Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Too Much Time to Think

I can feel the stress starting to dissipate. I found myself daydreaming today of a time when we wouldn't have so many appointments. One without therapy. Then I snapped back and realized I might as well be dreaming of a time that I didn't have laundry to do. It ain't gonna happen. Once I was fully back in reality, I began to wonder about their adulthood. How will they be different than they should have been? Who will be independent and who will forever fight me b/c they need me? Will they have healthy marriages and families? Will the cycle be broken or will they harm their own children? Will they even chose to be in my life? That's a lot of thinking for a 3 minute shower. See what happens when I am left to myself?

It got me going on something I have been procrastinating about. The Victim Impact Statement this Thursday at the sentencing of their parents. The kids have no idea we are still dealing with this. They think they will be locked up forever and that's that. Cyr is smarter than that but the rest are blissfully ignorant to the terrifying date ahead. I will be standing in front of the Judge and a packed courtroom to tell how their life has changed. How they have been impacted by their actions, destroyed is more accurate. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. I'm not. I have a pit in my stomach when I think about what depends on my words. I sure hope I don't let them down.

I am sure I mentioned Patches bus driver and the incident Friday and Saturday. Yesterday she called and apologized to me for the misunderstanding. She is a lovely woman that meant no harm to her and I knew that at the time. She adores Patches. She offered to make it clear to her what her intentions were and how she feels. I am beginning to find so much support in real life that it feels weird. I am used to being defensive and protective but am finding times when our family is appreciated instead of attacked. I could get used to this.

I realized that I have been nominated for a couple of awards. I am so backed up on blogs that I didn't even notice. Jenny had to leave it in a comment and Lisa had to email me. Thank you and I promise to get over there tonight.

I have been asked to be a parent portion of a panel of experts for a local conference by our therapists. They will use videos of our therapy to show different phases and presentations of attachment disorders. They will compile a number of sessions to show different strategies and how they play out. That is all I know. I have many questions. I was a bit preoccupied when they asked and may have been told but missed it. I know it is at a hotel conference room in the giant city we live near but that's it. That's the story of my life, flying by the seat of my pants.


Casey said...

That was quite a post. I often wish I had "pants" like yours to fly by. You are amazing...and so are your children. Whatever happens in the future...they are loved and they surely know this.


Michelle said...

I don't remember the incident with Patches and the bus driver. Do tell...

Maybe your life will never be therapy free. But maybe it will one day be therapy less:) Dream away:)

Praying for you to have peace as you give your victim impact statement.