Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Now That Jennie talked Me down From The Edge

I have a better grip on my emotions and can think a little clearer. What's done is done. We adopted them all. We are keeping them together until WE decide it's not safe anymore.

We will be making some serious changes over the next 6 months. When we move we will be taking hte security cameras to the next level. We will be putting some distance between the few that need it by having their rooms on different levels of the house. This will include multiple play areas instead of just one so they can get away from each other. We will have to figure out a way for him to be home. I can't be alone with them for much longer. It won't be safe as Michael grows and Patches is almost too large for me now.

Financially, this will be a struggle. I'm not sure how or what we will have to do to manage. We will be applying for SSI and expect it to take a year to process. We have been told we can increase their subsidy so we will be trying to do that, as well. It's this or separate homes, for Michael and I. He could take Michael with him. That will be a very last resort even though my DH is fantasizing about having his own bed.


Ashley said...

I wish I could do more than tell you, from a country away, that I'm thinking of you all. But I am.

Jennie said...

Glad i helped although I have to admit, I really don't feel like I offered you any more than you've always offered me - a listening, sympathetic ear.

I told my DH about it and he was aghast about what the doc said. He just doesn't understand it either - how does disrupting not further traumatize the children and what's more, why in blue blazes can't parents like us GET MORE HELP!?

such a conundrum.

xxoo to all of your tudu's family!!!!

Lisa said...

A doctor told me six years ago that the reason my children were on meds and behaved the way they do/did was because they live in a large family (10 kids at that time,. ages 1-19). That was it - it was that simple. I informed her that none of my children were destined to be in small families (the three worst behaved were a sib group of 6 that had been removed a few at a time and half had been adopted by family members). It doesn't matter that they WANT to be only children - that is no excuse for these issues. Hello?? Mental illness is running rampant in these kids and in these extended bio-families and yet this is your conclusion? Who in their right mind would voluntarily take any of them alone at this point knowing the depth of their issues? We are at the same point as you. We know that in our state the help just does not exist unless they kill someone (outside of our family of course) and then the quality of the services is just pitiful. We have to accept the fact that it is up to us to at least get them to 18 and try to get meds as stable as possible and as of right now, that's about all we can do - besides keep everyone safe. We have put security measures in place to the point where we all feel like we're living in a prison (and we work 24/7 with no shift change) but it's never quite enough since things are still done and said that are completely inappropriate. We utilized a "behavior aid" for several months for our son and just recently had to cancel that due to our son announcing that he and his ba have "lots of secrets that mom doesn't know about". Could be nothing - but what would you think if you heard that? yeah, me too. As long as my kids can manipulate the "help" they're receiving, it's useless and no longer can be called help. It really benefited the rest of the kids to have a break from him every day after school though so now the summer is looking pretty dismal.

Hang in there, do what you need to do and accept the fact that your family life is what it is - and isn't going to be what you envisioned.