I was forced to sit and listen to one of my kids scream some lovely thins while she had a small tantrum this evening. After about 20 minutes, I picked up the computer and typed word for word. I only interacted with her at the end when she tried to kick it up a notch by breaking things. She was trying to get me to hold her. I never did. It is full of foul language and a few really truthful comments.
"I don't care who loves you. I hate you. When I grow up I will kill someone b/c i won't take my medicine. I won't go to high school. I love vets. I will watch them forever. I will be a cop and hurt every body. I m the one that let my father hurt every body. I let my mom hurt every body. I don't care. i let Tex touch us too. I will let you hurt me too. I don't care. So I will never come back her forever. I hate ll my family except Ella, or my family ion jail. That's who I like forever. I hate y'all forever. I won't come back. I never coem back to see you. I don't care if i go to jail. I will tell the secret forever. I will tell them what santa is. Forever. here I go I'll tell he secret right now. Every body we are getting a WII for Christmas. Hey, Ella we are getting a WII. See I told them. I told them I would say it. and I'm not going to be that. and I'm not gonna play with the WII. You are a stupid fat bitch. you are gonna be fat always. you aren't my real family. I only love my real family. my real family loves me. Hey Michael we are gonna get a WII. I'm gonna tell every body that we are gonna get it. I don't love dad or you or anybody else. I don't wanna be an elf. yesterday. that was stupid. I'm not finished. boo. I throw something at you. Emma we are gonna get a WII. Santa is dad and mom. they don't want to tell you b/c you believe in Santa. i wanna live on the streets or live with my father. or my uncle whos in jail. i wanna live the rest of my life until i die. I hate Michael, Emma, Ruthie and every body. yeah right. Michael doesn't love me. I don;t love him. Ruthie started it. she told mom I just got outside. she came in b/c she saw me and brought the baby inside. Patches watch the baby I got out there. I called her stupid I was gonna check the mail. I don't wanna watch the baby. I don't care. u don't love me. u won't feed me or let me go to bed. I don't care about you now. what you do to me and do to the rest of the people. you tell Kiera to go to timeout. it doesn't do anything. I'm gonna tell my teacher and friends that you won't let me eat or take a shower. and you lock us outside and take us down. Yeah. Im gonna tell them that. Im still not gonna do my chores. wanna bet 50 bucks. I'm not gonna do my fucking chore. I hate you you fucking bitch. hey Ruthie, we are gonna have a WII for xmas. I'm not gonna play the wii. shut up. shut up. shut up u bitch." she crumpled up her glasses and threw them. she picked up a very hard toy and threw it against the wall she threw a giant truck against the wall "fuck you you old man. do your stupid work. you stupid bitch. I'll run away."
It came to a screeching halt when she decided to throw some dangerous things against eh wall and at me. I had to step up to her and remind her of the consequences. After several threats from her, she ran out the door. She didn't go to far but did manage to scare the crap out of some drivers. I informed her if she put her foot in the road one more time, I would call the police b/c she was obviously suicidal. Eventually, I managed to get her home by standing behind her and it forced her to move toward the house b/c she doesn't want me to touch her or get near her. She is now cleaning up the mess she made before she eats dinner with the rest of the family. (Somehow, my DH managed to make dinner during this in the next room.) She is welcome to take as much time as she chooses. She is in complete control.
She has finished cleaning up now and we talked about what she said. Not the language or the threats, the fact she feels like she let her siblings down. This child admitted to feeling guilty for doing things their parents made them do, to each other. This is huge for her. We had suspected it but the kids have refused to discuss it. She thinks she should have called the cops on them to stop them. Not her mother or any of the other kids, her.
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9 comments:
It just never ends, does it? I'm sorry.
This was very sad. Was there something that triggered her?
She was triggered by Ruthie. Ruthie had been playing with the baby by rolling her around the yard in a stroller and she needed to come in to use the restroom. She asked her to watch her while she went. Patches started screaming and Ruthie told her to go inside. She came in saying all this. I wasn't even sure what had happened. She refused to calm down enough to hear she didn't have to watch her.
Ah, this is brutal. Butterfly used to talk like this to God alone in her room. It's so sad. I know it hurts on so many levels. You are a good mom.
This just tears at my soul. I just found your blog - My partner and I are in the process of becoming foster parents. Will keep reading, and keep your family in my prayers. I hope for continued healing for all of your kiddos.
I am so sorry the echo of their abuse is still causing so much pain for all.
I'm sorry, could you send me your email? I keep trying to send you an email but it keeps getting sent back to me. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. And by the way, I think a Wii is a great gift, I love mine :)
When any of your kids have a tantrum and have to clean up afterward (at their leisure of course) do they ever just not do it? My son has gone hours and hours refusing to clean up his destruction because he won't take ownership of any of it. It's MY fault he got mad or one of the other kids because we're all just horrible, mean people who bug him all the time. We have tried to wait him out, but even when we do and he falls asleep without dinner, that just gives him another complaint to lodge against us to anyone who will listen - we refused to feed him. Well, we've never actually refused to feed him (in our reality anyway) - just told him he was welcome to join us for dinner once his mess was cleaned up. He does NOTHING for our family but every time we turn around he's playing the pity card to some new schmuck who doesn't know him well enough to discern what is real and what is HIS version of reality. I'm getting awful tired of defending myself and our family. I sense that CPS may be visiting soon because he's amping it up at school and claiming abuse again. No marks, he's gaining weight and he's clean and well-dressed - it counts for nothing in his world. The nastiness and mean talk gets so tiring after awhile, especially when you aren't seeing any progress (in our case).
Lisa, Ruthie, Michael, and Patches all refused in the beginning. I know it is hard to wait them out but we did. Just because the sun goes down and comes up again doesn't mean we give up. Ruthie lasted the longest. She made it 4 or 5 days. She was asked to pick up her dirty clothes on her floor. Big whoop, right? She screamed until she fell asleep, long after the others were in bed. I serve any child that refuses to come to the table or can't be at the table with us, a PB sandwich and carrots sticks. When they get up in the AM it starts all over. It lasts as many days as they want it to. It took this one episode with Ruthie and they all got the picture. They never last more than the next morning. I also make sure to give extra treats to the good kids during these moments. Sometimes it is a sweet treat but sometimes it is a book or even turning on the TV to dance to videos together. The raging child is always allowed to do it at their pace and we ignore their behavior unless they are dangerous.
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