I am an idiot, I think it is this darn heat wave that has fried my brain. I keep a black book with all my appointments in it, I know most folks that run large households do something similar. I pride myself on always being on time to these professional appointments, I get too flustered if I am late so am known to arrive sometimes 30 minutes early. Last night I didn't sleep well, I was tossing and turning and just got up when Ruthie had to get ready for school at 6AM. Thrilled that my DH was staying in this morning I ran to Walmart to buy a new carpet cleaner (can't let folks see this nasty carpet on Saturday). As I am pulling in the parking lot chatting away with my sister the other line rings in. I immediately knew the huge mistake I had made, it was my MIL, she was calling to see about Emma and Michael's adventure we had planned at her home. She was meeting me at the AT's office, "OMG! I forgot to go to therapy!" I hung up on my sister and called the AT to rearrange the appointment. He didn't answer b/c he was late. I ran home and snatched up the kids and was only 30 minutes late. Wheeww! He just got the biggest kick out of it b/c he is 10 to 30 minutes late every week b/c he has to deal with horrible traffic after he gets his son on the bus.

Back to the carpet cleaner, LOVE it! well, except for the fact I didn't understand the handle had to be down or when you pour it out it will splash all over your FACE! That is a mistake I will only make once.

The AT noticed things have settled back down here, except Ruthie threatened to kill me yesterday and we are going to figure out why this child FREAKS out if another child gets in trouble. PTSD is about all I can think of at this point, it is so sad that she gets to the point of threatening my life b/c Ava broke another child's toy intentionally. Ava took her consequence gracefully and couldn't figure out why Ruthie was so much more upset than her. It didn't last all night like it has in the past. She just loses all control and attacks me or herself physically.

The AT is impressed with the way I have things each child is working on and our plans to help them with each thing. He laughed at me today after he asked what we would be doing in therapy and I rattled off each child's current issue and status. I always ask for input but he just shakes his head and tells me to keep up what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, he is helping us, he is like a sounding board and gives suggestions if my ways aren't working, it's just I know my kids and I try something until it is time to try something else. He helps me figure out WHY something is happening. He says I have fantastic instincts about what will work and why. He loves that I know what we should be working on with each child and what the next step should be. He gives me confidence in my ability to parent my crazy kids on days I am not so sure we will ever climb out of this hole.

I am not sure I posted about Ella pooping herself the other night. Ok, that may just be the understatement of the year. The child crapped her pants, her sleeping bag, smeared it all over herself, the counter, the toilet, the floor, and the wall in the process of taking off the underwear. Makes me sad that after 2 yrs she still can't ask for help when she needs it but will terrorize me over a boo boo no one can find on her finger. This goes for the entire sibling group. I worry they view Emma as getting too much attention b/c she does ask for it when she is scared or sick. They don't. I did explain to Ella that if she could learn to come to me at night that she could sleep in her sleeping bag by my side of the bed until Dad leaves and then she can climb right up. Maybe it will help if she knows she will get something she wants.

*Ella just wrote me a card that said, "Mom I love you I am pretty becoz you" She explained that I am helping her be a prettier person and she wasn't talking about her face. We are working really hard on helping her stand up for herself and saying what she thinks or feels. She usually gets all shy looking or gets this deer in the headlight look if you require a response about ANYTHING. We just spent the last 20 minutes practicing how to tell me that I was incorrect about something. Huge step for my little constant victim.