Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Emma is back home and having a hard time adjusting. Nothing huge, of course. She can't sleep at night and then slept until almost noon yesterday. That is unheard of in our family. No one sleeps past 9 AM. Ever. Just to do that a miracle and high fever must happen simultaneously. Back to Em, she is awful snuggly and quiet. Most might pause and wonder if having such an open relationship was worth all her pain. It is. She knows her first family intimately and has the support of all of us to boot. She takes great comfort in returning home to us.

She heard from her oldest birth sister about her last visit with their father. It was horrible. Drugs, violence, police, and everything worth a penny was broken including cell phones and windows. Emma was horrified to hear the story. While it is scary, she will never witness anything like it. It came at a perfect time b/c she had been asking about him a lot. I have been honest with her about his history but she still had a bit of a fantasy going on. Until her sister told her what she experienced. Kalee, her sister, can be a bit gossipy but in this case, I'm glad. Emma told me last night that she never wants to meet him. I assured her that it would be normal if she changed her mind a million times and I will always keep her safe from that drama.

I think the relationship she has with her mother is amazing. They are identical in their physical appearance and have many other similar qualities. Many people thought I was crazy in the beginning for insisting on keeping her mother in our life. I had no idea about open adoptions, I only knew it didn't feel right to stop talking to her just b/c we had her baby and she hurting so badly. She loved her baby so much. She tried to parent her. She had problems that began in her life many years and even generations before Emma was born. We struggled the first year or two to find our roles. Mine as her Mom and hers as her Mother. We had to work around her depression and drug addiction. It was not always easy but it always felt worth it. We had supervised visitation in our home. We talked daily and then panicked when she would disappear for weeks. She has lived with us several times until she could get back on her feet or escape a dangerous BF. We have loved her mother through all her issues and she has loved us right back for accepting her and keeping her in our lives. Sometimes she feels like my child, too. She is definitely a big part of our family. I am so proud of her as a mother these days. She has worked so hard to stay clean and be a parent to her children. She is doing just that. I love that Emma can go stay a week at her home and have a blast, never seeing her mother's past issues. She now calls us both Mom. I really thought it would bother me. It doesn't b/c we both are her Mom, there is no competition. Our daughter can love both of us.

This is another silly video of Emma explaining who she is to herself, I guess. Her birth name was Alyvia. I will be removing it in a day or so.
video

8 comments:

Nichole said...

Your relationship with Emma's bio mom is amazing. They are both lucky to have you.

PS sorry to disappoint with the pic of me and Farmie! No buck teeth or rimmed glasses LOL :)

Ashley said...

Beautiful child, and beautiful video. I love how she understands herself- We should all be so lucku

Michelle said...

Judging by your recent blogging, you must be feeling better? I hope....

Love all the new blogs and video's. Thanks for sharing!

Abby said...

I can't figure out all of the words, but it's still adorable! =)



PS- If I understood the school name right and it's the right district/state, I think I may have applied for a teaching position in that district. lol

Thandi said...

What a blessing.Thank you for doing what some dont...For allowing this precious child to know her biological family.She'll never have to wonder, to search,to feel abandoned...

Tudu said...

Nichole, LOL I am so glad you have a sense of humor.

I am definitely feeling better.

Abby, you should come on down and apply. They need good folks there at the brand spanking new school.

Thandi, it is what felt right. We tried to help her mother parent and she couldn't. The least we could do is help them maintain their relationship. Nothing less would have been OK no matter how big her problems were at one time.

robyncalgary said...

ive been reading from the beginning for the week or so and up until this day. i dont think ive commented yet, and just wanted to say i think youre amazing. 100% truly a gift and an angel in our world full of sadness. obviously youre just you and you have emotions and hard times in this life, but i just wanted to say the world is so fortunate to have people like you.

I think your and Emma's separate relationships with Nicole are amazing, before I had myself wondered why you kept in contact with birth families when it does seem to cause issues (lice etc) but it just makde my heart feel so good in reading your view on it and that its still a good thing.

i also admire your relationship with your husband, i would love to be like you in the future :)

god bless <3

Tudu said...

Robyn, thank you for reading and saying such nice things.