Saturday, March 28, 2009

Crazy Attracts Crazy

We went to the psychiatrist Friday. She doubled Patches Risperdal and added Vistaril to both her and Michael calm them.

We decided at the AT today that if Patches makes ANY attempts to hurt herself or anyone else regardless of what happens, she will go to the hospital for 90 days. I know most of you understand my dilemma with this but some of you send me hate comments about it. It is more than my love for her or my other children, it is more about what I have personally seen working in that setting. Those people are no more trained to help her than I am in most cases and they don't give a crap about her. She is also vulnerable to be hurt there or learn new and effective ways to let out her anger on others. I understand there comes a time when a child must be moved out of a home for the safety of other children but what if the other children are worse off from the trauma when she is gone? What if they all think I am giving up and they do? Last time, several kids barely held themselves together and it was a short period of time. She would miss her party (I know it is small in the scheme of things but to an 11 yr old it is what she is living for). The biggest issue is me. I am always, "I can handle it.". There are very few behaviors that really put me over the edge. I can find a way to live with the most difficult ones that I hear others run for the hills over. It's not like she is setting the house on fire or molesting the kids. (You know I even work around that to keep everyone safe) This is new to me, this knowledge that we can't live like this. I feel like I am failing her on some level. I don't feel like that about any of you that have had to do this but for some stupid reason I think I should be able to fix everything. Who's the crazy one?

On a better note, I dropped off Patches and Ella at my sister's house with instructions to medicate as necessary. LOL I pulled out a bag of bottles and her DH just started laughing. He asked if I knew that this wasn't normal. Duh! The girls love going there so I am sure they will be fine. Aunt M and Uncle F picked up Ruthie, Michael, and Emma (no, Emma is not biologically related to them but they love her and treat her as if she was). I had to go over their very extensive meds list and Aunt M just giggled before making sure the kids know which is theirs.

As I am walking out the door to come home and see Ava and her friend and pick up Cyr's friend Sanna, my niece, asked if she could come with me. I never say no so she grabbed her bag and we were off. She is 15 and gorgeous. She is incredibly smart and self confident for her age, a joy to be around, as long as you are not her mother. I have told you before that I force my kids to be my back up band in van, she was no exception. She got into it while Cyr sat with her mouth wide open, Sanna sang her heart out and played guitar, bass, drums, and piano. She rocked! She hammed it up for nearby cars and even needed to have her brow wiped at one point. She went off the deep end at Walmart. It was so hard to keep a straight face and usually it's me that has no trouble and everyone around me falls out. She decided that she could carry everything we needed. I'm game. I handed her 3 2 liters of soda. She handled it fine until I added a gallon of milk and a box of popcorn. Still holding her own I gave her a giant box of Drumsticks. They were freezing on top of everything else and she was struggling. She started to beg for help but in a way to draw attention to herself thinking it would embarrass me. Apparently she doesn't know me. She pretended to cry, "Mom, why do I have to carry everything? They have carts. You guys could help me." I retorted, "I don't love you as much as her and you should get used to the role of slave girl. Besides, I have 9 children so I don't ever have to do anything." People whipped their heads around to see the horrible woman abusing her daughter. I winked at an old guy standing with his mouth open and walked to the check out but only after adding a bag of 4 large potatoes to her load. Little turd, I showed her. We laughed all the way home.

I watched the much anticipated Twilight. I would claim to be totally in love with Edward but all I kept thinking was how bad I heard he stinks. I saw something on Perez Hilton that talked about how his coworkers claim he refuses to shower and wear deodorant. Every scene Bella and Edward got too close it popped in my mind and I would giggle. It was a really great movie. It reminded me of the series True Blood on Showtime. The main vampire has the same abilities and the romance is there but the characters are a bit more age appropriate for me to swoon over. I don't feel dirty. LOL

I had to add a bit about Ava's friend this morning. She is weird! Weird doesn't begin to describe the issues this child has or the the more obvious one's Ava has. Ava claimed this was her best friend. She hasn't played with or connected to her the entire time. In fact, they play like Kiera does, near each other but not with each other. It's is very strange to watch and reminds me of when the kids came. I wish I could blame it on the girl but I think in this case, crazy attracts crazy. At the table, she sat next to me and waved her bare feet in the air (like being bare was any worse or better than having shoed feet in the air). One of them actually touched my plate. She ate one bite and that was when she picked up her loaded baked potato with both hands and shoved her face into it like it was corn on the cob. She got up and ran around the room chasing the dog and carrying it around like a baby. I had to hide the dog from her, I am not kidding. She touched everything! She cleaned up nothing! I was really getting worried around 9:30 that she would never settle down and since she was so freaking loud I feared the baby would never be able to sleep either. Ava can sleep through a freight train. I ran out of Kiera's liquid Melatonin (while on Albuterol she can't settle down enough to sleep so she gets 1 MG at bedtime) so I melted a pill into a bit of Squirt and planned on giving her a third of it. I never got the chance b/c the kid came in and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was pouring Squirt for the baby's medicine. I left it unattended for a couple of minutes and came back and it was gone! She had drank it. I would never intentionally give someone else's child medicine without permission but was so relived at my brilliant mistake. The nightmare was over, she was asleep in 30 minutes. Of course, she rose this morning at dawn and has tortured us since by screaming at Cyr and her friend. I can put up with a lot but I guess only if they are MY kids.


Dia por Dia said...

I haven't commented much before because I was new to your blog and really wanted to have a better sense of your story. I have been reading from the beginning for about a week and finally caught up last night. You are an amazingly committed and dedicated mom to your children and your insights are tremendously impressive. You really were meant to do this! [And, you really should write a book! in your spare time, of course :)]

I do understand the choices you have made and continue to make regarding hospitalization and your daughter Patches. (You know her needs and your other children's needs best.)

When I got my soon to be ten year old son he had a long history of aggression, medication, hospitalization, and was in a well-reputed RTC for the 3 months before I got him. I vowed then I would do everything in my power to show him he could be taught, cared for, and loved, in a family, and we would never send him away. I vowed I would do everything in my power to give him all the chances he needed to grow into the person his early history didn't give him a chance at. In the past two years he and I have worked hard and he has made progress. So far, I have been able to keep him and the rest of the kids safe but every once in a while I question (usually with the help of someone close to me) if I am doing the right thing for him. He is not as traumatized as your daughter but I have had a number of good people question my choices about keeping him home when he gets so far out there that I worry he won't come back but he does and he is making progress. I know for a fact, that my daughter's(PTSD,RAD)healing has progressed dramatically since he came and one of the things she told me was that when she saw how much I was willing to take from him and try to help him, she realized I would NEVER send her away no matter what. She also sees how hard I work to keep her and the other childre (4 total) safe. And she loves him unconditionally. SO each time I weigh the trauma of him being here against the trauma of him being away (for each of them) and so far, I fall on the side of him being here where I can work with him and care for him. Even my partner questions this but knows ultimately tells me that I know best and supports me wholeheartedly in whatever decision I make.

ANyway, this is longer than I intended. I know you have lots of support from some wonderful people but I just wanted to say that I get it, I see the struggle and both the difficulty and easiness (if that makes sense) of the decision you have to make about her staying or getting time in a hospital. Whichever decision you make, whenever you make it, will be the right one.

Nelda (aka Dia at Rancho Chico)

P.S. You don't have to post this comment. I really just wanted to tell you how awesome you are.

Innocent Observer said...

Never a dull moment, huh?

Poor Patches. I hope the meds help somewhat. It would be tragic if she needs to go for 90 days. :(

What is Squirt?

Nicki said...

That post was full of stories and information! But the most important thing I learned here was the fact that Edward is a stinky guy... I can't wait to tell my sisters, who are obsessed with him!

Abby said...

Only you can make me laugh hysterically and tear up in the same post! I love the grocery store thing and the accident with the meds. What's squirt though??

And *hugs* about the realization with Patches. I think it's pretty much in line with everything I was thinking at least. I'm sure it's not an easy decision either way, but I just hope you can find where the line is for safety without having to cross it. Know what I mean?? You may play a superhero on tv/the internet, but you're still a mortal like the rest of us!!! =)

Keeping ya'll in my prayers and thoughts. Happy spring!

Angela :-) said...

I first read the title as "Crazy attacks Crazy". Don't know why I think that's funny and worth noting.

Angela :-)

Tudu said...

Squirt is a citrus soda. I remember it in MN as a kid when I went for the summer to my uncles. I only found it in the South very recently. My kids love it. They only have sodas maybe once a month so it is a real treat.

Tudu said...

Nelda, I hope you don't mind that I did post that comment. I find great relief that others understand my turmoil with Patches. Thank you for all your kind words.

Dia por Dia said...

I do not mind you posting my comment.

Nelda (aka Dia por Dia)

Lisa said...

Totally get where you're coming from on hospitalization. You'll make the right decisions for everyone.

You're a totally awesome mom!

Michelle said...

ROFL. You are hilarious. I totally "get" how one can tolerate (even embrace) their own children's weird/crazy/bad behaviors but not other's.

Spoken like a true MOM!