Thursday, February 21, 2008

I hope this makes sense

Day 4 with only moments of drifting to sleep. I feel like things are a blur and someone has slipped me drugs.

We went to AT this AM and video taped Ella telling me alone her version of the abuse. The AT said I did an excellent job of interviewing her without putting words into her mouth. She cried and cried. I am so proud of her. She was has no idea they scheduled the forensic interview for 5 of the 6 next Tuesday. They are opting to do one of them separately due to her history of sexually abusing 2 of the children. When the AT told Ella her parents deserved to be in jail for what they did, she agreed. She wants to put them there and made him promise she would never go back to them.

Ruthie is going in for the video taping tomorrow and I do not think she will talk so openly, even if the AT steps put again. She is still reserved and quite freaked out. She thinks I am going to leave her and they will find out where we live.

I am so sad for my babies, I am sure alot of this has to do with the exhaustion but I feel on the verge of tears constantly. I am certain, without any evidence just my own instinct, that the oldest was a very important part of what happened to my kids. I think he forced her to do the same things to the kids. She has no emotions, empathy, or conscience and I feel this has a great deal to do with why. I am so afraid for her future. I am so afraid what is going to come out. I don't want to have to choose for her to move to a RTC but the AT feels that very well may be the best choice for her future. I see effort, it is there but something is holding her back and I feel this is it.

Michael is acting out and claims he can't stop thinking about what his sister did to him.


Mongoose said...

As much as this is hard to live through, I'm glad progress is being made. As for Cyr, my inclination would be to say, don't worry about her future - though that's hard for you as a mother, her choices will be hers to make. Focus on her present and everyone's safety, that's what you have a handle on.


Anonymous said...

I am somewhat lost in the TUDU there a post about how you all came together and how long you have been together or should I set aside an evening and read the whole blog???

I get lost when I try to put the faces with the kids...I will work on it...

Tudu working hard for her kids as always...hope that trip to Disney come through


Abby goes to Denmark! said...

Hope you get some sleep soon and that your kids can work through some of the panic so the healing can really start.

Keeping ya'll in my prayers and thoughts...

Innocent Observer said...

Wow. What a nightmare. Your poor kiddos. I'm so glad that they are finally getting this all out. You are a great Mom!


FosterAbba said...

I think getting it out is the first step on the journey towards some healing. I hope you all get some rest, and know that we are thinking of all of you during this very tough time.

Lorie said...

Sending love to your family. I feel like they are really digging deep into their healing :-) yeah....sending hugs!

ania said...

Still reading through and up. Still growing in respect and compassion for you and each member of your family.

Just wanted to tag this as an 'identifying' post.

Much care to you.