Wednesday, February 03, 2010

I Should Have Known

I was worried when I typed it. One of my girls dissociated when her brother hurt her sister. She came to his defense, when he didn't need it or deserve it and then turned on me. She had to be helped from the room so he didn't hurt her and she ran upstairs threatening to kill herself. She locked the door but opened it when I asked her only to slam it a few more times. She threw a bunk bed ladder and heater. When she yanked a cord out of the wall and tried to whip me with it, I grabbed it and pulled it away. She said it hit her but I'm not sure. She threatened to kill herself, Rosa (who is not here), and me. After a half an hour, I wasn't at the top of my game due to lack of sleep, I yelled back at her the same thing she had been screaming at me. I kinda surprised myself and quickly asked her how it felt to be told that. She threatened to tell her friends on me and I invited her to tell her teacher, friends, therapist, and police if she wanted. I didn't deserve to be treated this way. Her complaint in the end was that I don't like her parents and I don't love her.

It's exhausting constantly trying to prove you are worthy to be their parent, to prove you love them, to make them feel loved when they feel unlovable, and to keep my damn cool on 2 hours of sleep. I wish they would coordinate their outbursts with my sleeping habits.


Jeri said...

Dang Tudu, I even whispered AND knocked on wood. Sorry...the roller coaster continues. hang in there...good times will return, I mean (whispering) good times will return.

Jennie said...

OYE! (((HUGS)))

J. said...

so I guess the knocking on wood did not work. hope today is better and that she can stay more regulated.