Just before the kids went to bed my cell rings. I am one of those people that do not answer the phone if I don't know the number. It rang 3 different times and I thought to myself if it rings again, I'll get it. Never did. My DH's phone rings a minute later and I didn't think a thing about it. Cyr comes running up to tell me to get to the living room, a man is on the phone with Daddy and it is bad. Turns out my BIL, the Asst. Chief of Police in a town about an hour and half from here, was on the phone. My sister, Kiki, was rushed to the ER and they were doing a CAT Scan to look for and aneurysm. I was in the van before he finished telling me the story. He tried to convince me to stay put, please, before she was back in bed from the scan I was in the ER. She has run to me more times than I can count. I wouldn't think of waiting for the results to go.
The entire way there I kept thinking about a girl I knew that went to the ER about 8 months ago with a headache and tingling in her hands. They found a brain tumor and she died within 2 months. I love my sister with all my heart and would die a miserable person without her. She keeps me laughing, I really would be lost.
Turns out the girl has a pretty severe sinus infection! Poor girl, I had her dying. I also managed to ruin Brooklyn's life while I was there. I asked her to come spend the night with me and then realized I couldn't bring her home tomorrow b/c I won't have room in the van. She was devastated. She kept saying, "I want to go live with Tudu!" and crying. I was heartbroken and promised the world to her trying to help. It didn't. So not only is my poor sister in terrible pain from the throbbing infection, I gave her back a screaming kid. Next time I should probably just stay home.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
What a Mess
It all started with a big bang and it has managed to drag itself out since. On Friday afternoon Patches and I heard a huge bang outside during a pretty bad storm, the cable went out with it. Without cable we do not have internet or phone service, this is not good with 7 children that are unable to play outside due to the weather. I believe that was the beginning of the end with my son, he has been unable to control his arms and legs to the point I was injured pretty badly on Saturday. We survived that but have seen him escalate many times over nothing and he freaks poor Ruthie out every time. I must admit he is starting to really piss me off. Sorry to sound harsh but it is true, 2,000 raging tantrums later, I am a tad irritated I am being targeted when he is frustrated with someone, anyone else. Why do I have to be kicked and have my hair pulled when he agreed to an Anger Plan. He is the one that agreed to try running a few laps instead of assaulting me, he thought it would help him regain control and then he refuses to try it. I know it is the end of school and he is upset with being retained but this is his own doing, try doing SOME homework once in a while.
Patches is a little better. Cyr is working hard and will be promoted to 6th grade next year. Emma is fine. Ella and Ava had their graduation ceremonies today and yesterday. Ruthie failed her CRCT and will be attending summer school, only Ruthie would be excited to do this. She is a hoot, ready to learn every chance she gets. Her MID teacher feels she will eventually catch up and be on target.
I have 6 places to be at the same time on Friday and some kids are going to be upset b/c that is not possible.
We have been playing kickball in our field, a few kids are really passionate about it. Three are wimps, they cry every time they get an out or miss a ball. I have turned out to be one of those mothers that scream to their kids what to do to the point I am hoarse. The kids weren't used to me screaming like that and were scared at first b/c they thought they were in trouble, once I explained why I was acting a fool and apologized they have gotten into it. We are too funny out there. The neighbor boys have joined us and the youngest is worse than my sweet little wimps combined. The older one told me he understood why I wasn't counting the runs and only the outs, we are that bad, folks. Maybe I will try to video us and post it so you all can laugh at us, too.
We are busy planning a huge party to celebrate all their birthdays at once. We figure it is so much cheaper to do it this way and every one gets to invite their entire class.
Patches is a little better. Cyr is working hard and will be promoted to 6th grade next year. Emma is fine. Ella and Ava had their graduation ceremonies today and yesterday. Ruthie failed her CRCT and will be attending summer school, only Ruthie would be excited to do this. She is a hoot, ready to learn every chance she gets. Her MID teacher feels she will eventually catch up and be on target.
I have 6 places to be at the same time on Friday and some kids are going to be upset b/c that is not possible.
We have been playing kickball in our field, a few kids are really passionate about it. Three are wimps, they cry every time they get an out or miss a ball. I have turned out to be one of those mothers that scream to their kids what to do to the point I am hoarse. The kids weren't used to me screaming like that and were scared at first b/c they thought they were in trouble, once I explained why I was acting a fool and apologized they have gotten into it. We are too funny out there. The neighbor boys have joined us and the youngest is worse than my sweet little wimps combined. The older one told me he understood why I wasn't counting the runs and only the outs, we are that bad, folks. Maybe I will try to video us and post it so you all can laugh at us, too.
We are busy planning a huge party to celebrate all their birthdays at once. We figure it is so much cheaper to do it this way and every one gets to invite their entire class.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Kinda Crazy Day
I called him, it was really nice talking to him. I related to alot of how he feels about life and family. The rest I will keep to myself.
On a different note, we have this book called "Sex" on our bookshelf. It is a medical book of sorts from the 60s. All drawings of the inner body, nothing sexual about it. They all knew it was there, I remember looking at it as a child and reading through it learning things I was embarrassed to ask. Cyr had her sex education at school Wednesday and got out the book. I instantly was surrounded but kids wanting to listen and look without being the center of attention. I was so proud when a few asked some pretty interesting questions about their own bodies. It was also a moment of sadness when I realized one was trying to tell me she has had intercourse. She was concerned her body was messed up now, even with all the talks we have had about this she is still worried. The incident she was telling me about I was aware of but did not know they had actually succeeded in the act, we had thought it was uncompleted. Poor babies, she was clear she has never done it again and won't b/c now she knows it is not OK.
My son is sneaking and wearing his sister's panties. I adore him and am trying to be supportive in this area since it is seeming more and more likely it is not going away but as he feels more safe he is expressing it more. I don't care who he marries as long as they are nice to him. My DH is struggling a bit with his words but is trying. If we let him, I have no doubt he would be in a dress with heels, makeup, nails done, and panties every day. Not sure where to go with this but to tell him he is loved no matter how he dresses. I am sure for some this is just a phase but not so sure it is for him. I just want to be the kind of mother he looks to for support and feels it.
On a different note, we have this book called "Sex" on our bookshelf. It is a medical book of sorts from the 60s. All drawings of the inner body, nothing sexual about it. They all knew it was there, I remember looking at it as a child and reading through it learning things I was embarrassed to ask. Cyr had her sex education at school Wednesday and got out the book. I instantly was surrounded but kids wanting to listen and look without being the center of attention. I was so proud when a few asked some pretty interesting questions about their own bodies. It was also a moment of sadness when I realized one was trying to tell me she has had intercourse. She was concerned her body was messed up now, even with all the talks we have had about this she is still worried. The incident she was telling me about I was aware of but did not know they had actually succeeded in the act, we had thought it was uncompleted. Poor babies, she was clear she has never done it again and won't b/c now she knows it is not OK.
My son is sneaking and wearing his sister's panties. I adore him and am trying to be supportive in this area since it is seeming more and more likely it is not going away but as he feels more safe he is expressing it more. I don't care who he marries as long as they are nice to him. My DH is struggling a bit with his words but is trying. If we let him, I have no doubt he would be in a dress with heels, makeup, nails done, and panties every day. Not sure where to go with this but to tell him he is loved no matter how he dresses. I am sure for some this is just a phase but not so sure it is for him. I just want to be the kind of mother he looks to for support and feels it.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I had Ella's IEP this afternoon to discuss that her regular ed teacher, my DH, and myself had discussed holding her back for several reasons like her lack of social skills, her inability to remember the entire alphabet, she only knows 19 of the 100 sight words needed to be on grade level, her twin being a bully to her, complete lack of self esteem due to not being on target, and many other things. We sit down and her Special Ed teacher and the Educational Advisor both start off telling me they want to move her into 1st grade with he understanding we don't agree. They were kind this time but showed me proof Ella is beginning to read. She is not consistent with ANYTHING, progress or lack of but they insist she will be in 1st grade next year and won't budge. Seeing some of her work, I see what they are talking about but really all they are doing is postponing the inevitable. She is delayed, the teacher she had for most of the year feels she should be retained, her new teacher feels she needs to be retained, we feel this but one Special Ed teacher says no and Ella gets moved forward. I really am not sure how upset I am over this. I want to say she is learning so much, she is just faking it here for attention, that is entirely possible since we witnessed this with her brother and sister. She is thrilled and I hope we can make some headway this summer so she will be OK there next year. Only time will tell.
We cleaned up the house and are off to the park for some exercise. DH decided to have meatloaf, Parmesan Noodles, and nasty peas (from a darn can no less). We will have ice cream cake for dessert.
We cleaned up the house and are off to the park for some exercise. DH decided to have meatloaf, Parmesan Noodles, and nasty peas (from a darn can no less). We will have ice cream cake for dessert.
It's Another Birthday
I have too much to do today, it is my DH's 41st birthday. I am a bit annoyed with his idea that if he is suffering I must know about it even if I am sound asleep. He had trouble sleeping last night and woke me at least 15 times to tell me about it. The first few I acted like I cared but it became more and more difficult when he began to blame me. He woke me one time to ask me if I knew I was snoring. WTF? Of course not, I WAS SLEEPING! He eventually went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, that didn't work so he returned to wake me and give me a step by step playback of his time away from me. He became angry when I could no longer contain my patience and hollered, "Happy Birthday to me!" I laughed and he wasn't amused one bit.
Kids all made it to school today but I imagine a couple already have plans to try and come home. I have an IEP for Ella and they want to see me again about Michael's retention. The principal called yesterday to tell me Ruthie didn't pass her CRCT, hello people she is working on a Kindergarten level in 3rd grade, of course she will not pass the CRCT. They want her to attend summer school, I'm on the fence. It won't hurt but do I want to be tied down for a month. If they could all attend then I would be for it but only one that will never catch up or be on grade level, I don't know.
My Dh just called to talk about not sleeping again. He is such a pain in the ass sometimes. LOL I asked him what he wants for his birthday dinner and he said, "Something like steak over steak with mushrooms and onions." Not. I offered for him to think about it hard and call me back with a reasonable suggestion. Again he acts like a child and whines. LOL Good thing I love him and have a a knack for forgiveness or he would be having macaroni and cheese for his dinner.
Kids all made it to school today but I imagine a couple already have plans to try and come home. I have an IEP for Ella and they want to see me again about Michael's retention. The principal called yesterday to tell me Ruthie didn't pass her CRCT, hello people she is working on a Kindergarten level in 3rd grade, of course she will not pass the CRCT. They want her to attend summer school, I'm on the fence. It won't hurt but do I want to be tied down for a month. If they could all attend then I would be for it but only one that will never catch up or be on grade level, I don't know.
My Dh just called to talk about not sleeping again. He is such a pain in the ass sometimes. LOL I asked him what he wants for his birthday dinner and he said, "Something like steak over steak with mushrooms and onions." Not. I offered for him to think about it hard and call me back with a reasonable suggestion. Again he acts like a child and whines. LOL Good thing I love him and have a a knack for forgiveness or he would be having macaroni and cheese for his dinner.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Even More Family
I had a wonderful conversation with another family member of my children. The circumstances in which we were forced to discuss was the only difficult part. She is another one of their aunts. Since their are two I should probably name them but both would be Aunt M, how about Aunt 1 and 2? I think you can figure out my logic there, I'm not feeling real creative right now. She is married to another of the maternal uncles, to the oldest son. He has little to do with the family and their story is quite interesting. I really liked her. I think she will be a real inspiration to my children and I look forward to getting to know her. She has been in their shoes and the system failed her. She is determined to help the kids and her own daughter find justice. We agreed on almost every point and she, too, is parenting a daughter with the same issues most of mine are. Whatever IT is must be genetic, even the children that have not been in the environment have the same issues. Unfortunately, she is even less educated about this after 14 years of raising her daughter than we are after 2.
I was thinking tonight that I really want to put a name to it, find out what it is. Not sure why but it is a desire. I hear others feeling the same way and seem to find peace after they have their label whether it is FAS or Fragile X. There is comfort even if it doesn't change the outcome. I see how much my children have grown in the last 2 years, huge differences in them for the better. It is obvious that 4 have some sort of delay. Aunt 2 thinks it is a social delay, it is but so much more. On the maternal side the Gma, Mother, 2 brothers, 1 of 2 cousins, and 4 siblings. That's is almost everyone that doesn't marry in. Wow! They just can't read to save their life although they do try hard, money and math are are foreign concept, time is impossible to explain, strange speech patterns, and a complete lack of social rules.
Aunt 2 also brings credible evidence that brings their paternity in question as we feared. She has added another possible father to the 2 we already worried about. I hate to even go there. That will be a difficult task and conversation if that time comes. I am not sure why DFCS is hiding this information from us, I am worried some of their children are from an incestuous relationship. I was also told another member on the maternal side has been convicted of child molestation, long before my children came along. This was hidden from us by the grandparents and DFCS. I have a huge mess to sort out, I am not looking forward to this.
I was thinking tonight that I really want to put a name to it, find out what it is. Not sure why but it is a desire. I hear others feeling the same way and seem to find peace after they have their label whether it is FAS or Fragile X. There is comfort even if it doesn't change the outcome. I see how much my children have grown in the last 2 years, huge differences in them for the better. It is obvious that 4 have some sort of delay. Aunt 2 thinks it is a social delay, it is but so much more. On the maternal side the Gma, Mother, 2 brothers, 1 of 2 cousins, and 4 siblings. That's is almost everyone that doesn't marry in. Wow! They just can't read to save their life although they do try hard, money and math are are foreign concept, time is impossible to explain, strange speech patterns, and a complete lack of social rules.
Aunt 2 also brings credible evidence that brings their paternity in question as we feared. She has added another possible father to the 2 we already worried about. I hate to even go there. That will be a difficult task and conversation if that time comes. I am not sure why DFCS is hiding this information from us, I am worried some of their children are from an incestuous relationship. I was also told another member on the maternal side has been convicted of child molestation, long before my children came along. This was hidden from us by the grandparents and DFCS. I have a huge mess to sort out, I am not looking forward to this.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
New Family
For those of you that have taken the time to read my entire blog or followed me since the beginning you know I do not have contact with my paternal side of the family. I tried once years ago to reach out to my father before I knew about his history with my mother. I met a few aunts and uncles and quite a few cousins that looked so much like me it was scary. For no reason at all yesterday I decided to Google his name and up popped 2 sites of women looking for family members. I emailed both of them. One is my cousin and the other is my niece. I am in a bit of shock and barely slept waiting for a response. To my surprise, I woke this morning to one from each.
My niece already spoke to her father and he agreed to give me his email address. I sent him an email and my fingers are crossed I don't sound like an idiot. Thank goodness for spell check or I am sure he would run thinking this girl can't even spell her own name.
It got me thinking, I knew I had at least 3 brothers. I always assumed they were my age, this one isn't. His daughter is 10 years younger than I am, fantastically beautiful I might add. These people may be blood related but are total strangers. This is the very reason I insist on having relationships with my children's families. This is so unfair. I will never have the relationship we could have had. We live across the country and across the world from each other. I must admit it is exciting though, wondering what they are like. Knowing they are there is different than seeing a picture. They never knew about me, never even had a thought. I am a total surprise. Think of all they have missed, LOL. I am sure we will never be what we should have been but I am hopeful I will get to know them a little bit. They seem very nice but who knows perhaps they are serial killers and they only prey on family members. I guess they will have hit the mother load here, I have plenty of future victims. Do you think I can choose who goes first? I mean I love all my kids but a couple are really bugging me lately. Y'all know I am just kidding, I would not give them my children first, DH would be the first I volunteer, that man had the nerve to ask for breakfast in bed. (He got it but I didn't butter the bottom pancake, shh!)
My niece already spoke to her father and he agreed to give me his email address. I sent him an email and my fingers are crossed I don't sound like an idiot. Thank goodness for spell check or I am sure he would run thinking this girl can't even spell her own name.
It got me thinking, I knew I had at least 3 brothers. I always assumed they were my age, this one isn't. His daughter is 10 years younger than I am, fantastically beautiful I might add. These people may be blood related but are total strangers. This is the very reason I insist on having relationships with my children's families. This is so unfair. I will never have the relationship we could have had. We live across the country and across the world from each other. I must admit it is exciting though, wondering what they are like. Knowing they are there is different than seeing a picture. They never knew about me, never even had a thought. I am a total surprise. Think of all they have missed, LOL. I am sure we will never be what we should have been but I am hopeful I will get to know them a little bit. They seem very nice but who knows perhaps they are serial killers and they only prey on family members. I guess they will have hit the mother load here, I have plenty of future victims. Do you think I can choose who goes first? I mean I love all my kids but a couple are really bugging me lately. Y'all know I am just kidding, I would not give them my children first, DH would be the first I volunteer, that man had the nerve to ask for breakfast in bed. (He got it but I didn't butter the bottom pancake, shh!)
Friday, May 16, 2008
Our First Runaway
Wednesday Patches raged for hours, from 11 AM until about 7 PM. I guess she wanted to reassure us we aren't ready to add more. LOL Not really, she just didn't want to do school work. She shuts down fairly easily and has a hard time coming back around. She went off this time and it wasn't a shut down but a huge meltdown. She screamed at me about how she was going to go to jail when she grew up so her kids would be in foster care, she hates me for taking her out of foster care, she is stupid just like her mother, I am going to quit on her like everyone else, she is a loser, and of course I am a loser. I barely let myself get above a whisper and told her to find me when she was done. I had to peek in on her many times b/c I kept hearing banging and breaking in there. She seemed to calm down at some point and I told her to go ahead and get busy on the chores she had earned. All she did was move her obnoxious behavior to the kitchen. After an hour we were about to sit for dinner so I asked her to take her screams to the deck or her room so we could hear ourselves. She ran out the door and said she was running away. I called after her to be careful and put on shoes. She did neither.
We enjoyed our dinner and checked the deck to see if she was there. Nope. DH got in the truck and went to look for her , she was walking down the middle of the street with cars honking at her. She refused to get in the truck and I called her AT. I really am afraid to call the police so I needed to hear it from her. She gave me the go ahead and I then I saw her at the property line. She was hiding so I walked to her and told her to get out of the road and into the house or I was calling the police and she would likely be admitted to the hospital. I turned and walked away. She beat me to the house. After an hour she calmed enough to allow me to touch her hair. I found a letter in my room later that she had written. She was very upset and felt too out of control. She is confused why this is happening to her again and asked for my help. She admitted she was in the street so I would call and take her to the hospital b/c she has had that happen at other homes before. She loves me and needs me. She has been fine since. We see her AT tomorrow. Our teens used to run away and I myself was a runner in my teens so I am all to experienced with this lovely behavior, sure hope it doesn't catch on.
The others are calm. No issues to speak of. Cyr's boyfriend broke up with her the other day and told her some stupid reason, today he asked another girl to go with him and she is devastated. She is embarrassed mostly. I feel bad for her but I told her the real reason he broke up with her is b/c he was probably in love with me and since I am taken he can't go with anyone else near me. It seemed to cheer her up, she laughed at me.
I found out today that you are coming to see us, BB. I can't wait. Kiki is having a party for Abbie that night so I will see you there. I still haven't spoken to my Mother and I live a couple of hours away so I am afraid that will be the only time I see you. I am very excited for you to meet the kids and they can't wait to put a face with the name.
We enjoyed our dinner and checked the deck to see if she was there. Nope. DH got in the truck and went to look for her , she was walking down the middle of the street with cars honking at her. She refused to get in the truck and I called her AT. I really am afraid to call the police so I needed to hear it from her. She gave me the go ahead and I then I saw her at the property line. She was hiding so I walked to her and told her to get out of the road and into the house or I was calling the police and she would likely be admitted to the hospital. I turned and walked away. She beat me to the house. After an hour she calmed enough to allow me to touch her hair. I found a letter in my room later that she had written. She was very upset and felt too out of control. She is confused why this is happening to her again and asked for my help. She admitted she was in the street so I would call and take her to the hospital b/c she has had that happen at other homes before. She loves me and needs me. She has been fine since. We see her AT tomorrow. Our teens used to run away and I myself was a runner in my teens so I am all to experienced with this lovely behavior, sure hope it doesn't catch on.
The others are calm. No issues to speak of. Cyr's boyfriend broke up with her the other day and told her some stupid reason, today he asked another girl to go with him and she is devastated. She is embarrassed mostly. I feel bad for her but I told her the real reason he broke up with her is b/c he was probably in love with me and since I am taken he can't go with anyone else near me. It seemed to cheer her up, she laughed at me.
I found out today that you are coming to see us, BB. I can't wait. Kiki is having a party for Abbie that night so I will see you there. I still haven't spoken to my Mother and I live a couple of hours away so I am afraid that will be the only time I see you. I am very excited for you to meet the kids and they can't wait to put a face with the name.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Don't Laugh
I have said many times that we are not done adopting, DH has always agreed behind closed door but in front of others laughed it off and teased me about being crazy. He wants more boys desperately, I think he is hoping at least one boy wouldn't be into pink, high heels, and make up. He is getting used to our son enjoying those things but still dreams about a son being a bit more boyish so they aren't so out numbered.
So last night he took everyone except Ava to see Emma's "friend" that is a boy play baseball. (She was so cute b/c she turns bright red if you ask her if he is cute or her boyfriend. We do not want to encourage boyfriends in first grade, by the way.) It made my DH realize what he is missing, boys. He loves the girls, don't get me wrong, but he is dying for boys. He comes home and tells me to get on it, contact our agency and get things moving. He knows it will take 6-12 months so he is ready to start. He is thinking 2-5 boys. The thing is I have been feeling a bit hesitant about more lately, not set on it but thinking we might be done. I love my kids and even though they are struggling right now, we are doing really well. More kids would screw that up for sure. They have been home 2 years now and I am sure we can all handle it but do I want to? I am going to have to get some things together before I can make that decision, maybe this summer we can move forward, not today though.
I am kinda on a baby kick, you ever go through those? I don't want to have one myself, I just see what a difference it make to have them from such a young age. There is a huge difference in the way you feel about them and the way they feel about you. When they are older it takes so long to bond, with a baby there is a process, too but they don't beat the crap out of your while you wait for it to happen. I mourn that loss with my kids every day, they missed out on it too. They talk about it with me a little and they hurt. Maybe we will be really picky this time and only try for really young boys. I know we both agree we want another group but I don't know if it will be as big as he is mentioning. We have room for 5 more in the van and house but I just don't know, it doesn't really make much of a difference between 2-5 more when there are 7 already, it's just back to therapy and a tighter schedule for alone time with each one. Then again, we already have such a hard time finding folks to put up with us as we are, we could never leave the house.
So last night he took everyone except Ava to see Emma's "friend" that is a boy play baseball. (She was so cute b/c she turns bright red if you ask her if he is cute or her boyfriend. We do not want to encourage boyfriends in first grade, by the way.) It made my DH realize what he is missing, boys. He loves the girls, don't get me wrong, but he is dying for boys. He comes home and tells me to get on it, contact our agency and get things moving. He knows it will take 6-12 months so he is ready to start. He is thinking 2-5 boys. The thing is I have been feeling a bit hesitant about more lately, not set on it but thinking we might be done. I love my kids and even though they are struggling right now, we are doing really well. More kids would screw that up for sure. They have been home 2 years now and I am sure we can all handle it but do I want to? I am going to have to get some things together before I can make that decision, maybe this summer we can move forward, not today though.
I am kinda on a baby kick, you ever go through those? I don't want to have one myself, I just see what a difference it make to have them from such a young age. There is a huge difference in the way you feel about them and the way they feel about you. When they are older it takes so long to bond, with a baby there is a process, too but they don't beat the crap out of your while you wait for it to happen. I mourn that loss with my kids every day, they missed out on it too. They talk about it with me a little and they hurt. Maybe we will be really picky this time and only try for really young boys. I know we both agree we want another group but I don't know if it will be as big as he is mentioning. We have room for 5 more in the van and house but I just don't know, it doesn't really make much of a difference between 2-5 more when there are 7 already, it's just back to therapy and a tighter schedule for alone time with each one. Then again, we already have such a hard time finding folks to put up with us as we are, we could never leave the house.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
My Weekend
Patches had her own Field Day at the mall last week, she did flip after flip on this thing. The weekend went better than expected. I guess if you lower your expectations enough you are always fulfilled. Saturday morning Ava couldn't contain herself and had to wake up all the kids except Cyr and only b/c she can't get into her room. Ava is such a little turd sometimes, thank goodness she is sooooo cute, it has saved her life more times than I can count. I tried to pretend I didn't hear them but eventually got up around 6:45AM to feed them. We had plans to leave and spend the night at my MIL's but Ruthie and Michael decided to pitch a fit around that time causing us to leave late and arrive about an hour late. I was nearly in tears by the time we got there. She had prepared a magnificent Southern lunch like only she can. I ate 2 platefuls and went to hide and take a nap. Kids played wonderfully but FIL decided it was time to repair the nails in the back deck about 30 minutes into the nap so I got up. The rest of the day went by quietly while we watched a million episodes of Nanny 911 and I went to bed a happy birthday girl.
Sunday I milked the whole Mother's Day thing to the max with my husband. He actually got up off his rear and almost helped clean up the best breakfast ever, biscuits and sausage gravy. The kids were well behaved and packed up their stuff to go home. Emma called her Mother to wish her a happy day and when she was done she asked to speak to me. She informed me that our town had been hit by a tornado and was all over the news. Turned out it hit the street off ours and our house was fine but there was a few hours we weren't sure. My DH mowed the yard and the kids cleaned up the debris. I relaxed in my bed and watched P.S. I love you and bawled for 2 hours. I had to get up several times to catch my breath and the kids kept coming in to watch me cry. They find it weird and entertaining.
I had a wonderful time at Muffins for Moms in Emma's class and I go to Michael's tomorrow. Ella threw a fit while I was there to make me feel at home, I guess. I had to explain to Ava's teacher she had scraped off her skin on her cheek trying to get her tattoo off that the teacher had put there Friday. She did this out of anger and has a lovely inflamed scab on cheek the size of her fist. I don't want them thinking I hurt her.
Their Aunt called to tell me some details that came out over the weekend about their parents. It was confirmed by their mother that she had caught her husband in a strange situation with their niece a few weeks ago. The child is still trying to keep in touch with him, she thinks they have a relationship and claims she loves him. I called the Detective's partner since she is on vacation. He is going to contact the niece's parents since both of their parents are screaming to anyone that will listen that the niece's father raped her. We don't think it is true and they are trying to take the focus off of what he has done. He had also gotten drunk and told this child's mother if she wasn't 13 he would so her. Not something to say about someone's child. That is what started the fight and accusations. They are so sick, I am so angry he is still free to hurt little girls, I really need them to pick up the pace a bit. They are having trouble with aunt that was adopted, she is avoiding them again. She doesn't want to relive this, I can't blame her but I wish I could talk to her.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Busy Month
The first picture is on Emma serving the volleyball, she was really into it. Ava is wearing the float, visor, and sunglasses in a race. Ella had to drag this poor boy in a race. Michael loved the parachute games. Most of them slept very well. Michael had a hard time getting to sleep and got up for the first time in months. He gave 3 different reasons but all were lies, I think he just took his Melatonin too late and it took a bit to kick in.I have a lot going on this month. The 10th is my birthday, 11th is Mother's Day, 21st is DH's birthday, 26th is our 13th wedding anniversary, and the 29th is the 6th anniversary of Emma's adoption. The kids are like most traumatized children and don't do well around those days so we tend to minimize them. I tell them I am turning 47 which is ten years older than I am. Crazy, huh? They think it is hilarious that I am older than Dad and they they tell others and people compliment me on how great I look for my age. I know it's silly but only Cyr really knows, I try to tell them they are the wrong age, too.
So for my birthday, Mother's Day, and anniversary I got my teeth whitened. What else does a fantastic 47 year old need? I had stopped by the mall, something I rarely do, and saw a little kiosk set up to do this. I stopped and looked and it was only $185 for 4-5 shades. I had priced this at the dentist and it was over $500. This is the same ting, you do not have to be a dentist to do this and she said they are of course licensed something or other, not a technician but educated in teeth let's say. She was great except she failed to explain how badly it would hurt. First tray was just tingly and a sharp pain on on one tooth lasted maybe a few seconds several times. The second tray almost had me tear up. The bubbly sensation was painful on my gums, I managed to hang in there and finish. I lost 5 shades of color on my teeth. I have the tray and 4 more rounds I can do at home to freshen up or do to continue to lighten a shade or two. My kids even noticed and said I had "sparkly teeth". She warned me not to eat tomato or dark sauces for the next 48 hours or my teeth would stain. I am having a hard time with coffee this morning.
While at the mall getting my teeth "sparkly" I got some fantastic bargains on summer clothes for the girls. My son hasn't grown again this year so he can wear the same clothes. I found sandals for everyone at Sears for less than $16 each. The Children's Place had cotton shorts and tie dyed Tshirts or tanks on sale for 3 for $15. Old Navy had tons of cotton dresses for $7.99, Tshirts for $2.99, and shorts for $2.00-$4.49. Ava loves the new stuff and is going to try to take care of herself for on week so she can wear one of the new dresses. This year we had a switch in the kids sharing clothes. Cyr and Patches can basically share a size 14, Ella is in a size 5 sometimes a 6, Michael is stuck in a size 5T, but Ava and Emma are in a full size 6 and can share with Ruthie who remains in a 6/7. What is it with kids that don't gain weight even on meds that are supposed to make them gain weight?
I asked the kids to write me a letter telling me what they appreciate about me for Mother's Day. They wanted to do something and frankly I have too many drawing to keep forever. I thought they could work together and do a letter. Lisa has her Grateful List and it gave me inspiration.
I received the funniest thing in the mail yesterday. My sister, Kiki, sent me a card with coupons in it. Yes, crazy I know, it is just like her. I laughed out loud and can't wait to use them. She sent me some great ones for Ben & Jerry's and Dove candy. My kind of coupons! Cyr snickered and said, "I don't want to grow up, I got a gift card for my birthday and you got coupons!" To her they were sad, I was tickled to death. What a difference a few years can make.
I have just given Kiki access to this blog, I am not sure why I keep this to myself IRL but I have only shared it with two people in my family BB and Kiki. My DH doesn't even read this, not that he can't, he just doesn't really care to.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
The Visit
I knew they were uneducated but the extent of their issues surprised me. The man is not dying, in fact upon our arrival I overheard the doctor calling their Nanny to arrange his discharge. They told me he had a stroke and the doctor said it was pneumonia. DFCS had become involved on Monday telling them he could no longer live alone and she mentioned, "What if he had a stroke?" They misunderstood and thought he had a stroke. The doctor told me he had explained to them what was happening but somehow they didn't understand b/c they were truly shocked when they were told he was not dying. He even thought he was dying. They discharged him as we were leaving and since they have no room for him, he will live out his days on a sofa in their living room. He is unable to walk more than a couple of feet and they had no idea how to get him in the house.
As we were waiting for Nanny and Papa to return to the hospital and see the kids we ran into one of their old foster mom's MIL. Patches hollered to her and she didn't even recognize her. She couldn't believe how much she had grown and how beautiful she is. SHe quickly called Shirley, their old FM so she could rush up there. I adore her and the relationship we have developed over the last 2 years. We talk about once a month and see her a few time a year. SHe really wanted to adopt but couldn't keep all 6, she had had them all in different shifts and even at the same time for awhile. The really enjoyed seeing her and her girls.
As we were waiting for Nanny and Papa to return to the hospital and see the kids we ran into one of their old foster mom's MIL. Patches hollered to her and she didn't even recognize her. She couldn't believe how much she had grown and how beautiful she is. SHe quickly called Shirley, their old FM so she could rush up there. I adore her and the relationship we have developed over the last 2 years. We talk about once a month and see her a few time a year. SHe really wanted to adopt but couldn't keep all 6, she had had them all in different shifts and even at the same time for awhile. The really enjoyed seeing her and her girls.
Great Papa
" border="0" alt="" />The kids have a special relationship with their Birth Great Papa. He has been their caregiver at times and adores them. At 87 years old he refuses to accept help from his son and lives in a small house behind his home, alone. He had a stroke Monday and their Aunt called this morning to tell me he isn't going to make it. He was unconscious until a few hours ago, he asked to see his great grandchildren. He thinks his DIL is his late wife so I am not sure he will know who the kids are. I am checking them out of school in a few minutes and driving the 2 hours up there while their parents are unavailable to accidentally walk in. Their Father is at work with their Uncle and will keep him there, he promises to call if he leaves. Their Mother doesn't drive and everyone has told her they can't pick her up until tomorrow. We should be safe but just in case I am informing the Detective we are coming up there. I am so sad for this family. He is such a gentle soul and he will be missed greatly by my children. I am sad to say Cyr refuses to go, she says she doesn't care if he dies or if she never sees him again. I feel it is her decision to make, I know she will regret this for a long time. It won't be possible to make the funeral b/c I am sure the parents will be there.
She Gets It
The second and third conferences went very well. We had Ella's first and we love her teacher. She pointed out concerns about Ella' s relationship with her twin. She feels that even if Ella wasn't so delayed we should seriously consider holding her back to separate them more, otherwise they would still see each other on the playground. Ava controls Ella to the point that Ella has made no friends, if she plays with someone Ava bullies the kid and then runs off to play with others leaving Ella alone. She is mean to her when she does play with her. The relationship is toxic. We have asked for Ella to be retained based on what her teacher from the last school suggested and we are waiting to hear if they will let her.
Ava's was am IEP/conference combined and the IEP was so simple. Ava came to us with serious speech issues, we understood about 10% of what she said. In 2 years she has managed to correct everything but an occasional r sound. Sound too good to be true? It is, we are convinced she was doing it on purpose. When we talked to her about her speech pattern awhile ago we told her we thought she was doing it intentionally and almost all of it stopped. She speaks clearly and has an impressive vocabulary using sentences that include 8-10 words. Drastically different that the 3 word sentences she was using last year. She is one of the smartest kids I have ever met and I can't wait for her to start using it for good instead of evil. LOL
Anyway, the folks in the IEP were irritated we insisted this was faked and wouldn't even listen to it. Things moved quickly and they wanted to keep her one more year and just squeeze her in for 30 minutes every week instead of the hour they had been. I swear they only kept her in b/c I asked if she would be stopping it. As we left her teacher ran after us and said she has some real concerns about Ava. She appreciated the notes I had been sending and would notice the things I mentioned only after I pointed them out. Finally, someone believed us! I practically told this woman I loved her and my DH explained our lack of support from another teacher. She sees Ava as a bully and that she requires alot of attention or she acts out. She seems to pinpoint the weak children and tortures them quietly claiming her innocence the entire time. She said she would've believed her if she hadn't been told about her. She said it makes you feel crazy b/c she is so manipulative about things. I completely understand and I had not considered RAD until after we had her over a year, she slides under the radar. Things just seem to happen to Ava that she can't explain and claims she has nothing to do with. It always revolves around her though so you begin to question things. Once we address a behavior she moves onto another forcing you to look at the possibility it was her. She also cries, alot. Now that I have confronted her on it, she stopped. Same thing with liquids, she used to dump out all the shampoo or liquid soap every time she was left in the restroom alone making us think it was a sensory thing, we told her we know it was her and she moved on to something else. I am not sure how her life will play out but right now I am very concerned at her malicious behavior towards others, she is only 6. Her teacher asked what she could do to make things better in her class, we told her no warnings or emotions, just consequences. She thanked us and said our suggestions have helped in the past and she would be using them in the future.
I have to attend Field Day for Cyr and Ruthie today. I take that back, Cyr asked me not to embarrass her by coming. WOW! Ruthie is really excited to see me. Everyone else is tomorrow. This picture of them is from my phone and not very good. Cyr had to squat and claims the sunscreen I applied to her felt like honey smeared all over her. Cyr, Ruthie, and Ava are the only ones that have a tendency to fry in the sun. Cyr would do better if I could ever get her off her rear and outside, she has dark skin but it hasn't seen the sun in the 2 years I have known her.
***I will crop the picture when I get a chance and put it back up, I didn't think about the Tshirt saying the name of the school. Thanks so much!
Ava's was am IEP/conference combined and the IEP was so simple. Ava came to us with serious speech issues, we understood about 10% of what she said. In 2 years she has managed to correct everything but an occasional r sound. Sound too good to be true? It is, we are convinced she was doing it on purpose. When we talked to her about her speech pattern awhile ago we told her we thought she was doing it intentionally and almost all of it stopped. She speaks clearly and has an impressive vocabulary using sentences that include 8-10 words. Drastically different that the 3 word sentences she was using last year. She is one of the smartest kids I have ever met and I can't wait for her to start using it for good instead of evil. LOL
Anyway, the folks in the IEP were irritated we insisted this was faked and wouldn't even listen to it. Things moved quickly and they wanted to keep her one more year and just squeeze her in for 30 minutes every week instead of the hour they had been. I swear they only kept her in b/c I asked if she would be stopping it. As we left her teacher ran after us and said she has some real concerns about Ava. She appreciated the notes I had been sending and would notice the things I mentioned only after I pointed them out. Finally, someone believed us! I practically told this woman I loved her and my DH explained our lack of support from another teacher. She sees Ava as a bully and that she requires alot of attention or she acts out. She seems to pinpoint the weak children and tortures them quietly claiming her innocence the entire time. She said she would've believed her if she hadn't been told about her. She said it makes you feel crazy b/c she is so manipulative about things. I completely understand and I had not considered RAD until after we had her over a year, she slides under the radar. Things just seem to happen to Ava that she can't explain and claims she has nothing to do with. It always revolves around her though so you begin to question things. Once we address a behavior she moves onto another forcing you to look at the possibility it was her. She also cries, alot. Now that I have confronted her on it, she stopped. Same thing with liquids, she used to dump out all the shampoo or liquid soap every time she was left in the restroom alone making us think it was a sensory thing, we told her we know it was her and she moved on to something else. I am not sure how her life will play out but right now I am very concerned at her malicious behavior towards others, she is only 6. Her teacher asked what she could do to make things better in her class, we told her no warnings or emotions, just consequences. She thanked us and said our suggestions have helped in the past and she would be using them in the future.
I have to attend Field Day for Cyr and Ruthie today. I take that back, Cyr asked me not to embarrass her by coming. WOW! Ruthie is really excited to see me. Everyone else is tomorrow. This picture of them is from my phone and not very good. Cyr had to squat and claims the sunscreen I applied to her felt like honey smeared all over her. Cyr, Ruthie, and Ava are the only ones that have a tendency to fry in the sun. Cyr would do better if I could ever get her off her rear and outside, she has dark skin but it hasn't seen the sun in the 2 years I have known her.
***I will crop the picture when I get a chance and put it back up, I didn't think about the Tshirt saying the name of the school. Thanks so much!
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
The meeting didn't go well. They do not understand and I am afraid the more I explain the less likely they will get it and the more likely they will accuse me of something. We agreed to retain Michael in 1st grade, they think he will magically start keeping up. I know he will not. He has progressed in the last 2 years but he is still on Kindergarten levels. They want to retain him and just drop all his Special Ed services and just keep an eye on him. I tried to explain that 4 of the 6 do not retain anything they learn. They struggle with reading even after they start to read, they never seem to catch up. They don't learn at the pace that most children learn at. I tried to give them kudos and support but I just don't believe they will understand until next year. His teacher actually said, "He should be fine b/c he was here for the entire time reading segment and understands it. He just needs to be here for the full year." Like the other teachers he has had didn't try hard enough. Maybe it is me, I don't try hard enough.
I'll be back later after the other meetings.
I'll be back later after the other meetings.
Monday, May 05, 2008
The kids are cleaning up the yard so I can begin mowing the 2 acres with a push mower. I am not looking forward to it. I can't wait for them to be old enough to do it b/c I figure it will take a season for the new to wear off. When that happens the next kid will be old enough. My evil plan revealed. I guess we could continue to adopt sibling group after sibling group when they are just about the age to begin mowing. LOL Or we could purchase a riding mower and I could have a blast doing it every couple of weeks.
I have 2 IEP meeting tomorrow, Ava and Michael. Wednesday and Thursday are Field Day at school, they split up the older kids from the younger ones. At least we do not tons of therapy appointment anymore. I have no idea how we fit it all in before, how can we be a normal family if we are never home or have the chance to do normal things? I hope to become more social this summer with them in tow. They need brief outings with other families. It makes them feel good when the other kids act up. Small doses, though.
We are still waiting for the Detective to call. She doesn't answer her phone or email so we just have to keep trying her. I am worried the parents are planning to leave the state, they have a lot of stories but this one seems credible.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
My MIL saved the day
Cyr quietly watched High School Musical over and over today. Since they have misplaced the remote for their DVD player she laid on the floor with it so she could rewind it without getting up. My MIL called early this morning and asked to meet us at the AT's office so she can visit with the kids. It was a great idea and helped out so much. Normally they sit there for up to 3 hours and entertain themselves. They do well most days but with their unpredictable emotions I was very concerned about how it was going to work until she called. Yeah for MILs!
Friday, May 02, 2008
He came home with a sticker and a lollipop, I asked him where he got it and he told me the Principal gave it to him in his office. WTF? I am so upset about this, is this how we teach our children to consequences? This is absurd. They think he a little victim. I now know for sure they never watched the DVDs I gave them when we moved here. I can't blame them completely for falling for his pitifulness, he is so darn cute with his "deer in the headlight" look. Michael told me they asked him why he didn't come to school and he told them he was pitching a fit. Too bad that doesn't really describe what he was doing.I am all for suggestions on giving the school a clue!
Coming Home
I think my DH may be coming home soon. For good. The people up there are a residential company with little commercial experience. I know you are probably thinking what's the difference? There is a huge difference and they are finding that out a bit too late. They are unorganized and paying a bit less than promised. The living conditions are irritating to say the least. They have a 1.7 million dollar house with 9 bedrooms filled with bunkbeds for the crews to stay free of charge. It is packed with guys that are peeing on everything, throwing their toilet paper in the trash, they 6 dogs that are not housetrained well, they drink every night, stay up late and go in late, and the TV is not in English. These are not my DH's guys, they are from another contractor and he can't tell them what to do. They are also not allowing anyone to work more than 40 hours and have redone their invoices to reflect a by the foot payment instead of hourly. The big job is not ready and they think it will be another 2 weeks but my DH said it is really more likely to be a month after that. He is ready to come home but he is stranded there until they write him a check.
I need him here for now. Since he is not really involved in the daily duties for the kids I really thought we would be fine. We need him here. I need him here. He is what gives me strength. He is so much more important than I thought and I was aware before.
I need him here for now. Since he is not really involved in the daily duties for the kids I really thought we would be fine. We need him here. I need him here. He is what gives me strength. He is so much more important than I thought and I was aware before.
Why didn't I think of that?
My son refused to get on the bus yesterday and had to be carried in the house kicking and screaming. I put him in in room checked my wounds. I knew he was going to be there a long while since he locked his door. He is safe in there and tends to just scream lately instead of breaking the few things he has left in there. As you all know from your own children, it is not possible to force them to do anything or get a grip in a timely fashion. He spent the afternoon cleaning everything I could find.
This morning I sent a note to the teacher that he was not excused and a brief description that he refused to get on the bus or attend school. She left me a VM saying next time just bring him on to school and they would deal with it. I actually laughed out loud. I tried to reach her but decided to inform the Principal of the incident. I praised the teacher to him and explained that while bringing him to school was a great idea for most parents, I couldn't physically gotten him in the van to do so. The night before I had to call the police to get the little booger in the van so I could leave Kroger. He apologized and said they just don't see that. I had warned them, given them articles to read, and asked them to meet with our AT. They just don't get it. He reluctantly agreed it would be dangerous to ride with him trying to escape the van but he is still skeptical of how serious this is.
I am going to film the next episode of violence against us and for proof. I already offered a copy of the police report and he declined. I know they think I am crazy. What really bothers me is that that is what bothers me.
He also wants us to consider holding him back again. That makes twice in K and twice in 1st. I am fine with it b/c he has done this to himself by refusing to do homework but a big part is not his fault he just can't read yet.
Ella will probably be held back as well. I refuse to homeschool these to b/c it will be a power struggle every minute of every day. I need the break I get from school, it makes me a better Mom to them. AAAHHHH!!!!
This morning I sent a note to the teacher that he was not excused and a brief description that he refused to get on the bus or attend school. She left me a VM saying next time just bring him on to school and they would deal with it. I actually laughed out loud. I tried to reach her but decided to inform the Principal of the incident. I praised the teacher to him and explained that while bringing him to school was a great idea for most parents, I couldn't physically gotten him in the van to do so. The night before I had to call the police to get the little booger in the van so I could leave Kroger. He apologized and said they just don't see that. I had warned them, given them articles to read, and asked them to meet with our AT. They just don't get it. He reluctantly agreed it would be dangerous to ride with him trying to escape the van but he is still skeptical of how serious this is.
I am going to film the next episode of violence against us and for proof. I already offered a copy of the police report and he declined. I know they think I am crazy. What really bothers me is that that is what bothers me.
He also wants us to consider holding him back again. That makes twice in K and twice in 1st. I am fine with it b/c he has done this to himself by refusing to do homework but a big part is not his fault he just can't read yet.
Ella will probably be held back as well. I refuse to homeschool these to b/c it will be a power struggle every minute of every day. I need the break I get from school, it makes me a better Mom to them. AAAHHHH!!!!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
ANother Round with Michael
Things were calm the rest of the night, this morning was a whole new program. He went to catch the bus at our mailbox and began kicking rocks on the girls, spitting at them, and yelling in their faces. I asked him to stop and he ran behind a tree refusing to get on the bus or come in. I had to get shoes and go out there and pick his scrawny rear end up and carry him in. I left him in his room, he locked the door and I didn't protest, then I went and took a nap. He came out a couple hours later and I am well rested. It worked out for both of us, he kept his life and I kept my sanity. He is cleaning toilets, dog poop out of the yard, scrubbing the carpet on his hands and knees, and anything else gross I can find.
I called the Detective this morning to get an update, things have been delayed b/c the father's sister that was removed from his home many years ago and adopted by another family has backed out a few times on the taped interview. She is nervous and doesn't want to disrupt her life. I can't blame her she has no connection to the kids and has never met them. I sent the Detective a recent picture of them, hoping it helps. I warned her the parents are planning to move to TX in a couple weeks for a job. She can't pick them up w/o the taped information from the aunt, it is critical to the case. It proves he has done this many times before and it is no longer his word against the kids.
I called the Detective this morning to get an update, things have been delayed b/c the father's sister that was removed from his home many years ago and adopted by another family has backed out a few times on the taped interview. She is nervous and doesn't want to disrupt her life. I can't blame her she has no connection to the kids and has never met them. I sent the Detective a recent picture of them, hoping it helps. I warned her the parents are planning to move to TX in a couple weeks for a job. She can't pick them up w/o the taped information from the aunt, it is critical to the case. It proves he has done this many times before and it is no longer his word against the kids.
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