Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I'm Struggling

One of the kids is driving us insane. Not your normal crazy, the kind you want to try spanking b/c it would let off some steam kind. (We do not spank nor will I really begin spanking. It is a family joke, "today may be the first time I start beating kids and it looks like you may get to be first". They know I am teasing and laugh.) This particular child is incredibly stubborn and super smart. She can bring on the tears and pour on the guilt. She is a master manipulator and quite possibly the most charming child I have ever met. Most of my kids made me feel crazy in the beginning but this child makes everyone feel crazy. Today alone she hid another child's book bag and refuses to give it up, repeated a directive and then did as she pleased, choked another child, hid under a desk and slept the night but refused to come out in the AM and we panicked looking for her, stole some things from the other kids, screamed I was hurting her when I touched her arm, threatened to tell the police on me, ran away after dark and refused to come in even though it was pitch black, and tried to kill me with her mean look (she actually admitted to me that was the goal).

She is exhausting. I am worried about her ability to love and feel love. She has been on her honeymoon for the last year and she finally cracked last month. My kids are so far past this stage that it makes it hard to remember what to do. LOL I have had to pull out my old bag of tricks and really dig deep. She reminds me of her father when he was younger. I keep telling myself she doesn't have to turn out like he did. She is her own person. She is younger than he was. She can do this. We all can help her. Those things are hard to believe in the middle of the day.

Kiera is sick. That means no sleep for me at night.


Diane said...

After reading your post, I almost feel ashamed that I am taking my foster daughter's lying so hard. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family as you struggle your way through all of the problems you face. How old is the child you wrote about in this post? I am longing to get in touch with others who are struggling with their foster children. We love our foster daughter, but she does drive us crazy with her manipulative behaviour. She lies, does what she wants regardless of rules, and manipulates her way through life. We did not seek to become a foster family, it just sort of fell in our laps. But we want to make this succeed. Right now, I am at wits end trying to feel close to our foster daughter. I feel like she may need to go to a new home just because I am so frustrated with her so often it may be better for her to be away from me. True, SHE is the one causing the frustration, but I am the one who can't seem to get a grip on how to handle her. Any advice from a seasoned parent of a difficult child would be helpful.
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Book Lover said...

Tudu, it is no wonder you are struggling right now. It's one thing to handle one child with emotional difficulties, but you are handling many. You need a break!! I have NO experience in these matters, but if I lived close, I would try to help you out. You are in my prayers!

Kim Chrisman