Thursday, February 18, 2010

More Trouble

My foot is throbbing. I want to lock myself in the room and sleep through it. Kiera is all for it, to. She is my kind of snuggly baby during the day. LOL I was woken from my fitful rest to the Principal from the middle school. (I love this woman. All the kids at her school hate her but I love her.) Anyway, she called to tell me Cyr's boyfriend had been sending her emails and texts about gang crap and he had made a "Hit List". You read that right, he plans on killing several classmates because they are disrespectful of Cyr. Now throw in a mixed up little girl and she is proud of him. She feels protected by him. She doesn't see anything wrong with it and thought she could change him. Any one else see a problem with that thinking?

It seems we have discovered Cyr's area of weakness. BOYS. She is attached to me. I know this for sure and that used to be the biggest concern. She worries about me not because of how it would affect her if I was hurt but for my actual pain. Huge progress for her and I am so proud of her. It has become painfully obvious that boys will be her downfall. She is so in love with this boy. She would do anything he said. To me he is a punk kid, no real threat to her, until now. He acts tough but I don't think he would do anything to anyone. The fact she is attracted to a boy that talks this crap is a problem. The fact he was moved here to get away from a gang makes me worried. He also goes there every other weekend to visit and has access to them. These same people were a part of the threats today. The fact he wouldn't do something doesn't mean he wouldn't involve someone else. She has been talking about pot with this boy but we don't believe she has been doing drugs. She offered to drug test and pay for it. She is just trying so hard to be cool. We have removed her MySPace privilege and all phone calls must be in the room with an adult. She lost her cell last Fall due to nude photo exchanges and sexting with multiple boys. This is going to be a tough few years. I can't wait to watch her with her teens and giggle about all the lovely fun her and I had.

To top off my week, another one of my girls became a "woman". I am seriously considering options to protect that child in the next year or so. Someone will take advantage of her and she is already boy crazy. She is such a pretty, petite thing, the boys will look past the fact she can't keep up in a conversation.

One final thing, Kiera is limping and complaining her foot hurts, too. She wants to eat lunch in bed with Sesame Street on. Little Booger.


Fiesta of said...

This strikes a chord. As a young girl who grew up never feeling safe, angry punk boys were indeed appealing. Now I understand why, but at the time it just seemed like mysterious visceral attraction. It was martial arts that finally steered me straight -- I could finally take care of myself! I'm grown now, and married to an engineer from a wonderful family. Please ignore this if it's totally off base, but that situation just brings back such vivid recollections. Good luck, you deserve a medal!

Jennie said...

Hey girlie! I agree, Cyr is definitely attached to you! :)

I read it in Katherine Leslie's book (I think?) that people who have been traumatized or otherwise choose friends/relationships based on their self image. Actually, I think she said they choose people that they perceive themselves to be marginally better than. It's a self-image thing, ultimately. So maybe it can be deduced that Cyr doesn't think highly of herself despite her attachment and this boy "protecting her" makes her feel like she's worth something?

Just a thought.

((((HUGS)))) if I haven't said it, I think you're awesome.

Lisa said...

"She worries about me not because of how it would affect her if I was hurt but for my actual pain." Reading this line just clicked for me. We have an almost 17 yo whom I have always known wasn't "bonded" to us. I say "bonded" because since we got her at age 25 mos. I knew she was having a hard time attaching to us, but I did not know anything about RAD or how bad it could get with an unattached child. I just thought she would eventually bond with us like we felt bonded to her, it would just take a little longer. DUMB-DUMB-DUMB. We had a cps investigation 3 years ago when she was 14 and I remember her being very anxious about talking to the worker, very upset and clingy and I thought, "geez, this is the most affection and attention she's ever given me, maybe she is attached after all". Then one day she blurted out, "blank and blank are not going to get custody of me if we get taken away are they?" (people she didn't like well, but would have had NOTHING to do with any kind of custody issues with her). I thought about how weird it was at the time for her to ask, but reassured her that the truth would come out (eventually) and not to worry about going anywhere. After reading this from you, it clicks that all of her affection and clinginess and concern was all about HER. What might happen to HER if I was convicted of child abuse, where SHE would live, etc. At the age of about 12-13 she started giving us hugs (instead of just allowing us to hug her as she stood there stiffly) and telling us good-night, saying she loved us, etc. Very recently, I realized that it has all been an act. She had observed the other kids for over a decade behaving this way and she eventually started imitating it. Why? To get stuff, to earn our trust, to get freedoms that we gave our older (and some younger), bonded children that we hadn't felt comfortable giving her. Well, she fooled us (sorta) for awhile. We gave her privledges - disaster. We trusted that she was where we left her (even if we were just in another part of a building) - disaster. Now she just plain doesn't try to pretend anymore. Now, she's just counting down the days to get the hell out of here.

Thank you for your insight - it is so weird how one sentence can just bring everything into place.

Good luck with the boy issues. My dh told our daughter that it's his job to protect her from teenage boys and her disdainful response was, "Protect me from WHAT" - honey, if you don't know, that's a perfect reason to lock you in the house for the next few years (lol). Unfortunately, we've found out that our daughter is actually the pursuer in the relationship she's recently had - augh.

robyncalgary said...

a scary thought for the next few years that cyr is already choosing negative boys :( hopefully she comes through adolescence unscathed for the most part, and her parents as well! lol

sorry to hear about your foot, hope it feels better ASAP or you at least find out that it IS fractured and can get treatment for that. would it be a cast or just "rest/elevation"? (as if thats going to happen lol)

love you!

marythemom said...

My daughter (14) was described as boy crazy when we got her at age 11, but we didn't really see it (unless you count Harry Potter and the Jonas Bros.). When she hit public middle school (1/2 way though 7th grade), she was more afraid of the boys than interested (they're bigger than her now).

She got her first boyfriend a few weeks ago, and him asking her out made her so nervous she threw up. Lucky for me everyone described him as goofy instead of sexy or a bad boy. He broke up with her a week later because he heard she wanted to break up with him.

I thought I was lucky because while my daughter is very pretty, she doesn't think so - plus she is afraid of men, overweight and often smells like B.O. I do not envy you your pretty petite daughter.

Stay away from my house because my son deliberately seeks out pretty petite girls who are almost as much of a mess as he is. We call them Kleenex girls because he goes through them like Kleenex.

Hugs and prayers!
Mary in TX