I have said many times that we are not done adopting, DH has always agreed behind closed door but in front of others laughed it off and teased me about being crazy. He wants more boys desperately, I think he is hoping at least one boy wouldn't be into pink, high heels, and make up. He is getting used to our son enjoying those things but still dreams about a son being a bit more boyish so they aren't so out numbered.
So last night he took everyone except Ava to see Emma's "friend" that is a boy play baseball. (She was so cute b/c she turns bright red if you ask her if he is cute or her boyfriend. We do not want to encourage boyfriends in first grade, by the way.) It made my DH realize what he is missing, boys. He loves the girls, don't get me wrong, but he is dying for boys. He comes home and tells me to get on it, contact our agency and get things moving. He knows it will take 6-12 months so he is ready to start. He is thinking 2-5 boys. The thing is I have been feeling a bit hesitant about more lately, not set on it but thinking we might be done. I love my kids and even though they are struggling right now, we are doing really well. More kids would screw that up for sure. They have been home 2 years now and I am sure we can all handle it but do I want to? I am going to have to get some things together before I can make that decision, maybe this summer we can move forward, not today though.
I am kinda on a baby kick, you ever go through those? I don't want to have one myself, I just see what a difference it make to have them from such a young age. There is a huge difference in the way you feel about them and the way they feel about you. When they are older it takes so long to bond, with a baby there is a process, too but they don't beat the crap out of your while you wait for it to happen. I mourn that loss with my kids every day, they missed out on it too. They talk about it with me a little and they hurt. Maybe we will be really picky this time and only try for really young boys. I know we both agree we want another group but I don't know if it will be as big as he is mentioning. We have room for 5 more in the van and house but I just don't know, it doesn't really make much of a difference between 2-5 more when there are 7 already, it's just back to therapy and a tighter schedule for alone time with each one. Then again, we already have such a hard time finding folks to put up with us as we are, we could never leave the house.
About Me
- Tudu
- Deep South, United States
- I am the mother of 10 children, 6 are part of a large sibling group we adopted through foster care in 2006, 2 are our grown foster daughters, 2 are from independent infant adoptions in 2001 and 2008. Every one of them have their own issues to work through from Schizo-Affective Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Complex PTSD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, ADHD, and Cerebral Palsy. Most of our children have been victims of sexual abuse by a close family member, most acted out sexually or exhibited predatory behaviors. We are currently trying to figure out where the trauma ends and mental illness begins in each of their lives.
10 comments:
I personally say go for it. I know right now you are struggling, but you were when you wanted more to start with. That didn't really make sense. But at any rate, if this means so much to your husband when it's been something you want to do (most of the time but not right now) then getting started certainly can't hurt.
Probably overstepping my bounds, but I just envy you guys your relationship so darn much.
Sarah
I really applaud you! I have only my one little radish and I have no desire/urge/thought to have more! And you have seven and want more - more power to ya!
You are an awesome Mom, and if God decides to give you more kids, you will still be an awesome Mom.
Those kids are lucky to have you!
Gerri
Hi. I just found your blog. I am on a baby kick too right now--- we are trying to adopt a little boy from Ukraine. Nice to come across your blog.
I would be really careful of bringing young boys into your house because of Cyr and Michael, I would think you would want boys who can defend themselves. I also think a bigger group might be easier in some ways, not for resource management but because they'll be more used to the large family lifestyle, and also give each other a sense of something familiar to relate to, insofar that your kids are pretty unusual in their family dynamics. Also I would discuss this with the kids and their AT and see if everyone really thinks they can handle it.
Then maybe get another baby girl as well. :)
I am so jealous! I want a big family and because of our age and 'adoptions gone haywire' we haven't gotten there yet. I would have 11 kids if I could. I wonder if the older kids would benefit from bringing in some little ones. Maybe help them with attachment issues and feeling empathy? I can see them thriving on giving the love to new siblings!
Boys are cool. Yay boys!
I know that we're just starting out with this so I probably have no room to talk, but you are such an amazing mommy...I say go for it! Everything will work out in the end, if it hasn't worked out then it's not the end!
Ahhh....Tudu :-) Come on you can do it...you're a robot remember...you're not really real!
No, seriously listen to yourself and make sure you are happy with the decision. I remember when you guys talked about adopting a baby how happy the whole family was (at least that's what I read)maybe you should look at adopting a baby (or really young boys) like under 2 years old! And he did say 2-5 so maybe stay more on the 2 or 3 side.
Listen to me talk, I'm dying trying to figure out how I'm going to have ONE more for a total of two. You're looking at like 9-12 kids....holy moly sista!
I have no advice one way or the other. We're just depserately trying to adopt ONE right now! But I'll definitely be checking in often to see what the next year is going to hold for your family. I'm excited for you!
We have 3 and I truly feel that we are not Done. I am interested in pursuing adoption of a sibling set, with at least 1 boy, and no more than 1 girl. Well, I've talked it over with G and while he might have roll his eyes a tad, he did not RSFR (run screaming from the room) which I took to be a good sign. If God has put it in your heart and mind, He will equip you . . . and you can equip us !! Thanks for sharing your ups and downs -- Rachel
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