Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Not Knowing Is What Hurts

I have made a decision to help a woman I believe to have been wronged in adoption. Of course, I hear only her side but it rings true. It makes me so mad that young women are forced or coerced into adoption when it is the furthest thing from their minds. They are pressured by their parents, SWs, or agencies to place their child with the promise of getting to remain in their lives.

Then there is the other side, the desperate couples that want a child so bad they would do almost anything to be a parent. They trust their agency, SW, and attorney to do the right thing. There are also the people that will say anything to get the child with the intention of closing things afterward once things are final. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked "Why do you still talk to them?" or "Just tell her anything but once you finalize you don't have to do it.". So many of the adoptive parents fear their child's family. I am not talking about foster care adoption, I am talking about domestic infant adoptions. Is it they know they aren't the "real" parent? Why are so many insecure? They are unwilling to look at it from their child's point of view. I have a passion for open adoption that came naturally to me. I had no idea what it was called or exactly what I wanted when Emma came to us. I just knew I couldn't keep this young woman from her child b/c I felt insecure.

I hope I can help this woman, I will do my best to try to reunite her with her daughter. I will not give up until I can at least let her know she is OK. After seeing recent pictures of her child, I am concerned about the child's emotional state. She has the "walking dead" look that I remember my children had in pictures. I can't undo what has been done but I hope to put this mother's mind at ease that her child is safe.

No comments: