The Visits

Their caseworker was over an hour late (surprise, surprise) and showed up at shower/bed time. The kids were very clingy and when told the story of ending visits and pending adoption we saw lots of tears. I was surprised by who cried, the ones that did not when we shared it with them. I wonder if they do not trust us or if they feel it is more real coming from her. Probably a little of both.

We had their family visit 2 days after that and the parents were a few minutes late. Mom was dressed like a hooker and Dad and Uncle smoked a little stuff before heading in to the visit. The maternal Gparents and GGpa came along with maternal uncle and aunt. GGpa was a trip and made hilarious comments about needed an new woman b/c his died 4 yrs ago. My Dh was laughing so hard I was almost uncomfortable, then I found out what the old man was saying and I was quite shocked. He could barley walk and spoke in a whisper, you just wouldn't suspect he was a dirty old man. He was the highlight of the evening.

Their aunt made sure to tell all of them that they were loved and we would take very good care of them. The family brought the kids some of their favorite foods and they munched down. We took a few pictures and then it was goodbye. The older girls and my son broke down when the parents did. We had to pry our son and D from their arms. I felt bad for the parents but they could have made it so much easier if they would have let go.

Once in the car they were a mess. We let them cry for a dew and then pulled over for gas. A few had to potty before the 2.5 hour drive home. All tears stopped when Dh gave them a dollar to buy anything they wanted. They laughed and giggled the rest of the way.

They went to therapy the next morning and did very well. All the kids spoke of their feelings and seem to understand what is happening. My oldest, B, is doing so much better than we had thought she would. We have been working with recognizing their feelings when they are having them and she wrote down about 25 feelings, thoughts,and needs without being asked. She brought them to me the other night and we talked about each one. She rocks! She is mad at her parents and the Judge. She need to cry and have snuggle time. She thanked me for keeping the kids together and being supportive of her parents. She feels like she had something to do with being in care and she is really worried her parents will split up now. She is also happy she will be adopted by us. We laughed at the being adopted one b/c it changes everyday and that's alright. She agreed to keeping a diary about her feelings if the kids wouldn't rip out the pages. LOL

My other daughter, Em, hit a major milestone last night. She can read!!! She was as surprised as I was. She sounded everything out and read a whole book. I am so proud. We now have 3 readers in our house! If this keeps up Dh and I will have to stop spelling everything to each other and learn piglatin.

Overall, things are good here. The kids are getting comfortable with us and our home. We are having a tough time this week with emotions so high about their family but it is much better than I ever expected. I love my kids, now to find a bigger house.

The Caseworker is coming!

I am referring to the kids county worker and this will be her first visit here in our home. I must admit I am a bit ruffled. I worry I will say the wrong thing, I have a habit of saying too much and regretting it later. She claims she will be here between 6 and 6:30 but she has a meeting in her office at 3PM so I doubt we will see her before 7PM due to traffic. I have not told the kids and I plan on it this afternoon when they get home, no sense in freaking them out and sending them to school. The house is so-so and I figure she will get over it if it isn't perfect. I haven't been able to get it clean enough for my taste in months I refuse to kill myself now.

The final visit with their parents is this Thursday and I am VERY worried about their father misbehaving. The older girls last foster mother called to tell me he had asked to borrow her car to get the kids and she refused. She warned me they had followed her home one time to see where she lived and she was certain they would try to find us based on recent conversations. They have asked the kids where they went to school, what my dh's company's name is, what city we were in, and have tried to look up our phone number. The kids have told me their parents have assured them they will move to a place where there is lots of snow of they get them back. The CW asked my dh to stay in the office for this visit b/c they are concerned this man will freak out and she is the only person in the office that late. I am more than a little irritated about that one.

Kids are escalated a little this week with good reason. My son had a fit for hours the minute he came home from school and threw his book bag and shoes at me. They are mine for 24 hours and he had to wear sandals and carry his snack to school. Too bad, anything used as a weapon is mine. My little reader is doing great and is inspiring her sisters to try. C is using her CP as an excuse to not do her share of cleaning up. New rule, if you refuse to help everyone else, you will do all the chores that day. It has escalated to a harsh reality b/c she hides in the bathroom and under the table until the chore is almost done.

We are hoping to take the kids to Orlando for Thanksgiving as a surprise. Once I get approval I will reserve the house and buy the tickets. We plan on packing everything on the sly and waking them up in the middle of the night to put them in the car. We won't tell them exactly where we are going until we are there. We figure they will have some anxiety due to their history so we will play a guessing game or something and be sure they understand it is a fun place for all of us. We will keep the schedule very relaxed and flexible to accommodate any issues that arise. I am so excited!!!!

Picture Day

I have no idea how my son will look when they get a chance to take his picture at school today. He had his hair fixed this morning and he got mad at me and messed it up. He does this everytime he is upset with me and it can be for the tiniest thing. I reminded him I loved him with messy hair, too. As we were walking out the door to catch the bus he decided he needed it fixed so let's hope his class is first because he is so cute with his new haircut. He has that one that you gel the hair to the middle kinda like a mohawk but much more mainstream and sweet looking. He kept bugging me to do it and pointed out all the boys we would see with it until I cut it last week.

The girls were up extra early and all had to have me fix their hair, too. They had a hard tiem deciding what to wear last night and reminded me 20 times they needed money for it this Am even thought i had already put it in their book bags.

Every night when I tuck my son into bed he tells me he wants to live with his Mom and Dad. We talk about it briefly and I ask him what he liked about living with them or other good memories. We kiss each other "100" times,then one kiss from me and one from his Mother and goodnight. The night before last he told me he had cried at school that day. I asked him why and he explained he wanted to live with me. I tickled him and said, "Good thing cause we are stuck with each other." This was huge for him.

I'm Back!!

My computer and then internet have been down for 2 weeks. I had become so dependent upon the darn thing I did not think I would survive the first few days. Funny thing is that I eventually forgot about it.

So much has happened that I don't even know where to begin. We have told the children about Tpr and now that visits will be stopped after the next one. DFCS was supposed to tell the kids and did not so we waited until they asked about the visits and gently explained without any hoopla and they all took it in stride. No one has reacted like we anticipated. They are sad and have expressed it w/o rages.

My oldest,B, has had her first tantrum on Thursday but it was over an invite to attend a group at school, she thought she was in trouble and once I calmed her and explained it she was fine. She has real fears of being kicked out of our home and needs to be reassured regularly she is here to stay. Please, one little screamming, kicking episode and we would give up? No way! Maybe someday she will believe but not anytime soon. She did tell her therapist if she has to be adopted, we were the ones she would want to do it.

P gave us such a hard time in the first few months and we were so worried about school b/c what she has done there in the past. She rocks! I "caught" her sounding out words on a flash card a couple of weeks ago and I told her she could no longer fool me. That was the begining of the "new" her. She reads everyday and works really hard on her homework w/o an arguement. She looks forward to school and showing us how well she is doing. I had her IEP meeting last week and the child that had no friends at any other school has developed multiple friendships and seems appropriate with them. When walking down the hall at school her name is called by lots of children from other classes. She is so proud of herself and she has been trying to help younger kids. Who is this kid and will she stay? She is a joy to be around and it seems to have come about b/c we insist we "know" she is smart and expect her to do her best.

D, my little cryer has replaced crying with multiple boo boos and complaints. She is really struggling in school and they have begun testing her. She is in 1st grade and was promoted from K 2 years ago with the promise she would be tested for learning disabilities and they never did so she was retained last year ans is repeating 1st grade. She does not recognise letters or spounds and she is falling so far behind now that she is acting pitiful in class to avoid doing work. It is very sad but we hope to get this worked out ASAP.

My son is a doll. He is getting better and better. Of course they see nothing at school and he is an angel there. We have our moments here but I have learned some ways to avoid triggers like the words chore, clean, no, and homework. By eliminating those words by making them games instead we were able to get him to cooperate with those activities. We took his video games away and he has made huge progress with his violence toward the other kids. Our poor bus driver has gotten the brunt of my kids and he will be suspended from the bus Monday for hitting another student. We have a special game evey night where I give him 100 kisses and he gives me 100 kisses that he LOVES and talks about all the time. Makes me wonder how these kids have been treated by other parents that my children are so attention starved.

C was told her braces on the her legs were not helping her anymore and she could discontinue theri use for now. She is thrilled to say the least. Her tantrums have increased but are manageable. She is working on writing but can't hold the pencil well enough to get it yet.

A is either speaking better or we have learned her private language. All of them are working hard in speech and doing very well but she is really focused on it b/c outsiders do not understand her at all. She is a really sweet and caring child and does not need to be told more than once what I expect. I am starting to believ she is smarter than I originally thought.

E is adjusting well and the other kids have said she feels like theri "real" sister. She loves having them here. Her Mother is having a really hard time right now and is using again so our contact has become sporadic. She has also been told she has a tumor on her brain and a prblem with her only kidney. I am worried about her but am protecting our daughter fromthe detailsuntil we know her prognosis. E is doing well in school and I love her teacher's style adn enthusiasum.

We are excited about Halloween and the kids have decided on their costumes. Pookie and I dress as well so we ought to be a sight that evening in the neighborhood. We plan on puttin up our decoprations this weekend.

Life is getting good, I am know it is going to have some downs in the near future but for now I am enjoying the good. They have adjusted VERY well to our home and school. I think they are handling the parent's visitation thing too well and we will have some real fits after the last visit. Who could blame them. Right now we are working on 2 things, 1 is to appreciate their things and treat them well, and the other is to feel their feelings and to say what they are and what caused them.

Just in case I didn't say it enough, MY KIDS ARE FANTASTIC AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!

Kidney Stones suck!

Fun, fun, fun! I have a kidney stone that refuses to leave. They are not fun. At first I thought I was having another ectopic pregnancy rupture b/c the pain was so bad. It just would not stop, it was consuming. I hate pain medication and have been forced to take it to control the pain but it makes me dizzy and woozy, they are not a good combination for parenting a bunch of kids. Now I have flu like symptoms and a fever so infection has probably set in so off to the doctor again. My poor husband has learned what I do and has decided I am not allowed to die until after he does b/c he does not want to be left alone with the kids. LOL

On a worse note, my worker is coming today to discuss how to tell the kids they are stopping their family visits. We knew it was coming but I want to cry for them. This is going to be a tough time for all of us here for some time to come.

B is such a good girl but I have had my concerns lately and this week she stole $30 from somewhere at school. She was given a 3rd try at the truth and we got some crazy story about the bus. We have thought she was stealing money from here but can't prove anything. Several of the kids and my husband have had money missing over the last few months and we had figured it was her.

Stealing is awful, but this is something I have no problem addressing hundreds of times with a child. It is not me so I don't find it embarrassing as some parents do. My husband is annoyed by it but we can work through this. It does make me wonder what will be too much? The things I felt were too much for me before the kids are just not that big of a deal now. Peeing is not fun but he has to clean it up, so go for it, son. The fits are not fun but for some reason I do not take anything they say personally. Is that the key? I have no idea. I see others on the forums I read disrupting over what I consider normal adoption issues, things I expect my children to do. I do not want to say they are wrong b/c for them it is too much but how were they not prepared? I expected my life to be horrible so I was pleasantly surprised when they weren't. Once I started to love them there was no turning back, bring on the crap, I can handle it and I will love you anyway.

Katrina's Victims

The one year anniversary of Katrina has reminded me where I was last year. I was in such pain with Shingles I had wished for death. We even had our last home visit while I was high on pain medication. My worker is so great and my husband handled it very well. I threw up and slept on the couch throughout their conversation. Not a pretty picture, I know. How did we ever get approved?

I was so moved by the scenes I saw on TV as I laid there for days that I knew I had to do something. I decided to contact local hotels one night around 3 AM (I couldn't sleep and knew the night auditors would be bored and love to talk to someone). I found out that alot of hotels were filled up with folks unable to pay their rent and were being kicked out of some of them in the morning. I got busy and it took my mind off off the pain. I made flyers up with my name and the number of my second line to put at the front desks and waited. The phone started ringing and did not stop for weeks. I did not sleep for more than a few minutes at a time at my desk. Someone started making copies of my flyers and handed them out at the shelters here.

I gathered information online and the news and served as a go between for folks and their hotels. After they had their rooms paid for I began looking at local apartments for longer term housing. I got therapists and nurses to see them in the hotels for free. I found people really wanted to help so I found out what they had to donate (time, clothes, room, car, toiletries, or food) and matched them up with a family in need. I contacted local churches to match up families with a support system in the coming months and spiritual needs.

I started getting calls from huge organizations (NAACP was one that I worked very closely with) and churches wanting information. I kept trying to explain what I knew and no one believed I was a one woman volunteer. I had previously worked in the apartment and hotel industry so I had known where to look and what to ask to help get things moving for people and that is how I was able to know more than most people in the day to day operations of these businesses.

Overall I was able to place over 300 families in those weeks after the hurricane. I was so tired but I felt so proud that I actually did something. I worried about the next few months and year after and decided to put together a support group for them with a friend that is a psychologist. We noticed immediately these folks were struggling with parenting in a new culture and under so much stress so we started parenting and life skills training as well. We started meeting every week and still meet monthly now. It is great to watch them grow and change. Some have moved back, others are barely making it, but some are doing better than they were before the hurricane. I love these people and they have become a huge part of my life, I know they are traumatized by the hurricane but I am glad I have had the pleasure of getting to know them.

Camping and the Lazy Toddler

If you have any concerns your child might snore and or might have allergies but need to be sure. Forget the doctors, just put up a tent in your very own backyard. That's what I did Saturday night and I regret it still today. Every one of those rugrats took turns snoring and talking in their sleep. I was miserable! My Dh forgot to put my foam mat out there and I did not notice until it was too late and had to sleep on the ground with a tiny little blanket. Between the noise inside the tent and the forest of night screaming animals in the yard, I barely slept. Then the kids woke up BEFORE dawn b/c some geese flew over honking up a storm. I had to take a nap Sunday afternoon b/c I just couldn't cope and then could not sleep last night so not so good today. Several of my kids have been sniffing and snotting everywhere for 2 days and no one seems to know what a tissue is. I drugged 'em all this morning and sent them to school.

My niece is 2 years old and I keep her during the day. She is a doll and we have a pretty good time although she is not like other children and prefers adults to play with. So this morning she realized the twins will be home and she has told me about 10 times to take them to school. She refuses to play with them and has even decided she wants to lay around in my bed all day and watch cartoons without them. This is not weird for her b/c she is the laziest child ever and would never leave my bed if she had a choice. I am not kidding. I just find it weird she does not like other children, I know they are trying to play with her and they like her but she just shoos them away. She is nuts, I thought she would like the company, guess I was wrong. Too bad, Brooklyn!!!

Telling Them the Truth

One of the first things we were told about our kids was they did not know TPR had been granted and we were not to tell them. We were upset and confused but agreed. We have struggled with this b/c out oldest has been asking and all of them had been told by their family or foster parents that we were going to adopt them. Why couldn't we tell them when everyone else had? We were worried if it came out, we would look like liars.

After much debate, our agency decided to let us tell them the truth without telling DFCS first. DFCS refuses to return calls or emails to our agency with any regularity and if they ask any important questions, DFCS just answers everything else but that question. (If you can't tell, I am still a little irritated with the situation.) Our oldest asked us about going home for the millionth time and we explained the facts gently. The other children were listening and our oldest began to cry. It was so weird b/c P is old enough to understand and not a moment of distress. Actually the rest of them were calm until D started to make herself cry, I am talking squeezing out a tiny one with lots of blinking. My son did cry but no tears came out. The twins and P just wanted to go upstairs and dance. It was just strange, given their dx I guess I should not be surprised.

I assume we will pay for this for some time. We noticed a bit of clingyness from the youngest, A, at school and after. Both my son and A had a meltdown at Speech and had to be held very closely to my chest in a cradle position for about 15 minutes each until they could catch their breath. I usually don't talk to them very much if I have to hold them but today I just felt like they needed to hear me tell them they were safe and they were loved by both their parents and us. It really helped and I kissed them every chance I got today.

P is having a good time not riding the damn bus. She freaked out today after school when she was required to do her chores to pay me for driving her. I am tired of it and she likes this way to much. Tomorrow I have a little bit of time before school and I am going to make her walk to school in front of my van b/c the school is at the top of my neighborhood and safe from traffic and she is one of the laziest people EVER. Should take away the FUN part of this. She is back on the bus Monday. YEAH!!!

B and I sat down and discussed things she CAN be in control of and things I am in control of. So far so good. She really takes charge of those and I have seen her back of a little on the other things. It could just be the need to be good right now. She has been driving me nuts lately and it is nice to have a break but I know it will hit the fan soon enough.

I have made a huge decision regarding the twins and Pre K. First of all, I hate this school, it is a daycare and the Lottery funds the Pre K here so it is free to all residents that can find a slot open. This school has a tiny parking lot and they use this as a reason to not allow you in the classrooms. They actually make you pick up your child at the door. I have not been allowed to meet the teachers and ask them how my kids are doing. I thought for sure they would send something home on Friday, NO. Nothing. I have debated over whether to take them out and keep them home with me or enjoy my days. I feel it would be in their best interest to keep them home for the following reasons. They have been stuck in some daycare forever, this is their last year to stay home and bond with me, I need to give them the best I can, I can get their many therapies out of the way during the day and use our precious afternoons for the school age kids, and they really need one on one attention to catch up. My worker is concerned this will be considered homeschooling and they frown upon that. Pre K is not mandatory here and I am going to push this issue.

Other than that, kids are still screamming but we are dealing just fine. I am feeling closer to all of them. I am feeling like 7 is not the end and not nearly as many as it was in the begining of the summer. We are becoming a family, even some of them are saying so. They claim we are the nicest parents (besides their "real" ones) they have had. They scream we are the meanest. They are begining to let me kiss their boo boos and expect me to fix things for them. In my daughter's words, "Our life was boring before they moved in and I am so glad they came to play with us!"

I knew the first week was going too good. P, my 8 yr old, did well except in PE which she struggled in last year and they thought it was the male teacher thing but maybe it is the phyical part of it not the teacher. Then she had to ride the bus home like she has done all week and shoved her brother on it. He cried when he hit his head and it set off B, 10, to protect him. E, 5, started crying when P started screamming like a crazy person and shoving anyone near her. The sweet unsuspecting first time bus driver tried to get P to come up front and P started hitting her. She threatened her and threw her bookbag at the woman's child. Everyone was moved up as few seats to protect them when she realized she couldn't handle this child. She quickly drove to our home (not a stop on the route) and started waiving at me. I thought she was lost (b/c she is new) and she was being polite. My kids started to get off hollaring something at me and all I got was P's name so I knew something happened. I had to climb on the bus and remove her myself. She was angry and ran off to our bushes to calm down and the driver told me she has been kicked off the bus. I almost got a kick out of it b/c while the school is trying to cooperate I keep hearing they are so great at school. Now there is no question about what she is capable of.

As far as a consequence goes here is what I have come up with. Considering she has assaulted the driver and her child she must write an letter with my assistance to each of them to apologize. She needs to spend her allowance on the driver instead of herself by purchasing a gift or card. She will be suspended from the bus so she must do chores to make up for the time I will spend driving her to school, talking with school, and my gas. She had not completed her chores as of this morning so she was unable to go tto her last foster home to pick up her trampoline with her sister and brother. Of course she can't do anything until the chores are completed.

Well, we are back to "normal". My son, A, had several mini meltdowns before school yesterday and my 8 yr old refused to do her homework Wed night and again yesterday morning. I handled both beautifully and put it back on them. I explained to my son I did not care what he was wearing for school, he would be attending anyway. He is so sute and warned me he would be in his pull up. I smiled and explained I did not mind if he needed to wear it to school, he would go as is whatever that was. He quickly changed his clothes but then started throwing his toothbrush and toothpaste. "I wouldn't want to use a toothbrush that had been on the floor next to the toilet in case someone had missed it using it but if you think that is ok then have at it." I walked away but listened. It took him a few minutes but he started trying to clean his toothbrush and eventually brushed his teeth. He struggled with shoes and on and on but he got to the bus stop in time and got on. Yeah!!

My 8 yr old, P, can not read or recognise most letters so while we wait for the school to catch up to her IEP and put her in the correct classes she is given regular homework. She gets really frustrated and refuses to try with my assistance. Now I believe whole hearted that she is as smart as any child in her class she just down plays it and has not learned any of the things she should have b/c she is too busy acting out. She refused to do her homework and I gave her a couple of tries and then told her she must be too tired to learn and good night. She was angry but complied for fear she would have chores for acting up about bed time. Mom is not flexible on that and she has learned the hard way. I got her up really early and we tried again. Took her a couple of tries and I explained I was too busy in the AM and had no problem sending a note to her teacher and letting her take a big fat zero so she had one more minute of my precious time. I left and came back and she was ready.

D has been doing so much better about not rubbing her privates on me and I can feel myself feeling better about her. SHe told me the truth 2 times yesterday and I was so proud of her. Both time it was something she would have gotten in trouble for. I hugged her many times yesterday and she is loving the attention.

My eldest, B, is driving me nuts. She is so nice to my face but I feel the negative vibes she shoots at me. She thinks I am stupid and corrects me constantly. She had a dx of RAD that we all thought was not true b/c we can't find it anywhere on paper. Oh she has it all right!!! It's just not in your face defiant like the others. I looked at some paperwork that Attachment Therapist gave me awhile back and what does it describe? My child!!! It said everything I was feeling, I was so happy to see it in writing. It really upsets me that she probably has it but at least I know what need to be done and it isn't just a personality conflict. I will be so much more tolerant of her now while I nail her behaviors to the wall. I began last night and am making all of her decisions for her. That did not go over well at all. She was nice to me but let the kids have it for nothing MANY times. She is not going to like it here but I will do whatever it takes to help her heal.

The first 2 days of school my 8 yr old, P, decided she would not enter her classroom like the other children. She says she was nervous but ended up getting so much attention for it b/c the counselor took her to her office and gave her a toy to keep on her desk. They did not call me until the second day so I did not get to intervene until last night and I took the advice of many experienced parents of children with RAD and explained if she refused to get an education it was my responsibility to teach her an alternate education in a janitorial career. She went into class this morning without a second look back. She hates to clean and knows I will enforce anything I say. I am proud she made a good choice and I will be sure to tell her this afternoon.

I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop b/c for some reason my kids are cooperating with me. We were having such a hard time and then BAM they do what I ask with very little problems. I did change my reactions to them and perhaps they are scrambling to figure out what to do next but I wish I could enjoy the quiet time while I have it. It does make me wonder if I am crazy, did I cause them to tantrum? Are they all so scared about school they do not have the energy to throw a good fit? Were they misdiagnosed? Have they settled in? What is going on?

Yesterday my son did scream in my DD's face 3 times and pushed her down. He struggled with his time out and chore to make up for it but once he calms down he is great. He did deny doing it even after I heard him myself 3 feet away from me. It still makes me laugh when he denys things I personally witness. It helps me from gettign too mad but I must confess after 3 times yesterday I did raise my voice and told him I had had enough of his abuse for the day and if he did not comply he could go to bed for the night. It was 7 PM so only an hour early, but I was done. He got it together and screammed an apology to her at my request since he screammed everything else I demanded he scream that, too. Took him a few tries b/c he claimed it hurt his ears. LOL

They are gone. All of them in school. What do I do now? I thought I would be thrilled and for some reason I can't get motivated to do all the things I need to do.

Their bus was very late so I guess I will be driving them to school every day to get the twins to Pre K on time. Most of them did not eat breakfast b/c they were nervous. They were so cute and I took a picture of them on the way out. I wish I could post it b/c they are the cutest kids ever! They had a really hard time going to bed last night and one of the twins had an accident last night for the first time since she has been here. The older girls were still up at 11PM and were even out of bed when I checked in on them.

I am afraid to jinx myself but they have been doing so much better. We are really becoming a family. I find myself laughing so much more. I am learnign that each child needs different responses from me and they respond better. My son has stayed in bed 2 nights in a row and is so proud of himself for it. He had a dry pull up an few days ago, too. He has not hit me in almost 2 weeks and it is so funny how my parental expectations have changed, getting through the day w/o being hit is a huge accompishment. He is still hitting others but does say sorry on his own and has even admitted to the abuse more than a few times.

I had mentioned I was having a hard time bonding with my 7 yr old and so I started making sure to hug her more and force myself to be more attentive. It seems to be working for me and she is doing much better with allowing others their personal space. She is so damn cute.

My laptop crashed last week and I have resorted to stealing my children's desktop to access the internet. I had my husband move it into my room because I could not stand it any longer and had begun having the shakes.

Lots has happened, the lice is still here, I have discovered a great way to get my son to cooperate with me, we are almost ready for school on Monday, and we have had just a few big tantrums in the last week. The lice showed back up today on my youngest and she refuses to sit still to have them removed. She is currently out on the back porch having the remaining nits picked out and then another round of shampoo and gel for all of us.

I stopped giving my son an audience and so now I give him a good choice and a bad choice and walk away. Sometimes he struggles and goes to his room to get a grip and he is still hitting the kids several times a day. When I am not looking he chooses the good one, if I stay and wait it becomes a tantrum. He has admitted to hurting someone a few times but nothing regular. Voila, a much happier Mom!

I have gone through most of the clothes and set out outfits for the first week for everyone so we won't have to argue every day about what they have to wear. I had to have them try many things on and pass them down to the next kid and that did not go over well. They seem so attached to their things and really struggle with giving them away even if they do not fit. I allowed them to keep a few things if there was a real reason, like a gift from their parents or something. I have a ton of stuff to be donated this week and make more room for us.

My 8 yr old destroyed her room earlier in the week and emptied a black pen all over the walls. She has not had a huge fit in about a week and needed a release I guess. My son broke his door again in another fit and both have been busy doing chores to pay for them.

Things are really falling into place and we have been able to venture out a few times lately. Walmart is getting easier and movies are great. The school is ready for them and I think I have speech worked out.

I have decided to try to consolidate my notes for my worker about the kids behavior and this blog. I am having a hard time finding time to maintain both and feel this might work for now. My plan is to do this every day but I do not see that happening. As I have said before I can not spell check this thing so am sorry for the many errors.

My son is by far my most challenging child and takes up so much of my time. Yesterday I had to hold him in my lap or on the floor 2 times but both lasted less than 45 minutes. He is so sweet afterward and always claims he is sorry. He spent some time in his room and locked the door many times so I just took off the handle. He then had the option of leaving the door open or in his anger he could choose to shut the door and wait until his time was up to have me open it. With the handle off he is unable to open his door from the inside and I always left it open for him to choose. He closes it every time and has to wait until he calms to have it opened. He went on a errand alone with me and was an angel.

The older girls stayed home with my husband last night and I took the 3 little girls with me to my monthly meeting with Katrina Survivors I have been working with since last year. I love these folks and enjoy seeing them. They are working so hard to improve their lives and settle in. I found them all in different hotels in the area after the hurricane and and ended up helping over 300 people find hotels and then apartments. I called a local Unitarian church (that I now attend) and got their support and we started a support group for these folks. My girls were great and ate well. The older kids trashed the house with Dad and did not clean up before bed. I really needed the time out but was irritated that I came home to so much more work than I expected. I can assure you it will not happen again. He needs to parent not play.

I talked to the therapist and he agreed to step up sessions with my son to determine if Attachment Therapy would be beneficial. My agency is worried that DFCS will refuse to let me now that they are so critical of bottle feeding and holding therapy. I am angry b/c I discussed this from the first meeting and they agreed. Now they are being butts.

This morning my 8 yr old threw a fit b/c she is mad about the way her brother treats her. I can't blame her but she can not take it out on the rest of us either. She calmed after about 20 minutes and told me she doesn't love me anymore. I always respond with "That's ok, sweetie, I love you." It makes her mad and I only say it once but later she tells me she doesn't mean it. She was supposed to be the most difficult but turns out she reminds me alot of me at that age. Angry. I was so mad at everyone and threw fits just like her. Not really hitting my sisters but the walls and making myself more miserable as some sort of punishment to my mother. I get her. She just ran in here to tell me she was going to be a hooker when she grows up! I asked her if she knew what it was andshe said, "Yeah, I will get to wear your high heal boots, right?" She is a trip, I told her not to run around saying that and what it meant. She no longer wishes to be a hooker. LOL

We have the word from our agency that the children are Level 1 and the per diem is the basic rate. My agency is so upset that they are paying us a little more out of their pocket. I am angry and confused. As disturbed as my children are there is no way they are Level 1. On top of that they consider our placement the middle of the month and anything before is a visit. So they are getting away without paying anyone for a period. How wrong is that?

I had a horrible experience with a police officer yesterday. I called to have one come out b/c my 6 yr old son had lost control again. It was really a normal day but my children and I am tired of being abused by him b/c he does not get his way. An officer called me back and I explained our situation and his issues and that I really thought it might help to have an officer write up a report and explain that he was assaulting us and it was not acceptable. Turns out there is nothing they can do unless he involves a weapon and it is all my fault he is not under control. He explained if he came out he would be removing all of my children and charging me with neglect for failure to protect my other children from him. He was so nasty to me even after I tried to explain he came to me like this and it is from neglect blah, blah, blah. He told me to just give him back then if he was so bad. What? I was more upset by that than his other threats. Give him back, like he was a broken toy. Just return him. I ended up losing control of my tears and raised my voice that that was the very htinking that put my son inthe situation he is in. I can't believe their are officers this ignorant on the force in his position. I got so frustrated I just hung up on him. What else can I do? I can't educate every officer inthe county or can I?

My kid's SW still insists I have to have fingerprints and drug screens done on anyone who babysits my children. That is such a crock of crap. No where does it say that is a requirement. I am begining to think they want us to disrupt. Maybe to find cheaper families, I don't know what else it could be. My thought is to find another fosterparent in metro Atlanta to trade babysitting with me b/c they will meet that criteria. I can't even find a support group for fosterparents in one of the largest counties here. I am very frustrated with this system and am searching for any advice on how to deal with this issue. I am at a loss. My agency thinks this is crazy b/c they can't find it written anywhere that sitters must meet this level of background checks. What can I do? Has anyone ever heard of this? They claim it must be at my expense. Drug screens are expensive and fingerprints can take a very long time to be returned b/c ours was like 12 weeks.

I think I have a grip on the lice issue. My sister canceled plans with us this weekend b/c she did not want us to share the love. I can't blame her, I would run too. She is about the only person willing to put up with all of us and she asked if we could make it a regular visit on Fridays. I am thrilled b/c I am starting to get a little bored with only kids to talk to. My sister, Kiki (a child hood nickname), is the kindest bravest person I know. She is truley the best friend I have ever had. Considering the fact that we are having kids sexually acting out she insists on bringing her kids to visit and get to know them. (Of course we watch like hawks and do not let them out of our sight!) She knows this behavior will eventually passs and she doesn't want to miss getting to know them, it means so much to me.

My son actually admitted that he hurt his sister twice this week. It is funny how I have begun to measure tiny steps as momentous. He is doing better in a couple of areas and I know he will take some steps back but the fact he made one forward gives me the strength to hang on and wait for the next one. He is so loving and sweet when he wants to be. His sleepwalking is driving me crazy. He came into my room last night and stood over my bed for a couple of minutes. I walked him back to bed and went downstairs and removed anything sharp from the kitchen, I know I am over reacting but it scared me. He can be so violent before he thinks who knows what could happen when he isn't in control.

I can't wait for school to start in 15 days!!!!!!!!!! I took them shoe shopping and got them all a new pair of tennis shoes. It cost a fortune! The older ones were so excited to have their first pair of designer shoes. They bought New Balance nad Nike and you would have thought they got a pair by Jimmy Choo. I could never afford those so thank goodness they are thrilled with these.

WE HAVE LICE!!!!!!!! My youngest has been scratching since we met her and I have looked several times and found nothing so I assumed she was sensitive to our shampoo and have changed it several times trying to find one htat she could tolerate. This morning I saw something in her hair when it was wet and we were outside. She has light hair and I guess it makes it harder to see the damn things. I have spent the entire day scrubbing heads, clothes, toys, sheets, comforters, and scrapping those fucking things out of her hair. I have 7 children I have had to do this to. I HATE LICE!!!!! I hope they die, I can't hardly stand it. I can't stop itching!!!! It is so gross! She had hundreds of live bugs in her hair and thousands of eggs.

I calle her old foster mom to warn her that she had them and to check her kids. She became extremely defensive and blamed me for them. I assumed they came from daycare b/c she told me they have had a really hard time with them. I never accused her of anything and was really offened by her response. This child has had them for some time and a lot longer than she has been here. I have no idea how the rest of us got away without them. We will probably break out soon, too. I have treated everything and and everyone and will again next week in hopes of avoiding a huge outbreak before school starts back. I am so thankful to have found it before school, can you imagine the first week of school being sent home for lice? We stand out enough on our own.

My kids had a visit with their parents yesterday, all was fine until we tried to leave. My daughter kept telling me her tummy hurt and b/c she refuses to use the restroom anywhere but home I assumed that was the issue. I was wrong! She ended up vomitting in the dining room at Burger King. When we were in the van and gt goinh she had been told to puke in the BK bag her sister had. Well, she started to get sick and assumed my 8 yr old could read her mind and leaned over and puked on P's lap. Then P started getting sick and I had 7 children gagging in unison. It was so gross, it was all over the van and the floor and the children. I don't think the van will ever be the same.

I have had a hard time sleeping this week b/c my husband left town for the week on Monday. As soon as I fell asleep my oldest woke me up to tell me her nose was bleeding. This happened 3 more times and again today on our way to the therapist's office. I teased her that she really just did not want to go to therapy. Her eyes widened and she asked if this meant she didn't have to go in. LOL She was sooooo disappointed.

After therapy I took them to McDonalds to play and they were great. I am so tempted to try the movies tomorrow. The Wild is playing and they really want to see it. We are getting better in public and I don't want to waste the littel bit of summer we have. I don't mind having to stop and come home if needed and I always have other treats for the good ones. Maybe I am crazy or maybe I am wrong and should keep them home. I guess I am selfish, I want to see the movie and I am tired of staying in the house.

A miracle has happened, my son got really mad twice and did not hit, kick, or spit on me! I am so proud of him. I think he is sleep walking at night. He wakes up several times a night a to use the restroom or so I thought and I find him standing in the hall crying. Most nights I can take him back to his room quietly but a few times he just cries and won't answer me. Last night I rocked him back to sleep and he was so beautiful in my arms that i realized how much I am falling in love with him and his sisters. I can't believe how a mother can love and bond with a child that treats them the way they treat me. I was surprised and overwhelmed at the thought I am doing this. I long for them to heal and feel the same about me but I know there is a chance my feelings will not be returned. As I got them ready to go out this morning I realized some of them are starting to bond with me too. My children are resilent.

Lots of things are happening but I do not have the time or energy to write about them all. Kids are still here as an extended visit, DFCS can not work out their Level of Care so we are just long term babysitters. That sucks! We are really getting worried about money b/c they are so expensive. I have to buy school supplies, shoes, clothes, and haircuts before school and will not get reimbursed b/c they are not formally here. DFCS is not paying anyone for the kids and I am more than a little pissed off. Don't get me wrong, we are not doing this for the money but we can't do it without it. Our case has gone all the way up the food chain. I got an email from Governor Perdue letting us know everyone is involved and who he had assigned to keep an eye on this case. I just want to be sure this is going to be ok. I am happy with the basic rate even though they are not basic children.

My kids are a mess. I did get to sleep last Saturday night b/c my DH and MIL took the kids to a movie. They are all over the place. I can't shop with them b/c someone throws a fit. I am being hit, bit, spit on, pinched, screamed at, and basically abused by my beautiful children. My DH sees nothing, thank goodness he believes me. DD loves the kids, they are good to her for the most part and she loves having someone to play with. Let's face it if one is mean, she finds another. I am so proud of how great she is doing. With that said, my 6 and 7 yr old have taught her to french kis the dolls. She thought they were licking them, EEWWWW!

I am having a little trouble with the oldest, she refuses to give up her mother role and it seems to be getting worse. She is very sweet most of the time but will sulk when I have to correct her. The one they said was the most difficult has turned out to be the easiest to deal with. Her tantrums are loud and obnoxious but better that than being hit or kicked like with the younger ones. Let it out, girl, just not on me. Down from there the 6 and 7 yr olds are the hardest for the reasons I mentioned. I can handle their incestuous relationship and do not let them out of my sight but quit spitting in my fucking face! The twins are easy. They are bonding with us and rarely have a serious issue. One of them is delayed and doesn't understand most of what's going on so that can cause a moment of distress for her. She is easily turned around.

My house is a mess. Chores are difficult. I have to walk each one throuh them. It sucks. It would be easier doing them alone. DFCS will not help with daycare, I really never thought they would but it was a good try. I can't hire anyone b/c I can't afford it. School is my saving grace. Only a few weeks left. Thank God!!!! I am trying to register them now but still have not gotten all the paperwork from DFCS. Imagine that. The twins start PreK this year and have their Orientation next Saturday. They are so excited. My DD starts Kindergarten this year, I may cry she is so big and time has flown by. The others are concerned about riding the bus, they do not want to. I may try to take them since it is at the front of our neighborhood and I have to drive the twins anyway. We'll see.

My first conversation with the director of my agency and she was so very nice about it but why did it have to be about this? My 7 yr old and one of the twins were talking to me about what they wanted to wear to the dentist today and helped pick outfits for the little ones and I found an outfit for the 7 yr old in their room. I waited for her to dress and went to give the other 2 girls their clothes. Came back in and the 7 yr old says, "I was taking her picture". The 4 yr old had no clothes on and was on the bed. I was surprised to say the least but was full blown shocked when I saw the pictures. She had her positioned in 4 very disturbing pictures on her sister's camera phone. It seemed to me she could not have thought these poses up herself. Who knows. She was surprised I was surprised. I did not over react and told her that was unsafe. It was hard to keep her tuned in to me b/c she shuts down so fast but we did talk a little. She knows now that we do not touch other people's privates, look at other people's privates, show ours, and we do NOT photograph ours or others private areas. I had not thought to add that before, obviously my mistake. What else have I forgotten? I am confident they will help us out with that in the very near future with things like strangers, hanging from the roof (our son's thoughts, WOW), throwing rocks, when we should tell mom and dad stuff and what stuff is the right stuff. I had them tell me their thoughts and ideas around this. I think we are on the same page for now, I am sure they will come up with another situation we had not prepared for. They are so clever and creative. I did delete the pictures immediately for fear they would be seen. AAAHHH!!!

We woke to our 8 yr old's horrible mood, she picked a fight with anyone that would let her. Something my 5 yr old said set her off and what a roller coaster ride we had for about an hour. The 5, 4, and 6 yr olds were talking when they moved back with their mom and dad. My 5 yr old repeated what has been said a million times by everyone in the house, "if you can't go home you will all live together here with us". The 8 yr old screamed and sucked the 6 yr old in and they went after my 5 yr old. It happened within seconds and I heard it start to escalate and ran in there to see my 6 yr old shove my 5 yr old and the 8 yr old freaking out. She withdrew when I attempted to discuss and gave her the option of talking now or later. She chose later and went downstairs only to harass hte others. I called her out and she actually explained she was angry and had no idea why and 5 yr old made her mad so she went after the other girls. WOW, go girl. She was praised for verbalizing it and told she had to chose a good deed for each of the people she went after. She bawled in my lap for about 45 minutes and calmed to do her good deeds. She realized it was out of her hands about going home and it is a possibility she may not. She asked me about 10 times today if she could live here if she can't go home and if I would make her leave if she was mean to me. I reassured her she was welcome and she seemed to need me more today in a positive way. Progress? Probably not but she releases her emotions freely here.

On a MUCH better note. All of the children have seen a dentist. The younger three are fine and go back in 6 months. The older three have an appointment again tomorrow for fillings and sealants. My 10 yr old is having 4 baby teeth pulled b/c they are very loose and the other tooth has come in under it. She has been complaining about them and has not been able to eat much without pain for a couple of days. We did have some anxiety show it's evil head but the folks at the office were great and gave us a separate area to wait until they could go back out and play video games and watch Monsters, Inc. They all did as they were told by the staff. We went to lunch after the appropriate length of time and then to the park. Since we have been back, several moments of varying levels of tantrums, so they are back to normal. I was beginning to feel like I was in control of our day, thank goodness they could tell I needed some cuddle time and obliged.

So my kids are rearranging the rocks in our yard, why you ask, who the heck knows but it is something they love to do. So they are being very good and I actually sat down to rest a moment before making dinner when a child screams. I jumped up and my son is on the ground and the girls are around him. The guilt set in, I should have been out there, I should be everywhere at once, how dare I rest, you know the usual. I knew whatever happened was an accident b/c the new camera was on them and I never heard a single negative thing, they had been laughing. Back to the issue, my 8 yr old decided the rocks were getting heavy and thought it was a good idea to throw one. My son stood up at the right moment and BAM in the head.

I took a look at his head once the bleeding slowed and I knew we had a trip to make. He was so great, he did everything they said, of course never complained, and laid very still for them. I asked him later if they asked him in a special way that made him comply, he just smiled. He was very high and quite the character. He charmed all the nurses and the doctor was very impressed how he handled pain. (He can be so cute, it is so sad.) He ended up with 6 staples and 2 popsicles.

His sister had to be there to hold his other hand and to learn what she needs to do to care for him while he heals. Not sure that was such a great idea now that she was a little too interested in the process and has decided to be a doctor so she can staple other people. (Yes, I have removed all staplers from the house and explained many times the doctor has had LOTS of school to do it. I am a little nervous, I must admit.) She does seem to be concerned about him and his injury, maybe a little guilt? Probably not but a mother can dream, can't she?

I worked so hard to develop a relationship with both sets of foster parents only to have one of them shit on me. They complained about the way I am parenting, I am in it for the money, and I treat them like a baby and feed them bottles. I can not express my hurt and anger. I hav ebeen informed to stop all holding and bottles. I am furious, have I mentioned that? I had a had time being nice, I wanted to say something so bad.

Anyway the kids are home for good. It is an extended visit, so no per diem until they work it out. Guess I am all about the money. All I wanted was my kids, now I have them and we are starting attachment therapy this Friday. My kids have their first dental appointments, ever, on Monday. They are home!!!!!!!!!!

Took the kids back and I am exhausted. They had big plans for the holiday and I feel it is important for them to be involved. My son was up evey 1/2 hour or so vommitting. Of course he was fine this morning and I can't function. Four hours in the car did not help.

We had the usual tantrums but over all a great weekend. We actually took them to see Ice Age 2 and they sat through it, My MIL, her sister and her daughter, my husband, and I took all 7 so we had plenty of back up.

The cameras showed up today and were installed to the play areas. I am not so sure I am thrilled with them but I need to experiment withthem later to work out the kinks.

I would love to discuss the search for a PT nanny and attachment therapist consultaion tomorrow. Right now I am going to bed.

This is not going to be pretty so leave now if you are offended by foul language.

I am so fucking pissed off at DFCS for not getting their shit together I may explode by Wednesday. They did not have a meeting that I know of and if they did they did not let anyone know what was decided. I am working with complete morons and I want to fire them all. Problem is I do not have that authority.

They are fucking my family up even more, if that's possible. Not to mention their other foster siblings and parents. My kids cry about coming here and cry when we tell them they can't stay. Why can't I win the lottery and support them w/o the need for a stipend. I am generally a decent person, when do I get a break? I have been nice enough for long enough. I will not continue to do this, get it done or cancel this. They will go home Tuesday night and I will get them again on Friday, they had better figure something out by then b/c I am not bringing them back to the foster parents. They are done with this as well. One of them has a 9 month old baby she needs to pick up and can't until mine are moved out.

On our way home today from pick up, the 8 yr old drove everyone in the van crazy forthe last hour. As we pulled in our neighborhood I pulled over and had her get out. She had to walk, with me behind her, home.

When we arrived here, they proceeded to trash my house. Toys everywhere. I put most of the toys in the garage but the ones left they spread throughout the house. I screamed for the fist time for them. They had to all sit in time out until I calmed down. They had water all over the place upstairs in the computer area, hubby was in the next room but never looked. Gotta love him. I had them all clean up and put every toy in the play room and they must have permission to play with anything. I am done fussing over toys.

I did have a moment with my 8 yr old during this mess. I addresses my tantrumers and explained if they felt the need to throw a fit and not clean up, go for it, they would clean it up alone. SHe got smart mouthed and acted like she did not know what I was talking about. I showed her a tantrum! The kids were shocked. I asked them if I looked crazy b/c that's what they looked like when they did it. She got up and cleaned up and even did it so well she was the first done. Later she asked if that was really how she looked.

So I took my son to the doctor b/c he was complaining his ear hurt. Turns out his ear drum ruptured from a middle ear infection. His other ear is severely scarred from previous infections. Poor thing, he was really in pain and barely talked about it.

As we left the office he decided to let out some aggression and refused to get in the van and then to put on a seat belt and then started kicking the seat infront of him. I had to remove him and wait for him to get it together. It took 45 minutes of attention getting behaviors for him be able to sit in the van. He pinched me repeatedly along with kicking, screaming, ramming his head into me, pealing his nail until it bled, oh did I mention he was screaming like I was torturing him? Because we have a disabled parking sticker we park up front by the door, you know the door where EVERYONE comes in and out of and stared at us. I was really proud of myself b/c I maintained my cool and did not have to sing. I really did not mind. Most of the others were great during his meltdown and actually surprised me by cleaning out the van while we waited. One child, my 7 yr old, screamed and pulled out a pretty good bit of hair while this happened. We stopped and grabbed subs afterwards as a treat for behaving during a difficult time. The other 2 had leftover dinner from last night. Still good, but not a treat.

The kids had a visit witht their family at the visitation center Wednesday. I drove them the 2 hours there and took my DD to dinner while they visited. The ride home was hell! Their mother told them she would bring them the rest of their things next time and asked me if I was going to change their names in front of them. They all cried, no screamed all the way home. I had to pull over several times to try to calm them. It took us almost 4 hours to get home. I refuse to take them to hte goodbye visit alone, Dh will have to take off work. It was another day of hell Thursday but seemed to calm down Friday. Only to take back off this morning.

This morning I slept in b/c the kids did. The eldest (10) came in and told me our son had slipped into our 7 yr olds bed. (I must confess the alarms are on the doors but are set for a chime instead of buzz and he must not have closed the door all the way one of the many times he gets up to use the bathroom.) I started into their room and she came running back and pushed me into my room to tell me he had been humping her (the 7 yr old) earlier that AM. I kept my cool and asked all the kids to go to their room and asked them separately what they saw or did. I never accused or seemed angry and assured them I would not yell and they would not have to leave (the eldest asked over and over).

What I can figure out is he crawled into her bed and they moved to the 8 yr old's bed and I think the 8 yr old took off the 6 yr old's pull up and they 7 and 6 yr old fondled and humped each other. The 8 yr old tried to push them off her bed and never said a word to them. She later tried to get off the bed but one of the kids held her foot and asked her not to tell. Another point is all 3 of them are delayed and have RAD.

Luckily, all 3 of the 4 yr olds slept very late in a separate room and never knew anything happened. This is lucky b/c they slept about 3 hours past the usual wake up time. After breakfast we sat all the kids down and without pointing any fingers or saying names we explained one of our children had touched another child's private parts in the early morning and thay the alarms are being set to buzz and new rules were being imposed. The DD I have had since she was a baby said the 6 yr old must have done it b/c he keeps touching her private parts. My heart sank I had to swallow hard and I saw my DH sit up straight. The 6 yr old tried to deny it at first and she was very firm, "Yes, you do and I keep telling you to knock it off!" He became silent. I did not allow her to go into the details in front of the kids but did say she was right we do not allow ANYONE to touch our private parts. She asked me in private if she did it right and I told her how proud I was and if it ever happened in the future she should tell me right away. She does not seem tramatized at all but irritated by it. He never touched her skin but did try to touch her panties.

Some of the new rules are
1. All bedrooms are locked during the day unless I open them for a specific reason.
2. When playing hide and seek, every kid must hide alone.
3. Doors are set to buzz and I must see them reenter their room at night.
4. At shower time, the dressing and undressing must be done in bathroom with door shut the entire time. (up until now, we keep our son in another room and the girls come out in a towel and leave the bathroom door open b/c they are scared NO MORE) I will stand in there if they need me to but the door is closed.
5. They must play in a public room at least 3 at a time or with me present. (sometimes I just can't be with all of them so if they are in the living room with several children I think that should do while I am using the restroom or something)
6. I am putting baby monitors or a speaker system in their rooms and play area. (DH is looking for one right now)

Did I under react? I am trying not to freak out b/c I don't think it would help them feel like they can tell me future incidents. I think I expressed how serious this is without flipping out. I am committed to these kids, realized how comitted when my daughter said he had touched her and I was not mad at him but felt bad for him. He is my son and she is my dauhgter, I love them both. I have to protect ALL the kids. I want to make sure I have looked at all the angles and have covered them so it does not happen again, I know I can not be everywhere all the time, but I must do better.

Very sad thing happened today, my 8 yr old was told to throw a box she destroyed during a meltdown yesterday away. She took the usual half an hour to comply and meanwhile the other children and I had moved on with life. We were all in my room talking and playing on the computer when I heard her crying. This is not unusual so I did not jump up to her rescue, I assumed she was still mad about having to clean up after herself. She started screaming and I did not recognize the sound so I ran down to her, thinking she was hurt. Turns out she didn't see me around the first floor and though I had left her behind. She actually sobbed in my lap until she fell asleep clinging to me. I felt horrible. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I was surprised she became so upset. She has not left my side, literally, the rest of the day. My husband took the other girls with him to get a part for his truck and ice cream and she refused to leave me behind. As I am typing this she is about 2 feet away in my bed watching news instead of playing. I wonder what happened in her past that has her so upset. I would love to get feedback if anyone has any ideas, she won't talk to me about it at all.

Found out that DFCS is stopping all of the family visits for the kids and are doing so at the end of the month. They still have not told the family or the kids or my worker for that matter, just hte foster parents. The timing is crappy, it makes it look like we are stoping the visits. I am more than upset but at the same time a tiny part of me is relieved I won't have to make that drive every other week. I understand why they ar stopping the visits, TPR was granted but they told us they would continue them until hte appeal was over. I wonder if they are trying to show the parents they need to agree to drop the appeal or else. I wish it wasn't at my expense. The kids will have some contact after the adoption, so why play games with this now. Crazy fools.

The weekend was eventful. Our son had a really hard time and I have had to enforce the "Not outta my sight" rule for him. He hits with regularity any time he feels like it and lies to my face after he had been caught. I found many broken toys and DVDs throughout the house that I am sure he hid. He screamed lovely things at me when he was angry and informed his foster mother upon his return that he was never going to that place again.

Our 8 yr old refused to cooperate and ended up chosing to stay in her room and scream for 2 hours rather than pick up a few items of clothing. She had several meltdowns this weekend and they seem to be escalating. I am called wonderful names and she spits, screams, throws things, makes herself throw up, kicks, and hits. An all around good time for all. The good thing is she screams I am hurting her (I am definitley not)and the other kids would come running. Sunday they just kept going about their business and the eldest even told her to "knock it off, she ain't hurting you" during a bad one. She has to clean up her mess after a fit and does it easily.

These kids will eat anything and they never stop amazing me at mealtime. Most of them love the new chores I have given them. I have paired them up to do the hard ones and they are fighting over who gets to do it. I know, that won't last but I can dream can't I?

Father's Day has come and gone and my husband was the laziest person alive (if that's what you call alive). He stayed in bed for breakfast, served by the kids, and refused to get up until 1:30 PM. Then he just came down and sat in his chair until dark! He barely moved and I am not sure he ever got up to use the bathroom. Talk about milking it. He would ask the kids to get his lunch and drinks b/c it was Father's Day. They loved it and waited on him hand and foot. We do not usually let them do thse things for us for obious reasons so they got a kick out of it.

One of the twins threw a huge fit in the store and actually had to be carried out. This stupid woman actually interupted our meltdown to ask if the child had braces on her feet b/c she did as a child, too. WTF? I was pissed! How rude. I responded to her that it was so kind of her to point out my child's disability at a time when she needed to be reassured she was loved. I have noticed how rude people are to me in public. I get snide remarks under their breath and they tell my kids how to behave and such. I told a woman at the doctor's office who insisted on correcting my kids, "Thank you for parenting my children." For the most part, they are good in public, I am trying to figure out my limits.

The same child struggled at home later and most of the weeeknd. Her standard response was "NO!" regardless what the question was. She is probably the most healthly emotionally of the children. She was pretty clingy when she did calm down and the last day was an angel.

My son runs to the defense of any of his siblings and is qick to yell at the one in charge of hurting them. While my 7 yr old cries and threatens to throw stuff at me when I had to hold the twin in a safe position during a fit she was having. My son and this 7 yr old later plucked the letters off my laptop and lost them.

My 8 yr old was held during a fit last weekend to protect her from herself. This weekend, while I was holding the 7yr old during lunch b/c she lunged at me screaming, "You don't love me!!!" in a voice that came from deep within her, was happy to explain to the others, "Mommy does love her and she is just keeping her safe. Don't worry she is a good Mommy and she knows how to keep us safe and she is not hurting her." (Everything I have said to her while I had to keep her from hitting herself and destoying her things.) I only found out later from my husband and was amazed at how she applied our momments together last week to her sister.

There is point when you begin to feel like your new children are yours. I did not think it would be this soon but I am starting to feel this way. It is an amazing feeling. They are very active and angry kids. They are needy and clingy. They are becoming mine.

Turns out there is a freeze on per diems in several counties here. This county places all kids, regardless of their needs, on the basic level. They do not even go through the process of assessing the children and putting them on a level. With this being said, my agency informed me the hold up is being dealt with and the Office of Adoptions is giving htem a waiver to lift the freeze in this case. The children will be assessed and placed on the appropriate level. Yeah!!!! Of course it is taking some time but it will be done.

I will pick up the children tomorrow but we are not sure when the actual move in date will be. I think we have all agreed it is better fot the older girls to do it first. They have stopped all therapy sessions and they need it the most. Their foster family planned a vacation the week they were supposed to leave so they have to be out by June 18th. It will probably happen by then without a huge issue.

Another huge thing happening is we have decided to move! Not your usual look for a house and move. We bought this house last summer anticipating a multicultural family, turns out our kids are white and use the "N" word in casual conversations. (We do not and have never so it is quite shocking) They will be attending a school that is only 14% white, this is obviously an issue. My husband mentioned this issue to a man he has done side work for for awhile, his response was, "I have a great home for you!". Turns out he is buyng the house accross the street from his old house and planned on leaving the old one vacant for friends and family when they visit.

We went to look at it and were shocked! First of all the house accross the street is an ESTATE! Really he paid almost $5 million for it. The house on the other side of our new home is listed for $3 million. Our home is no where near that much but probably in the $1 -1.3 million range. It is a traditional looking home like something I have seen in older CT homes. It sits on Lake Lanier and has a beautiful view. The general living space is at least 3 times the size of what we have now, probably 4 times. It includes 5 bedrooms and 4 baths, huge country eat in kitchen, screened in room, deck that runs from one side to the other, very large dining room (I will never find a table to fit in it), gorgeous built ins in the office, a full finished basement, and a tennis court. I am not kidding! The floors, I forgot the floors, unbelievable antique looking slat wood floors. This house was built to look very old, it even has a fireplace in the kitchen. I can't believe we are going to live in such an incredible home.

He has offered this to us for a couple of reasons, the first one is everyone in the area only visits their homes and no one actually lives in their homes so his children have no playmates. The other is he makes a ton of money off my husband and it insures my husbands loyalty to his jobs over others. He claims my husband saved him $80,000 last year and he will save at least that much this year. Of course it helps that he is a millionare many times over and does not need the income from the home. He promised not to sell it for at least 5 years and will put that in writing. He keeps trying to convince me to run one of his businesses and this will give him the opportunity to push the issue next year when all of the kids are in school fulltime. (I'll be ready then so the answer will be "YES")

Did I mention he is charging us what we currently pay on our mortgage as the rent? The utilites are about the same but the gas has already been paid for the year so it will be cheaper this year. It is hard to believe this is happening to us!

Ok, now I am pissed off! The foster mom of the younger ones called today to tell me DFCS had finally called her and said the kids would not be moving TOMORROW. She already knew this from me but the fact they waited until the day before is so rude. They also told her the reason is we and our agency are trying to get more money from them and the placement may not happen because of it. WHAT THE HELL? The foster mom is the one that informed me the kids were not on the correct level and she had tried numerous times to get them to reevaluate them and put them on the correct level so the per diem would increase.

I called my agency, who is fantastic about everything, my worker was out and I was put through to her supervisor. She listened and then explained that while this had a ring of truth to it it was not the real picture. DFCS has asked my agency to step out of the picture so they would not have to pay the fees and increase the per diem. My agency said this is unethical and refused. DFCS threatened to not follow through with the placement and my agency went to the state Office of Adoptions. We are waiting for their decision tomorrow. She assured me they would not stand in the way of placing 6 children and felt it was another tactic to get us to leave them and do this directly with DFCS.

DFCS has out right lied to us about these kids needs and history. This is all about the money for DFCS. Yes, the county is poor and I understand this may be a strain on them to pay the correct amount. No, we would not refuse the kids if they couldn't pay the full amount. The kids deserve the full amount and without it it will be tough, I may have to find a part time job because of this crap. Our kids are all on the basic level right now. Keep in mind the curent diagnosis for the kids are as follows: 4 have Reactive Attachment Disorder, 3 are borderline MR, the other 3 have learning disorders and need extra tutoring, 1 has ODD, 1 has CP, and 5 have severe speech disorders (2 of them I can't understand). Does this sound like they are on the basic level of care? Hell no! We want them, we adore them, we can't imagine life without them. Now our hearts are being held hostage. They can keep the money just give me my kids!

Another weekend under our belt and hopefully the last visit. Our worker let me know there seems to be an issue with DFCS getting assessments done on each child prior to placement. They did not do one on any of them and now they want to hold up placement. The state office is involved and have offered a waiver so they can go ahead and move in and then do the assessments. I hope they get it together, I can't keep up these long drives a couple of times a week.

It seems as if the kids are getting more comfy with us. P had a meltdown and I had to sit with her. Our son broke and threw away all the toys he got for his bday Saturday. D and A cried about everything (another child stuck out their tongue and the other acted as if she was beaten). Tons of inappropriate hugging with my extended family. The oldest puts herself on a completely different level than the other kids and constantly tells me what to do about or with the kids. C took of her leg braces too many time to count (she has to wear them 18 hours). Overall a good weekend, we are happy to see the behaviors and get going on dealing with them.

I noticed a couple of things about them, they cry for every little boo boo but no tears if they have blood or are seriously hurt. Many of them do not know how to "play". They seen to copy my DD and her reactions but are not doing things for themselves. I don't know how else to explain it. It is kinda strange to watch. The other thing is none of them say please, thank you, your welcome, sorry, or excuse me. You don't notice it until it is not there. They will say it after I remind them but NEVER on their own.

Yesterday I found out the kids were running fevers and throwing up, today I woke up with a fever. Damn those kids! Just kidding. I guess we passed something around while they were here.

We have worked out visitation for the next month with both foster moms. I will be picking them up every Friday at 11AM and returning them every Monday at 6PM. I think we may have to adjust the Monday time b/c of traffic. I do not want another 2-4 hours extra.

I spent the entire day at Good Year geting my water pump replaced. I was not a happy camper b/c I was running a fever the whole time. There was nothing to go do while this was being done so DD and I waited. She was so good. She tried so hard to entertain herself.

My husband is going right now to pick up our new kitchen table. I sold our old one while he was out of town for work and had a man make us a 7 foot picnic style table. He does a beautiful job and designed it to fit perfectly in our kitchen. I thought we could fit more rear ends in a bench seat than we could fit chairs. I even took the kids to the park and had them all sit on a 6 foot bench to be sure it would be comfortable. DH thinks I am crazy. We had a 12 foot picnic table as a kid and loved it. We'll see.

Well well well, 2 posts in a day, it is definitely a record. My worker called a few minutes ago and informed me the kids will not be moving in Wednesday. It seems we are dealing with a county that is very limited financially and has these kids all on the basic level of care. None of them should be that low. Many of them should be MUCH higher. Now, 4 have RAD, 1 has CP, 4 have severe speech delays, and 3 are borderline MR. At least that is the latest information about them, it seems to change depending on who you talk to.

Their county has not completed the assessment packets that are required to place them as foster to adopt. They were trying to get out of it. Now their move in date is delayed indefinitely. It could be a week or a month, we just have no way of knowing.

The best part is I get to tell the foster parents and kids! Isn't that nice? Gotta love how these people delegate. At least they are going to be flexible about visits. They don't care how much or how often as long as we work it out with the foster parents.

I received a call this morning, it was bad news, a dear friend from our younger years has passed away. I was friends with his entire family (cousins, Gma, uncles, and mother). He lost control of his car on his way home from work and hit a fence. He died instantly. He is an only child and his Mother is devastated. She is bringing his body back tomorrow.

My husband and I will attend the funeral. I am sure it will be packed with our friends from our youth. It seems the only time we ever see any of them is when one of us dies. It has been awhile since we have had to do this, the last time was for his uncle.

I am not sure how we will work out care for the kids but this is very important to us and we will manage. I can't imagine taking them and hope it does not come to this but we both need to go.

He was a friend for more than 20 years. We will think of him often and miss him terribly.

We all survived our first night together!!!! My nieces and daughter road with me to pick all the kids up so it was 10 to 1. We got there around 11 AM and it took until 1:30 PM to go 6 miles dur to a serious accident on the highway. It was a very hard trip back to our house b/c of all the traffic. I am begining to see a trend in the trips to and from their house, the 2 hour trip sometimes takes 4+ one way.

We stopped for lunch and all went well. The 7 year old got her feelings hurt b/c one of the 4 year olds did not want to sit with her. She ended up pouting for a good hour and then was fine. All in all, they did very well for being in the car for 4 1/2 hours.

We picked up pizza and they played around the house. They loved the house and the yard. They ran around playing with everything. Everyone cleaned up w/o an issue.

Bath time was an experience. Before we headed up, we sat all the kids down and explained we will not for any reason touch their private parts. They would be responsible for washing themselves, we would help with hair if needed. They thought that was funny, we wanted to get it out in the open that their private parts are their own. The oldest girl understood why we said this, we have always had a simular conversation with our girls when they first moved in. It leaves the door open to talk about appropriate touching later.

My husband went to the store to buy pullups and our son went with him. A teenager pulled out and squealed a tire, so our son started talking about his father doing such things and his temper. He then asked my husband if he does these things. My husband is a very calm fun person and does not have much in common with his father and told him he wold not be squealing his tires when he gets mad. He said, "My Daddy spanks me hard, do you spank hard?" My husband was surprised this came up so early on but replied, "I don't ever spank, that is something you don't have to worry about here." He was thrilled with it and started talking about other things.

Everyone went to bed fairly easy and were dry in the morning. I was so worried they would need me in the night, I barely slept or ate for that matter. I may have stumbled onto a much need weight loss program, adopt 6 kids simultaneously.

We went to the park on Saturday and played for about 30 minutes and the heat became too much for them and we went home. My husband had to take our son to the restroom while we were out, now this does not seem like a big deal unless you consider we only have had a girl and I did all of the bathroom stuff. Anyway, I tell him to go with dad and my husband's eyes became huge, like a deer caught in the headlights. He whispers to me that he had no idea what to do. I just laughed him off and when he came back they were very proud of themselves. He was afraid he would have to hold him over the seat or participate in some way. It will be something I will laugh about for some time!

Ok, time for me to vent a little bit. The older kids foster mom traded in her minivan for a truck. She laughs and tells me the kids wanted to know where they were going to sit. Duh! How else would they feel? She does not enforce seat belt laws either and the 10 year old rides in the front seat. What do I do? I am trying to maintain this relationship for the kids but some of the things she does really bothers me. She has stopped taking them to therapy and is just waiting for them to leave. I guess there are only 2 weeks and they will be here. I did say something to her about the seat belts and I hope it will help. But then I found out she drove the younger ones without car seats.

Friday we will have them all again for the weekend and our son turns six. We are making brownie sundaes and going to the Laser Show at Stone Mountain afterwards. My sisters and their families and both of our families will join us for sundaes briefly. I am keeping it small so the kids are not overwhelmed.

I am completely aware we are in the honeymoon phase but I love it. They are so good right now, none of the behaviors we have heard about. Can't wait until it all starts , you know, get it over with.

We lost the keys to the van and were in a state of panic the morning of the visit. We ran to the nearest Dodge dealership and had another key made. Guess what? The key did not work. Luckily as we were freaking out my husband looked down in the grass and there they were! We were then only about 15 minutes behind and would have easily made it up had we not encountered road construction. So there we are frantic about being late and the highway comes to a dead stop! It took us 2 hours to go 5 miles!!!!! I am not kidding. I had not eaten breakfast b/c I was nervous and now I was starving. My dauhgter was in the back asking every 2 minutes if we were almost there. My husband kept trying to tell me everything was ok. We did warn the FP about the traffic but I hate it when people are late and the poor kids were very anxious about our visit.

We get there and pick up the older kids first and then head over to get the younger ones. They were laying down for a nap and were thrilled to see all of us. Everyone was hungary so we headed to Fire Mountain (the kids chose and it is a buffet). We spent $60 and with the 25 trips to the restroom and 55 trips to the buffet, I never ate a bite! We were approached by 3 other familes and told how wonderfully behaved our beautiful children were. I would have been grateful but I couldn't look at them long enough to see who was saying it. The kids were great, I need more practice in coordinating the kids. I have no idea what they would eat and I don't know how long they can hold it so most of the experience for me was in a standing position and running back and forth to the potty.

Then we rented a hotel room and took them to the pool. That went very well. We painted toe nails and swam. The kids were really good. Of course someone had to push the limits a little and the 8 yr old did. She sulks when she gets caught doing something and she recovered. I didn't have the time to focus alot on it and she got it together quickly.

We took them to eat McDonald's before going home and that went fairly well. Big kids went home first and we took tons of their stuff home with us. When we got the younger ones home they bawled. It was very hard leaving them.

We have them this weekend from Friday morning to Saturday night. They will stay at our home. I have so much to do to prepare.

I was finally able to talk to the kid's therapist. Turns out 2 more of the kids probably have RAD. I am not surprised but am pissed that DFCS probably knew this and did not tell us. She feels the kids will do fine with our daughter and we seem like a good match. She encouraged us to seek attachment therapy and not to give up.

I feel like we can handle these kids. I think we are a good match. I worry about the financial strain the first few months. My stomach has been invaded by a flock of butterflies on caffeine. I am having a hard time going to sleep (not unusual for me).

Can't wait for the kids to come here!

Tomorrow we have the kids for the whole day! There is NOTHING to do in their little town for that huge window of time. We have decided to rent a hotel room to use the pool. I bought the younger 4 swim suits with the life jacket built in so they don't drown on our first outing.

We have gotten to talk to them a couple of times this week and it was great. They are so cute in the phone. Our son got back on to tell me he loves me and I am his new Mommy. The girls all want to talk to my husband. I am ok for a minute but he is the funny one. They are all excited to meet our daughter. She refused to get on the phone but was comfortable yelling across the room things to them.

We have decided after a long talk that we are going to have to spend the money on a 15 passenger van. I am nervous about having a payment again, it's been 6+ years since we have had one. I looked around and found one that is a great deal but needs a paint job. It's only 4 years old and was used as a work van for painters so they took out all the seats in the back and destroyed the carpet. The guy removed the carpet so now you see the metal, I don't mind b/c it will be easier to sweep out now. The roof has rust spots on it from the ladders they had up there. I hope the kids are not embarrassed until we can repaint it. The payment is something I think we can handle and it is only for a couple of years.

My worker called today and they want to move up the placement date to June 3 and June 10. We are still waiting to hear from the kids SW about this. The foster moms called me upset this week that the kids are having a hard time between visits b/c none of them understand time and days of the week. We are only moving things along a tiny bit but we are getting closer.

Anyway more later, I hope we are able to sleep tonight. I am keeping my fingers crossed it does not rain!!!!!

We met the children's parents last Wednesday and it went well. They were as nervous as we were. The kids gave me a plant for my Bday and for Mother's Day. My fingers are crossed I do not kill it before they move in. You know it will be the first thing they look for in our house.
Not a ton I can say about the visit, it went by too fast, only 1 hour long. We have an all day visit this Saturday and we are really looking forward to being alone with them for awhile. Our daughter gets to meet them then. She is really excited and has been counting the days.
We are falling in love. It is amazing what happens to your heart. I feel responsible for them already. Getting to know them is a whole other process, love comes easy with this group. They are thoughtful and sweet, let's hope that part lasts.

We met the kids!!!!!!! The honeymoon has started. They were on their best behavior. I can not tell you how gorgeous they are. They were all over DH and he thought it was great until I asked him to think about our daughter and what her reaction is to new people. She would NEVER hang or hug a person within a few minutes.

The oldest three were first and they showed us all their cheerleading tricks. They fipped throught the yard for an hour. One child repeatedly got hurt, DH fell for it but I was a bit weary of her falls. The only thing they wanted to know was what color was our house.

The oldest is a mother hen but sweet and smart. The next 2 have a hard time speaking and are delayed mentally as well. It is as if they have the word they want in their head but can't get their mouth to say it. The foster mother was kind and had a finger foods ready for us with fantastic sweet tea. She is having ahard time with their move and how she found out.

I love the other foster mother. She is a single mom with 5 kids between 3-5 yrs old. She has her hands full. She was visibly upset when she left us to our visit. I convinced her to please join us and that seemed to really help. She wsa telling the kids how lucky they were to have such nice new parents. She asked questions for them that she thought they would like to know. They have so many things to move with them it is not even funny. She offered to send their beds and everything, we declined b/c we have their rooms set up.

The younger three are adorable and after they warmed up a bit they were all over us. We had a very hard time understanding the older 2 and the youngest had to interpret for them. She seems to be their mother hen. SHe has braces on her legs and has CP but it did not slow her down at all. The boy is so darn cute, he is all boy! He loves trucks and cars. He is very happy he will have a Spongebob room. He is very delayed, proably about a 3 year old level. The other girl was fascinated with my breasts. She had a hard time not focusing on them. Nothing inappropriate, just amazed at their size. She, too, is delayed a little. We all think stability will provide them what they need to grow.

I am so thrilled to have finally met them. You start falling inlove the minute you have the names and when you meet your kids it starts to sink in...they are my kids. Good or bad, we will love them and are prepared for an extremely difficult first year. Both foster families insist they are great kids, we are still assuming it will be a hard transition and are committed to seeing this through.

I worry about our daughter getting jealous of the atention these kids will need and demand. She is used to having all the hugs she wants, now she will have to share us. She is a great kid and I am sure she will benefit from having siblings even if it hurts alittle at first.

Speaking of our daughter, she had a visit with her sisters that did not go well. I will talk more about it tomorrow b/c it is a whole page in itself. I do not know how to continue that relationship. It must be done but i do not know how.

We met the kids tomorrow! I called the foster parents last night to arrange a time to be there and WOW what a conversation. I talked to one of them for about an hour and a half and the other for over 3 hours!

The foster mom of the younger kids is thrilled they have found a forever home. She has had them for a year and will be supportive of us as best she can. She was very frank and helpful in giving info about their needs and what behaviors to expect. She keeps the older group sometimes on the weekend and said this group is as good as it gets with foster children. (Her words not mine) She claims they have problems but as long as they are supervised they are manageable. They do struggle to do simple tasks but not out of anger, just b/c they do not know how. She says she will miss them terribly.

The foster mom to the older kids had all 6 of them for 2 years when they were returned to their parents and eventually got the older 3 back but did not have room for all of them. SHe said she was very mad at this situation and I was worried the first 10 minutes of the conversation that she might sabatoge this for the kids w/o meaning to. She really opened up about her feelings and I comforted her by telling her we do want the kids to maintain healthy relationships in their lives. SHe has had an important role in their young lives. She apologized for refering to me as "that woman" prior to our conversation and we both laughed when I told her she could call me anything as long as she did not call me late for dinner. SHe is supportive of the children being together and agrees to help make that happen.

She does have a close relationship with the kids parents and warned me to watch out that they may try to take them and run. She says they will not harm us or the kids and that they really love them and want what is best for them. They are heartbroken that they won't ever get their children back. She also warned me they have an extensive history of false allegations against the foster parents, all of them except her.

DFCS begged the parents on Wed to consider dropping the appeal in exchange of an open adoption. It makes me feel like this is some sort of bribe. We agreed to an open adoption either way. The parents have low IQs and may not understand what open adoption is or thatthis is a bribe of sorts. We get to meet them on Wed so my fingers are crossed that all goes well. I am hoping the foster mother says some god things about us and that will ease their minds a little.

Byt he way, I have a pop up blocker on here that does not allow me to spell check. It is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!

I have been focusing on educating myself on Cerebral Palsy and cleaning out the garage. One is very interesting and the other is a nightmare. I feel like I have the basic info now to move forward and look for the specialists that our daughter will need. I was amazed at all the great help I got from parents on a Yahoo group I belong to. They responded quickly and gave me lots of helpful hints and told me what to expect. In the begining, I felt kinda overwhelmed about the CP. I had no idea what to ask or how to get started. These people told what kind of treatments to expect, where to go to find doctors, and even how to deal with the school system. Thank you OurCPKids!

About that garage.....I hope to have a yard sale in a couple of weeks to get rid of everything so the little kids have a place to ride their bikes off the street and I can sit in the shade to watch. It is not going as well as I planned. I am forced to babysit a little boy whos mother works for my husband. This does not allow me the time to go out there and get it done. I was able to work up the nerve to tell her I can't after this week. I will still have my niece but she does not require 100% of my attention and understands what "NO" means. So I am thinking I may put the garage off until next week. (Yes, I am procrastinating!)

My husband is out of town this week and my daughter is sleeping in my bed. I have not slept well. I do not know how some families co-sleep. I have a whole new respect for them to do so for the sake of attachment. I will not be doing it. I am woried about breaking my daughter from the habit of crawling into my bed early in the morning on the weekend. I am afraid I will have 7 children in there every Saturday and Sunday. At the same time I remember doing it to my parents and loving the smell of their pillows. I have a feeling they will just boot me out and take over.

Still no word from the SW confirming the schedule we have. I guess the foster parents are either ok with it or are having a really hard time with it. I hope they are ok. I would be heartbroken. I hope they decide to continue a relationship with the kids. They have been a big part of their lives. We will definitely encourage them to do so.