Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It's Not Christmas Until...

Patches starts screaming that she'll never have kids, she'll never come back here for holidays, I'm not her real mom, and she wants to go live with her real parents. I almost forgot, peeing all over my damn house and streaking. The girl really struggles this time of year. I feel so bad for her but at the same time, I am sick of being the brunt of her meanness. This happens every year, I knew it was coming still not prepared for how badly it would hurt this time. This is our 3rd Christmas together and I guess somewhere down deep I hoped it would be better. It's worse than ever. She is hateful in a good moment. I woke this morning to step in her pee that she left for me right outside my door. It is better than the bloody pad from the week before but still not how I wish my mornings would start. I hollered at her and said, "Keep trying, girl, nothing you can do will stop me from loving you and being your Mom." It wasn't nearly as loving and supportive as it should have been but it was the truth.

We went last night to a holiday event last night. The kids sat on Santa and we all held our breath as Cyr took Kiera up to him. She didn't cry but I missed it b/c Patches, Michael, Ava, and Ella decided they wanted to go and eat without us. I turned around and they were gone. I had to run to the other side of the building to find them. I missed the whole thing. Kiera was excited to sit on his lap b/c she wanted the stuffed puppy he held out to her. She is a sucker for animals and loves to say their sounds. Her best one is a bear, she growls. She even makes the face. I've got to get it on tape.

The event was sponsored by a church and we were signed up by the school. They will be sponsoring 7 of our children for Christmas. I think they give each child an outfit and 2 small toys. Very sweet of them and I appreciate the help with the holiday. We will be keeping things extremely small this year due to emotions.

The kids will be making their candy this year and I need your address Kerry. I know I have it somewhere but please send it to me. You can expect your own box of chocolates this year!

3 comments:

Tova Darling said...

Wow. You are an extremely strong and patient person. You and your whole family will be in my prayers.

Carmine Crayon said...

That's crazy [pardon the term]. I know she has problems and this time of the year is hard but wow. Do you punish her for this? If so, how? If not, how do you deal with it? Peeing on the floor...I'd draw the line. My cat does that when she's mad and um, she's an animal who can't communicate disgust other than peeing on my bed. She even knows better.

Kath said...

Wow, that sounds like a really nice thing your church has going! I'll be praying for you and yours over the holiday season!