Tuesday, July 07, 2009

A Spanking

Ruthie and Ella are staying over at Nanny and Papa's, my DH's mother's home for a couple days. Nanny had the nerve to leave for a few minutes and all Hell broke loose. It seems as though Ruthie was playing with Papa by smacking his belly over and over. He did not find this as fun as she did and requested she stop. She refused and hit harder. At some point, she began smacking Ella and hurt her sore arm. Now, I will stop there and explain that due to our children's extreme issues with personally safety and appropriate boundaries, this was a major No No. Had she been home, she would have received a big consequence for not respecting another person's personal space, hitting, and not stopping when asked to the FIRST time.

I wish that was all that happened but it wasn't. Ruthie went off the deep end and freaked out. Papa didn't know how to get her under control and spanked her. I'm sure it wasn't hard b/c Ella told me she wasn't scared. We are not a spanking family, for obvious reasons. Papa doesn't have any real experience handling my children or their issues. He usually leaves that up to my MIL. There have been MANY times I would have loved to spank, not b/c it would help them learn but b/c I am so angry. That is not good and not acceptable IMHO. I'm not mad at Nanny or Papa. They do their best with my children and let's face it, w/o training my kids are impossible to deal with and understand. I'm disappointed that Ruthie couldn't be respectful or follow some of our very basic rules when out of my direct supervision.

Her consequence was to write an apology letter with at least 3 sentences to both Papa and Ella. Nanny already had her in a time out where she wailed loud enough that I could hear her when I was on the phone with Ella a couple of rooms away from her. I spoke to her through her sobs and explained her consequence. She was able to pull herself together w/i a few minutes of talking to me and get her letter done so she could join them for dinner.

Speaking of letters and meals. Let's talk about my son and his ability to do nothing for days. I can't wait for him to decide to use his powers for good b/c he will be able to do anything he wants. He told Emma that she wasn't his sister and he didn't love her anymore. He is the only one that does this. We tried to laugh it off and ignore it. Neither worked and seemed to escalate his tendency to do this when he is angry at her or wants to hurt her. Now we are taking it very seriously and assume he is disowning all of us since WE are a family. He was asked to write 2 pages of reasons this was unacceptable after doing it numerous times in the days before. He refuses to pick up the pencil. I usually can get them motivated by having them sit at the table and tell them they can eat with us as soon as they are done. This does not work with him. He has chosen to spend the last 2 full days in his room with not a word written. Keep in mind I am asking him to write on a Kindergarten level, nothing brilliant. I expect punctuation, not perfection. I assume I will not be able to read it b/c he will have sounded it out. I know he can do it b/c he did this at school for his teachers. This is his power struggle with me. I remind him I miss him and wish he would choose to rejoin us. He is eating his meals in his room. They are PB sands with carrots and water. He doesn't care. Not at all. It reminds me of Ruthie years ago, she would choose to stay in her room for days b/c I asked her to get the stuff out from under her bed. The chore took less than 5 minutes to do but she would scream and refuse for days, taking her meal in her room.

Cyr and Patches returned from their Aunt and Uncles. They had a blast. It is so funny that the first things they told me about were all the rules they gleefully broke. They had soda, stayed up late, and had sugar for breakfast. LOL They know I don't care, they just want me to know how much fun it is over there. Both girls held it together. Patches asked for her meds when it became too much and cried about her parents for a little bit. She told me about it herself and sobbed in my arms over her loss. She was sure to remind me that she was OK and could handle going back b/c the sad was worth all the fun they had. They saw their Nana and PawPaw and their former foster mother, Shirley. Cyr discovered she is not big on camping. LOL She is way too prissy for all that dirt. Patches is still in bed. I guess she didn't get enough sleep there b/c she never sleeps past 9 or so. It's now after noon.

I am taking Emma, Ava, and Michael to see their new school today. It is completely empty b/c it is new. They wanted us to see it before the teachers added their touches to their rooms. I thought it was a great idea. Teachers add so much to their classes that gets ignored b/c you never see it before they got ahold of it.


Nichole said...

God bless then for tyring to handle it the best way they knew how! LOL

marythemom said...

When I have a child refusing to do a writing assignment I usually step it up a notch. The kids eating in the dining room get take out, or pizza, or dessert.

I've also gone in the other direction entirely. Sympathy and an offer of help. Since most of my kids hate writing, this often is an offer to write for them, letting them dictate the words to me. And I get to sneak in a therapeutic discussion or two ("hmm... you need to come up with another reason, let's see... well how would you feel if someone said that to you? Maybe we can think of a reason based on that.

The last couple of days you've not been allowed to participate in family activities, did that make you feel like you weren't part of the family? Hmm, I think one reason we could write is that... -answer is something based on that.

When was another time when you felt you weren't part of the family?

How did you feel when you heard the family laughing and enjoying... )

Other times I offer to help by breaking the assignment down for them. Giving them questions to answer instead of one big list.

Hope that helps!

Mary in Texas

Anonymous said...

I'm very new to this blog but I feel very strongly that "Papa" should not have allowed himself to be put in a postiton to have his stomach etc. smacked, let alone repeatedly. Why did he not get up? I am interested to know if any person who watches the children or are around them at all, are specially trained to do so.? I'm not certain how that works out but would like to know. I will continue reading your blog.

Tudu said...

Papa was sitting on the sofa in "his spot", he rarely moves due to medical issues. Ruthie gets into your space and refuses to back off. While he has many faults, he couldn't have gotten her away from him physically, she had to move.