Some of my family has found my blog, they were upset about my feelings regarding our relationship. I am sorry they are hurt but it is how I feel. I know many of you have relationships that have deteriorated since your adoptions and understand. Mine felt pushed away in the beginning and instead of sharing this with me and learning more about why it was so important, they backed away. I don't know how to make them understand that their presence in their life was still as important but that they had to respect our unusual parenting style with children as traumatized as ours were. Can outsiders understand? What have you done to encourage your family's relationships with your children but maintained the boundaries needed to help your children? I am at a loss. Obviously, either I am not explaining it right or it is impossible to understand unless you see it first hand.
Our children came to us highly sexualized. They tried to seduce any man that came within their sight, they humped anyone that slowed down enough for them to latch on, and they were willing to go home with anyone that seemed nice or had a nice car. We had to set extreme boundaries about who they could touch (mom and dad), who they could sit next to or on (mom and dad), where they could be in relation to us (line of sight), and who could give them things like food(again only us). I know you all understand the need for this but it does isolate our extended families to a certain degree. What aunt or gparent doesn't want to hug and kiss their new addition? To what extent is it our fault that they feel left out? How do we include them safely? How much do we share or force the information on them? What if they aren't interested in the reasons? I have deeply hurt my family and that was never my intention. They are exactly who I needed. I needed someone to talk to, someone to listen. I was so alone. My poor DH barely understood what our lives were like when he was at work. My sister, Kiki, only saw a glimpse a few times and was shocked. She had thought I was exaggerating. ( I have been known to be a bit over the top to be silly about things, not about serious things) Our lives are just so hard to imagine or maybe I am just really bad at explaining.
I can only hope they continue to read here and get to know us better.