Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Dreaded Visit

She was late and full of personality. I didn't tell the kids until she was on our road. Ella was mad about it and had stomach pains the rest of the night. At least, she didn't puke on her plate like she did last night. She spoke with all the kids separately and asked about a few things. It seems the issues are that Michael had a scratch on his neck and was asked about it by his teacher. He told them I did it trying to pull him out of the closet. He had a mirror in there that I didn't want him to play with when he was mad. Several other kids hurt themselves when they are mad and he has leaned that way a few times. The other thing that she asked a lot about was that I call him crazy and schizophrenic. I was doing it in a mean way when I am mad at him. Most of the kids had no idea what she was talking about. My darling grandson told her I call them crazy when I am joking.

Then it was my turn. She mentioned nothing of the sort. Nothing. I am so offended that someone called about me and it is specifically me, I had a hard time calming myself. She played it off like it was no big deal, I shouldn't be offended and I was overreacting. I had to step away at one point to get the paperwork I had put together for her. She didn't want it. She said if she had to take it, she would have to read it all. I insisted. She mentioned to my DH that she liked that I was so pushy. I told her that was why she was called out, someone didn't like how pushy I am. At one point, she was trying to impress us with her longevity as a SW. I let it slip that it didn't mean she was good at it. I was nervous. I didn't mean she was bad at her job but she didn't seem offended.

After putting some pieces together, I feel there were a few involved in this report. Now this is just my guess but I think the teacher asked him about his neck. He takes an hour to tell a story and she probably was a little confused and spoke with either the Asst Principal or the special ed coordinator who has known us for 2 years (you remember the lady that lied to me about how the county doesn't have a program for emotionally disturbed kids and then got caught? I went over her head and got Patches placed against her wishes and advice. We have butted heads many times over my children and she feels the need to correct me every time I tell her anything about their issues. She doesn't hide her irritation with me at all. SHe went out of her way to tell me in Michael's IEP meeting just a week or so ago that they had a psychologist meet with Michael and they saw no disturbances. She enjoyed telling me that. The same IEP I gave up and just shut the hell up in.). I faxed over a copy of Michael's psychological evaluation from last April and this was in the beginning of his hallucinations. He was only dx'd with RAD and PTSD. His symptoms began increasing and coming to head at the end of summer. After the psych eval was long over. I am sure this lady felt I was lying. The reason I suspect the Asst. Principal is I spoke with her after school started and informed her my son was walking around alone there and was scared they weren't keeping him safe. Did he tell them he felt unsafe? No. He freaked out on me and cried in my lap after explaining he was having inappropriate feelings at school. He was also afraid to go by himself in case he saw something in there. I was told a staff member was in the room when the SW spoke the Michael and she was upset b/c the SW barely asked anything of him. She says she could tell he had issues and didn't need anymore than a few questions and could tell he wasn't in danger. She said the staff member wanted to know why she didn't ask more. It make sense why they Principal and the Asst refused to speak to me alone and required a witness. The other problem I foresee is if they feel i wasn't properly investigated, we will always be watched. They will report everything they see or think they see. It may be over with DFCS but it will never be over there.

I am hurt. Being honest, I am really pissed off. I tried too hard and I made sure they had all the information about my children. I made sure they knew what they should watch for, what we see here. They didn't see it so I must be lying. I was somehow endangering my son. What happens when he attacks me tomorrow and gets a tiny mark on his wrist? He rubs his face into the carpet and has gotten rug burns several times. Will they call then? Of course they will. I am hoping the school the is set straight by our AT. I hope it helps. I am pretty sure it will fall on deaf ears. I don't expect an apology but I won't forgive them without one. They called b/c he had a tiny scratch on his neck over a month ago and they said I call him names. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. One conversation would have cleared it up. Ask one other child anything. Ask me for confirmation about Michael's "hallucinations". I could have gotten the therapist to write it up. I had tried to explain when I sent the evaluation that it was outdated. She blew me off.

I am taking the advice of a brilliant woman, I will act as if they are all perfectly behaved, I have it all together, and I have no idea we are anything but ordinary. Maybe their kid will have a zit so I can report them for not bathing their children. I wouldn't but I will try to remember that when in their office and giggle to myself. If it's not better by the Spring, we will look for a house near my sister. I can't be treated this way long term. I'm too high strung and it's not good for the kids. By my sister's, we would have the support of one of the most powerful people in the area. It would help tremendously. The teen years are approaching and I am sure they won't slide through them gracefully. We will have law enforcement involved. It would be great if they understood, really knew first hand that we were not abusing but the were the abused.

One other thought. I do something silly every time I check out one of the kids. They have a camera attached to the computer you have to check them out of. It makes you take a picture of yourself before you can leave. I always make silly faces. I am not sure why but I do. I got caught by a fellow parent and she laughed really loud and scared me. Maybe they think I am crazy after seeing all the photos?

I have 5 little ones in my room again. Ella has crawled into Kiera's crib, Kiera has crawled into my bed, Michael is at the foot of the bed, Ruthie is partly under my side of the bed, and Ava is all over the place. That child would roll out of the house if there wasn't something in her way. No one wants to sleep next to her b/c she steals your blanket and pillow and then kicks the crap out of you all night. She is so funny, has no idea why you are mad at her.

Did I mention the SW said she had to come out 2 more times? I am not sure why but she is. I have never heard of that. I have heard it is 1 visit, if it is unfounded, they disappear. Any thoughts from those of you that are involved on that end?


momma-o-minnie said...

My experience has been that if it is just the social worker doing these visits, you're OK. If a policeman or sherriff shows up with them, then.... Let's just be glad it was just the social worker, OK?

Jeri said...

Might be time to invest in video cameras to catch the action. Sucks, but you have to protect your self.
Maybe contacting the state education agency. They should have a special ed. coordinator. Maybe even ask your AT to contact them on your behalf. Somehow Mom's words don't seem to carry the weight as a professional. Hang in there, one down and two to go.

Michelle said...

As a homeschooler, I realized when my foster son (now adopted) was in public school that the schools do not trust the parents about even the smallest detail.

Our county will trust that we live where we say we live...we have to prove it.

They do not trust that our kids are really sick if we keep them home...we have to prove it with a doctor's excuse.

On and on it goes. So if they won't trust us with even the smallest detail, I doubt they will believe us on much bigger issues.

Hence, I homeschool.

I would have been furious to find out that they were trying to provide medical care (w/psychologist) to begin with.

Is that even legal?

Lisa said...

You do not have to le them in. I have two special needs children and the school would hotline me whenever I disagreed with them. It became such a hassle that I homeschool them.