I had a wonderful conversation with another family member of my children. The circumstances in which we were forced to discuss was the only difficult part. She is another one of their aunts. Since their are two I should probably name them but both would be Aunt M, how about Aunt 1 and 2? I think you can figure out my logic there, I'm not feeling real creative right now. She is married to another of the maternal uncles, to the oldest son. He has little to do with the family and their story is quite interesting. I really liked her. I think she will be a real inspiration to my children and I look forward to getting to know her. She has been in their shoes and the system failed her. She is determined to help the kids and her own daughter find justice. We agreed on almost every point and she, too, is parenting a daughter with the same issues most of mine are. Whatever IT is must be genetic, even the children that have not been in the environment have the same issues. Unfortunately, she is even less educated about this after 14 years of raising her daughter than we are after 2.
I was thinking tonight that I really want to put a name to it, find out what it is. Not sure why but it is a desire. I hear others feeling the same way and seem to find peace after they have their label whether it is FAS or Fragile X. There is comfort even if it doesn't change the outcome. I see how much my children have grown in the last 2 years, huge differences in them for the better. It is obvious that 4 have some sort of delay. Aunt 2 thinks it is a social delay, it is but so much more. On the maternal side the Gma, Mother, 2 brothers, 1 of 2 cousins, and 4 siblings. That's is almost everyone that doesn't marry in. Wow! They just can't read to save their life although they do try hard, money and math are are foreign concept, time is impossible to explain, strange speech patterns, and a complete lack of social rules.
Aunt 2 also brings credible evidence that brings their paternity in question as we feared. She has added another possible father to the 2 we already worried about. I hate to even go there. That will be a difficult task and conversation if that time comes. I am not sure why DFCS is hiding this information from us, I am worried some of their children are from an incestuous relationship. I was also told another member on the maternal side has been convicted of child molestation, long before my children came along. This was hidden from us by the grandparents and DFCS. I have a huge mess to sort out, I am not looking forward to this.
About Me
- Tudu
- Deep South, United States
- I am the mother of 10 children, 6 are part of a large sibling group we adopted through foster care in 2006, 2 are our grown foster daughters, 2 are from independent infant adoptions in 2001 and 2008. Every one of them have their own issues to work through from Schizo-Affective Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Complex PTSD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, ADHD, and Cerebral Palsy. Most of our children have been victims of sexual abuse by a close family member, most acted out sexually or exhibited predatory behaviors. We are currently trying to figure out where the trauma ends and mental illness begins in each of their lives.
2 comments:
Has anyone ever ruled out Asperger's disorder (a variant of autism) or any other milder forms of autism? The "time is impossible to explain, strange speech patterns, and a complete lack of social rules." makes me wonder if it's a possibility... I believe my Uncle has aspergers... though he's never been officially examined, because he's almost 50 (though I swear he's got the mentality of a 12 yr old), so he's an "adult" and refuses. But what you listed sounds so much like him, including the lack of being able to handle money.
BTW, I spent some time reading your blog from the beginning and you truly are a great mom.
Ditto to the above comment. Besides the social aspects, the inability to understand time/clocks and strange speech patters are a big red flag to me.
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