I left at 6:30 this morning and traveled across the state to see Kiera's Mother and Father. Her father knew why we were meeting but her mother did not. I felt like a turd not being upfront with her. I was too afraid she would begin to avoid me and it would never happen. I arrived to her home and we went to an adorable little restaurant. We ordered and the conversation began. It wasn't pretty. I cried, she cried, shoot, the waitress cried. It was hard to look at her and tell her I wanted to remove her rights. I was gentle and reassured her I wasn't cutting her out completely. Things will stay the same as far as visitation. Her role will legally change but she will always be Kiera's mother. I explained all the paperwork and begged for her input. I wanted her to speak, say anything. She didn't. She sobbed and pulled out a pen. She quietly asked where to sign and took a deep breath. It was done.
She told me as I dropped her off that she knew this was best for Kiera. We briefly talked about her name and I promised to only add an additional middle name, Rose, after my Godmother. I told her how inspirational she had been to me and that it was important to me. She agreed. I told her I understood if she felt she couldn't tell her family and I would keep private any of the details of our relationship. About 20 minutes after I dropped her off, I received a text from her. "I told my family that the judge that gave you LG terminated my rights. Please don't tell them anything else." About an hour later, I received a screaming call from her mother, she doesn't understand how we could have done this to her daughter. All I plan on saying to them is that the details of our situation are legal and between her and I. Hopefully, that will cut them off. I am more than willing to be the bad guy.
Just got the call, trial is officially postponed until at least October. They have a murder trial scheduled the same week so she isn't sure which will go.
Now, I am off to wait 10 days to see if either parent changes their mind about the adoption.
About Me
- Tudu
- Deep South, United States
- I am the mother of 10 children, 6 are part of a large sibling group we adopted through foster care in 2006, 2 are our grown foster daughters, 2 are from independent infant adoptions in 2001 and 2008. Every one of them have their own issues to work through from Schizo-Affective Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Complex PTSD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, ADHD, and Cerebral Palsy. Most of our children have been victims of sexual abuse by a close family member, most acted out sexually or exhibited predatory behaviors. We are currently trying to figure out where the trauma ends and mental illness begins in each of their lives.
12 comments:
Yayyyyyy, it sounds like things went as best as could be hoped for in that situation.
Just from a teacher/namefreak standpoint... any thoughts about changing the spelling of her first name? I'm just thinking she may get a lot of "Kiy-rah" or "Kee-air-ah" (like Sierra) once she hits school, etc.
Not that it'd be a huge deal or anything, I just have a slight obsession with names and their spellings/pronunciations. =)
I'm glad it went well. Let's hope the next 10 days go off without a hitch.
I'm glad the conversation went well. It sounds like she does understand what is best for her daughter. I am curious about how the legal part of this works -- is the signature notarized or witnessed or something? Is there still a part of it where she has to show up in court and sign in front of someone too?
Deb
Really? That's all it takes--just a signature, no notary? That just seems wrong to me. Even a will has to be notarized!
This isn't a criticism of you or anything--just I'm surprised that there aren't other safeguards in place for something so important.
Follow up--so it occurred to me that I don't actually know whether wills have to be notarized. My point was just that there are lots of things that do have to be notarized, witnessed, etc., it surprised me that a signature would be sufficient for something that has the potential to become so contested later on.
What a bitter-sweet time for all involved. So glad things went so well. It's good that she does love her daughter enough to do what is the best for her. That says alot about her. Hope nothing changes over the next 10 days. Congrats!
You are all in our thoughts and prayers.
I'm relieved for you. That went better than I expected. I hope that's the end of it.
So glad that she realizes what is in the best interest of her daughter ... bittersweet though!
Linda
Abby, we promised not to change her name, only add to it. I would love to change it to Kyra so it would be easier but not in the cards. We won't do anything to further hurt her Mother.
Is definitely bitter-sweet. I feel a huge relief for us and intense sadness for her.
Sorry if I came off too pushy or anything, I was just wondering if it was something you'd considered. =) I wasn't thinking about changing the spelling being changing her name.
She may decide to change her own spelling when she gets older anyway. I knew a girl a while back whose mom had been a little "off" and spelled her name Allysa... she just chose to spell it Alyssa once she hit about 3rd grade because she was sick of people pronouncing it Ah-leesa.
Abby, I didn't think you were pushy, at all. I would love to change the spelling. It is very difficult to offend me.
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