Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The psychiatrist called. My son admitted his hallucinations are telling him to kill me. This is the first time he has openly admitted that. He had slipped and told me but since denied it. I always worry I have over reacted and taken my child to the hospital for stitches they didn't need, a CAT scan that wasn't necessary, or a hospitalization that could have waited. He assured me this needed to happen. I was in real danger if this had escalated.

The doctor feels that Residential Treatment is necessary. They want to start the paperwork. I will have the option to change my mind at any time but since it takes so long, they want to start. I am not on board with RTC. I still feel we can adjust his meds here and keep trying. We do share the concern that he is on a lot of meds. He is hesitant to increase them but he agrees with his regular doctor and the therapist and will be increasing his anti psychotic. There are no easy answers. I hate all my choices. I love my son and want him home.


Kelly said...

I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things easier.



The Bus Driver said...

I'd caution against RTC's as I've worked in them. Please feel free to email me or msg me on facebook if you need to talk about RTC's. I have a list of the ones that should be avoided at all costs.

Corey said...


I am with you on the last 3 sentences. But.


Wendy said...

No easy answers and no advice from me. I know how much you love him and no matter what you choose it will be the best you can do for him. In that way, he is one very lucky little boy. I am glad the doctors are understanding and supporting you. You are the Mom, you do indeed have the best insight into your child. I am sending huge hugs your way!!!!

MyLinda said...

Praying that you are shown the path that will be most beneficial to your son and family!

cloudmaster said...

I don't know how you do it. You are certainly one special person

Book Lover said...

Oh man, what terrible decisions you have to make!! I'll be praying for you. Go with your instinct and your heart. You're their mom. You'll know what to do.


Kim Chrisman

skirbo said...

Hugs and prayers lady. Been swamped with my own stuff and got behind on yours. May God bless and keep all of you,


Linda said...

You might be interested to see that Attachment Therapy, its parenting methods, and use of the "Attachment Disorder" diagnosis have all been denounced by APSAC and the APA's Division on Child Maltreatment (2006):

I recommend a blog site run by and for survivors of Attachment Therapy:

Clips from training tapes, etc., of Attachment Therapy can be viewed at:

Thank you for the opportunity to bring these resources to your attention.

Melissa said...

Thinking of you and your family. I hope Michael will soon be home with you. Stay strong.

leel said...

wow. lots going on. i'm so glad he could trust the doctors enough to tell them. how do the other kids feel? talking to them and finding out how they feel will help guide you in the right way, i think.

i feel for you. just taking a deep breath, do some research and take some of these folks up on there offer to assist find the right place/doctor/method that might be able to help the little guy. just google the crap out of every place on the list! try it all. you'll know what's right, you're a good mom.

and thanks for sharing with us too
hugs all around :)

Lexie said...

^^Right so you find a few sites and somehow become an expert about attachment therapy and how to parent these children. Hundreds of family's have gone through attachment therapy it is NOTHING like those sites are describing. Attachment therapy doesn't use abusive tactics like re-birthing therapy. If I were you I would take those sites with a grain of salt and become more educated about what true attachment therapy really is and not the stereotypes put out there by "survivors" with an agenda and with most children who turn into adults with attachment disorders they like to place blame on others for their issues which is what the survivors of therapy group does by placing the blame on therapy for their issues.

Story of our Life said...

First and foremost --- ((((HUGE HUGS)). Heaven only knows I wish I could take the pain and anguish that you, your family, your sweet son is going threw right now.

It sux! Just plain sux.

We've been there. Our son 'didn't really' want to be home. Depending upon the day he did.

RTC are not fun. If you are able to find a good one, their great. We saw great strides in our son. However, the reality in the end was 'he' choose not to heal, to continue to hurt his siblings, the choices he wasm aking made it clear he couldn't come back home AND should be in a home w/no younger children.

Right now honey, take things ONE STEP AT A TIME!! Seriously...it is one day, one foot in front of the other, one hour and sometimes even ONE MINUTE at a time.

So often our Bishop would tell me "Heavenly Father doesn't give you more than handle". You know what...I dont' agree. I do agree with his saying though of "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Some days, I am stronger. But others, not so much.

Follow your heart!!!

Meg said...

Is there any chance the meds are giving him the hallucinations? My son became psychotic on both Risperdal and Adderall, independent of each other, at different times in his life. When taken off the meds was fine again. Well, ok, not fine but not hallucinating.