They admit they like me. They don't mind being here. They are very clear that I am replaceable with another nice lady. I was very calm and didn't let them know how it felt. I praised them for being able to talk about the hard stuff and feel safe enough that they know I will accept them no matter what. Ava even said, "You told us we didn't have to love you and you have enough love to go around." We talked about what love is. How it feels. How you know and other factors. Each explained it a little different but the same outcome.
Cyr was so shocked by what they said. She doesn't understand it. She said, "How can they call you Mom then?" I helped her remember a time when she called me Mom but didn't like or trust me. It came flooding back and she was silent. She knows exactly how. She trusts me now. She cares how things make me feel and how they effect me. She gets angry when they hurt me or act out. She is attached. She is still working on her boundaries with others but she loves me. She is my inspiration for the others. If she can love me, any of them can.
I'm not sure how all this got past me. I think a big part of my hurt feelings is that I didn't know. I thought we were past all this. I thought they loved me.
This morning we are trying to get to therapy and then to a baby shower for a very old friend of mine's daughter. I haven't seen any of these people in years and have been looking forward to it. I am bringing extra prn meds and praying all will work out. We don't attend any events like this. This will be our first that wasn't strictly family. I'm worried they will pull crap and I will look like a crazy mom. There will be many friends of mine from high school and early 20s. It is the equivalent to a high school reunion but with their families. I keep thinking I should cancel.