Thursday, August 24, 2006

Telling Them the Truth

One of the first things we were told about our kids was they did not know TPR had been granted and we were not to tell them. We were upset and confused but agreed. We have struggled with this b/c out oldest has been asking and all of them had been told by their family or foster parents that we were going to adopt them. Why couldn't we tell them when everyone else had? We were worried if it came out, we would look like liars.

After much debate, our agency decided to let us tell them the truth without telling DFCS first. DFCS refuses to return calls or emails to our agency with any regularity and if they ask any important questions, DFCS just answers everything else but that question. (If you can't tell, I am still a little irritated with the situation.) Our oldest asked us about going home for the millionth time and we explained the facts gently. The other children were listening and our oldest began to cry. It was so weird b/c P is old enough to understand and not a moment of distress. Actually the rest of them were calm until D started to make herself cry, I am talking squeezing out a tiny one with lots of blinking. My son did cry but no tears came out. The twins and P just wanted to go upstairs and dance. It was just strange, given their dx I guess I should not be surprised.

I assume we will pay for this for some time. We noticed a bit of clingyness from the youngest, A, at school and after. Both my son and A had a meltdown at Speech and had to be held very closely to my chest in a cradle position for about 15 minutes each until they could catch their breath. I usually don't talk to them very much if I have to hold them but today I just felt like they needed to hear me tell them they were safe and they were loved by both their parents and us. It really helped and I kissed them every chance I got today.

P is having a good time not riding the damn bus. She freaked out today after school when she was required to do her chores to pay me for driving her. I am tired of it and she likes this way to much. Tomorrow I have a little bit of time before school and I am going to make her walk to school in front of my van b/c the school is at the top of my neighborhood and safe from traffic and she is one of the laziest people EVER. Should take away the FUN part of this. She is back on the bus Monday. YEAH!!!

B and I sat down and discussed things she CAN be in control of and things I am in control of. So far so good. She really takes charge of those and I have seen her back of a little on the other things. It could just be the need to be good right now. She has been driving me nuts lately and it is nice to have a break but I know it will hit the fan soon enough.

I have made a huge decision regarding the twins and Pre K. First of all, I hate this school, it is a daycare and the Lottery funds the Pre K here so it is free to all residents that can find a slot open. This school has a tiny parking lot and they use this as a reason to not allow you in the classrooms. They actually make you pick up your child at the door. I have not been allowed to meet the teachers and ask them how my kids are doing. I thought for sure they would send something home on Friday, NO. Nothing. I have debated over whether to take them out and keep them home with me or enjoy my days. I feel it would be in their best interest to keep them home for the following reasons. They have been stuck in some daycare forever, this is their last year to stay home and bond with me, I need to give them the best I can, I can get their many therapies out of the way during the day and use our precious afternoons for the school age kids, and they really need one on one attention to catch up. My worker is concerned this will be considered homeschooling and they frown upon that. Pre K is not mandatory here and I am going to push this issue.

Other than that, kids are still screamming but we are dealing just fine. I am feeling closer to all of them. I am feeling like 7 is not the end and not nearly as many as it was in the begining of the summer. We are becoming a family, even some of them are saying so. They claim we are the nicest parents (besides their "real" ones) they have had. They scream we are the meanest. They are begining to let me kiss their boo boos and expect me to fix things for them. In my daughter's words, "Our life was boring before they moved in and I am so glad they came to play with us!"

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