Thursday, October 15, 2009

At Least It's on Tape

Michael was sitting in my lap in therapy and told the AT he was fine. He didn't need to go to the hospital. The AT is smarter than that and excused himself, leaving the camera on. I asked Michael what was going on and he admitted he was afraid to tell the therapist. I asked him what he was afraid of and he said that he knew he was going to send him to the hospital. We talked about what he wanted and needed. He claims he needs to go to but is scared. He feels so bad that he is so mean to me.

After about 5 minutes, the AT returned. He had heard it all but wanted Michael to tell him himself. Michael was brief but direct. He thinks about killing me and himself. He thinks someone is going to make him do it. He claims he thinks about it all the time, angry or not. He feels really bad about hurting me and wants to be safe.

We agreed to hospitalization in 24 hours, if it continues. He was warm during the session and I realized he was running a fever so I am sure we are good at least until that runs it's course. We went over what we needed to do to make sure we are all safe until then. All the sharp objects are hidden and we informed the kids they needed to turn in all scissors and other related items.

I am worried about him. I am not worried about me. I fear he will think I am abandoning him when he needs me most. He told me he knows I love him more than anyone else b/c I always forgive him and tell him he is still a good boy.

The AT assigned us a case manager. She lives in our direction and will help coordinate efforts with the school. They are very concerned but this is a common situation for them and their clients. I am hopeful this will get better soon.

I have a couple of emails that I keep trying to get to but I am drowning. I promise to try tonight when they are lined up on my floor sleeping.


Jenny said...

I'm glad to hear your son was able to tell that AT and that he'll be getting more help. Hopefully with a hospital stay, they can stabilize his meds so he can feel safe at home again. When we had to do this with J's brother, I sent a picture of us as a family and a quilt from his bed. Maybe something like that would help Micah while he's away.

Blessings and prayers,

Book Lover said...

Tudu, all I can say is "wow". Your life is very stressful to say the least. You are so calm and awesome while your children express their anger and hurt. You are exactly what they need. Saying prayers here for Michael and the rest.

Kim Chrisman

Jeri said...

You have an awesome therapist! I'm glad you're getting someone who "gets it" to be a bridge of understanding with the school. Praying that Michael is able to get the help he needs in the hospital or that the thoughts of harming you and/or himself can go away now that he's shared. You are doing a wonderful job...hang in there, Jeri

MyLinda said...

Praying for you!

ldw said...

Does your therapist have a clone???