Calling all Georgians

I see there are so many of you reading my blog. Anyone up for breakfast next weekend in Atlanta? Just leave me a comment or send me an email letting me know you are interested and we will coordinate. Don't be shy, I am dying for a meal away from my crazy people.

A Bit About Everyone

I am so busy lately that it is hard to find the time to blog. I have spent the day at the AT's office with Cyr, Ruthie, and Ava. We have missed a couple weeks and those 3 are the top of the list so they went.

Cyr screamed and cried about going. I found it hard to find words since she NEVER shows emotion or raises her voice. She was pissed. I have been letting her off the hook for family therapy and AT when others need it or it is not necessary for her to be there. She took this as she could stay home whenever she wanted. I told her to go ahead and sleep in b/c she would only have an hour of school before being checked out. She refused to go back to sleep and followed me downstairs with a glare. I ignored her for a bit and offered her a cup of coffee since she insisted on staying up. She almost growled at me and a few minutes later starting screaming about how mean I was. I stood there with my mouth open wondering if Ruthie had possessed her body. She ran off to her room.

I got the kids off to school and went to check on her. I knew she was alive b/c I could hear her the entire time howling from her bed. She got worse when I tried to talk to her about it claiming I was to blame for her not having friends. Not sure where that came from or even how it is possible but OK. The phone rang about 10 minutes into her screamfest and I told her I'd be right back. I went in there about 5 minutes later to find her sleeping.

She didn't get very far in therapy today. She shut right down. What a waste of time. She will now be going twice a week to therapy and our Saturdays are shot again.

Ruthie attacked both my DH and I last night. She went off the deep end for NO REASON. She went off on the kids yelling at them that I was mean and she was calling DFCS. She had no explanation for why she felt threatened or what I was mean about. I asked her to go back downstairs for a few b/c she was upsetting all the kids at bedtime. She refused and started kicking me. I called for my DH to help me get her off the bed and downstairs and he got kicked and hit. This is not something he is accustomed to and he flipped out. Poor guy, he wants to protect me and gets overly excited when they hurt me. He held her to the floor (not hard) and yelled until he was hoarse. "You will not hurt our family. You will not hit and kick Mom." The kids rarely hear him scream in anger and were even more upset. By this time, everyone is in the girls' room to be sure no one is hurt. Both of us had to grab an end and get her away from them. I held her while he comforted the rest. He is so not able to handle their violence and I feel like it is all I do sometimes. It took an hour for everything to calm down and for them to go to sleep.

Today Ruthie doesn't remember what she was upset about or what she did. She is her normal sweet self, always taking care of others and being thoughtful. It really is very weird when she loses it like that. She looks as if she is possessed by a demon.

Ava is still lying about the money she stole from Abbie. She refuses to tell us where it is and screamed at the AT today. That was huge b/c Ava doesn't get upset, she is always smiling. She pokes her eyes to make herself cry for people but she doesn't show anger. The AT suggested we try an extreme tactic on Ava for stealing. I must tell you that Ava steal ALL THE TIME. I know many of you understand this idea b/c you have a thief yourself. She takes the strangest things like pieces of games or puzzles, make up, pencils, calculators, shoe (just one though), and other people's homework are a few examples. This is not done to keep the items, she usually gets rid of them b/c it is done to be mean to the other person. We will be making her a T-Shirt that says "I Steal". It will be worn only when we go to family member's house or have family members over to help them keep their things safe. She is such a lovely and charming child it is hard to imagine her dark side. She can look you in the face while she is screaming and crying that she is innocent only to tell you she was lying 30 minutes later. If she hadn't done that to me so many times, I would believe her. I know her teachers do when she is caught with things.

Emma is doing well on her Prozac. No real change that she can tell but I haven't seen her cry at the thought of her Spelling test tomorrow. That is progress for her and it is only the 4th day.

Patches gets out of the Program on November 3rd.

Michael is doing very well in school. He is giving me a hard time about homework but I let him take the consequence of losing recess the next day to save our relationship. He did get very angry at Emma today b/c he let go of the swing and it hit her in the head. This was an accident and he apologized to her. That's what he was mad at, he apologized and she didn't tell him it was OK. She was unable to speak b/c she was sobbing and had a huge lump on her head. I had a difficult time explaining that he was in the wrong by expecting her to forgive him 3 seconds after he hurt her when she couldn't stop crying. Eventually, 3 lashes of a wet noodle made him smile so we could move on.

Ella has ODD. I am such a mean mom, I showed Rosa what that means for Ella. She will not do as she is asked, for any reason. I caught her in a good mood and told her to stomp her foot before she went out to play. She stood in the kitchen for about 10 minutes refusing to move. She only stomped then to prove Ava was right and I was wrong when we made a bet it would take her 30+ minutes. She loves to prove me wrong more than anything.

Rosa is moving in tomorrow. I am not ready. Her room is not ready. Not much I can do but keep trying.

Another One Bites the Dust

Another kid on meds. Emma begins Prozac for her Anxiety Disorder today. She will start off on only 10mg but he feels confident she will need to at least double it next month. The Psychiatrist asked her all kinds of questions about how she feels and her symptoms. She was so cute and very grown up when she described her panic attacks and nervous stomach. He he asked her what makes her nervous and she said, "Everything!". She freaks about tests, going to school, her mother, her first sisters, but mostly about bathrooms. As she told him how she will only use "2 bathrooms in the whole world" I about fell out of my chair. She was so serious and focused on making him understand she hates feeling like this. She informed him she cries "over silly things like getting a problem wrong on a test". He asked her who she was trying to please, Mommy? She very matter of factly told him that "Mommy doesn't care if I miss them, I do". He feels she has OCD issues, as well. He said it comes out in small children a little differently, they like their toys organized, don't eat certain foods, or obsess over the bathroom they use. It is not uncommon for them to have sleeping issues like she does. Over all, I am excited to see how things change for her. She is a ball of nerves and it definitely was affecting her, her class, and her family. I really like this new doctor, he is very cautious about prescribing meds.

When I was filling out the paperwork, I asked her if she had 3 wishes what would she wish for? I was so impressed when she told me 1. she could see her mother 2. her friend Raphael (he has undx'd ADHD) could do better in school b/c he doesn't seem to be having fun and gets yelled at 3. school would get out early so she could play with her brother and sisters. She is such a sweet kid.

Big Change a Coming

I know most of you thought I was crazy last Fall when Frankee moved in with her daughter and caused so much ruckus. This time is different. It won't be Frankee, it will be Rosa and her 3 kids. LOL She is in the middle of a divorce and was trying to go to school full time and work full time while trying to heal her children. We all know that is a recipe for an exhausted mom that isn't any good for her children. What made it worse was that she is over an hour from us so I couldn't help her with the kids except over the phone. Just to ease some of your minds, she doesn't drink or do drugs. She has her issues as all of our children do but she is genuinely a good person.

How will you all fit in one house? I am sure that was the second thing you would ask. We have already moved Patches in with Cyr to help her feel safe. Ruthie, Ava, and Ella are on a triple bunk bed my DH made about 2 yrs ago. On the other wall in that room will have Emma and Alyssa on another triple bunk he will eventually get around to building. Crowded? Not really b/c they do not keep anything in their room except their shirts, their pants are all hung on a low rod in my closet and toys are in the playroom. Michael is the most excited of all, he will share with Eddie. He has wanted a roommate and begged for a brother since we met him. Eddie is not his brother but he said that will do, for now. At first, they will have 2 single beds in there until my DH builds another triple bunk. Rosa and Gia will share the downstairs guest bedroom.

I have a ton to do to get ready for them. They will move in this week and get started in school next. I have got to move all my stuff I store in the guest room out to the barn. I have carpets to clean and closets to reorganize. Once she gets here, I plan on using her to help me paint the house. I want to start in the living room and kitchen, then work up to the bedrooms by the end of November.

I am really excited about her and the kids coming. I tried not to push her to make that choice but to give it to her as an option. It is so hard having adult children. You want to swoop in and fix things for them or make it easier but they have to be in control of their lives. Her soon to be Ex always thought I wanted her children. He warned her over and over that I would try to steal them. It makes me sad that he felt that way. I loved them both so much and that thought never even crossed my mind. He is going to be very upset when he finds out her plan to stay with us, I am finding a secret pleasure in that. I know it is not mature, I don't care. He tried to keep her out of my life and almost succeeded.

Xanax

I am having a brain fart or someone is deleting my posts. I keep thinking I have blogged about something only to double check and it is not there. I swear, I remember typing it and everything. I am probably dreaming about it at night and getting things confused. I sound real stable, huh?

I have made an appointment for Emma to see the psychiatrist. I think it is time to consider meds for her anxiety. The child is an emotional mess. She is a perfectionist and then stresses until she is bawling about what might happen. I constantly remind her just to do her best but she worries she will fail somehow. She stresses so much that she doesn't poop, she worries that her teacher is mad at her when she reprimands the class, and she gets upset every morning complaining her stomach hurts when it is really just stress about going to the school she loves so much. It is definitely interfering with her life at this point. She is a little ball of nerves and can't seem to utilize our suggestions for coping. Her Mother and I have giggle for years that she needs Xanax to cope with every day life. Now we are thinking it really might help. Next Monday is the day, can't wait to hear what he suggests.

Stealing but Not Taking

I am so embarrassed to tell ya'll this but since I share the intimate details of our lives I am sure you will not be surprised. Ava is a thief. If you invite us over to your home, please hide all of the things you love or that have any value. Nail it down if you can't put it away. Make sure you never let on that it is something you like or or it's value for that will get her attention and guarantee it to go missing.

Every time my niece's come over and have things with them, I hide it in my room to protect it. Ava has no problem riffling through their bags, even ripping open wrapped presents to see what goodies they have that she might want. This is the 3rd time she has stolen money from them, I have lost count at how many times she has stolen from someone within our immediate family. She denies it, she cries and she begs us to believe her, and after many tears she will usually confess to taking it. She never keeps the money, she hides it from them or loses it. I am so embarrassed that I need to worry about her sticky fingers. I am so sad for my nieces. They adore my kids and are always shocked and try to explain it away for them. They want to trust them. They can't imagine that it was on purpose and give them the benefit of the doubt.

I am really angry at her right now. We charge double the amount for stealing. She graduates the program Friday and will spend the rest of her childhood doing chores to earn that money back. The only reason it will take so darn long is that she will move at a snail's pace to prove how mean we are and that we can't control her.

On a different note completely, I asked a neighbor that has lived on our road all her life if she knew of any deaths here. She was a wealth of information, just not any that fit our situation. We have had 4 suicides within a few houses of ours. One elderly man shot his nagging wife and tried to shoot himself when the gun jammed. No small children, though. She promised to ask her extended family b/c they all live on our street and have for over 80 years.

Follow Me

I am loving this Following gadget. I think every one I read needs to join up so I can keep track of you all better. If you read here, follow me, too.

My MIL needs me to add the links of my favorite blogs on the side here. If you want me to post yours or you want yours taken off, let me know. I won't publish your comment, I'll just add or remove your link.

Howling at the Moon

We took the kids to my sister's Saturday and went to ride a Haunted Hayride. Everyone was very excited, except my worry wart, Emma. She is so high strung that I am becoming concerned that she may need medication. She cries every morning and it is just nerves. She loves school and all the kids there, she can't put her finger on what is worrying her, she just is. She worries like no buddy's business about tests. She will score the highest in her class and sometimes in her grade but she fretted all night and morning about it. It gives her stomach and headaches. It is definitely getting worse, her teacher is afraid to reprimand the class for anything without making it clear to her that she didn't do anything and isn't in trouble. I remember asking her pediatrician about it a few years ago and she said when/if it affects her life, then consider it. It is affecting her life, my life, the kids', life and her poor teacher's life. Time to start talking about trying something.

We had another session of family therapy. It went better than the last weeks session. At the end she took my DH and I into her office to ask see if we would meet another couple from the program. She has another little girl in the program with RAD and the parents are struggling. They feel alone, frazzled, and in way over their heads. Anyone relate? The therapist is, at least, trying to think outside the box. We scheduled a supervised meeting with them next Monday. Both our families will do a joint session of sorts.

With Ava gone during the week, Ella has stepped up her pitifulness. (I know, it's not a real word but it fits.) If I question her homework b/c she obviously copied Michael's sentences, she bawls. If I tell her it's time to clean off the table, she stands in the corner and cries. Last night, I asked her to drop her clothes down the chute and she stood in the middle of the living room crying her eyes out. I am sick of it. I am losing my patience with this. I don't understand her need to be a victim all the time.

I don't ask much of my children, they do not have extensive chores. All I really ask of them is to pick up after themselves and they each have the dishes 1 night a week. Not much compared all I do. She acts like I am making her do everything. She used to hide in the bathroom with the light off when it came time to pick up their toys, now she stands there and plays the victim. Right now she is howling, I am not joking, howling at the table b/c she has to write 5 sentences with words like, all, thank, he, was, and you. She won't do it correctly, she does it over and over wrong but I know she can do it b/c she does it at school. Normally, I give them an opportunity to do their homework and if it's not done, they do it at recess. She has figured out that she can manipulate her teacher and she doesn't do it. Tonight I am switching it up. She can sit there as long as she chooses, her brother did it it in less than 5 minutes. I refuse to get involved with her drama. Ever been so mad for a split second that you actually had a brief fantasy about spanking a kid? I have, this kid. I know it won't help and I know enough to keep myself away from her for a few minutes until it passes. I am not sure why it bugs me so badly.

Random Things

I am still sick, it's been a month. I am tired and full of infection that the antibiotics are not helping. Time to try a different round of them.

Why do the kids lie when they are caught red handed? They seem to do it louder when they are guilty. Ruthie screamed in my face and Em's face Wednesday b/c she tied a rope around a tree. I don't care if she tied a darn rope around a tree. She wouldn't even let me get that out b/c she was too busy blaming Patches, Patches was in the program and couldn't have done it. It is so disappointing to have them flip out and lie, then refuse to back down.

I woke the kids up late, I think this is the first time, and still got them out to the bus within 10 minutes. Yes, Emma was crying and Ava didn't get her stuff signed but that's normal.

I am getting nervous that my dryer is about to die. It has always had issues but it is huge and dries beautifully, when it turns on. That's the problem, sometimes it just won't come on. I have to unplug it and wait, it may take a day or two but it will work fine for months. This time it will come back on but shuts off on it's own within 10 minutes or so. It has been 6 days, the laundry is piling up. I am hoping today is the day!

My DH has been home for a couple weeks and is slowly driving me insane.....

My Little Liars at Work

My little devils decided it would be funny to tell the Family Therapist at the program that all I do is lay in bed and watch TV. One kid spoke up and defended me claiming that I do sit on the computer sometimes. Great! This happened after I called Ava on the carpet for lying about wetting herself in the closet and I pointed out to the therapist that Ava pokes her eyes when she is fake crying so it looks real. Now I look like an uncaring and lazy Mom. She began asking how I manage to give them quality alone time. I explained it is difficult but I manage. It is not at the mall or on vacation but we are very aware of who needs what and that they get it. Yes, it is in the laundry room or at the kitchen table while we are fixing dinner but they have access to me constantly. Who's to say that the conversation in the laundry room is less important than the one she has with her daughter at the mall?

This week she asked Ava and Patches what their goals were. Patches' goal was to let her brother get in trouble instead of protecting him. WTH? When I asked her to explain, she gave me some story about how she doesn't tell on him and he "always" steps on her book bag when she is in her room throwing a fit. Let me break this down for you, she hasn't had a fit in many, many weeks, her book bag is supposed to be in the closet unless she is doing her homework, and she hasn't been allowed to throw a fit in room since we discovered they were locked in their room and this caused them to have have PTSD flashbacks. What it boils down to is that this happened in MARCH. I am sure they were feeling so sorry for her b/c she told them I was watching TV downstairs and he was torturing her upstairs. Gimme a break! I tore her story apart and she smiled. She agreed she just couldn't think of anything to make as a goal when they asked her.

Ava's wasn't much better. She has to write about her feelings when she gets mad at the kids. That goal makes no sense for this child. She doesn't get angry, they do. She torments them by waking them up at 5AM after keeping them up with her chatter until way after bedtime, she ruins their favorite clothes by sitting in the mud, smearing her lunch on them, and writing all over them with markers, she shoves them off the swing, empties all the shampoo out before they bathe, steals their new toy and hides it under her bed, or talks through an entire movie they were dying to watch. At no time does she build with any visible anger to write about. She smiles and ignores authority but never screams or attacks. This goal is silly and doesn't apply to her so she has yet to write anything about it.

My Hair

I have a migraine and I cut a foot off my hair today. I really though the headaches were from the hair. Oh well, it gone now. I plan on dying it red for the first time in about 10 years, the grey is so bright against my dark hair I have to do something. My DH was against me cutting it and when he saw me today he had tears in his eyes. I guess it looks THAT good b/c it couldn't be that I haven't had a professional cut my hair in 4+ years. The last person that trimmed my hair was my DH. He missed a large piece and my 7 yr old had to fix it.

I just had to come back and add that someone found my blog by searching "I smear my poop". I hope you find what you need, feel free to ask questions privately.

What's Your Experience?

I am no expert on hallucinations and had no idea that part of the concern for Patches is she is only having them at home. This is going to sound weird and I am not sure what to think about this myself, but it is something to think about. Patches described the people she sees in therapy and she commented that they were dead. Where she got this she doesn't know, she feels like they are dead. She was asked for the first time to describe their clothes and with her limited vocabulary all we got was "dirty pink weird dress". I have no idea what that meant. After she left the room the AT suggested that she has never heard a child with voices and visions describe things like she does. This is not normal for a delusional child. Great, now what? She told me to look into the house's history to see if I could find this little girl and boy that she is talking about. I laughed b/c I thought she was joking. She wasn't, she insisted she would never admit it and she has never suggested anything like this to any of her patients. She said it is just strange the way she talks about seeing them the way she does and that it is only at home. Patches thinks every one she sees is dead, including our dog that she sees regularly out her window by our barn.

Just to make things worse, I had an "experience" last Friday. We had all the kids that were home watching a movie in the living room with us. We were expecting Patches and Ava to return soon. I very distinctly heard "Mom" being called from the front door/stairs. I hit pause and hollered back. Everyone looked at me crazy and I insisted someone called me. Every one was there. Weird? We started the movie and about the time I stopped thinking about it, I heard it again. This time I got up and went to look. No one. It gets weirder. I went back to the movie, again absorbed in it when I heard it right by my ear. I could almost feel the breath of the child calling me. I turned fully expecting to see Ava in my face. No one. I texted my DH sitting on the other sofa and told him what happened and I was getting freaked out. He tried to laugh it off but mentioned that perhaps Patches was just "sensitive" and this house had ghosts.

In the session today, Patches did tell the exact same story she told in family therapy this week. We had thought it sounded like she was adding to it as we asked but her session today was the same. Nothing added, nothing left out. She heard someone clapping in the middle of the night Monday. She went to get up and see what was going on, thinking it was my DH and the kids. She barely opened her door when she saw a boy and girl clapping and laughing on the stairs. She was too afraid to leave her room and closed the door. They stopped making noise and eventually she went back to sleep. I believe her. I am not sure what that means, but I do.

Smella

Ella can read, she is slow and has to sound most small words out but she can read. She insists she can't do her homework every night. I am sick of helping her b/c she sits there for hours and then the second I ask her to read me the line she is stuck on, she does. She wants me to hold her hand the entire time b/c they do at school. She is faking and I will not play this game. In fact, she is a better reader than her brother and he does his homework w/o my help most nights. Her intense desire to appear victimized and pitiful makes it very difficult to like being around her. Others outside the family are drawn to her like a bug to the light. Her pitiful legs, huge, dark eyes, and whispered voice makes you feel sorry for her, she seems shy. This child is so manipulative and charming that I fear we have another with more serious attachment issues than I planned on. Why does she have to be so hard to be around? I love her and I will protect her from herself, I just don't like to be around her b/c she insists on trying to be pitiful. I hope this will change in time, her need to be a victim and downplaying all her abilities. I see all her potential but I can't like her for her potential.

If I tell her to wait her turn, she pouts for 30 minutes. She has bitten her nails WAY past the quick and has less than half a nail on her fingers, don't remind her to stop though or you will have to watch her lip poke out for an hour while tears stream down her cheeks as long as you are in her sight. Try and tell her not to run and she will throw herself to the ground like you have beat her. Attempt to fix her hair for her and she will act like you have told her she is hideous. I practically sing these things to her trying to help her understand I am not being mean. She refuses to accept that and makes us all suffer. I can say these things to the others and they don't act like this, only her. Right now her goal is to say, "Okey Dokey" in a voice I can hear when I tell her things as simple as, "Please tie your shoes." She can't do it, let me rephrase that. She won't do it. She digs her heels into the ground, puts her head down with her lower lip out, and whispers. She has the loudest voice in the house when she is mad at the kids behind closed doors but you can't hear her any other time. I think we may be really in for it with her.

She has good qualities. She is so funny when she wants to be. She is silly and her giggle is heart warming. She can be loving and thoughtful at times. She will play with anyone. She loves to help in the kitchen as long as you are working right beside her. It's just this one area that drags all that other stuff down. I would love any suggestions. I constantly try to build her self esteem and praise her for any independence she shows. I am at a loss about her need to be a victim, maybe it is just a habit that is hard to break.

For those of you that weren't around, Ella would sit at the table and quietly eat long after we were all done sometimes and toot. She never said a word to us and didn't stop eating even for a second. Within seconds, we would all be gasping for air and she continued to eat. It took quite sometime to figure out it was her and when we confronted her, she just smiled. She has forever earned the nickname Smella. It is still her way of getting us riled up. My 4 yr old niece, Brooklyn, introduces her this way, "This is Ella but her Daddy calls her Smella."

Sounds Like Ava

We knew she had a sadistic side but never thought she would be so bold as to show the outside world. She has a boy at the program that "likes" her. She says she likes him but when they questioned her more closely the discovered what she really likes is the fact she has control over him. He cries a lot and she tells him to stop, he does. She wants something and she tells him to get it, he does. She doesn't want to do something and tells him to do it, he does. You get the idea, only you don't get the the picture. She ENJOYS humiliating him into doing things for her. It's when he is hurt in some way by her demands that she really likes it. It is just a step beyond being bossy and it is what she does to her twin. LOL

She had a good weekend but the therapist feels it was b/c she was distracted by the additional kids. She had started off the same as usual and woke everyone up at 5AM. She was better after that b/c she had things to do and people to impress. Darn, I was hoping I had found the cure to RAD. This same therapist thinks she blames the kids for their removal and their parents incarceration. Since she claims not to remember anything happening with their parents, to her they are the victims, not the kids. She is in big time denial, they are worried this will be an issue if she testifies. I am not worried about that part, of course they have conflicting issues and feelings. I am not surprised she "doesn't remember", neither does several other children of mine, neither did I. It will come as she can handle it.

Patches is claiming she heard and then saw 2 children on our steps last night. The story seemed to change and didn't seem true. The fact she never told anyone until today made it even less believable. Every other incident she was terrified and that gave it the real feelings to make us concerned. This makes me worry she liked the attention and wants to get some more. They want to up her meds b/c of it, we are waiting a bit more before doing that.

Mongoose, you went private and I can't get in to catch up. Is there a secret knock that I forgot? Please, please let me in.

A Letter to the Teacher

I slept and only had 1 nightmare. I think I passed them on to Lisa. I am so sorry, I had no idea you could catch nightmare through a blog. I am scum.

Ruthie has given me 3 things to make up for writing all over the porch. One is a used rabbit she received from her parents (they wrote all over it with permanent marker in words that aren't spelled right or that I can understand except Mom and Dad), one of her lovies (a blanket my mom made her, she still has another), and a cabbage patch baby she has never played with. I feel terrible but it must be done. I will put the lovey and rabbit away in a box but donate the baby. She was mad about it all the other day but when she gave it to me, she practically threw it at me giggling to run outside and climb trees. I am guessing this parenting thing is harder on me than her.

Emma wrote a letter to her teacher last night b/c she didn't have enough homework. Her words, not mine, you would think a kid would love to have free time. I am not looking so good but it is cute.

"Dear Ms. Marlow,
Thak you for being a good teacher. I fell down in the woods and started to bleed. I am going to bring my stuff tomarrow. I am bringing paper platts, cups, fac worms, and scarry napkins. My mom is going to work very hard on being a good room mom. We had taco bell dinner. My mom was lasy at working on dinner. One of my sisters root onthe railing. Her nae is Ruthie. When I fell down my brouth Michael helped me up. The end.
Love,
Emma"

You Guys Are Good

I was so tickled to see how well you know my kids. Well, most of you. LOL I get confused and they live here so don't feel bad if you were WAY off.

It was Ruthie that wrote all over everything. She really is stuck in some toddler nightmare stage. Ava was the one that harassed me for hours reminding me that she did not do anything wrong this time and that she had a good weekend. At one point, I told her if she "reminded" me again, I would forget and write that she drove me crazy on her Behavior Folder for the program. Nipped that in the bud.

On another note. Ruthie is singing some made up song in the tub. "You are Poo Poo. You are Poo Poo." She is so funny.

Rosa picked up the kids and they were great until she showed up. LOL Isn't that how it always is. Eddie even denied that he has ever thrown a fit like my kids did. He was able to keep a straight face b/c the boy rarely smiles. I got him a few times but it is hard. Alyssa is quite the silent instigator. She drives her siblings nuts and it might be the only thing she enjoys. They are quite the handful for their mother but I am so proud to tell you she is a great mother. She tries so hard. I told the kids all weekend how lucky they were to have such a great mom.

The Cat Can Not To Boy

Make sense to you? IT IS WRITTEN IN RED INK ALL OVER MY PAINTED PORCH RAIL! I am a little upset, as you can tell. The problem is the entire thing will have to be sanded and repainted b/c she wrote so hard and so many places. She will not learn this lesson. This child has done similar toddler things like crush crayons into the carpet and write her name on the wall many times before. Obviously, she isn't getting it. We had to up the consequence this time and decided to have her find 3 things she loves or enjoys to "sell" and she is currently washing the walls while she thinks of things. She was praised for her spelling and handwriting b/c they are much improved. She informed me that if she had to do this that she would cry, she would be forced to hit people, and she thinks I am mean. I somehow remained very calm and sympathetic while she screamed this in my face me, she kept coming back to scream some more but never hit me.

Another child was so proud it wasn't her that she interrupted the other child being confronted several times in the minute it took to say so. Can you to guess who wrote on the porch, who didn't, and why you think so?

My Weekend, So Far...

I am on night 6 of nightmares and wild dreams. Something has to give soon, it is making me VERY cranky even after coffee. Cyr wrote me a letter yesterday pointing it out along with all of my flaws she could think of a a few she made up just to hurt me. I am not sure where this came from but I had too much to deal with to have a conversation about it. She wrote one to my DH that was all his good points, she is playing us against each other just as we have decided to allow her to have a friend over next weekend. I guess it is too much for her to handle. Maybe I am being "mean".

Back to the dreams. They are so vivid that I am sobbing when I wake up and can't shake the feelings I am still in there. Last night wasn't so scary as it was sad. I am tearing up now thinking of it. I dreamt about my first love, his face and name were different but I know it was him. IRL he died suddenly in a car accident and for several years I had these types of dreams of being so desperately in love but couldn't be together dreams. They are awful, they bring back all those feelings of being lost, desperate, and devastated. They don't magically disappear when I wake up and I miss him terribly all over. What is up with all the old boyfriend dreams? The other night Rosa killed her soon to be Ex, a parent teacher conference turned into a death match and she tried to kill me fore my blog link (she chased me down with a huge chain that had an iron ball with spikes on the end screaming about my darn blog), my DH killed an iguana that tried to attack me, and I was being harassed by another large adoptive family that wanted to be friends but their kids were so "weird" and you all know that is bad if I won't put up with them. I just want to sleep!

We have Rosa's babies this weekend. Poor Gia had to sleep with me in the guest room. She said I snored. In my defense, she laid on my back or kicked me all night long. A few interesting moments so far are Eddie wakes up as early as Ava but has a MUCH louder step. Patches became a mother, she was playing house and Gia was the baby. Problem was, Gia got tired and wouldn't stop playing, she would cry when she put her down so she had t be rocked to sleep. I found her on DH's chest sprawled out, you know he was in Heaven. My son peed in the tub AFTER I filled it with water but before they got in the tub. You read that right, I caught him standing next to the tub peeing in it. Alyssa has yet to look me in the eye, Eddie either for that matter. Alyssa is a very sweet girl that enjoys getting her brother in a tizzy. She has a way of torturing him silently and then looking innocent and making him look even crazier. My kind of cute, LOL. We are putting up our Halloween stuff right after breakfast. Over all, a good time has been had by all.

Just so you know, I am keeping track of the donations on the left side of the screen.

I Can't Believe You!

I have been deeply moved by your obvious support and more than generous donations. I was surprised when it started to move up little by little. I can't believe that some of you were so willing to help and I promise to make you glad you did. For each one of you that donated more than $5, I am sending a kid your way for the weekend. Here's what you have to look forward to:

I assure you they will not clean or help in any way without complaining for hours first.

They will wet any surface you provide to sleep on unless you have a mattress cover on it.

They will eat anything and that does include their own clothes, homework, and the dog food.

You can expect to have your head beaten by a brush and half your hair ripped out by the hairbows they love to tie in your hair.

As they snuggle up in your lap 5 minutes after meeting (they have come so far, now they must "know" you before loving you) you can look to be kneed and elbowed extremely hard in your soft places.

I must warn you they won't wipe, flush, or use soap unless you check by actually looking or smelling. Do not accept their word on this. In fact, if they tell you anything that sounds like they have done a good job on anything w/o freaking out first, it is not true. Tears are a physical sign they are lying, tell them to stop and take a step back b/c they are known to then begin screaming at how mean you are for not believing them as they then run to get there before you to do it so they can prove you were wrong. If you really need it done, just take your time getting there. On occasion, they may begin to spit, hit, kick, or scratch you for catching them in this lie. After all, it will be your fault they had to do it.

Lisa, your kindness and support have been more than I should and deserve to accept. If it wasn't so needed I would send it back. Instead you have just purchased your first life long friend. I am not sure what that means (hopefully it won't include "benefits") but I can tell you that shaking me will be impossible. You are truly gifted at being a good friend and I am not talking about the financial part. Thank you.

Hannah Montana

Ruthie had such a hard session today with the AT that she had to stay home from school afterward. She nearly wet herself and became physically ill toward the end. She worked really hard and went to places she has not before. Not once did she disassociate. She had to focus really hard to stay with us and did. It drained her completely and she slept for 3 hours after.

Michael was asked what kind of things he thinks about most. He stared at us for several minutes and said, "climbing trees". I think he was honest. LOL He is being so nurturing towards Patches lately, I love to see my kids copy my actions when trying to comfort some one else. He brushes her hair away, pats her back, and leans over when he talks to her. The best part is that she is taller than him and he doesn't realize I am leaning over to be on his level, he is just copying me. I wish I could bottle his cuteness, it sure makes the rough days easier.

I just heard Ella, Michael, and Emma discussing who was going to be Hannah Montana, they were just walking through the house talking. A minute later my DH who is trying to write up a bid at the kitchen table hollered down to the living room, "Hey, Hannah Montana, please keep it down." I guess they continued b/c he then said, "Hannah Montana, that means you, Michael, keep it down." My son was the one pretending to be Hannah. LOL The poor kid needs a brother so bad.

Ella is making up stories that sound like Patches'. She is so full of crapola. We have recently had to reinstate teh rule that no one helps Ella with anything. She loves to act helpless. It is so bad that we had to put it in her IEP last year.

Still no poop.....

Poop Catcher

As you all know, I have several wetters. Ruthie is one that seems to have had in under control for some time. Not anymore. Twice this week she has been triggered by something at school and wet herself in front of every one. She told me when I picked her up that she was playing in PE and when they started throwing the ball it reminded her of her Dad throwing the ball at her. She is also constantly complaining of feeling sick or having random boo boos. She is really stressed out.

I took Emma to the doctor today for her chronic stomach issues. She has always had pooping issues for a few reasons and it is very painful. Now I have to "catch" her poop and bring it in a tiny container to be tested for some bacteria she might/probably doesn't have. Can I have a volunteer to do the "catching"? She thinks it is terribly funny, I do not. I wonder if this is something I can put on my resume, "skilled at catching poop from hysterical child mid air". Probably not.

Further depression is setting in. My DH is out of work and home driving me crazy trying to find more. The contractors that use him aren't being paid by the banks. They want inspections of every detail before releasing funds and it is holding up him getting paid and more work being started. He is calling every one he has ever met looking for anything to keep him busy until it gets going again. It may drive me crazy to have him here bugging me but he is a workaholic and can't stand not to be busy providing for his family. At least a few of the gas stations have gas again. We were in a pickle for the last week with nearly every station in the metro area out of gas. Now if we could just afford to buy it. LOL The darn price is through the roof.