Thursday, August 14, 2008

I've Been Busy

I have had many foster daughters over the years and they seem to come and go when they need something or their lives change. There have been 3 that held my heart Frankee, Stephanie, and Rosa. All 3 probably had RAD and were very difficult to parent. Most of you remember Frankee and the dust storm she left in her path. Stephanie died in a car accident. Rosa is the one I haven't mentioned, for many reasons but mostly b/c it hurts so bad.

Rosa lived with us at the group home and moved into our home when we left there as our foster daughter. She wasn't available for adoption and we had planned to adopt her after she turned 18. She was a gorgeous young woman that sucked up any attention she could get. She had been abused by male relatives, her mother had abandoned her and her siblings, lived in a bus, and she parented the kids until she was taken. She is a very strong young woman.

She has wandered in and out of our lives since she left our home. She married another young man we took care of (not through foster care but her was a minor living with us). Since she had not been dating boys, we felt it was safe to have him there. They began a sexual relationship and got married when she became pregnant. She disappeared. When she became pregnant with her second child, I called to tell her about Stephanie. We moved her back to GA from PA. Her and her DH were in a serious car accident shortly after they arrived that fractured her pelvis, broke multiple bones and was hospitalized for many weeks. Her and her family moved in with us. Her DH, Ed, became too much to deal with. He is a control freak. It was awful trying to take care of their small children, mine, and work full time. Our daughters, theirs and mine, got a hold of Ed's Oxycontin and we had to rush them to the hospital. It was the beginning of the end of our co-habitating.

We discovered later that they had a violent relationship and she had to file DV charges against him. While they were separated I had the opportunity to spend 4 nights a week with her children while she worked in a bar until the wee hours of the morning. I loved every minute of it, they called me Nana and I spoiled them rotten. They managed to get back together and break up a couple more times over the next year. When they were back on full time, she ended contact with us b/c of ultimatums he gave her. She tried to make the marriage work. Fast forward 2 years, she served him divorce papers about 6 months after they received a hefty settlement from the accident. The money is gone and they have nothing to show for it. He spent it on stupid things and was the only one with access to it. She had his accounts frozen and is waiting to finalize the divorce.

I was thrilled to talk to her last Wednesday. She sounds great and I have missed her terribly. I have no illusion that things will be perfect and I am hoping to see her babies since she has since had another one that doesn't even know me.

I started this several days ago and have been too busy to get it posted. Rosa came up to see me Saturday and we went to lunch. Her life is very complicated with the divorce in progress and raising 3 tiny kids when she only had parents in her teen years. I am convinced her 5 yr old son has some pretty serious attachment issues and his teachers have been telling her about SID. He is a mess. She cried for 30 minutes at lunch and kept apologizing for it. She is lost in the whole parenting thing but she tries so hard.

Speaking of Saturday, my MIL came out Friday night and spent the weekend. It was like I had a weekend at a resort with all my meals catered and a babysitter. I went out for lunch, as I said and then my DH and I finally had our date. I had a blast all day.

My son is still freaking out and I realized why at a random moment this weekend, since school started back he hasn't been taking his medicine in the morning, only at night. Ooooppps! This morning I had to put it in the back of his mouth and add water. He was shocked that I could do that and was calmed down in a matter of seconds after. He has never refused his meds before, I guess he thought he found a new way to act out. He had a rough weekend and I am hoping he gets a grip soon.

Ava is going to be the death of me. The child spends all her energy on annoying me and I may lose my mind. A few examples from the weekend, she threw a light bulb against a tree and broke it into tiny pieces right where the kids play and refused to pick it up, she kicked dirt over it. She has a habit of laying the trash bags by the can outside for the animals to spread throughout our yard instead of inside it. She lost her homework and insisted I took it and threw it away instead of taking responsibility for misplacing it. She hid her twin's shoes b/c she was asked to put them away. She pretended to pick blueberries to get money and let the others do all the work. She has begun peeing in her bed regularly and leaves it to make the room smell bad for the girls and doesn't shower either. She ripped the brand new shirt she had on the Friday to see if I would notice. I caught her watching one of the dogs dig through the trash in my bathroom, spreading it all over. The girls cleaned out from under their bed Saturday and she was caught shoving random things back under there Sunday. You get the idea, she is very busy. I hope my other children allow her to live until adulthood.


Lisa said...

Sorry things have been so hectic for you but I am so glad you're back! God bless your MIL.

Marthavmuffin said...

Do you put her in Time out? How do yo udeal with such defiance!?

Anonymous said...

Whew Rach! I feel better about my hectic week ahead already. Thanks! LOL. If I ever start to feel overwhelmed, I am coming back to this thread to get my pity party over with pronto.

I hope Rosa's life slooooows way down for awhile (for her and her kiddos sake). And I pray for Ava to take up a new, more appropriate hobby other than perfecting worst case scenarios. HeeHee


Jo said...

Thank you so much for this blog. My husband and I have only one child (special needs, adopted) and I have been having a hard time with her lately. I needed to read this blog tonight and realize that I am being a little dramatic about my situation. Again, thanks.


Tudu said...

I do use timeouts but not as often as I used to. With Ava I try to make the consequence as natural as possible with a little extra. I keep them short and sweet but packed with a punch. She jacks around when they are supposed to be picking up their toys, I let everyone else stop and she finishes.