Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Name Calling

I took the kids to the pool this morning and since it is Pass Holder's Only on Wed, we normally have a great time b/c there aren't many others there. Not the case today. There was a group of about 15 kid and 3 women, now I assume they were a camp or daycare but since people assume that about me and are wrong, I don't know for sure. They were horribly behaved children. Lots of wrestling and screaming, it got to the point the Lifeguards stepped in a few times while these women chatted up. After 30 minutes, there was a high pitched scream and every one turned. One of the boys had been hit in the nose and there was blood EVERYWHERE. It was shooting out of his cupped hands and his face was swelling instantly. I felt so sorry for him until I found out we would have to leave b/c with blood in the pool they automatically closed it for the day. Damn it, man.

I took the kids to Walmart to do our 3 cart grocery shopping. I commented to them about how different it is to take them now compared to 2 years ago and you could hear a collective sigh. I laughed, they are so cute. What did I ever do before them?

I threaten my children, not like you think. Before we go anywhere we go over the expectations. I expect them to keep their hands to themselves, stay close, use an inside voice, not ask for things, not to talk to strangers, not to hug strangers, and so on. It changes depending on the activity and the folks there. One thing never changes and Cyr pointed out that I forgot today before we got out at the pool. She said, "You forgot to threaten to beat us til we bleed." All the kids started laughing. I know it sounds terrible but since I don't beat my kids, they know I am always kidding when I mention it. It has become a family joke of sorts. It will make them smile when they are shutting down or starting to. All I have to do is ask if they need a beating or want one. They beg for them, "please beat me , beat me". A beating in our house is basically a tickle session where I pretend to spank them and they squirm, giggle, and get a swat. They enjoy them so much that I actually warned our AT and our SW before the adoption that if they ever said I beat them to be sure to ask if they had fun before they reported it.

We call our kids silly things like most families do. We use things that make kids laugh and what makes kids laugh better than rear ends and poop. Again, this doesn't sound good on paper but in person it is very loving and silly. Here are a few of the many names I call out to them. Turkey butt, turd bucket, butter bean, sweet pea, skinny minnie, toad stool, my little crazies, toe jam, and love buckets to name a few. I heard my son call me his little crazy today at the pool, it was so sweet. What do you call your kids?

It was finally printed in the paper, they didn't tell all the charges, they fibbed. It made it seem much less of a case and it was on purpose. I love that Det.


Anonymous said...

Stinky butt is a common nickname around here when a random kid passes gas!

And then from the tv show "Raven", we call the kids: ya little nasty!

FosterAbba said...

I'm glad to know that I am not the only person who "beats" children in the way that you do.

Sometimes, my kid begs for a beating.

Wendy said...

I have always called my oldest Monkey Butt. One day, in second grade, she got suspended from after-school care because she wrote that on a piece of paper. They totally didn't understand. Sigh...

Kath said...

I don't have kids personally, but some of the pet names in my family are similar to yours! We also have a skinny minny, and a couple of sweet peas. Also we have goosy (ryhming slang for Lucy), my little fart bucket, boontsie, sugar lump, loopy loo, and genskidoodle. And I get Katana

They do sound weird written down though!

Tracy said...

My child is most often Smootch. But he also answers to Buttercup, Migs, and Sugarplum.

Lorie said...

I call Aria "Bunny" or "Buns" for short, but when she was a baby I called her "Monster" and um...would have done it again recently if...(will blog about this soon) if she hadn't deemed herself monster first, before I did.

So a quick story. When she was a baby I would sing a song that I made up and sang it to a funny tune.

(sing a lilting up and down thing)
"Your my monster, you're my little monster, your my monster, your my monster, GRRRRR!!!!! (with growl) MONSTER!

So I stopped singing it when she became my beautiful little bunny :-)(which she would hop around the room and say BUNNY) However she asked me in the car the other day...

"MOMMIE" (the loud tone in which she addresses me) Monster song!

I was like..."what monster song, honey?"

She said "MONSTER...GRRR!" but sang it.

She remembered! I stopped singing the song with she was ONE...ish! (Freaky) she continued "GRRR...MONSTER" so I know what song she meant.

Tears started welling in my eyes. She remembered the monster song. Now we sing it for bed every night and SHE CAN SING IT.

She misses the second verse, but she is getting better everyday. OHMYGODILOVEHER!

PS. I am cutting and posting this comment to my blog. I have very few brain cells left and I love you, so I have spared the rare and few on your comment.

OHMYGODWOWCRAZYDAYCARE/WRITING=NEAR DEAD PARENT. Don't try this at home! Except if you are TUDU then you do every day times a bunch a bunch.

You still are and always will be the more stellar (because of the stamina and um...sense of humor) parent.

greenrobin said...

I use the name my mom always called us--turd eye.

Also poot, tootpot, and booger.

Tudu said...

I forgot booger butt! That is my favorite.

FatcatPaulanne said...

Apparently, I call my kids 'honey' a lot. My youngest once drew a picture of a mom and beside her were all her 'honeys'. ;-)

Christine said...

My fave is ALSO Turkey Butt.

I'm also a big fan of Goober Head.