a mother, you were not banned. I asked that you reveal who you are and not use anonymous. I felt I was respectful to you given your concerns for my children. I tried to address every worry you had. I am sorry you feel I attacked you in any way or that you were not welcome.
I assure you, we are on the same page with radical AT approaches and theories. We do not hold our children in a restraint unless they are violently attacking us, period. They must be a danger to themselves or another and a simple slap or other minor infraction does not mean a danger to anyone. We do not do ANY kind of compression holds in therapy. Therapy consists of my child laying in my lap. I encourage my children to speak their minds, make their own decisions, and have an opinion. I respect their choices, good or bad. For us, it’s all about unconditional love for them. We will love them regardless of their behavior and emotions. Mine couldn’t feel, they were numb. They are now healing, slowly and becoming healthy, happy people that can tell we love them and accept it as the truth. There is no brainwashing or boot camp going on here. I know others have found that helpful. I assure you the parents I know of have tried everything else first.
You all talked about the little boy that “played doctor” and his parents went overboard. You do not know what happened and are adding your own personal experience to it. Playing doctor is completely normal. His mother is well aware of this. She did not share the details of what happened so I will not. I will share that I have a children that had predatory behavior on other children. Predatory being the fact there were threats, promises, and power used to violate my children. My other children were terrified to tell. It has taken years for them to recover and I spent many nights wondering if I did the right thing keeping her here with them. I don’t know many other mothers that would try so hard to keep their family together. I’m not sure it would be right for many other families when a sibling sexually abuses their siblings repeatedly. We had to take incredible steps to keep them safe and we have managed to do just that. We also had enormous support from our therapist to be compassionate and enforce a safety plan. No holding anyone down or forcing them to comply. We supported our children that were victims, we listened, we helped them be more in control of their own bodies, we taught them to stand up for themselves b/c they deserve to be safe. We worked with our other child to feel worthy of a healthy relationship, take responsibility for her actions, we took away her power over the other children, and showed her we would love her no matter her behavior and feelings.
I am more than happy to answer any questions you may have. I try very hard to understand your point of view and the fact you are reading horror stories about this treatment. Those people deserve to go to prison for abusing their children. We do not do those things. One of my children has told me numerous times that she feels out of control when she is raging and she feels safe when I hold her. She has told my other children that it doesn’t hurt and they do not need to worry about her when she is in a hold. Of course this is not at the time of the hold b/c she is thrashing violently trying to hurt me or herself. AT in our lives is gentle and loving. Restraints suck. I avoid them at all costs. They are a necessary part of our lives to keep a couple of my children in our home safely. There is no anger used or rage forced. Only 3 of my children have ever needed to be held, the other 6 have NEVER acted in a way that I worried. Several of them are emotionally disturbed and have attachment issues. They do not attack so they are not held.
The name of my blog, Finishing off my Family, was supposed to be funny. I began it when we were looking for what we felt would be the final members. I had no idea that I would have children with such severe mental illnesses and my life would be in jeopardy today. Kinda ironic that my son has murderous thoughts due to his “real” illness, Schizo-Affective Disorder.