Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Ruthie, Again.

She was caught having Emma do all her homework. Emma loves to help the kids with their assignments and she is easily suckered into believing they do not understand so she does problem after problem trying to teach them, eventually completing the entire assignment. Ruthie let her do all her math and reading before she got caught. When I asked her she melted down into a frenzy. She began slapping at me at first and I smacked back at her with a paper folder. It surprised both of us but Cyr giggled and told her it couldn't hurt. She tried to grab the folder when I wrote a note that it wasn't her work in it, desperate to not let the teacher know she has issues of any kind. Screaming I am ruining her life. I asked her to go ahead and get ready for bed, hoping it would slow down her fit just a tad. No such luck. She went to her room and began tossing things, as I walked in she laid on her back and began kicking me in the left knee over and over. She had both her shoes on and the kicking brought me to the floor. I grabbed the shoes to remove them so she switched to Plan B. She thought it was a good idea to then smack, slap, scratch, and kick me so I wouldn't take her shoes, knowing full well she lost the privilege of wearing them for a few days. (This child has the use of at least 3 other pairs of tennis shoes, they were hers and her sister's from last year so not as nice but still in great condition.)

At some point, I had to flip her over and hold her down to protect myself. Some of her sisters came in to check on me when she started yelling I was abusing her and she was going to tell her teacher. Her reason is her hair had been pulled in the flip over and I was to blame. She was so far gone at this point that all that came out was how wonderful her life was before me, her parents loved her and never restrained her, her teacher loves her, she hates me and never loved me, she wants to live somewhere else, and the ever present "You're not my real mom!". I never give a reaction while she is angry, I have been addressing it after she calms. It took over an hour for her to listen to me through her tears. It funny how they hear what they want and no matter what I say to them when they are angry, they twist it. For example, "You don't seem to like yourself right now." becomes "I don't like you." "I know you are smarter than this." becomes "You are stupid."

She will be making false allegations about me at some point, it has become her regular threat lately. "I'm gonna tell my teacher you hurt me. I'm gonna twist my arm 'til it breaks and tell her you did it." It's a matter of time. I have been accused before but things turned out OK b/c the officers quickly determined I couldn't have performed oral sex on this child I had only seen in a group setting with cameras. The other time was a girl that told her friend's mother I called her "retarded" and ran away from me to be saved by this woman with a DFCS open case herself. The Judge determined that what I said was actually true, "All of you are emotionally retarded due to the abuse you have survived. Retarded not meaning stupid but not developed or stunted." She took it out of context and was the only one that took it to be mean out of 7 girls. They volunteered to testify. The Judge was shocked I was willing to take her back after that and told her she was one lucky girl. As you see, neither really was dangerous like if she said we were abusing her and had marks that she gave herself. I have already addressed this with her teacher and she seems to get it. Today she and I will be talking to her teacher together about how she really cares about her but does not love her and she can't live with her.

All this drama left Ava and Michael with a chance for a lovely evening. Every one else did their homework and showers without incident.

Ruthie missed her bus this morning. She will pay me, as her taxi, to take her to school.


Innocent Observer said...

How do you have the energy? Thank God you are their Mama!

Lisa said...

You're such a fabulous mom!
I bow to you.

Alyssa's Mom said...

I admire your commitment to your children!

You are an awesome Mom!

Anonymous said...

There you go again making my day seem all rosy and bright. LOL.

Michelle said...

Honest to goodness, I think I'm so addicted to your blog because of all the ideas I get for discipline. I'm stuck in the eternal rut of "timeout".

So what do you do for lying?


Marthavmuffin said...

Wow sounds painful. How do you handle the pain? I get so aggravated when my girl hits me.

Tudu said...

Lying and pain. I have a few that lie in every situation, Ava, Michael, and Ruthie. I NEVER believe them when it is day to day stuff. I can tell when it is the truth and when it is a lied so I manipulate them into situations to tell them I can't trust what they are saying due to their history. I will give them consequences for things that I can't find the culprit for ans explain that since they lie so much I am sure they did it. It is almost always simple things so they aren't getting a big consequence, it's just annoying. I also set them up to tell the truth and make a huge ordeal out of it. I always ask twice and make them pause to think about their answer. If they are honest, they usually don't get a consequence for the crime. Since most things are so silly, it's more important to praise the truth that have them receive a consequence. Their response is still lie first but we are seeing a few change their stories and answer correctly.

The pain from the abuse I suffer at their hands is unbearable at times. I wish I had a better response. I do make them take care of me after they calm down. At the time, the adrenaline takes over and keeps me going to get a hold of them. Most days I can dance my way out of their reach and that is my goal.

Lorie said...

I am finally getting a chance to read your blog again and all I can say is...I LOVE YOU! Wow...!!!!