Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Fiting In

It was another decent night of sleeping. Maybe I can get back on track now.

We are baking brownies right now for our play date with a local Mommy and Me group. All the kids will be between 1-4 yrs old but Patches is really excited to play with them. She has come so far with younger children that I am completely comfortable with her doing just that. Emma has pink eye and I let her stay home from school so she will be joining us. I have a feeling I was manipulated by them both somehow so she could go. I think she needs this time with me and it will be fun.

Still haven't heard anything from the darn Detective. They were to be picked up by yesterday and I know they were home at 8PM per the aunt.

Michael was able to verbalize his feeling yesterday after his tantrum. The kids thought it was funny he rang the doorbell to ask if he may rejoin our family on our terms not his. He did his restitution and had a calm evening.

I think I posted about this the other day but it is still really bothering me. I have joined this great Moms forum for Moms in my area. I thought it would be a great place to start meeting friends for both the kids and I. They have a lot of play dates and activities but they communicate a lot online. I keep reading trying to relate and post but when I type it all out I erase it b/c I am afraid my parenting experience is so different. There is very little I have in common with them. They seem to make sill comments about things w/o thinking it through, if I said those things to my children I am afraid of the damage it would do. It's not that they are rude or mean it that they do not have to think about everything they say and do like I do. They are parenting by the seat of their pants and I have to think out every detail of the tiniest activity or comment. Does this even make sense? It just points out how abnormal we are. Damn it I want to rejoin society and I am realizing not only are our parenting styles obviously different but our size alone scares people off. I guess I hoped not to share our emotional issues and just fit in. I want my children to feel what it is like to be normal and not have everything we do revolve around a therapy of some sort. Maybe I will begin to post more and if they pull too far back I will look for another group that is more forgiving of our differences. I am sure we can manage a few play dates w/o standing out too much, it's just if we blow, we blow it BIG TIME and would scare the crap out of some kids. I feel like I need to warn them about possible situations and at the same time I don't want to share b/c what if we are to the point they can do this and I have shared unnecessarily. Not that I share their background or anything about their past just current behavior issues.


Jill said...

I would let your kids try the group,in small steps.I don't think I would go in,exposing to much unless you needed to,I have found with our former Rads,I would spend so much time preparing the other parents for the "what ifs" and it didn't matter,the parents,teachers,never believed us,they blamed us,our parenting,their was just noway they could grasp the illness,ever.I know its a lonely place to be.In small steps,I am sure your kids would be just fine.You don't know unless you try.

Angela :-) said...

Boy do I hear you. No advice, just wanted to say you are not alone.

Angela :-)

kiki said...

This is a great picture of a fantastic Father!