Friday, January 19, 2007

I am Exhausted, Pissed Off, and Thrilled to Death

D spent the entire afternoon yesterday and today in her room folding clothes. This is the umpteenth time I have asked her to fold the clean clothes and put them in her drawer. I know this seems to be a simple request for most people even my youngest 3 fold their clothes and put them away properly most of the time. This child refuses to do it. She has to be in control of something and she has chosen this for now. She raged for hours and then came out calmly to tell me she had done it and it is ready to be checked. Great! I was in the middle of grilling the shark steaks and preparing dinner for my sister and her family so I asked B to check it. She ran back down and all was well. Until bedtime that is...D had shoved all clothes in the closet and B did not think to look there. I kissed D and told her I was disappointed but no problem she could try again tomorrow. Shockingly, she cried but did not rage. She knew she was caught.

My son, D, and P all raged this afternoon. I assured them I could tell they did not need any additional sugar to fuel this fire so they would not be eating cake with the rest of us if it continued. I over heard the other kids reminding them several times that I mean business and if they didn't get a grip they would not have cake and ice cream for my sister later. Of course, they were unable to see past the moment and continued for some time. They handled it well later when I excused them to showers after we sang to her. My sister was horrified and really had a hard time accepting their consequence. She was completely appropriate but it hurt her to hear them and watch them walk away so sad. It hurts me, too. Suck it up, old lady, I am trying to do my best and I don't need you making me feel like crap. (I absolutely adore her, really I do.)

My son has taken to pooping himself just enough to stink. This is fairly new and disgusting as you can imagine. I just wonder if the other kids at school have noticed his smell yet. Please let him get through this issue quickly, I can't stand the stench!!!! The peeing is tolerable but the poop, how do you people cope with this? EEEWWWW!!!!!

I have 2 psychological evaluations tomorrow about an hour from here. I have to meet my worker to give her some things and I have to be back here before they get out of school. Somehow I must find the time to clean my house and do 15 loads of laundry. They have gone through all their new clothes and I am at a point I must get this laundry under control instead of buying more clothes. I am entertaining guests both Saturday and Sunday after church. The first is the older girls former foster family. They actually have cared for all of the kids longer than the parents have. They have 2 new foster children and an daughter they adopted at birth. We are exchanging holiday gifts and I have to run out and get 2 more gifts so they won't be left out. I am supposed to serve lunch but I will probably order pizza to save me the effort.

It's Sunday that I am the most excited about. I have recently found a very dear friend from childhood and early adulthood. We have spoken a couple of times this week and I am thrilled to meet his children and reconnect with his wife and him. He is someone from my past that remembers the old me, the old me that led me to my life today. He witnessed some of my worst behaviors and probably participated in a few of them. It was those choices that put me in a position to see foster care from inside a group home as a teen and plant the seed that grew into my family today. Over the years, thinking of him has brought a smile to my face and I can't wait to see in person what age has done to my friend. I am a little nervous about what he will think of how I have changed, I look nothing like I did then. I am far from that young thing he had remembered all these years. What am I worried about, he's old, too. Sometimes it's hard to believe I am an adult much less wrap my mind around the fact he has been a father for 16 years. I can't wait to see how much hasn't changed, he was still funny, kind, thoughtful, and supportive on the phone. The same boy down deep.

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