurts. I want a child that sits quietly and does what he is asked. It feels like people judge me based on how different he is for them. I know to them it looks like it is me. They explained they had a Psychologist speak with him and he showed no signs of any disturbances. They don't say a word about it being my imagination, perhaps it is my paranoia. I feel judged. As much training as I have received, as much as I am and have been watched in our home, I still look like an idiot to the untrained eye. It hurts my feelings, deeply. It is not their fault. The other professionals in our lives say the nicest things, they trust my judgement, my skills, and are amazed at how far they have all come. They understand and explain why this is happening. He was removed from his parents numerous times from school. He was abused at home. Where would you behave? The school only sees that I am the one that has the difficult child so it must be me. I made sure they did what they thought was best for him this time with no real input from me. Only they know that child. Nothing I say about my child could help them with theirs.


Kelly said...

Honestly I can't imagine your struggles with your children even though I read about them here regularly but I do understand a tiny bit about what you are talking about. I was so afraid about Nate starting school and he is so good for his teacher and most days he is good for me now but there are occassions he can't even make it to the van before he starts screaming at me. I am just so thankful he is good at school so he isn't labeled and treated poorly by his teachers. You are an amazing woman. I know you feel blessed to have your kids but they are truly blessed to have you too.

My Mindless Words said...

This is how I feel when I go to meetings about my youngest child. He is not the child I know.

Ericka Scott said...

I guess I'll speak up and introduce myself as well...

A few years ago, we adopted two boys. One an infant and one was a toddler (17 months). I got to your blog through Cindy's blah blah biddy blog (I met Cindy during Avon Fanlit when we first brought the boys home). Our older boy has attachment issues (putting it mildly). Like Michael, everyone seems to know such a different child than the one he is at home. He's loving to anyone not in his own family...spends a lot of time lavishing attention on others, hugs, kisses, etc., as if to prove to us that he can be affectionate. Here at home, we get kicks, hits, and bites. Just recently, he ran away from my husband and got in a car with a strange man -- luckily the car was in view of my husband and he was able to flag them down and retrieve our child. It's nice to know we aren't the only ones out there struggling with the mis-perceptions of the school and public in general.

Thanks for listening and for sharing your story.

Abby said...

That sucks. =(

We get that sometimes at school too, except with parents who are in denial about how their kid(s) act here. I actually have one of my students who clearly has significant learning disabilities, but parents insist that he is completely average & refuse to let him be tested. It's so tough when kids act so differently between home and school!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tudu. I used to teach fifth grade. One year I had a student and his mother had so many problems with him at home. Of course he acted like an angel in the classroom. At the time I knew he behaved for me because I was so patient and loving with him. This was six years ago and I now have an autistic son. And he acts much differently at school. And I am a much wiser human now. I wish I could go back in time and apologize to Angel's mom (that was actually really his name, too) because I know my judgement and superiority showed through my perfect loving teacherness I always tried to portray. Believe me, these people will realize how little they understand at one point. Probably not in time to benefit you, but I hope it brings you a little comfort to know that what comes around goes around. Best to you and your family during this tough time.

marythemom said...

One of these days I swear I'm going to take a video camera and tape one of Kitty's meltdowns at home and show it to all of her school teachers and personnel in the psych hospitals. I know we sound insane to them. Sweet little Kitty? Biting, kicking in cabinets, cussing, screaming, refusing to do anything? Never!

I wish we secret spy footage from Bear's last years with us (showing the lies, manipulations, intimidations... all the stuff I can't document like we could the rages and the police). I know his teachers and therapists think I'm just overprotective and expect too much. That he's all better now because he is no longer overtly violent so I must be overreacting. *aargh!*

I hate Charming RADs! You have my total empathy.

Hugs and prayers Tudu!

Mary in TX

Lisa said...

Our last cps investigator said this - "What? You didn't expect this? All of our adoptive and foster families have cps files several inches thick. I cannot believe you didn't expect these types of behavior and aren't prepared for it". We got our son at 10 mos, he's now 15. The problem is, we've been seeing disturbing behaviors right from the start, it was everyone else that denied there was a problem. Now that he's showing us everything in his arsenal, NOW, we're supposed to have expected this? Now we're supposed to just take it in stride that all of our kids are going to be re-traumatized every time he gets angry and starts a new round of accusations? Puleeze - where's all that support we also expected??

Good luck - documentation just blows them away so give them as much info as you can!