She is Such a Wonderful Handful

This is the little beast in action. Someone forgot to buckle her in and she refused to sit b/c she could see the chocolate cupcakes were almost close enough to reach. Shortly after, she attacked an orange marker til it's death. She was asked to show me her tongue and that's why it's sticking out in that photo. (Notice my new paint on the wall behind her in the highchair!)

Kiera has a nasty cold that has produced an enormous amount of snot. Seriously, she shouldn't have this much fluid in her entire body much less her head. She has learned a new word, die. She screams it over and over and points at things. It cracks me up when she does it to the computer or another kid.

Patches is so glad to be home. So far no new secrets or skills. I don't think I will ever send another child to a facility again unless they can no longer live here. It was a waste of time, energy, and a huge waste of money. None of it was covered by Medicaid b/c they do not accept it and it was $510 a day plus all the wonderful things that they bill for like food, soap, shampoo, administrative fees, and so on. Ruthie is now asking for a break from us. I asked her where she planned on going and she said the "cool hospital that Patches went to". I told her that was a great idea when she came up with the money to pay for it.

Why Did I Send Her Anyway?

I just found out they barely increased her Abilify. She is on 25 mg now instead of 20 mg. They didn't touch her Prozac so I wonder why she was a bit "off". I am confused and concerned. We increased it from 10 to 20 and barely saw a difference so what is 5 mg gonna do? Since she has had absolutely no responsibilities there, I am sure we will see pretty quickly if it will work. Maybe not so quickly since she will probably honeymoon for a bit first.

The baby is talking up a storm. It is only one word at a time but she tells you what she wants. Up, down, more, bite, get (she uses her first finger and points for you to leave her alone), please (as she cocks her head and bats her eyelashes) , night night, bottle, doggie, bye bye, lovey (her security blanket that magically makes everything ok again) and many more. She is so darn cute and now that we are "communicating" she is fun, too. She loves to lay nose to nose with me and give me kisses over and over. She makes the funniest facial expressions, I swear she is manipulating me already. I am having a very difficult time being serious with her.

The kids are anxious about Patches' arrival. It has been hard on them, especially Cyr.

Twitter

I joined Twitter, too. I just had to see what all the fuss was about and keep my eye on Kerry. I added a gadget on the side bar so you can follow me there. I will surely update that more often since I don't need to knock a kid off the computer. LOL

Can you guess who is in the picture?

She is Coming Home

on Wednesday. They will confirm it tomorrow but that's the plan.

We are currently up to 14 people not including Shyanne. Let me explain bedroom arrangements now and how we will rearrange to add her. My DH and I share a bed with Kiera even though she has a gorgeous crib just feet from our bed. Cyr and Patches share bunk beds in the room next to us. The little girls room is on the other side of us and contains 2 sets of bunk beds. Ruthie, Ava, and Ella share a triple bunk bed and Emma and Alyssa share a regular set. The boys have twin beds in another room next to theirs. Downstairs we have Rosa and Gia. My plan is to switch the big girls room with the boys and pull Ruthie in with the big girls so Shyanne can be with the little girls.

We have a 6th bedroom but we don't' use it for a bedroom b/c the kids like to be together. As they get older it will change and eventually Rosa will get back out on her own so they will have the opportunity to stretch out more. I think it is a comfort to them to be together right now, not to mention the entertainment value of having 4 room mates that are your age. Once Shyanne gets here we will have four 7 yr olds and a 6 yr old in that room.

I worry about the impact Frankee's Bi Polar is having on Shyanne. She still isn't on her meds and is rapidly cycling. I think Shyanne will have a hard time adjusting at first but will get right back into the routine. Frankee will have a much harder time adjusting to life in jail. I hope it will be a quick stay but she fears it will be up to a year. The plan is when she gets out she will take Shyanne back ASAP. I am hopeful she is able to get on meds there and begin to feel better, stronger.

Patches is doing fine. She washed her hair with soap instead of shampoo and can't get a comb through her hair. LOL At least she washed it. She seems in good spirits when we talk but never asks when she can come home. The kids here ask every hour, she is greatly missed.

The Visit and a New Kid

Aunt M and Uncle F came with his kids. We had to have a painful talk with them about their children. I was very pleased with how Aunt M took it but she felt she needed me to tell her DH b/c he would believe me. It was uncomfortable to say the least. They plan on having a chat with them before their next visit together.

The kids did really well, as usual. They still struggle to maintain personal space around them but are redirected easily.

Frankee and Shyanne are coming tomorrow for a couple of days before turning herself in. We need to get the LG signed and dealt with. She thinks she will be gone about a year. I am devastated for her. I have no idea where I will be putting Shyanne to sleep at. We need another bed and a room to put it. LOL We will manage.'

I am about to head out to see Patches. I decided this morning to check Cyr out of school. She has been very calm and hasn't said a single word about it other than every thing is OK. The other kids are having serious crying sessions. They are setting each other off one after another. Ava was in slo mo last night to the point I actually had to get involved. Usually I don't get involved and make it a game but the other kids couldn't do their homework on the table with all the dropped food on it. When she threw herself on the floor I picked her up under her sweaty pits and later she complained I scratched her under her arms. I looked to see and it is the same thing that happened the first summer. She is a sweaty child and she had worked herself up into a fit. When I put my 4 fingers under her arm to lift her off the floor they almost cause a suction and and when it releases it the skin is irritated. Does that make sense? It doesn't sound right written down but I can't think of how else to explain. It has to do with it being moist and it leaves a little line. You can tell it isn't a bruise or a scratch and that it was probably an accident but she insisted she was injured from me. I always worry she will make an allegation b/c she threatens to all the time. I put neosporin on it last night and this morning. I insisted she wear long sleeves hoping if no one mentioned it she would think to tell every one I hurt her so she could enjoy the drama.

My MIL is going to be here with Rosa to watch the kids. Rosa is perfectly able to but I wanted to be sure she had back up if she needed it. A lot is going on and to top it off, their Aunt M and Uncle F are coming tomorrow with his 2 teenagers. I love it when they come and usually the kids are OK.

I spoke with the doctor and someone else already this morning. The doctor is increasing her Abilify and Prozac and waiting. The other lady asked me a hundred questions and was possibly the nicest, most complimentary person I have dealt with regarding my children's mental health issues. She informed me that she has never in 25 years had a parent say so many nice things about their disturbed child. She said that most only focus on the behavior and refuse to consider what the triggers were or reasons behind them. She assured me they would push her to be accountable and hope they see some of the things we do. She took me very seriously. She agreed that a lot of times it is hard to tell what is going on in a home when they don't witness it themselves. She insisted that she felt all I was telling her was real and had happened. She asked me to bring her 2 changes of clothing. Did I mention it was 3 hours away and I can only do it after school? Oh, and I can't bring any of my children. Fun, Fun.

A Visit and Lots of Drama

I have had an eventful day. One that has caused me to still be up at 2AM worrying that I may be up for the night. We are less one child tonight. I know I did the right thing and so does she.

I started out heading 2 hours North to take Kiera to visit with her GG, Gma, Uncle, and Mother. The visit went much better than I ever thought it could. I really enjoy her GG and upon her insistence have begun to call her Granny myself. She is a lovely woman in her 90s that spent 30 years in a school cafeteria, "for a break from her 5 kids". She claims I remind her of herself and I am thrilled to to accept that challenge. She is smart, funny, and shockingly real. She will tell you the truth no matter how bad it hurts you. I like that. We drank coffee and talked about her marriage, messed up grandchildren, cooking, and even politics. She is not your typical elderly Southern woman and is proud to have thoughts and ideas that are different than most of her friends her age. I barely noticed Kiera and her mother. LOL Poor Kiera is so confused when they call her by her middle name since we don't. She also runs to me when they tell her to give something to her mommy. I try really hard to stay in the background so she spends it with them instead of me.

I stayed longer than I planned and got a call from the school as I was standing to leave. Patches assaulted her teacher and they couldn't get control of her. She had to be picked up. I almost panicked then I remembered Rosa. I called her as my phone began to chirp low battery. I had her run to the neighbor to ask her to get the kids off the bus and head to the school. I called my DH and had him head home before calling the school back to inform them of Rosa's arrival. My phone only lasted a few more minutes before dying and forcing me to drive the 2 hours with no more information than that. It was a long drive and I had to pee from the minute I got on the highway and noticed the baby was already asleep.

I got home and threw together a Ceaser Salad for the kids and took Patches to the ER to be admitted. I knew I wouldn't be returning with her and had it in my mind to push it until they agreed. She was calm and light the entire 6 hours in the ER. My DH watched the kids so Rosa could join me. In the end, they had an officer drive her to a hospital 3 hours away. I have no idea how long they will keep her. She couldn't care less. She was not mad or hurt, just numb. She was shocked by her own behavior today at school and knew this was my only option. There wasn't much pushing needed at the hospital. We lucked out and got a really nice lady to assess her. She was thankful I was so willing to give her so much information and had obviously tried hard to keep her here and every one safe. No one made me feel like a bad parent or that I was over reacting considering her documented issues.

Earlier in the evening, her teacher called me to apologize for her previous comments and disbelief. She had only seen the "good" side of her until today. She was blown away and tried to rationalize the incident. She felt she had turned into someone else and attacked her. She also told me that as a teacher she is disappointed that Patches is basically a body in her class. She makes no effort and has learned nothing. She is not sure how to reach her or if she can. I enjoyed that conversation way more than I should. It felt good to have someone else see her issues, someone that had told me to love her and it would get better. Ha! Patches has been suspended from school for 2 days but there will be no charges brought against her.

Please don't give me a hard time b/c I do not know what we will do about this, if anything. Frankee called to tell me she has a warrant for her arrest for child support. This means she will be spending a very long time in jail b/c she has no money to pay it. In our state, you sit there until you do. Sometimes they give you Work Release but not for a very long time. She has no idea what to do with Shyanne. I am positive she will be asking for us to take her again. I am not sure how to swing it but I feel obligated to do it. She has burned all her bridges and everyone else is using drugs. Shyanne is fine without her mother, she is annoyingly whiney when her mother is around.

Seizure Disorder?

Our pediatrician called this evening and asked how Kiera was doing. I was kinda surprised to hear form her directly and even more surprised at what she said. She was sent a letter concerning our recent visit to the hospital. She was told Kiera had a seizure disorder and needed to be monitored for additional seizures. A bit more dramatic than I had been told by the hospital, to say the least.

I am headed to Kiera's Great Granny's tomorrow to visit with her aunt, mom, and GG. How fun does that sound? Her GG called me back today and informed me she would be giving me money to drive the 2 hours to her house. This woman is surviving on her social security and has been robbed and abused by her family for so long that she thinks she has to pay for all their stuff. I politely declined the money.

I don't know if anyone noticed that I took the PayPal button off. I appreciate all you have donated and I have received the curriculum and am trying to find a moment to digest it. I will try to keep you all updated as I mover forward in teaching it. I am pretty excited.

I appreciate all the concern about protecting the other children, even Anonymous' attack. I have 3 children that are violent like this. This is nothing new except she actually hurt someone. Patches has done very well on the Abilify for a month now. Her fits have nearly subsided until this weekend. Her other issues are still going strong but her rages are better.

I contacted her AT and she believes she doesn't need to be hospitalized at this point b/c she has calmed down so much over the previous weeks. I am taking 4 kids to see the psychiatrist tomorrow so we will discuss it with him. I did make the proper calls and steps to move Patches to the hospital but b/c she is complying now they won't take her. She is not suicidal or homicidal.

We talked with the kids about being safe and keeping themselves safe. We talked about how we will do this. Every one, including Patches, feels like a plan is in place. I agree with many of you that this is hard. I do feel like I have a grip on our life. Yes, I get overwhelmed at times and worry that I have made the right decisions. I am not, however, choosing not to hospitalize her for entertainment purposes or to be saintly. In fact, saintly has never crossed my mind. I feel it would not be good for her right now. I know it will happen, I am comfortable with that reality. We have pulled her in closer and will not allow the other children alone with her. She doesn't want to hurt them. She is concerned about her behavior and terrified she will never come back. I can assure you that I am not holding my children hostage and we as a family agree she can still be contained here until at least tomorrow with these things in place.

She Attacked the Kids

Patches continued to escalate again and again. I discovered she kicked a giant hole in the wall during her rage earlier in the day and calmly explained she had some chores to do to pay for it to be fixed. She seemed OK with it and headed to the kitchen. It took about 1 minute for her to lose it and begin a lovely tantrum leaving injured children in her wake. She threw a large wooden baby gate at Ruthie while she was holding the baby. She instinctively covered the baby with her body and hr shoulder took the brunt of the corner of the gate. Her shoulder is swollen and black. Patches then grabbed the mop still in the empty bucket and started beating at her general direction. I am not sure she was going after Ruthie or if it was just she was the nearest child. I was already across the room and took her to the ground before she could beat anyone else. She attempted to bite and scratch me but she was between a doorway and couldn't get a good grip. We were not in a traditional hold and luckily I was safe until she got a grip.

It took some time for her to calm down. My DH took the other kids to get candy while I filled Rosa in on what happened. I made sure to tell her all the things Patches needed to hear since she was in earshot. The kids are terrified of her. This is the first time she has attacked them with such force and for no reason. They have been afraid for some time but felt I kept them safe. That is no longer the case. They think she is too scary for Mom. I am not sure how or if we can change that for them. Rosa's kids were at their father's and missed the whole thing. I am not sure what their reactions would have been.

Patches insists she is telling her teacher on me. She has a couple of days to cool down and I hope she does. There is not a single mark on her. She has never been hurt by me. I still get worried at the threat, not nearly as worried as I did in the first couple of years.

A Confession

What a day I have had. After coffee and blogging we left for a much needed visit to the AT for Patches and Cyr. My back tire blew out. My coffee spilled on me. Patches had a 4 hour rage b/c she got caught stealing Gia's candy. In that order. Thank goodness Rosa was able to come get us a few at a time.

A very good thing happened and I am only telling you so that you can hold me accountable. I did something that I haven't done in 25 years. I did it while Patches raged uncontrollably (she wasn't hurting herself, only hating me). I think I will do it every time they rage (and are safe enough to be left unattended). I JOGGED. OK, I walked a lap around my field and then jogged a lap, walked and jogged, walked and jogged, and so on. You get the idea. I did it for 30-35 minutes. It felt great! For those of you who don't know me personally, I am 5'5" and somewhere around 200#. I haven't weighed myself so I may be closer to 210#. In other words, I am a fluffy girl. I will say that I am much smaller than the paternal side of my family. I am much larger (by an entire person) than my maternal side. They are all petite little boogers and I always felt huge compared to them. The bright side was I had boobs and they are nearly manly in that area. (That is and exaggeration but not by much) LOL I am lucky in the way that I had a great role model growing up. My Godmother was always a fluffy girl and she handled it so beautifully that I have no idea if it ever bothered her. To me she was gorgeous, perfect in every way. I don't recall her ever wearing make up or working outside her home. She was so cool b/c she listened to the Eagles and had an 8 track layer. I wanted to be just like her. I had no idea that meant having a my current butt.

Today wasn't spur of the moment. I have been pushing Rosa to walk with me and gotten a million excuses. If I was her size, I would make the effort either. I have been spending a bit of time over on Facebook and have had the pleasure of reconnecting with old friends. They are skinny! I used to be skinny. I used to be moderately hot. I am no longer luke warm. The other reason I have been keeping to myself for no other reason than I am afraid I will jinx her. Rosa has committed to join the Police Academy. She has a ton of paperwork to complete and she has to get in shape. I think she is going in the end of March. I am so proud of her. She is so scared. I think she is scared to succeed. She has been a victim for far too long and this will give her instant power. It will scare the Hell out of her soon to be Ex. He is terrified of cops. She is really excited to walk out one day with her gun on and casually mention going to the shooting range. It is a vision she plans on using to get through the tough times in her training. Anyhow, I now have the carrot to get her moving with me in the yard. I am not afraid to manipulate.

We had the quietest night. Rosa took her kids to her friends house to spend the night with their family. My kids ate snacky things for dinner and just hung out. The twins asked me if they could shower and go to bed at 7PM. The rest fell into line and we were all in bed shortly after 8PM. My poor DH worked until very late and we didn't see him b/c he was up and out this morning before we all got up.

Today we are off to the AT's office. I need some encouragement to deal with Patches' need to be nasty. She is 11 yrs old and pees or bleeds all over herself and then leaves the underwear stuck to the pants inside out on her floor or the bathroom floor. She is perfectly comfortable sleeping in poop and pee when the dog goes on her bed. I saw her at school yesterday and she stands out from her classmates. She looks homeless. She runs around with bedhead (I check her before she leaves and she manages to "fix" it on the bus), her shirt was too short and her belly was hanging out, her pants were unzipped and she was walking on them, she had underwear sticking out the top (as usual) b/c she wears granny panties with low rise jeans, her bra was ABOVE her boobs so they jiggle a lot when she walks, and she wears her glasses on the end of her nose so she has to throw her head back to look at you. I am rarely embarrassed by my kids anymore but this child is bringing it to another level. She looks wild all the time and seems to to it intentionally. I chose to leave her at home yesterday when I went to the store so strangers wouldn't think I don't take care of my children. That is so sad to me. She is one of the prettiest children I have ever seen and she looks and smells like I drug her out of the sewer. No wonder her teacher thinks I am a loser.

I want to report that Ava seems to have, at least temporarily, stopped stealing. I took Lisa's advice and gave her permission to steal. I give her a grocery bag every day and tell her to fill it up. She is welcome to steal anything she wants, just put it in the bag so she can put it back w/o losing it. The first day she filled it and realized she would have to carry it so she turned it all back in to me. When she didn't get in trouble she was surprised. Her bag has been empty since. No one talks about it except to remind her to get the bag. So far so good and it has been over a week. She is also cleaning the kitchen properly so she will be off kitchen duty tomorrow.

I am Scum

I forgot to go eat lunch with Ava at school yesterday. It completely slipped my mind. I could use the excuse that I have been a little preoccupied with the baby's issues but it doesn't help Ava feel less left out. Needless to say, I am having lunch with her today. I will be dragging the 2 little ones with me since Rosa is having Eddie's psychological evaluation redone this morning. Gia promised me she wouldn't scream at the top of her lungs when we get to the lunch room. My fingers are crossed she holds up her end of the deal.

Cyr crossed some lines with Rosa while I was at the hospital. Surprised? Yeah, we weren't either. She asked Rosa to go into the bathroom with her and wash her hair when she took a bath. I will remind you Cyr is almost 13 and is as mature as Rosa. There is no way she thought for a second that this was appropriate or needed the assistance. She is able to wash her hair every other day when I am home.

Frankee Called

We haven't spoken since right after she left in January. She is sober and living with another female with 2 kids and she has Shyanne back. She says she is doing well and they help each other out. She is honest about her faults and weaknesses. She worries about her sobriety but seems to take responsibility for it. She is seeing her other daughter again and paying child support for her son. Those were overwhelming steps for her and I am proud she is following through with them.

She asked about every child individually and the new baby. She said they talk about us all the time and Shyanne writes the kids names on everything. She misses us. She wants to be a real part of our family and make it legal. What is it about kids that act like fools and leave on bad terms only to realize what they lost and come running home? She will never live with us again, I can assure you of that. She also knows I will always accept her calls and be willing to support her emotionally. Regardless of her issues, I love her unconditionally.

At Last

We are home. Her MRI was normal and she didn't have any seizures during the 24 hour EEG. We are supposed to keep an eye on her and report ANY unusual activity. A whole lot of suffering for no answers.

I am struggling with my feelings for Kiera's mother. I am mad at her. I don't want to be around her. She stole from us over New Years and I know she is still using. She denies everything and makes herself the victim of everyone. They are all out to get her. She has power over us b/c it is just LG and that makes me mad, too. I never felt this way about Emma's mother. She had drug issues but she took responsibility for it. She made bad choices but never stole from us. I could trust her completely sober or not. She was honest about her sobriety. If I was unhappy about something, I could tell her and she would listen. This young woman likes the control. She is asking for money to get a ride here to see the baby. I would have offered Nikki but am offended when she asked. I guess I could see Nikki was a good parent down deep, she may have been lacking skills but she had a good heart. I can't see that in Jessica. I see the neglect and the excuses. I feel the fear of losing her b/c she gets mad at me. She told Nikki she would never sign away her rights, she plans on leaving the baby here until she turns 18 but I can't be her Mom. Kiera calls me Mommy b/c the other kids do. Jessica goes out of her way to call me Rachel after she asked what she calls me. The baby has no idea who Rachel is. Now she is asking to keep her over night again. I talked to her Gma last night and she refuses to let her come there b/c she stole the last time she was there. It will not go over well when I tell her no.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, the kids gave Rosa a very hard time while I was gone. I suppose you could have guessed that, right? Ella and Emma were the only two that behaved. The others lied about their meds, wore inappropriate clothes to school, refused to clean up their rooms, threw fits, broke things, refused to do homework, refused to participate in class, and wet the bed. In other words, they treated her better than they treat me. LOL

I am glad to be back. I missed them so much. I am forcing Rosa to start walking with me. We both need the exercise and she is training for something that I will wait to post about. Anyone feel like cleaning? I have an entire house to keep you busy.

Some Results, No Answers

We got results from the initial EEG and there is activity. We don't know what the activity is or if it is seizures or what but they felt they needed to look at it further. We were then moved to a different room to be videoed and to do a 24 hour EEG. I saw someone here commented about them (I can't remember who and I don't have time to go back to see, please forgive me). They aren't sure if they will want to do it for 48 hours yet or not. Her MRI has been scheduled for 2PM today so they have to take off the stuff and I am hoping we will be done with the EEG.

We have been treated wonderfully and I can't say enough nice stuff about the staff here. She is still not acting her normal bubbly self but she is not doing the major shaking episodes. Her light shaking episodes were finally seen by one of the nurses last night. It is so faint but there. I was relieved someone else saw.

The SW came to our room and explained the meds they will want to prescribe start at $300 per episode and I guess there are daily meds as well. She is still not covered by Medicaid or our insurance and they won't release her until she is. I am hoping it gets people moving.

I slept on and off in her cage/crib with her. The other kids are freaking out all over poor Rosa and I will have to do something really nice for her when this is over. Without her I am not sure what we would have done.

At the Hospital

We took her to the ER and they transported her to Scottish Rite by ambulance. She has a clean CT Scan. She had an EEG this morning, we are waiting on the results but they did comment she is going from Stage 3 sleep to Stage 1 every time she jerks. Her blood sugar is normal and all of ehr first round of bloodwork was. They are doing an MRI this afternoon and will have to sedate her. They think she is having seizures but won't give me a straight answer until the EEg is back.

Please forgive the rambling, I haven't slept in over 24 hours and they aren't sure she will be released today so that means no sleep in sight. Rosa cried when she saw her b/c her crib looks like a prison and her hair looks like a mad woman. She has a splint on her arm where her IV is and she is connected to all kinds of wires. Kiera has had the best sleep since here since I have known her.

Diabetes

Anyone with experience? I am thinking the baby is having low blood sugar. I looked up all the symptoms for diabetes and she either has all the symptoms or I can't rule the symptom out. She is begging for her bottle constantly and drinking out of any cup she can reach. While this is not terribly unusual for a toddler to drink out of random cups it is filling up her diapers a lot faster. She is extremely irritable but does seem OK for about 30-45 minutes after she eats a tiny bit of fruit or drinks milk. She is taking multiple naps which is highly unusual for her. She seems a bit disoriented at times. All these things fit in with diabetes or low blood sugar. The only thing that doesn't fit is that she is not starving. Maybe I am over reacting but just in case she is visiting our local ER tonight when another adult shows up to relieve me.

I just found out she has a lot of family members with it. I called her mother to find ask her about it and she started rambling off both grandparents, uncle, many cousins, and her sister. I guess it runs in families?