Thursday, September 10, 2009

I Give Up

I can't get the other blog to work. It is missing half it's page and I think I have hidden who we are well enough that you can't figure out how to get to my house. The few of you that can are already friends that I would share my home with anyway. Half of you that asked wouldn't be invited b/c I have to more room there. I will continue to just post here. I will leave out the details and try to be vague enough to protect my children and at the same time share enough that if you will get a full picture of what is happening. I have discussed this at length with the kids and they (on their own) felt that this was a way of helping other families push through situations like this. If anyone sees anything that gives out too much information or our identity, please say something. You don't need to do it under your name as long as you are not mean. I respect that we all may not agree all of the time or even some of the time. Shoot, you may just be coming here to prove I am the evil woman who stole some poor couple's kids or to see the process that it takes to prove you will do anything to protect your children. I don't care.

Here we go. We met with the A. D. A. and the Victim's Advocate today. I was so nervous that I barely slept last night. I spent a great deal of time going through this blog and the other to type up the dates that everything occurred. It was a pain but kept my mind busy. It was moving to see hoe far they have come. Boy, they have their ups and downs but they are so different. I am so proud of them. Back to today, we met with them in their county and discussed the plea bargain that the mother wants to make. Now, I know from her family that she will take anything they give her and has come to terms with a life behind bars. With that said, her lawyer asked for 25 yrs serve 5 yrs, spend the rest on Probation/Parole, and have to register as a sex offender. Being a sex offender on Parole means she has to keep a log of her car travel, possess no photos of any kind of children including her own, be searched at any time, keep her whereabouts registered, and not go near any schools or places where children gather until she is off Parole. Then it would become much more lenient. H3er children would all be grown ups when she gets out. I am good with that.

I feel, more importantly, the kids feel that she would never had done this on her own. She was not a willing participant in the way that she initiated or enjoyed it. It seems to all of us that have intimate details, she was some what of a victim herself. She could have said, "No". I don't think she did for many reasons. She didn't think it was an option, she was afraid of him, she has a very low IQ, and she had only known him, he was her sole support and the had been together since they were 14. She had very poor boundaries in her own home with her mother. Not sexual but weird. Her mother encouraged her to have relations with a grown man that was her father's best friend. Weird stuff. With that said, we are fine with that plea bargain. In exchange for this deal, she must testify against her husband. She must be truthful and face him in court. In other words, she must bring his ass down. They will make the deal before the trial but she will not be sentenced until after to be sure she holds up her end of the deal.

As we were talking, I mentioned to the A.D.A. that I was surprised they each only had 1 count of Aggravated Child Molestation since they clearly deserved at least 2 or 3 more. She was confused and we began to go over why I felt that way. She completely agreed and wants to go back to the Grand Jury the last week of September to add them. The issue is that it MAY cause the trial to be postponed again. It became simple to me once she told me we had a soft judge and he probably would only get 50 yrs serve 25 if the charges stayed as they are. He would still be able to have a life one day. He could get out and remarry a woman young enough to have children with. It's not long enough. If we go for the additional charges, he would never see the light of day b/c he would get 75 more years, automatically. The down side is the next available court date may be around the holidays.

We discussed each child and how they are currently doing. She worried they wouldn't be able to testify. We asked about doing it through a video camera situation and they do not have that available. They have to do it in a closed courtroom. They are all strong, they can do this. It is important to them that they be behind bars, this sis the only way that can happen. I gave them an out today. I told them they didn't have to do this. Their fear that they will be released is greater than their fear of testifying. We will proceed.

So, can anyone guess how many meltdowns we had tonight? Three. Anyone care to guess which kids lost it? Patches, Michael (those were easy but the next one surprised me a tiny bit), and Ava. Patches hid her rage behind her chore. They kids left a shoe on the floor or a book and she freaked out on each one of them. Michael was a bit sneakier. He was playing videos and seemed to be having fun but kept calling the kids mean names like "Baby" and "stupid". Then he began to tell Ella she couldn't sing and hurt her feelings. When he was asked to please stop being hateful he turned into a raging butt munch. At one point, he screamed really hard at me and I feared he was going to head butt me in the face again. I grabbed his face in my hand before he did and it surprised both of us. I think he held back b/c my DH was right there. It took a bit and he finally broke down. I held him for a few and my DH took him upstairs to get ready for bed. Ava began screaming and crying at bed time when asked to clean up her chore b/c she had forgotten again. She took out all her anger on Emma. The others held it together. Ruthie even was able to tell Alyssa not to touch her (she was trying to comfort her) b/c she didn't feel safe right now. Poor Alyssa doesn't have a clue what is going on and tried to joke about things. I am so glad she is clueless.

Tomorrow I am going to the school for Grandparent's Day. We will eat breakfast with the elementary school kids. It should be fun. I am sure people will think I am weird for showing up but my kids and grand kids are all at the same school. My MIL came to spend the night and join them. They are thrilled she made it. I am, too. She spent her entire evening painting their finger and toe nails. They were thrilled b/c I only do it for sandals and only the toes. LOL

Karen, I can't find your number. I think the baby deleted it when she was playing with it.

1 comment:

Zoe said...

It amazes me how strong and brave your children are. A testament to your parenting.