Sunday, January 18, 2009

I appreciate all the concern about protecting the other children, even Anonymous' attack. I have 3 children that are violent like this. This is nothing new except she actually hurt someone. Patches has done very well on the Abilify for a month now. Her fits have nearly subsided until this weekend. Her other issues are still going strong but her rages are better.

I contacted her AT and she believes she doesn't need to be hospitalized at this point b/c she has calmed down so much over the previous weeks. I am taking 4 kids to see the psychiatrist tomorrow so we will discuss it with him. I did make the proper calls and steps to move Patches to the hospital but b/c she is complying now they won't take her. She is not suicidal or homicidal.

We talked with the kids about being safe and keeping themselves safe. We talked about how we will do this. Every one, including Patches, feels like a plan is in place. I agree with many of you that this is hard. I do feel like I have a grip on our life. Yes, I get overwhelmed at times and worry that I have made the right decisions. I am not, however, choosing not to hospitalize her for entertainment purposes or to be saintly. In fact, saintly has never crossed my mind. I feel it would not be good for her right now. I know it will happen, I am comfortable with that reality. We have pulled her in closer and will not allow the other children alone with her. She doesn't want to hurt them. She is concerned about her behavior and terrified she will never come back. I can assure you that I am not holding my children hostage and we as a family agree she can still be contained here until at least tomorrow with these things in place.


Lisa said...

It's so easy for people to judge when they don't live in our households. You only have to be true to yourself.

Knowing you, I am positive you made the right decision for all concerned. Poor Patches.

Sending you a big hug {{{{{Rachel}}}}}

Ashley said...

Wow Tudu,

I missed a lot this weekend.

Glad to hear you've got things under control- You're one of the most amazing Awesome Mama's I know


Torina said...

Wow. I can't believe the anonymous comment. Oh wait. Yes I can. Because they were anonymous and when you are anonymous you feel like you be a jerk instead of civilized.

Tudu, you have been with these kids for years. They have put you through hell and back. I know you will do the best for your family and for these kids. You are a good mom handling an impossible situation very well.

Nichole said...

I think you are fully aware of what you can handle and what your limits are. Someone on the outside looking in might not be able to understand that. I'm saddened by someone condeming you for trying to help this child and not just giving up on her.

Kelly said...

There are many times that I read your posts and think that they should have seperated these children into seperate adoptive homes. Not because you can't handle it because you do an incredible job. I just have to wonder if the healing process of all the children could and would have gone much faster had they been placed in seperate homes with trained parents. But that would be a fantasy world where there were parents trained to handle children with these severe behaviors lined up to take them seperately, so with all that said.... You are amazing and you always make the best possible decisions for your children so I would never give you advice. You are a great mom and I hope and pray that these children will see and accept the unconditional love you have for them one day. Hang in there. You will get through this and do the right thing for all the children.

Lindsay said...

I hope there is some kind of workable solution for your family soon. And I wish there were a magic wand to wave to heal your kids.

Tudu said...

Thanks guys. I thought about not publishing the nasty comment but it made me think and I didn't want to exclude it just b/c they didn't have all the information and were rude about it.

Kelly, I am certain that if they had been separated Patches and Ruthie would have never recovered. The guilt would have been too much to bear. I know they trigger each other now but they need each other on a level I will never fully understand. Even through all the sexual abuse of each other, they need to see they forgive each other.

I see Rosa as an adult and her struggles with her separated siblings is so strained. She was the oldest and felt so responsible for them, even when they were not living together, even today. I feel strongly they need to be together as long as there is progress. We have seen tremendous progress in all the kids. They are so much easier to parent and love today then they were when they came home.