It has been an extremely difficult weekend and I have been left drained and wondering if I am doing enough. Sunday was an absolute disaster after we had sat down the 3 difficult children Saturday night and encouraged them not to let one day set them back further. They managed to make Sunday worse that ever. My oldest, B, who is extremely dedicated to her siblings asked me to consider a hospital for D and my son. She is worried what their behavior is doing to the rest of them and how they are taking their anger out on Emma. She wishes she would have been adopted without them. I am still committed to all of them but I wonder if she isn't right, they need more than what we have to offer and they are obviously more disturbed than the others and are doing damage to them from the constant violence and destruction. How much am I supposed to put my other children through? I feel strongly that they will be able to get it together someday and be a part of our family and I would not consider disrupting but I am concerned for the rest of our sanity.
The therapist understands that I feel like therapy is a waste of time with them and 20 minutes a week is not doing them any good. How can they get anything out of that in such a short time. They need an hour or more a week and they need to see more than one therapist so I can not stay at an office for hours upon hours a week and get nothing accomplished. They need attachment therapy and these evaluations should give me a ammo to fight DFCS on it. I feel like I can not add anymore effort (brushing, cuddling, and games) to my day b/c I am so strapped for time as it is. I am leaning toward homeschooling for a while to get these things in our day done. I have so many appointments and not enough time. I am babbling, I am just trying to figure out what else I could possibly do.