Friday, January 15, 2010

Patterns of Behavior

Michael is in a funk lately. He blames me for all his problems, of course. He wants a new family. He wants to only do his homework with his teachers. I'm mean because I ask him to shower or brush his teeth. While he was in a huge tantrum last night, Ruthie began to scratch her skin off her ankle. She dug in over and over until he was done. I had hoped we had passed by most of these self mutilation issues but it looks like they just change their presentation. I am relieved she is no longer choking herself and pulling out her hair but cutting herself with her nail isn't what I had in mind for a good time. The sad thing is this isn't for attention, she doesn't want to do it, and she very upset afterward. She is so traumatized by him that she can't calm herself. She said she worries I will beat him. I will admit, I have fantasized about a good butt spanking but I do not do it. I have never attacked him. I am always the person injured, if there is one. She has been here much longer than she ever lived with her parents. You would think that the longer they are here, the more stable they become. The safer they feel. This isn't happening with her. We have waves of pure craziness. Sometimes months she is out of control and then she is back to sweet, loving self. Michael and Patches, too. I'm starting to see some patterns emerge.

5 comments:

Coates Family said...

Tudu,

I linked to your blog from Corey over at Watching the Waters. I took the time to read from the beginning to really understand everything. All I can say to you is girlfriend you deserve a medal of honor! I have laughed, cried and been really angry about the horror that your children have suffered. While to me sometimes my life may seem out of control your blog tells me otherwise. I praise you because few would have the courage to stand up and fight for those kids the way you do. God Bless you and your family

with love and prayers

Micaela

Jennie said...

Sissy was in our home form 11 months old and the longer she was with us, the WORSE her behaviors. That's not very helpful for you, but maybe at least normalizing.

I'll be in Douglasville on Friday. Therapy and TL is from 1:30-4:30. Supper?

Tudu said...

I'm sure that will work for me. Let's touch base at some point this week. I hope you are holding up.

marythemom said...

All of mine, bio included, seem to go through phases like you're talking about. Sometimes I know what triggers them (birthdays, holidays, med changes, menstrual cycles...). Sometimes it's each other or me (especially if I'm stressed). Most of the time I have no clue.

Many of mine are bipolar, but that doesn't always explain it.

Keep hanging in there!

Mary in TX

Linda said...

Are you sure that's what she's afraid of? Are you sure she's afraid that you will hurt him? Or is she afraid of a more real possibility, that he will harm you, the one person that she and the rest of the kids know will protect them?