Ruthie, Again.

She was caught having Emma do all her homework. Emma loves to help the kids with their assignments and she is easily suckered into believing they do not understand so she does problem after problem trying to teach them, eventually completing the entire assignment. Ruthie let her do all her math and reading before she got caught. When I asked her she melted down into a frenzy. She began slapping at me at first and I smacked back at her with a paper folder. It surprised both of us but Cyr giggled and told her it couldn't hurt. She tried to grab the folder when I wrote a note that it wasn't her work in it, desperate to not let the teacher know she has issues of any kind. Screaming I am ruining her life. I asked her to go ahead and get ready for bed, hoping it would slow down her fit just a tad. No such luck. She went to her room and began tossing things, as I walked in she laid on her back and began kicking me in the left knee over and over. She had both her shoes on and the kicking brought me to the floor. I grabbed the shoes to remove them so she switched to Plan B. She thought it was a good idea to then smack, slap, scratch, and kick me so I wouldn't take her shoes, knowing full well she lost the privilege of wearing them for a few days. (This child has the use of at least 3 other pairs of tennis shoes, they were hers and her sister's from last year so not as nice but still in great condition.)

At some point, I had to flip her over and hold her down to protect myself. Some of her sisters came in to check on me when she started yelling I was abusing her and she was going to tell her teacher. Her reason is her hair had been pulled in the flip over and I was to blame. She was so far gone at this point that all that came out was how wonderful her life was before me, her parents loved her and never restrained her, her teacher loves her, she hates me and never loved me, she wants to live somewhere else, and the ever present "You're not my real mom!". I never give a reaction while she is angry, I have been addressing it after she calms. It took over an hour for her to listen to me through her tears. It funny how they hear what they want and no matter what I say to them when they are angry, they twist it. For example, "You don't seem to like yourself right now." becomes "I don't like you." "I know you are smarter than this." becomes "You are stupid."

She will be making false allegations about me at some point, it has become her regular threat lately. "I'm gonna tell my teacher you hurt me. I'm gonna twist my arm 'til it breaks and tell her you did it." It's a matter of time. I have been accused before but things turned out OK b/c the officers quickly determined I couldn't have performed oral sex on this child I had only seen in a group setting with cameras. The other time was a girl that told her friend's mother I called her "retarded" and ran away from me to be saved by this woman with a DFCS open case herself. The Judge determined that what I said was actually true, "All of you are emotionally retarded due to the abuse you have survived. Retarded not meaning stupid but not developed or stunted." She took it out of context and was the only one that took it to be mean out of 7 girls. They volunteered to testify. The Judge was shocked I was willing to take her back after that and told her she was one lucky girl. As you see, neither really was dangerous like if she said we were abusing her and had marks that she gave herself. I have already addressed this with her teacher and she seems to get it. Today she and I will be talking to her teacher together about how she really cares about her but does not love her and she can't live with her.


All this drama left Ava and Michael with a chance for a lovely evening. Every one else did their homework and showers without incident.

Ruthie missed her bus this morning. She will pay me, as her taxi, to take her to school.

I've Been Busy

I have had many foster daughters over the years and they seem to come and go when they need something or their lives change. There have been 3 that held my heart Frankee, Stephanie, and Rosa. All 3 probably had RAD and were very difficult to parent. Most of you remember Frankee and the dust storm she left in her path. Stephanie died in a car accident. Rosa is the one I haven't mentioned, for many reasons but mostly b/c it hurts so bad.

Rosa lived with us at the group home and moved into our home when we left there as our foster daughter. She wasn't available for adoption and we had planned to adopt her after she turned 18. She was a gorgeous young woman that sucked up any attention she could get. She had been abused by male relatives, her mother had abandoned her and her siblings, lived in a bus, and she parented the kids until she was taken. She is a very strong young woman.

She has wandered in and out of our lives since she left our home. She married another young man we took care of (not through foster care but her was a minor living with us). Since she had not been dating boys, we felt it was safe to have him there. They began a sexual relationship and got married when she became pregnant. She disappeared. When she became pregnant with her second child, I called to tell her about Stephanie. We moved her back to GA from PA. Her and her DH were in a serious car accident shortly after they arrived that fractured her pelvis, broke multiple bones and was hospitalized for many weeks. Her and her family moved in with us. Her DH, Ed, became too much to deal with. He is a control freak. It was awful trying to take care of their small children, mine, and work full time. Our daughters, theirs and mine, got a hold of Ed's Oxycontin and we had to rush them to the hospital. It was the beginning of the end of our co-habitating.

We discovered later that they had a violent relationship and she had to file DV charges against him. While they were separated I had the opportunity to spend 4 nights a week with her children while she worked in a bar until the wee hours of the morning. I loved every minute of it, they called me Nana and I spoiled them rotten. They managed to get back together and break up a couple more times over the next year. When they were back on full time, she ended contact with us b/c of ultimatums he gave her. She tried to make the marriage work. Fast forward 2 years, she served him divorce papers about 6 months after they received a hefty settlement from the accident. The money is gone and they have nothing to show for it. He spent it on stupid things and was the only one with access to it. She had his accounts frozen and is waiting to finalize the divorce.

I was thrilled to talk to her last Wednesday. She sounds great and I have missed her terribly. I have no illusion that things will be perfect and I am hoping to see her babies since she has since had another one that doesn't even know me.

I started this several days ago and have been too busy to get it posted. Rosa came up to see me Saturday and we went to lunch. Her life is very complicated with the divorce in progress and raising 3 tiny kids when she only had parents in her teen years. I am convinced her 5 yr old son has some pretty serious attachment issues and his teachers have been telling her about SID. He is a mess. She cried for 30 minutes at lunch and kept apologizing for it. She is lost in the whole parenting thing but she tries so hard.

Speaking of Saturday, my MIL came out Friday night and spent the weekend. It was like I had a weekend at a resort with all my meals catered and a babysitter. I went out for lunch, as I said and then my DH and I finally had our date. I had a blast all day.

My son is still freaking out and I realized why at a random moment this weekend, since school started back he hasn't been taking his medicine in the morning, only at night. Ooooppps! This morning I had to put it in the back of his mouth and add water. He was shocked that I could do that and was calmed down in a matter of seconds after. He has never refused his meds before, I guess he thought he found a new way to act out. He had a rough weekend and I am hoping he gets a grip soon.

Ava is going to be the death of me. The child spends all her energy on annoying me and I may lose my mind. A few examples from the weekend, she threw a light bulb against a tree and broke it into tiny pieces right where the kids play and refused to pick it up, she kicked dirt over it. She has a habit of laying the trash bags by the can outside for the animals to spread throughout our yard instead of inside it. She lost her homework and insisted I took it and threw it away instead of taking responsibility for misplacing it. She hid her twin's shoes b/c she was asked to put them away. She pretended to pick blueberries to get money and let the others do all the work. She has begun peeing in her bed regularly and leaves it to make the room smell bad for the girls and doesn't shower either. She ripped the brand new shirt she had on the Friday to see if I would notice. I caught her watching one of the dogs dig through the trash in my bathroom, spreading it all over. The girls cleaned out from under their bed Saturday and she was caught shoving random things back under there Sunday. You get the idea, she is very busy. I hope my other children allow her to live until adulthood.

They are driving me crazy

Angela, I can't get to your blog through your name, it says your profile is not available.

I have had a rough couple of days thanks to Ruthie and Michael. Let me begin with the threats I get from my kids. I hate it, it freaks me out, and the kids that are in control at the time become unglued with fear. Ruthie is my main accuser. Every time she is angry, for whatever reason she sees fit, she threatens to tell her teacher that I am mean to her. This time I had had enough and very loudly explained what would happen. She would lie and say I abuse her (she will have the marks b/c the child mutilates herself every time she is stressed or angry), the teacher would call DFCS, DFCS would come over and remove the children while they investigate her claims (the other kids would go to Nanny's and Kiki's but since she is abused she would go to a foster home), they would determine our home is safe so her siblings would come home after have a blast, she might be charged with making a false allegation, and we would have to seriously reconsider where she would live b/c she would be endangering the kids by making these allegations. I pointed out SHE would be the one that suffered.

This only made her scream that I didn't want her here after I was very clear and said repeatedly for the previous hour how we all wanted her to be here and loved her. I can't win. She only hears what she wants to hear when she is like that. She screamed at me from 3:15 to 6PM. She was nearly hoarse. This may have been one of her shorter tantrums but it certainly got me riled up a bit more than usual.

Today Michael is giving me a run for my money. He hit Emma for opening the door before he did. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, for a crazy person it does. I was so hopeful when I questioned him and he admitted he did it. This has only happened a couple of times and I immediately praised him for being honest since that is one of big family goals around here with so many liars. He went off. I have spent the last hours rearranging his restraint to avoid being injured further by his new shoes and fingernails. I have scratches on my wrists that are burning and he kicked me in the shin and knee. The darn knee is killing me. He faked me out at one point (first time ever, I won't fall for it again) and then ran to his room, locked the door, and hid in his closet. Since the rule is he has to stay near me instead of going to his room, I had to go get him. I still had high hopes of helping him understand that while he had done something wrong, I was proud of his moment of truth. This of course was his excuse to really get me, he tried to shove me down the stairs. Thank goodness I am an old pro and knew to hold on tight when near the stairs. Ruthie and Patches have both tried to injure me by pushing me down the stairs when they were mad. One of them seriously hurting me, funny now that I can't remember which one.
I wanna back up a minute to explain, I think I have before but it is a real struggle in our daily life. My kids do not read emotions, can't do it at all. We work on this by me telling them my emotion as it is happening and showing them how my face reacts to it. This is something most kids pick up on as babies but mine can not do it. We are no closer 2 yrs into this with them than they were on day one. That is an exaggeration, there is progress but no one else could tell. If they are in trouble, I deliberately use a deeper voice, make it louder, and wrinkle my face. When I am bringing something up to them that is a concern but they are not in trouble I have to say, "You are not in trouble." over and over. I watch them scan my face never believing my words. I change my tone of voice, open my eyes up wider, get down on their level, and lift the edges of my mouth a little without smiling. I then point these things out so they look for them. I think part of it is they get stuck in a PTSD moment along with this inability to read emotions. I know it is frustrating for them but if they could learn to it would illuminate so many tantrums like today with Michael. I am open to advice on this, people.

I spent the day with Ella. I thought she had an appointment with her new Orthopedist at 11"15 and it was 1:15. Whoops! We chatted and she played at McDonald's until she asked to just go b/c the other kids there were too rough on her. The appointment went fine, he doesn't do kids usually and refuses to do surgery on her tendons due to lack of experience. He will continue to see her for scripts for her braces, OT, and PT. Nice guy. Ella liked all the senior citizens in the waiting room, I was 50 years younger than all the other patients, they adored her.

I got 2 hours of sleep last night so we are going to bed early.

A Swing and a Shoe

My DH put in a tree swing the other day and I haven't seen the kids since. They are up and out the door to wait in line for their turn at 7 AM. They are getting along great and helping each other out all without violence. Why didn't we think of this earlier? You can barely tell Michael is crying on the side, no reason that we could tell.






This is Emma sitting on the table reading Patches' 5th grade reading passages to her over and over so she can answer her worksheet. Emma is the only one patient enough to do this. I usually do it the first 50 times and pass it on to her. Ruthie is pretending to do homework to be cool.





Now that I have had a day to recover, I will share our recent shoe shopping experience. Normally, I shop alone, bring in the shoes and they LOVE them, take them and they can't decide or only want the really expense ones. Since I was enjoying myself so much on my lunch date Friday, I lost track of time and had to take the kids with me when I returned home. My bad.

As soon as the elementary kids walked in the door, I loaded them up and headed to the mall leaving a note for Cyr to have a snack and lock the door. We went over the expectations in the van before we got out. I told them how long it would take, how they should behave, who is with who (they have to have a partner at all times), exactly what I will be buying, how much they have to spend on their shoes, consequences for any additional asking or poor behaviors, and where we would be going in the mall. I cover everything, every time. This time, they forgot the second we stepped into the store.

It was actually not too bad until they realized that the Girl's selection in Sears was so limited b/c I do not buy tennis shoes with lots of white or licensed characters on them. They are ruined within a week and grey, black, even pink does better than white and the other ones are usually too cheep to last. The girls didn't see anything they liked and that was when the trouble began. We had only hit one of 6 stores and it just kept going downhill. Lots of whining, jacking around, wandering, threatening, and begging. Not my finest moment as a parent. Of course, had we not run into several teachers I could have been a bit more stern. That is not entirely true, I just wouldn't have put up with as much crap as I did and they wouldn't have gotten new shoes. I wanted them to have new shoes, I feel good buying them nice new shoes.

Everyone got what we came for in the end. Ella was the only one without new shoes b/c she will get hers in a few weeks when her braces are redone. Cyr didn't want new ones, yet. I have three kids in a size 13, one in 1, two in a 6, and Ella really is an 11 but with her braces I suspect she will need a 2 or a 3. Much to their surprise, they all survived the trip and not wearing their new shoes home from the store. They became extremely quiet when they realized I had pulled into McDonald's and only ordered for Cyr and I. Things got back to normal after their bologna sandwiches with carrot sticks, it is our typical meal for kids who can't for whatever reason, join our family for dinner.

It Has Already Begun

We are finally at that stage that all mothers dread. The one where their things start to miraculously disappear. As I began to do my makeup yesterday, I realized I was missing something very important, my eye lash curler. It is a must if I am to look as if I actually have any. I knew right away where to look and began to feel my blood pressure rise as I entered Cyr's room. There it was right on her vanity. This has happened twice now and I just explained to her that it is a natural phenomenon that seems to begin as a girl becomes a young lady. The uncontrollable urge to "borrow" their mother's things becomes too strong to stop. She will find herself drawn to my previously considered "old ladyish things" and need to have them as her own. All her common sense will slip out the window and she will "forget" to ask permission to borrow the item(s). I understand this won't be about my clothes b/c she is much too small for mine but she will be tempted by my jewelery, shoes, make up, pocketbooks (that I never use), and other various things I can not even fathom at this point. When I ask everyone when if they have seen said item(s) she will again be overcome with the need to lie about it. I warned her that we will have this conversation several more times and each one will be louder and more irritating. There is a cure to this ailment and only she can heal this, ask. Just ask first. She thought it was funny and even laughed. I assured her she wouldn't be laughing the next time.

We Lost Track of Time

The old friend I had lunch with today is the same girl that I smoked my first cigarette and drank my first beer with back in 6th grade. I don't remember where we got the cigarettes from, probably her older more sophisticated sister and I stole the beer from my parents. I don't think we got caught but I do remember having a blast. She looked exactly the same and was as beautiful as I remembered. She married a boy we went to school with, I remember him to be a quiet, gentle person that was fun to be around. She told me he has turned into a wonderful husband and father, I wasn't surprised in the least. He never doubted he wouldn't grow up to make his parents proud, it's just they way he carried himself.

She only brought one of her daughters and she was the spitting image of her parents. She was very well behaved for being forced to reminisce about times she wasn't even around for. She entertained herself with her mom's phone and randomly called people to come save her from the unending boredom. I am honored to share my name with such a lovely child.

The time flew by as we talked about people we remembered and some that she has recently seen. It makes me sad to think of all the wasted lives. Most of the friends I had way back when are now in prison or are struggling with an addiction to Meth. We could have ended up like them. I am so glad we didn't. To date she is the only one that I know of that came out normal, that is a huge accomplishment in itself. She is more than a success story, she was warm, smart, beautiful, and a patient mother. Best of all, she sprung for lunch.

Alison, I hope you have a nice transition back to work and do call when you are in the city b/c next time is my treat. Thank you so much for the 2 1/2 hour lunch!

Running out the door to have lunch with a childhood friend and her 2 tiny ones. I am so excited b/c I haven't seen her in many years. Stay Tuned.....

He is so confused

Michael: Mom, I know Spanish

Me: Really? Tell me what you know.

Michael: Yeehaw!

Me: Yeehaw?

Michael: That's Spanish for Yeah.

From the Day at the River

All the cousins. Patches was unable to get into the water for personal reasons, poor girl was not a happy camper.








All the kids slid down the rocks, they are helping Ella here.

Panty Check

Ava. bless her heart, tries so hard to mess things up for herself and others. I have decided I am addressing her too negatively, not that I am being mean to her but I noticed that so many times I have to say something to her and it is about her negative behavior. I will no longer say anything, I will point and give the look. I will make sure for every point and look she receives 3 positive comments about her. This will be extremely difficult.

Ella was kissed on the cheek by the neighbor boy. She was blushing when her sister told me. He just leaned over and kissed her cheek on the bus. I am not surprised, she is such a beautiful child. I think he relates to her b/c she has a physical disability and he has a severe speech disorder that makes him impossible to understand. I mean the child has no friends b/c you can't communicate with him. She doesn't care about that and just sits quietly with him. Ava teased her a bit and said she was going to marry him and have babies. Ella's eyes got huge and she looked to me for answers, scared that may be her fate now that she has been tainted by his love. I laughed and promised she was allowed to choose her husband and is not tied to this child after just one kiss, 2 and we would need to talk to his Mom about his intentions. She took this very seriously.

Cyr didn't eat breakfast at school b/c she couldn't find the cafe'. Poor girl is lost. She didn't think any of the boys at school were cute but she did think the PE Coach was "hot". That's my girl. I called and let the Counsleor know to have a safety talk with him. I am sure he would be manipulated within days into feeling sorry for her and spending a moment alone with her to "help" her in some way. She will figure out his likes and dislikes and make them hers in an effort to "bond" with him.

Patches is spending an enormous amount of time on homework. They are giving her 5th grade work and she is on a 1st grade level. I am trying to give them a little room to get things organized but I fear they will not be taking her out for her Special Ed subjects and try to serve her in the room. This will not work for her, she is already showing signs of frustration.

My son has had a couple of accidents and not told me. He is getting up to change his clothes but not his bedding. I only discovered this b/c he was changing his underwear the last 2 mornings before school but claimed he was dry. He was dry but had been covered in urine just hours before. I love that they are all very independent about their wetting but it is an issue when they hide it. We are going to have to have a chat about his accidents and how they happen sometimes but it doesn't mean he needs pull ups again. He did take comfort yesterday afternoon when I told him Dad had wet his pants after a seizure years ago. He was amazed that he did that as an adult. I throw my poor DH under the bus like that regularly. I am glad he has a sense of humor.

Ella has an underwear issue that was recently discovered. The girl has decided to stop changing her underwear after her shower. She gets a clean pair out and then puts back on the old ones. I have no idea why but she now has to have a panty check every night. I almost puked when I had her on my lap a couple days ago, the girl stank. She also used a towel to dry off after she cleaned up a piece of dog poop with it. She knew this and didn't care. EEEEWWWWW!! See a theme going on here? She is trying to make herself stink.

The First Day

My kids had an excellent day, all except Emma. I tried to find out what was so bad and all she could come up with was she had too little playground time. Too bad, so sad. Michael is 2 years older than every one in his class and is only bigger than 1 child, our neighbor. He didn't play or talk to anyone all day. Ruthie couldn't find her classroom and blamed me for only taking her there once. Patches had an excellent day and her teacher called to tell me she couldn't see a single issue. She also confessed she had been in foster care for most of her childhood. (I guess this is why she feels she has "been there done that".) Ava and Ella couldn't recall a single event from their day but said things went fine. Cyr had a good day, she said it flew by. No complaints or conversation about being late. She will get nervous about things but can't identify the feeling. She doesn't understand the sweaty palms and shaky feeling are from being nervous, she doesn't even recognize her angry or hurt feeling very well. It helped her get through the first day but we have been working hard to help her read the signs her body gives her to help her label her feelings.

Ava had a very difficult night. She is back to her many irritating ways. About the thousandth thing she did was at bed time and she was smacking the string hanging from the ceiling fan in her room. I went to put my hand in front of her to stop and she jumped into my hand as she was trying to hit the string again. It kinda smacked her face and she thought I did it on purpose. I apologized but she refused to accept it. I am struggling so hard to help her and some days I wonder if it will ever sink in. After over 2 years she still thinks I will smack her on purpose even though I never have before.

My Dh was home a bit early yesterday and after they were all in bed he asked me how I ever managed to get through a day with this child. She doesn't do hateful things, just extremely annoying things. A few example from yesterday, when asked to pick up the floor in the LR she went outside and hid. When asked to stay near me, she snuck off to the bathroom and filled the soap and shampoo up with water. She volunteered to do a chore for my DH for money with 2 other kids and then went and played until they were almost done and ran in to accept the money for it. Every time I spoke to another person she suddenly had 4 million things she had to tell me and refused to be silent. She asked if she could brush my hair and proceeded to repeatedly beat me in the head with the brush. I asked her to sit on the sofa so I could use the restroom and she went to the kitchen to aggravate Patches. I asked the kids to quit putting the dog food down for the dogs, she waited a few minutes and put both the food and water down. She was asked to dump the trash can and pushed off the trash on top to hide it behind the can and claimed it wasn't full enough. She also lied about a dozen things and stole money and toys from several kids. I am so grateful that she is no longer eating and trashing her clothes but that is about the only positive thing I can think of right now. I know I need to focus on the positive things but when someone tries so hard to make sure there aren't positive things it makes my job extremely difficult. I took her in my arms last night, like I do almost every night, and promised her nothing she did changed how I feel about her. I told her to keep trying as hard as she needs to b/c I am up for the job proving to her I am for real. I reminded her we are on the same team and together we will get her through this. I wish she believed me.

What a Morning

I am officially an idiot. For the first time in years, I set the alarm clock to go off at 6PM instead of in the AM. This did not ensure a slow paced, easy morning. I woke up 15 minutes before they had to leave and I planned on serving them breakfast at home. I am so glad I finished everything last night. They rushed around like chickens with their heads cut off but didn't fight or cry at all. All my elementary school kids made it out to the bus and actually had to wait. They were tickled pink to be outside while it was still cool and thought the weather had changed just for school. I noticed after they were on the bus that I forgot to put their lunch money in the envelope I sealed shut. I also forgot to mention their meds on the counter. I was relieved when my Dh volunteered to bring the cafe' (I giggle every time I hear them call their lunchroom that) their money and check in with Patches' teacher.

Thinking the hard part was past, Cyr jumped in the shower and got dressed. She had so much time left over she had breakfast and worked on the dishes she had managed to forget several times last night. She waited at the bus stop for about 5 minutes when the bus approached, slowed down, and drove away. She was left standing there. The bus never came to a complete stop. I called and called Transportation and after many tries I called my DH to turn around to come take her to school. Why didn't I just take her, my tire is flat and so is the spare? I was finally able to reach Transportation and they told me to hang on, she would turn around and get her. The bus showed up 40 minutes later, after they dropped off all the other kids. My poor little 6th grader was so afraid of fitting in on the bus and it turned into a bus nightmare. She missed her big Orientation in the gym.

I can't wait for them to tell me all about their day.

My Dh just called, he is on his way home (a 45 minute drive) b/c he forgot a scaffold in the confusion this morning. He is pretty upset that he will be using up most of his gas money to fix this. He will have driven to work 3 times today.

What better to work up a bunch of kids than to suggest they get their clothes ready for their first day of school tomorrow? Every one except Cyr and Emma lost it and continue to act like little boogers. Cyr is off with Dad and Emma is excited about school. This is going to be a long day.

Swimming

We have spent a great deal of time at the pool this year with very few incidents like last year. For those of you that are new may not remember the many things they did that attracted unwanted attention. Coming out of the restroom completely naked, peeing on the side of the pool where everyone stared at the yellow stream coming very close to the edge, or the lovely tantrums requiring my arms to be wrapped around them while I continued to watch the others swim. We were actually asked not to come back to the YMCA, they were nice but didn't want us peeing on the other guests or subjecting them to angry nude children. I couldn't blame them.

This year the worst that has happened is they have had to sit out under an umbrella and watch with tears streaming down their little faces. No fits, not screams, no peeing, and no streaking. My children are turning into excellent swimmers w/o all the anger to side track them. Emma, Michael, and Ava have learned to dive this week. They did a few belly flops but are really good after the first couple of tries. Michael can dive in and swim over half the pool before coming up for air. Emma is good at anything athletic and can go and go and go. She is a strong above water swimmer. Ruthie is so graceful when she dives that it looks as if she really knows what she is doing. Ava tries so hard to dive but ends up doing flips about half the time. This is so Ava, rush and do a half ass job instead of listening and trying. Still an excellent job for a 6 yr old.

This deep end diving gives Ella another opportunity to feel sorry for herself. She has to wear a floaty bathing suit b/c she can't swim yet and is not allowed past the rope. This is not her fault, she tries but having Cerebral Palsy makes physical activities more difficult. She will eventually get it, I am sure. As you all know by now, I do not baby her and do not put up with the pity party crap. She, however, has not gotten this memo and insists on sitting at the shallow end or on her towel by herself for the hour that I stand at the deep end for them to dive. SHe could float on the other side of the rope and participate in cheering them on but that would take the focus off her and her pitifullness.

Open House

I have been quiet this week and as we wind down summer. I took the kids to meet their teachers on Thursday and the kids were great. I don't mind meeting them but it is so stressful deciding what to say and what not to say. I don't want to share all their business but they need to be aware we are not "normal". We get stares and questions every where we go, the school is no exception. My kids are like little rock stars, everyone knows one of my kids. (Yes, I know it is b/c I have one in almost every class but let me dream it is b/c they are so popular for just a minute.)

The twins' teachers just got a letter I printed off the internet for teachers about attachment disorder, I hope they read it this time. Ruthie has the same teacher as last year b/c she is in the MID (Mild Intellectual Disability) class. She will be fine. Emma's teacher has already asked me to commit to a day a week to be in her class. Patches' teacher was way too friendly and confident of herself. I hope it doesn't become an issue. Michael was retained so he will be in the same class with the same teacher. He left and told me his teacher called him her friend, he is in love. She also was the only teacher to attend the party in June. I hope she understands a bit better and I don't have to let her have it again.

There was only one child's schedule that caused me so much stress. She has so many teachers and her issues are so scary to discuss with strangers. What do I say to keep every one safe but not turn them against her? How much do I say? (Hey, watch out b/c my beautiful kiddo here will groom and molest any kid she can steer from the pack is not an option.) I ended up explaining it the best I could without telling them too much. I reminded them that they couldn't tell a soul under the HIPPA Law and that any friends she makes are perfectly safe outside of school b/c she is so closely monitored at home. I sure don't want anyone running to a bunch of parents to say "watch out for that girl" b/c they worry that she is befriending someone. I explained she is healing and working very hard towards her goals and hopes to build a social life this year. I am not concerned about other students b/c she is the youngest in her school and her peer relations are so important to her. I asked that she not be alone with a single child, in charge of any child, and not allowed to roam the halls without supervision except during classroom changes. They are to call her on everything and she is fully responsible to follow those rules w/o reminding. The really hard part to swallow is this child doesn't care if they know. She is not uncomfortable at all. I am not sure how to take that, is she so comfortable with her mistakes and the fact we love her regardless of her behaviors or is it she has no emotions? Likely the latter.

Michael has been without a pull up for over a week and no "spills". I am so proud of him and more importantly, he is so proud of him.

Patches has asked that I not go to the school. I hope she is OK, she insists she will be. She knew a couple of kids in her class and even though she stood with her head buried in my back the entire time, she said she could handle it. (Poor girl is looking a bit weird with poison ivy all over her face, arms, and legs. I am sure someone will comment on it and she will go off on them. I will be asked to stay at the school to protect others from her outbursts.)

We didn't have a night out, we canceled on my MIL b/c it was too much work. Sad, I know. I want to have an evening alone but it just isn't the right time. As of tomorrow, I will have a spare bed in our extra room and she can come and spend the night w/o worry. I plan on using her for that in the very near future.

Peaches?

The kids came in with T-shirts full of peaches, we had no idea we had 2 peach trees. Our grapes and a gazillion more blueberries are ready, too. Mmmmm

Which one of you stole the attitudes from my kids yesterday? They were playful, cooperative, helpful, and funny. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The kids all got letters from their new teachers. It is becoming real for them. I am so excited!!!! Open House is Thursday night and they will get to meet them. I am dreading the rest of the shopping for school supplies b/c of the cost. It is mind numbing.

It looks like I have a hot date with my DH tomorrow thanks to my MIL.

School

On Wednesday or Thursday, Cyr asked to see their Life Book. I have all photos of their parents and put up, at their request. It was just too hard for some of them to see the pictures every day on the fridge or in their room. Their Aunt had put together a beautiful book for them with all their newborn tags, foot prints, and pictures. They took turns looking at it and acting out later.

Patches has been having the most difficult time but I am not sure if it was just the book or that combined with school starting soon. She is acting crazy. She has flipped out every day since and yesterday lasted about 7 hours. She goes off when asked to do the smallest thing like scoot over so another child can see the TV while they play the video game. Seems like it is simple enough, right? No, she starts shutting down and when there isn't enough of a reaction from us, she goes into a full fledged "I hate this family" fit. It gets old regardless of the reasons. At least she wasn't violent again.

Have I mentioned lately that I am ready for school to being? I loved having them home for the first 6 weeks but then we all get bored and tired of the family time. LOL I will be making sure they go off to camp next summer b/c only the 3 youngest won't qualify, what a week that will be. We have Open House on Thursday, they are shaking in their boots waiting to meet their teachers while I have a sense of dread about being understood this year.

Saturday

We originally had hoped for some sort of openness with our children's family and thought it would include their parents. That changed when we discovered they had been sexually abusing them. We continued some level of openness with the extended family but really thought it would be an occasional thing. It's more than that. We have developed a wonderful relationship with their maternal aunt and uncle over the last 2 years that will some day include unsupervised visits for the kids. We are beginning to build a relationship with another of their maternal aunt and uncles, I am sure it will be quite a long time before we consider unsupervised but we will be planning visits and are now talking about a vacation together. Their gparents will always be highly supervised around the kids b/c I do not trust the Gma and both have habits of drinking to the point of passing out nightly. I adore Gpa, he is a real character and loves to talk to me at length about his new dentures or his last run.

We were invited to a family get together yesterday and I was a bit hesitant b/c I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be with tons of strangers around the kids. I have visited with every one separately but not all at once. It went beautifully, we had the best time. We were a few minutes late due to traffic (on a Sunday, who knew) and I was a bit frazzled but we made it. Lunch was ready and it was good. They insisted I bring nothing and do nothing. This is not me and I felt out of place about it. The kids loved serving themselves and drinking Coke. The Aunt's dogs had recently had 7 puppies so she teased me and told the kids they could each have one. My kids not "getting" the joke got excited and started trying to decide who got which one. All I had to do was look at them and they began to laugh realizing she had pulled one over on them.

We left and went to the river shortly after eating. Every one splashed around and slide down the rocks for hours. We never ran out of things to say and laughed so hard our bellies hurt. Every one has tried very hard not to step on toes and learn boundaries. I noticed each family member needed to have the time with me to explain why they didn't step up for the kids, I assured them they did the right thing b/c the kids are were they needed to be to heal. There is no way they could have parented these children even with the best of intentions, I have spent my entire adult life preparing and training for them and barely made it through the first year. The kids left feeling so proud of themselves for all the compliments they received on their manners and behavior.

It cemented for us that they really need to continue previous family relationships on some level. It has helped them understand where they came from and what happened in a realistic light. It would never have been the same just hearing it from us, they needed to hear it from the people that were there. It makes us all sad the parents are who they are and can't be a part of it. I did learn one very sad thing that explains why he was so willing to believe our kids, Patches had told him years ago and he thought she was not being honest and did nothing. He is carrying a lot of guilt for that, as he should.

When we left, their cousin asked me if she could call us Aunt R and Uncle M. It made our day, all of us. They fully accept us as the parents of their nieces and nephew w/o question. They believe my children. Most importantly, they love my children.

The AT Agrees with You

It was an anxiety attack. I feel stupid about it b/c I feel like I could have handled it better than I did. I was exhausted and sore from earlier and when I struggled to gain control of Ruthie and just couldn't hold her it freaked her out. She was scared and began really freaking out. She had been screaming that I wasn't keeping her safe and I usually don't call my DH into it b/c he becomes too protective of me. I don't need that, I am always fine. Not always, now. He is the most gentle person I know but the few times he has seen them attack me he flips out. It doesn't help. He yells really loud and says things that don't help b/c he goes into "protect my wife mode". It is sweet on one hand but they are already so out of control they need the parent to be calm. I try to sing softly when they are held and blow on the back of their sweaty necks while they try to pinch, kick, and try to get loose. It calms them down quicker if I am calm. I am not always as calm as I would like to be but for the most part I focus really hard on making sure the other kids are safe and then the child losing it.

We are all fine this morning and Ruthie is up my rear end. She has this irritating habit of hanging on my neck. I am not kidding when I say she actually wraps her little arms all the way around my neck, folds her fingers together, and lifts her feet. She expects me to function like this. As I sit here she is leaned over my back, laying on me with her hands around my neck. As of today, she will no longer be allowed to do this. She will be given attention when I want to give it to her and that's it. It is all about control and desperation for her. Last night was all about control. Her AT is very concerned b/c there is no reaching her when she is like that. She is a completely different person. She does remember most of it so we know it isn't that she has more than one personality but it sure feels that way when it happens.

Michael and Ella will be getting a new therapist next week b/c our male AT is so busy and he is required so much in court. They are growing rapidly and I am fine with changing b/c she has trained with our other AT. Both of these kids are easy and manageable. It's hard to believe Michael is considered manageable but he is. Ella is just a victim, she is not a lot of trouble to parent other than that. They almost present as normal children, all he has to do is learn to interact with peers. He isn't that bad, he just doesn't get things that most kids would get. His intense cuteness more than makes up for it. LOL

Weird Moment

Patches went off today and hit her brother b/c she was mad at Ava. Made perfect sense to me, too. She threw her glasses at Cyr, screamed she hated me at least 10 times, being the equal opportunist she is she announced she hated all of us individually, threw some toys, and finally refused to leave the playroom and began swinging at me. I had to get her on the floor quickly and managed to do so w/o hurting anyone. I had to hold her for almost an hour so my muscles were shot this evening when Ruthie decided it was her turn.

Keep in mind I haven't slept well lately, I had to hold an extremely strong child for quite a while earlier, and I went swimming for 2 hours this afternoon. I was in no shape for Ruthie at bedtime when she refused to pick up her stuff. I asked her to step out of the room and go downstairs with me for a bit. Perhaps she heard, "I am going to kill you now" or "I think you should die" b/c she went off like I said just those things. I was taken back b/c I fully expected she would head down the stairs to sit for a few minutes before heading back up to finish. She attacked me, I picked her up under her arms and carried her downstairs. She kicked me and the walls the entire way down. I put her a few feet from the computer to sit on the floor. She continued acting like she was going to be murdered and had to fend for her life. I was baffled and eventually had to restrain her. The bad part was I was so weak that I couldn't. She is the tiniest 9 yr old I have ever seen and have always been able to properly restrain her w/o so much as a real struggle from my part. I couldn't hold her. My DH stays back b/c he doesn't know how and is afraid he will scare them, I always have things under control and this should have been no different. Realizing I had no strength or that she had become super human, I changed strategies when she screamed she "hates it here and we are mean to kids". I moved and offered her the door. I had to get out of the room and pointed to my DH to take over. He yelled at her and she panicked, didn't move a muscle for a few minutes.

Meanwhile, I was panicked b/c I was hyperventillating. I have never done that. I felt high and couldn;t catch my breath. I began to get scared and didn;t care what the hell she was up to. I couldn't speak. I was shaking so hard and sweating. I still feel weird and it has been a while. He helped calm me and I was able to deal with her consequence of cleaning the playroom after sitting long enough that I knew she was back to herself. You never realized how important it is to properly restrain to maintain control and safety until you can't.

(I am feeling all fuzzy and weird so I am not sure how well I described this and will double check it later.)

Forever

Sometimes I don't think as I write, I assume you all can read my mind. Earlier I didn't explain that I was at 2 different places for the IEP and registration. The IEP was at the school and then we went to the county office, that is where we saw ll the officers. Try to keep up people. LOL

Kalee is here and has been very nice. She has a migraine and refused medicine until bedtime. Poor girl has been really quiet.

Ruthie and I were watching The Soup and she quietly told me she isn't going to see her parents again. I thought it was a question until I looked at her face. It was a statement. She has been back and forth with this, she loves them so much. She asked who was going to keep her safe after she was 50. Puzzled, I asked her what she was talking about. Last week, she told me she wasn't going to leave here until she was 50 and I told her I needed that in writing. It has been bothering her since, who would keep her safe? I reassured her she could stay forever and she asked for me to put it in writing. She is so funny.

My Dh won tickets to a movie premiere and dinner at Outback next week for telling the entire city that our kids had lice for the first year they were home. Horrible, huh? It was awful and now embarrassing. He was not quite accurate about our ordeal but it was as he recalled it. I think they gave him the tickets b/c they felt bad for us. We so rarely get out, I am looking forward to it.

Lisa A., will you be attending the RAD dinner Friday?

There Must be an Award

I had an early morning IEP for Ruthie and she will be promoted to the 4th grade. She didn't pass the CRCT but she was closer than ever. She is being promoted through her MID program and will continue to receive individual help with all her subjects. I asked if they would please consider taking the kids this week instead of waiting until the 4th. They didn't take me seriously.

Patches is going back to school and we went to enroll her today. I figured they had all the paperwork and it was just a simple switch but they want a copy of her attendance, the declaration of intent to homeschool, and a utility bill. I will be back in there tomorrow to drop everything off. The kids were a bit nervous being surrounded by officers, they must have folks go off up there, there were at least 6 officers around the room. Ruthie asked if we were at the jail, sure felt like it.

Emma's sister, Kalee, will be visiting us. She is coming today. I think she will go home Friday. I love that child. Our home is very different from her home and she tends to complain to get her way. I hope she doesn't starve while she is here. If there was an award for Most Likely to Hate My Cooking, she would win.

We had a horrible storm here last night. I have never witnessed so much thunder and lightening so close. We have a lot of branches down. It gives me an excuse to send the kids out to clean up their misc. toys or cups and move the branches off to the woods. They really need to get busy on those blueberry bushes, too.

Any volunteers to clean my house?

A Bday Party

Emma and Michale went to my MIL's house over the weekend and will attending Emma's sister's bday party today. Actually, this very minute they are arriving. My MIL is so funny, she took both the kids to get their nails done. My son loves to have his nails painted so all summer I have kept both his toes and fingers painted black. My DH does not even try to understand has decided to not say anything else about it. My MIL didn't like the black and took him to have them redone in blue. LOL Apparently, that made it less "rocker dude" for her.

She is such a trooper for taking them to the party full of people she doesn't really know and she does this with a smile. I don't know of anyone else with such patience and flexibility with our children. When we had teens she always accepted them without questions for as long as they chose to be with us. When they pop back in our lives, she acts as if they never left. She is wonderful at making them all feel welcome. She has been a rock for all of us throughout this adoption and has become a very important resource for our children.

The kicker is she is also willing to accept Emma's sisters as her own, again w/o question. After this party she will be bringing both Emma's sisters to her house and the oldest will come here w/o Emma for a few days. She she is so parentified and is used to no rules even though her mother is desperately trying to implement them now that she is parenting sober. Emma and Gracie will stay on at Nanny's for a few days and then on to her mothers for a couple more.

Psst....

You might want to get some work done instead of reading my entire blog at your place of business. Just so you know, I can see you every time you look. LOL I am flattered, really, your almost done reading the entire thing. It is too bad that you won't comment. I hope you enjoy getting to know us through this instead of having the relationship we should have had. I noticed that one of you is spreading it around to a couple of friends or is that another family member? I don't mind at all. Read on, just don't lose your job over it.

My Family

Some of my family has found my blog, they were upset about my feelings regarding our relationship. I am sorry they are hurt but it is how I feel. I know many of you have relationships that have deteriorated since your adoptions and understand. Mine felt pushed away in the beginning and instead of sharing this with me and learning more about why it was so important, they backed away. I don't know how to make them understand that their presence in their life was still as important but that they had to respect our unusual parenting style with children as traumatized as ours were. Can outsiders understand? What have you done to encourage your family's relationships with your children but maintained the boundaries needed to help your children? I am at a loss. Obviously, either I am not explaining it right or it is impossible to understand unless you see it first hand.

Our children came to us highly sexualized. They tried to seduce any man that came within their sight, they humped anyone that slowed down enough for them to latch on, and they were willing to go home with anyone that seemed nice or had a nice car. We had to set extreme boundaries about who they could touch (mom and dad), who they could sit next to or on (mom and dad), where they could be in relation to us (line of sight), and who could give them things like food(again only us). I know you all understand the need for this but it does isolate our extended families to a certain degree. What aunt or gparent doesn't want to hug and kiss their new addition? To what extent is it our fault that they feel left out? How do we include them safely? How much do we share or force the information on them? What if they aren't interested in the reasons? I have deeply hurt my family and that was never my intention. They are exactly who I needed. I needed someone to talk to, someone to listen. I was so alone. My poor DH barely understood what our lives were like when he was at work. My sister, Kiki, only saw a glimpse a few times and was shocked. She had thought I was exaggerating. ( I have been known to be a bit over the top to be silly about things, not about serious things) Our lives are just so hard to imagine or maybe I am just really bad at explaining.

I can only hope they continue to read here and get to know us better.

Thursday

I was quite frazzled and made things worse when I answered the phone before I had showered. It was their other aunt she sucked me into an interesting conversation that caused me to lose track of time. I was late. I hate being late. So now I am late and nervous about court. This is not a good combination.

I managed to get the kids to their former foster mother's home and have a couple of minutes to give her my schedule. The kids informed her I tried to kill them on the way there by going 90 miles an hour and weaving between cars. She laughed and said, "Like old times here, huh?" She is great. We went over the rules for the kids and I gave her permission to beat them if they misbehaved. The kids thought that was really funny. I left her to be tortured by 11 kids, she is the idiot that invited all her nieces to see the kids, not me.

I get to the courthouse and had to park at the end of the parking lot. It made me long for Ella so I could park upfront and save the long dark parking garage walk. I managed. I walked in the front door to be immediately forced through a metal detector. Of course, I beeped. Once I assured them I was free of firearms, I went to the D.A.'s office. They let me in and I waited for them to make copies of the children's letters to the Judge. As I was sitting there I began to riffle through the pocketbook I brought just in case I needed to puke. I never carry one and had grabbed one that Frankee left behind. I had dumped it out and threw in a few things to look like I knew what I was doing. As I am sitting within spitting distance of half the county's deputies and the D.A. I noticed small green flakes of what I instantly hoped was oregano. I slammed it shut. I was beginning to sweat. They finished up and I went into the courtroom, placing the bag a chair away, just in case. Never thinking about the fact it had MY DL in it and they would probably recognize me a mere chair away. I prayed they didn't have any drug sniffing dogs.

Everything was fine for the next 3 minutes. Then I saw the Aunt come in and was even more relieved. The courtroom was basically empty when the Judge came in. We stood and sat. he got right to business, I think we were 2nd or 3rd. There was dead silence except for me coughing during most of those cases. I was called to the front without even a word about what they expected from me. I had been told he was lenient and the mother's family had found a family friend to put up his property. I was very frightened she would be getting out and I would have to tell the kids. The Judge read the letters while everyone on each side spoke, he never looked up or really said anything except, "$75,000 cash bond each". It didn't sound like much and I figured any house would cover that, I was worried.

The A.D.A. chased me down to tell me this was good news, it was the highest this Judge has ever set. Their Aunt told me to calm down b/c this guy's house was not worth anywhere near $150,000 value needed for each of them. She explained the property had to be doubled. Whew!

I ran back to get the kids and tell them the great news. The Aunt met me there and we followed her to her SIL's to meet the new cousins. Everyone was shy and stood around in the yard without really talking for a few seconds. I walked right up and hugged the new Aunt and both her dds and nephew. Nanny had shown up without an invitation when she heard we would be there. I had to explain in no uncertain terms she was not to discuss the parents with the kids. She did well. She does this other thing that is going to be an issue for me, she whispers in the kids' ears. Specifically, Cyr's. She told me it made her uncomfortable but she wasn't inappropriate. Nanny lied to me about Papa wanting to spend the night at out home. I agreed it would be great after the trial. I later discovered Papa won't go anywhere and didn't ask her to ask. Why lie?

We left after 2 hours and went to see the Det. The kids wanted to thank her and she wanted to speak with them herself. I had no idea the Sheriff's Dept was connected to the jail. It did not go well. It was like the Domino effect, one after the other. Ruthie completely lost it and was wailing within minutes. I held her and noticed Ella had tears running down her face, next Patches asked to see her father in jail and Michael went to the floor. I smiled and explained it was time for us to go. She patted my back and asked where I found the strength to support them all.

We obviously couldn't go straight back to the Aunt's house with all this squallering. I knew they just needed to have some Southern comfort food. Off to Mama's Country Cafe' for fired pulley bones, country fried steak and gravy, mac and chez, greens, boiled cabbage, corn, northern beans, and strawberry shortcake. Mmmm. Michael had a difficult time choosing and I knew it was him having a hard time with his emotions. What kids doesn't know which dessert to take when they have the option of taking one of each? I told him to take his time. He eventually chose a molten chocolate cake and managed to wear part of it.

When we got back to the family they were quiet and it was uncomfortable for the first few minutes. I knew the new Uncle was like his father, quiet and non emotional. I like his father so I knew I just had to warm him up a bit. I always feel like I need to do all the work with my children's families whether they are my foster children or adoptive. The family is never sure what to say or where the line is. I make it clear they have the same roles and they are still family. I try very hard to bring some laughter into the situation early on to lighten things up. Papa walked in and helped. He made fun of me a bit and then his grown son saw that I was OK. Things just got better. I was forced to listen to Papa tell me every detail of getting his new dentures. Thank goodness his son informed him, "no one gives a damn about your teeth, Daddy." (yes, we still call our father's Daddy after we are grown and parents ourselves here in the South.) I could have said the same thing a couple of hours later when he began to tell me of all his previous indiscretions trying to confess all his sins, I guess. I let him off the hook, I don't care what you have doen or how much you drink and smoke as long as my children are not exposed to violence or anything illegal. He seemed to relax b/c I know he has straightened himself up in the last few years.

We started home at dark. Cyr cried in the car asking why this had to happen to her. We picked up Emma at my sister's and made it home about Midnight. Michael was up until 3AM and once he settled, I went to bed and watched TV. Overall, it was a great day.

Real Quick

I have so much to share. We had a long, hard day with the bond hearing and visit with their entire maternal family. I just didn't want to make you wait until tomorrow to hear that the Judge set the bond at $75,000. They are not able to come up with property or money to get out and will remain incarcerated until they go in front of the Grand Jury. Turns out this is the highest bond this Judge has ever given and every one there was very pleased he took the kids letters so seriously.

I learned some really funny stuff about their family. A little teaser, for Papa's (maternal gpa) 50th birthday the family got together for a party. Two people went to jail, there were 2 fights (2 boys and 2 girls), someone broke his leg, someone was shot, and another left town. I will never drink with these people and I asked to be left out of all their gatherings!!!! Oh, my kids were at this shindig and remember it.

Did I mention I really like these people? Yes, they get a bit redneck with booze but sober they are very kind to us. LOL

Still Learning About Their Lives

Cyr was a bit slow and secretive with her final letter to the Judge today. I was cooking dinner last night while several girls were finishing up. They are all about about the same thing, Don't let them out b/c they will hurt other kids and kidnap us. They told us they would. They deserve to be in jail. Cyr's was not only longer but sharde more insight. The thing that surprised me (almost b/c she has hinted around at it for awhile) is that if he lets her out she will go have sex with men for money, just like before and her father used to punch her face, hard then tell her she deserved it.

The other kids were just talking about old times when Ella asked them if they remembered that one time he chased her (she has CP and has trouble running well or with any speed) and their father kept hitting her with his belt. She fell a bunch of times and her just kept after her. She ended up being beaten in the face, arms, legs, back, and butt. She had big "puffy stripes" everywhere. I didn't ask anything, I just kept cooking. I know they are safe now and I dread the things I learn in the future.

They are so excited about visiting their former foster mother today while I am in court.

Grass is Always Greener

We have the Bond Hearing on Thursday and the kids will be staying with their former foster mother for the afternoon. Afterwards I will be taking them to meet their cousins and Aunt M2 for the first time. This is their mother's brother's wife, her dd, and their 14 yr old dd that no one knew about until last year. Same child their parents have been "babysitting". We are all thrilled to meet them. It will be a very long day for us, I am sure we won't be home until after dark.

We spent the day at the pool. I love hearing my oldest and my niece argue about how cool the other's mom is. They both think they got the short end of the stick and their's is too strict. LOL My niece thinks I am the best!

Smurf's Disease

I am turning into a smurf. I have my nieces here for the week while Kiki is in Savannah for a Chief's Conference. I love it when they are here but this time I was asked to dye their hair blue. This is right up my alley as an aunt and I agreed to do it. Of course, now I have to do half my kids' hair. too. Last night we spent a few hours bleaching out the girls' hair that was black before we could put the violet color on. First step went well. Second step is a semi-permanent color so I didn't put on the gloves thinking it would wash off. I was wrong. This is after I washed, no scrubbed is more accurate, for about 10 minutes.

Their hair is really cute but faded a lot so it will require another dose today after the pool. I didn't do their entire head, only a small portion of their hair at their neck and above their ears. It is really cute when they put it up in a pony tail, otherwise you can't even tell. My son now has a purple mohawk. It looks like he was rolling around in the blueberry bushes. This combined with his black painted finger and toe nails, he is beginning to look a bit rock n rollish. I figure it is summer and this is a way for him to get himself "fixed up" like the girls and still look like he is a boy so my DH doesn't "comment" to me me. I have drawn the line at make up in public but he is free to wear it around the house b/c the girls are. I told him later I would do it for him so he looked like he is part of a band. Dad is gonna die when he sees that.

I hope Patches and Ruthie are having a blast at their Nanny's house. I sure miss them. It's funny how empty the house can feel when one of my kids are gone. You would think I had so many I wouldn't notice.

Happy Birthday Emma

Patches is having a very difficult time this weekend. She pitched a huge fit yesterday and today trying to sabatoge herself with my nieces here. She always humiliates the other children about their wetting issues in front of others. I think it is to take the ficus off of her but it ends up really hurting the other kid's feelings for being outed for no reason. That was yesterday and I was "entertained"for well over 2 hours with hair pulling, scratching, and punching. Usually I ask her to do this in her room but with the new information I asked her to stay on the sofa next to me and to my surprise, she did. She hurt herself b/c she felt bad about hurting her sister's feelings, how sad is that? I hurt you so now I will hurt myself. She has huge claw marks up and down her arms, she drew blood. Once she comes back to reality, she is fine for the day.

Of course we had to wake up today and start all over. She was asked to spend the night at my MIL's and she got frustrated about getting her clothes together. I asked her to wear her sandals and pack 3 out fits. Their clothes are stacked in outfits so it is as simple as taking the first 6 things in the pile. It took her an hour and I began to lose my patience when she couldn't find her shoes. Eventually, the entire family got in on the search. I showed her a bucket in the playroom with shoes in it (I have no idea why they were there) and she took about 60 seconds to take the 8 steps tothe bucket and then she picked up her sister's shoe and stared at it. I told ehr to try again, in a firm voice and tried to tug on her Tshirt to bend back over. I missed and got a patch of hair. I barely tugged and she started filpping out. In no way could this have been painful or abusive, I barely touched the hair before I realized it was hair and not her shirt, which I was barely going to tug at. I apologized as she began flopping on the floor screaming. I couldn't contain myself and actually laughed out loud at how ridiculous she was being. She ran to her room and several of us followed b/c now we were moving on to packing for a new kid since she obviously would not make it. Em had asked if she could go. We packed while Patches beat herself up in the corner and you will never guess what was in the closet ON TOP IF EVERYTHING? Her sandals. She could not have opened the closet or they would have bitten her. She later, much later, agreed she didn't even look in the closet even though I asked her to several times.

Today is Em's birthday, she is 7. She is such a joyful child, I am grateful to be one of her Mom's. Yesterday was her younger sister, Gracie's 6th birthday. Her Mother couldn't make Em's 1st birthday party b/c she was in the hospital. She hasn't missed one since and we coordinate their celebrations so they can be there for both.

A Good Mother

I took the kids to the AT today and told them everything the kids have told us about the locked room. Every one except Michael and Ava talked about it in more detail. I have had a hard time listening b/c of my own emotions but with the AT there to keep the conversation going we heard a lot more. They will all begin EMDR next week to focus on this memory. I am so proud of my kids to have survived their lives before us. They are so brave.

Our male AT is sure Ruthie is attaching to us, I believe that, too. He is very concerned at her response to stress or how she reacts when Michael is acting out. She has always struggled to maintain her composure and more times than not, she loses it. He and I have discussed the possibility that she is disassociating. Today we are both confident that is the case. She rocks in the fetal position, hurts herself, and screams at me in a babyish voice about how mean I am and she loves her real mom (there are other things she says that don't make sense but this is the usual theme). It is hard to see in this picture taken awhile ago, she is twisting her arm all the way around trying to break it off. While doing this she is crying, rocking, and threatening to tell the police I broke her arm.

Cyr said nice things about me, (you can close your mouth now) she told the AT that I did what I said and I protected the kids from their parents. She has a hard time showing it but we could tell she is impressed with me just a little. She has been waking me up with coffee several times this week. I hear her get up and she calls to me to wait a minute and then brings it to me in bed. She is "working hard to be a good daughter now that I am being a good mother". Her words, huge step.

Ava will be going to respite for a few days as soon as we can locate a provider. It is for her safety and our sanity. The kids have all kicked her out of their room b/c she constantly annoys them. They want to hurt her, I am having a hard time controlling my feelings as well. I wouldn't hurt her but I know I am not being an extra loving mother right now. We need a tiny break.

I have mentioned before that I feel that they needed a lot of guidance to learn basic things like how to play, proper manners, how to express their feelings, how to be a friend, how to help someone,how to ask for help, and many other normal things. Something we learned early on is that they really wanted to know these things, they wanted to fit in. I have taken a coaching type role in parenting. They get the love and affection of a parent but we also give them responses to things, practice, and repeat until they are good at it. Both our ATs told me today that they have been using our kids as examples, they came to us so damaged and violent and are now able to have nice conversations with other staff members in the waiting room, control their sexual feelings, ask to talk about their feelings, and want to heal. They are not the same kids they were 2 years ago, I couldn't be more proud. I do want to tell the rest of you that are parenting traumatized kids or who are waiting for their children, I am sorry you will have to settle b/c I got the best kids in the world.

Hate, What To Do With It?

A couple of kids crawled into mu bed this morning, we used to not allow this but have recently decided that we need to bring some normalcy to the family and this is a good way. They crawled in and the discussion got deep quick. They wanted to talk about their parents. They struggle with loving them and what they have done to the kids. In this conversation that happens almost every day with at least one child, I learned something new that has my blood to the point of boiling. I am mad b/c I should have known, I should have guessed it and I have been causing the very thing that scares them the most when I do something that every family does at some point.

When a child starts to get out of control, I send them to their room to "get a grip" and they are welcome to rejoin us "whenever you are ready". Seems harmless enough, right? They would scream, kick the walls, wet themselves, hurt themselves, and even hurt others if they came around. It is b/c it is a trigger for them. I discovered today by the mouthes of 4 children that their parents would lock them in their room EVERY DAY, all day. Their parents had a routine of arguing every moment together so before work they would place them all in one locked room while they argued and he would go to work. She wouldn't let them out until he came home. They would cry and beg but she never did, they would soil themselves and starve but she wouldn't budge. They had to sit there without toys or food, all day. When he would come home they were let out to make themselves dinner and watch the "scary movie" and witness the horrible event that has caused them to be in jail. I am sick. It makes me remember when they first came home and we had to shut their bedroom doors at night for their safety, Cyr would have these horrible panic attacks about shutting the door, no wonder. Something I have never allowed myself to think much less say out loud, I hate them. I hate what what they have done but I also have extremely strong feelings of disgust for them. I need to work through this b/c it is not healthy for me to feel this way but for today I will sit in it.

Name Calling

I took the kids to the pool this morning and since it is Pass Holder's Only on Wed, we normally have a great time b/c there aren't many others there. Not the case today. There was a group of about 15 kid and 3 women, now I assume they were a camp or daycare but since people assume that about me and are wrong, I don't know for sure. They were horribly behaved children. Lots of wrestling and screaming, it got to the point the Lifeguards stepped in a few times while these women chatted up. After 30 minutes, there was a high pitched scream and every one turned. One of the boys had been hit in the nose and there was blood EVERYWHERE. It was shooting out of his cupped hands and his face was swelling instantly. I felt so sorry for him until I found out we would have to leave b/c with blood in the pool they automatically closed it for the day. Damn it, man.

I took the kids to Walmart to do our 3 cart grocery shopping. I commented to them about how different it is to take them now compared to 2 years ago and you could hear a collective sigh. I laughed, they are so cute. What did I ever do before them?

I threaten my children, not like you think. Before we go anywhere we go over the expectations. I expect them to keep their hands to themselves, stay close, use an inside voice, not ask for things, not to talk to strangers, not to hug strangers, and so on. It changes depending on the activity and the folks there. One thing never changes and Cyr pointed out that I forgot today before we got out at the pool. She said, "You forgot to threaten to beat us til we bleed." All the kids started laughing. I know it sounds terrible but since I don't beat my kids, they know I am always kidding when I mention it. It has become a family joke of sorts. It will make them smile when they are shutting down or starting to. All I have to do is ask if they need a beating or want one. They beg for them, "please beat me , beat me". A beating in our house is basically a tickle session where I pretend to spank them and they squirm, giggle, and get a swat. They enjoy them so much that I actually warned our AT and our SW before the adoption that if they ever said I beat them to be sure to ask if they had fun before they reported it.


We call our kids silly things like most families do. We use things that make kids laugh and what makes kids laugh better than rear ends and poop. Again, this doesn't sound good on paper but in person it is very loving and silly. Here are a few of the many names I call out to them. Turkey butt, turd bucket, butter bean, sweet pea, skinny minnie, toad stool, my little crazies, toe jam, and love buckets to name a few. I heard my son call me his little crazy today at the pool, it was so sweet. What do you call your kids?

It was finally printed in the paper, they didn't tell all the charges, they fibbed. It made it seem much less of a case and it was on purpose. I love that Det.

An Early Morning Getaway

I got Cyr, Emma, and Ruthie up early this morning and we snuck away to Waffle House. I have been craving it since I read about Theresa's kids bugging her about it, I think it was Theresa. It was so good, anything, even if it is smothered in grease or should I say especially smothered in grease is great when it is served to you. It is so cheap for me to sneak away with a few of them at a time, we ate for $20 including tip.

After our bellies were full we ran to Walmart for few groceries. They were so well behaved, no one was run over with the cart or complained about being ready to go once. They rarely ever ask for things anymore so that part is always a breeze. I found book bags cheap and since school doesn't start for another month I decided to go ahead and get them while the pickings were good. I picked out 3 smaller ones for $5 each for all 3 1st graders and got the other kids regular size ones for $10 each. They are colorful and cute. Everyone was pleased.

One thing I have learned is that if I buy something and bring it to them, they love it. If I take them shopping, they always like the expensive stuff. I usually do almost all the clothes and shoe shopping alone and bring them home to try on. They are NEVER disappointed and have no idea I bought only off the extreme sale rack. I also love to shop at thrift stores like Salvation Army and Goodwill, SA has 1/2 off on Wednesdays. I hardly ever even look at their shirts, I buy jeans, shorts, and jackets there and supplement with new shirts at Old Navy, Sears, and The Children's Place. It is almost time to buy new tennis shoes and I will have their feet measured at Walmart and then later go shopping by myself, some of it I will do online but most is in the stores so I can return it if they hate them or need to adjust the size quickly. I am so glad most of my kids have no sense style b/c it would make my job so much harder.

*If your name has mom at the end or if it has mama at the end, when you send me a comment it doesn't give me your email, you must write it out. LOL One of you has tried to do it twice and forgotten, you crack me up.

Don't Forget YOUR Email Address

Some of you I could track down on my own but there are 3 of you I can't. I hate to post you name here or make you feel bad b/c you think I didn't invite you. If you did not receive an invite, comment again and give me your email address.

(Funny how even as an adult I worry about hurting someone's feelings over something like this. Maybe a little more therapy for me, huh?)

The kids are playing store and it never fails, someone is a foster kid and someone is a CW. I wonder if that will ever change.












Jace and Elvis are under my chair, this is their spot when I get on the computer. They are so darn cute sitting under there panting away.







We picked these last weekend and made a Blueberry Cobbler that was eaten in one sitting before I could take my "after" photo. The kids claim to not like them but sure were eager to eat them up. We have 16 blueberry bushes in our yard and I am sure we will be eating them until we are all sick of them.

A Little Stressed

I have again invited everyone that has commented, there was one person that didn't and it is b/c I didn't get an email and I couldn't pull up your profile to get it. Please try me again and you will be approved.

I will still post here about the kids, I will give updates about the case but very vague ones.

The kids are doing amazing but there are signs of stress. Ruthie had her first accident in over 18 months last night. She is talking about her feelings about masturbating obsessively every time their names are brought up. Cyr is over parenting everyone again, including me. (I don't mind so much b/c it almost gives me a break. LOL) They are asking to "camp" together and I feel that they are far enough along that they can handle it so there are sleeping bags everywhere in the living room. They are playing nicely together and that in itself is a miracle. They are concerned when one child leaves the group for any reason and another tends to follow to check on them. It shows how far they have come. One last thing that really surprises me about them today, they are volunteering to clean! Who does this? I think it is to keep busy but I am not gonna argue, clean away. When they are done here, anyone else need a little work done?

I tried to make plans for fireworks today but they are not interested at all. Pool, yes but no other outings.

She Confessed

She admitted everything and much more. She will testify against her husband so the kids don't have to. I am so grateful she did the right thing and told them everything the kids said was true.

Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive comments. I have added everyone that asked so if you didn't get an invitation, please do it again. I plan on updating here for the basics but all the details will be private so it can't be Googled and our location discovered. I hope this will keep our privacy but give me a chance to say what I really think.

Kids are sleeping later and later this summer. I feel like I have won the lottery, I know I don't ask for much. They used to be in such a high state of fear that dawn was about all I could hope for. This week alone I have had to wake them at 9:30 twice. Woo Hoo! Now I have to train my sister not to call me until after that. Yes, you, Kiki. Last night I didn't go to sleep until after 4AM. Too bad I wasn't bitten by the cleaning bug. My house is a wreck.

A Separate Blog

They were arrested this afternoon and charged. They refused to talk with the Det. so I am sure the kids will have to testify. Some lovely things were said in the back of the officer's car that were recorded and will be very incriminating. The Det. informed me that there will be 2 other arrests tomorrow and they will each have 3 charges against them.

I have decided to make a separate blog that I will discuss this part of our lives in private. I am too afraid that people will be looking for us b/c this case has turned into a much bigger case than I imagined. The Det. is very concerned about us b/c all the adults will be linked quickly. If you would like access to it, please send me a comment with your email address. I will not publish any comments with your personal information on it.

The kids are all doing great, so far. They called their Nanny and Poppa to ask if they were mad at them for telling on their daughter. They were very supportive and confirmed their love repeatedly. Everyone agrees that they belong in jail if they did the things the kids claim and that we all believe the kids. The Gparents do not know what the kids have claimed but told them to be strong. I know they are in a tough place and I am grateful they can put themselves aside for the kids.

Today They Pay

My kids' Aunt called this morning at 7:30AM, she was very upset about the situation their parents have put all of us in. She is planning a birthday party for her Step Son and became upset knowing we can't attend and have a normal relationship with her family until things proceed. We talked for several minutes and she seemed to calm down. About 20 minutes after we hung up, my phone rang again and without looking I answered thinking it must be her again. I was wrong and I believe the Aunt has some psychic ability that we were bot unaware of previously. It was the Det. calling to tell me she WILL be arresting the parents today. She has the warrant in hand and is just confirming their address before heading out with a bunch of officers.

She called me back a few minutes ago to update me on the best news of all. She will be charging them with 3 counts of Aggravated Child Molestation (3 had to be dropped) and 6 counts of Child Molestation each. Wait, it gets better. My children had reported for years that they had been molested multiple times by a man named Tex, he is developmentally delayed and couldn't be charged. This made no sense to the Det. or myself but it is what everyone believed, until today. He will be arrested and charged with 3 counts of Aggravated Child Molestation TODAY! I am currently pacing the floor waiting for the Det. to call me and tell me it is done, she promised she wouldn't go home today until all 3 are behind bars.