So what does a crazy Mother do if she finds someone to take 4 of her kids for the night? She takes someone elses. Patches, Michael, Ruthie, and Ava are at their Nanny's for the night. Emma spent last night with her best friend, Lauren, and apparently 1 night just isn't enough for them b/c she called asking if she could bring her home. I felt naked with only a couple all day so I said to bring her on. They will be sleeping in the living room on sleeping bags and I will be sharing our king sized bed with Cyr to be sure she stays where she should. DH is out for the evening with friends and he won't drive after even 1 beer so he plans to crash on their sofa. I appreciate it b/c I hate to wake up to beer breath and I prefer him alive.

Last night I went to our RAD support dinner. He watched the kids and I was out until almost midnight. I love those parents, we have a blast. I was in tears from laughter 20 times, their stories are so funny and we have so much in common. We have missed a few months due to the holiday and that is probably when we need it the most.

The 2 oldest had AT today. Both made huge statements that will impact them for some time. One admitted for the first time that something has happened to her (sexually). She would only respond with nods and ended up in a very scary disassociative state with shaking all over, rapid eye movements, and a weird breathing pattern. The AT was very concerned and told me we would do this in VERY small steps for her safety. The other child scares the heck out of the AT, she is concerned for my future safety. This child has admitted she wishes I would just go away, she would be just fine with my Dh and the kids. She doesn't have a plan and claims she doesn't want to hurt me, for me to just not exist would be great. Same child expressed the fear of becoming her parents and WANTS to do better. This is a very small step towards empathy, something she has never had before. The AT will be sending out 2 more therapists to assist in teaching the kids social skills and they will help monitor my safety. I am thrilled. I really do not fear her hurting me right now but I see it as a potential problem down the road. She does seem to really want help and that is a good sign.

BB, I will be fine, please don't worry so much. I know this all sounds so scary from your position but I really have a lot of support from the therapists and this is what I am meant to do. I had such wonderful examples like you and Rosie. You loved me even when I was unloveable, you forgave me regardless of the crime, and you showed me what a real marriage should look like. I love you both so much and I think of Rosie every day. You have no idea the impact you and Fred had on my life, you are more family than many of my blood relatives. In case I forgot to tell you before, thank you.