Tuesday, July 28, 2009

You knew there would be drama

but you'll have to wait for the details b/c they are still unfolding.

OK, I'm back to give you an idea. Jess called me and told me she is feeling pressure from her mother and father to change her mind. They want to get a lawyer for her and fight me. That is fine with me, if that is what she wants. It isn't. She wants them to stop and just support her. She hasn't been honest with them about it being voluntary and now she is feeling the pressure. I offered to talk with them, b/c they are calling me and screaming. She agreed and asked me not to tell the truth.

I spoke with her mother, Connie and she tried to be polite for 3 second and then let it rip. I told her I appreciate she is so upset and has a lot of passion for her child and grandchild. I asked her to sit back and listen to her daughter. If she asked her to do something for her, like get a lawyer, then do it. By all means, help her daughter. If she is just crying and saying things like she wishes this wasn't happening or she wants her daughter in her life then be there for her. I reminded her that children do not tell their parents everything. They do not always want them to fix it. They need to vent and someone to listen. I explained that my loyalty is to Jess and I will not take her daughter away from her. She will have as much time with her that she currently has. Jess has not changed over the last 8 months and is continuing to use drugs.

This didn't go over well, as you can imagine. She ended up questioning my ability to parent all these kids. She yelled that day care can't even have this many. I assured her that regardless of how angry she is at me, as long as she doesn't threaten harm to me, I will not hold this against her. I reminded her, if something doesn't add up that you can be sure you don't have all the information.

Jess's Stepmother took this much better. We had a similar conversation and she was open to helping Jess through this and not assuming she wants help unless she asks for it. I see a lovely relationship with her in our future.

I updated Jess on these conversations and she reiterated she hoped they backed off. SHe is terrified they will keep pressuring her and will find out the truth. I wish she was able to be honest with them. She also asked me if she was giving up on her daughter. I explained that was not how I saw it. I think she is assuring her safety and a healthy relationship with her. She seems hurt but coping with her decision. I am careful to encourage her to change her mind if she feels it is best for her and her child. I remind her of her rights. It is such a fine line to walk but I do not want to regret this later thinking I pushed her.


zunzun said...

I'm in complete awe...I'm so drama phobic I don't think I would have volunteered to talk to the grandma but at least you can always say you did try. They are all lucky is you...I think I would have told Jess it's up to her to deal w/ her parents and changed my number...just kidding...umm..sort of! ;)

Annie said...

Wow. Sounds like you managed to consider everyone's interests and respect everyone's needs in the conversations you've had. That's pretty awesome.