Friday, October 03, 2008

I Can't Believe You!

I have been deeply moved by your obvious support and more than generous donations. I was surprised when it started to move up little by little. I can't believe that some of you were so willing to help and I promise to make you glad you did. For each one of you that donated more than $5, I am sending a kid your way for the weekend. Here's what you have to look forward to:

I assure you they will not clean or help in any way without complaining for hours first.

They will wet any surface you provide to sleep on unless you have a mattress cover on it.

They will eat anything and that does include their own clothes, homework, and the dog food.

You can expect to have your head beaten by a brush and half your hair ripped out by the hairbows they love to tie in your hair.

As they snuggle up in your lap 5 minutes after meeting (they have come so far, now they must "know" you before loving you) you can look to be kneed and elbowed extremely hard in your soft places.

I must warn you they won't wipe, flush, or use soap unless you check by actually looking or smelling. Do not accept their word on this. In fact, if they tell you anything that sounds like they have done a good job on anything w/o freaking out first, it is not true. Tears are a physical sign they are lying, tell them to stop and take a step back b/c they are known to then begin screaming at how mean you are for not believing them as they then run to get there before you to do it so they can prove you were wrong. If you really need it done, just take your time getting there. On occasion, they may begin to spit, hit, kick, or scratch you for catching them in this lie. After all, it will be your fault they had to do it.

Lisa, your kindness and support have been more than I should and deserve to accept. If it wasn't so needed I would send it back. Instead you have just purchased your first life long friend. I am not sure what that means (hopefully it won't include "benefits") but I can tell you that shaking me will be impossible. You are truly gifted at being a good friend and I am not talking about the financial part. Thank you.


Torina said...

I am so glad you are getting donations! Since I don't have any money (long boring story-adoption related), I will offer up Tara for anyone who donates over $5. Tudu's list nearly totally applies to her. However, one great perk: she will not pee or get the utter joy of using alternative methods rather than silly ol' toilets or pullups...You're welcome! hee hee heee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Lisa said...

Waiting on my kid(s) and it sounds like I'll be getting Tara too. Lucky me! ;-0

I am the lucky one. Just glad to help. No one will be able to do this better than you and it's beyond needed as we both know. Torina might tie you though. ;-)

You rock!

Maia said...

You are so funny! Your list describes some of the kids I work with too ... I'd offer them but I'm only a temporary guardian.

mememe said...

I'm completely broke, so I can't donate until I get my next pay check. If you're still in need then, I will gladly help. I'm going to make sure to split up the money in increments of under $5, though.

Anonymous said...

we need a ticker to see where you are in donations and what you still need.

Mongoose said...

I call dibs on Ava. I want to sic her on my landlady.