Sunday, November 08, 2009

A Moment of Honesty

My poor son is finding it nearly impossible to trust me with his hallucinations. He has never stopped having them and after a very long tantrum he came clean. They are increasing in frequency and intensity. They are daily. He sees people but they don't speak to him. He sees them in his room, on the van ride to the hospital, and at the hospital. They love around him but never talk to him. They aren't mean to him. The voices are loud and scary. They are still yelling at him to kill me and hurt himself. They are also telling him mean things about himself. They do not want him to tell me.

He lied to leave the hospital and kept lying to stay out of it. He cried but admitted it felt better to let me know. I am sure his honesty will have to be drug from him every time. He no longer believes they are in his head. He thinks they are real and can do what they threaten. In the beginning, he could be briefly comforted when told he was safe from them and they were not real. It's almost like he is slipping into a different world. I can't describe it better than that. It is a place he thinks and feels is real but no one else can share it with him. He is leaning to agree with the adults around him and not to trust us. When he shares with us there are consequences. We have to find a way to reach him, to keep him here.


Kelly said...

So sad and very scary. May God grant you and the Dr. wisdom. May God cradle your sweet boy in His arms and guard him from the demons.

Michelle said...

As a fellow Southerner, I'm sure you can understand my heartfelt pain for you and him when I say,

"Oh..bless your hearts".

I hope you find a way to keep him here and to bring him back to reality.