Thursday, October 09, 2008


Ella can read, she is slow and has to sound most small words out but she can read. She insists she can't do her homework every night. I am sick of helping her b/c she sits there for hours and then the second I ask her to read me the line she is stuck on, she does. She wants me to hold her hand the entire time b/c they do at school. She is faking and I will not play this game. In fact, she is a better reader than her brother and he does his homework w/o my help most nights. Her intense desire to appear victimized and pitiful makes it very difficult to like being around her. Others outside the family are drawn to her like a bug to the light. Her pitiful legs, huge, dark eyes, and whispered voice makes you feel sorry for her, she seems shy. This child is so manipulative and charming that I fear we have another with more serious attachment issues than I planned on. Why does she have to be so hard to be around? I love her and I will protect her from herself, I just don't like to be around her b/c she insists on trying to be pitiful. I hope this will change in time, her need to be a victim and downplaying all her abilities. I see all her potential but I can't like her for her potential.

If I tell her to wait her turn, she pouts for 30 minutes. She has bitten her nails WAY past the quick and has less than half a nail on her fingers, don't remind her to stop though or you will have to watch her lip poke out for an hour while tears stream down her cheeks as long as you are in her sight. Try and tell her not to run and she will throw herself to the ground like you have beat her. Attempt to fix her hair for her and she will act like you have told her she is hideous. I practically sing these things to her trying to help her understand I am not being mean. She refuses to accept that and makes us all suffer. I can say these things to the others and they don't act like this, only her. Right now her goal is to say, "Okey Dokey" in a voice I can hear when I tell her things as simple as, "Please tie your shoes." She can't do it, let me rephrase that. She won't do it. She digs her heels into the ground, puts her head down with her lower lip out, and whispers. She has the loudest voice in the house when she is mad at the kids behind closed doors but you can't hear her any other time. I think we may be really in for it with her.

She has good qualities. She is so funny when she wants to be. She is silly and her giggle is heart warming. She can be loving and thoughtful at times. She will play with anyone. She loves to help in the kitchen as long as you are working right beside her. It's just this one area that drags all that other stuff down. I would love any suggestions. I constantly try to build her self esteem and praise her for any independence she shows. I am at a loss about her need to be a victim, maybe it is just a habit that is hard to break.

For those of you that weren't around, Ella would sit at the table and quietly eat long after we were all done sometimes and toot. She never said a word to us and didn't stop eating even for a second. Within seconds, we would all be gasping for air and she continued to eat. It took quite sometime to figure out it was her and when we confronted her, she just smiled. She has forever earned the nickname Smella. It is still her way of getting us riled up. My 4 yr old niece, Brooklyn, introduces her this way, "This is Ella but her Daddy calls her Smella."


Alyssa's Mom said...

We had problems with the fake helplessness too. I don't have much advice for you.

We talked to her teacher and set some guidelines in place. Help only given at certain times of the day, recess being one of them. Only allowed to ask questions after ALL the instructions are given out, etc.

We also quit helping with homework. If Alyssa needs help, we are available to ask questions. BUT, we do not sit next to her anymore! Homework is 100% her responsibility.

So far, so good. This year has been much better than last.

I do have to stress though that we have an AWESOME teacher! Same one for the 3rd year in a row!

Kristina P. said...

Hey, I found a new term for my husband! Smella! He does that too. Although, usually he'll smile right at me.

Lisa said...

Eat some chocolate. Sorry...only suggestion I've got. Fresh out of ideas these days...